|
Me and my friend had a falling out?
Recently my best guy friend had a falling out and now I kind of been in a depressed mood lately. As sweet as my guy friend is he is just a big pathological liar. He feels the need to lie to impress people. He also feels the need to shower me with unwanted information of his girlfriend. So we were talking on facebook a few weeks ago and he sent me a picture of her randomly saying shes pretty. She is supposedly Japanese so the picture was of this Japanese girl that looked to be a model and I had an eery feeling ive seen it on the internet before. So I told my sister and she went out of her way to search it up and found it on Japanese hairstyling websites and more then 700 results on google. So we confronted him about it and he got pissed off saying he wasn't lying to us and that he doesn't know how its on the internet (mind you he said the girl doesn't use the internet and doesn't have a phone or laptop). So he got angry and got one of his friends (that happen to be a girl) and added her to th group chat and she went off telling us that the girl is real and that he isn't lying and that we should get over it. The thing is....we didn't say the girl wasn't real we said the PICTURE was. So he went and told this girl something that we didn't even said and it just started a lot of drama. My friend has lied to me before and I have forgiven him a few times but he made a promise that he would never lie to me again and now im just done with him and done giving him second chances. The problem is that 1.he keeps messeging me saying he "needs someone to talk too" (we always talked to eachother about problems we were going through. That how close we were) 2. He hasn't owned up to what he did and is in a denial 3. I am a very forgiving type of person and holding a grudge against someone literally drives me crazy because I fee; guilty and angry at the person. I just don't know what to do anymore.....
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You will have to decide for yourself if it's acceptable for anyone to lie to you. If people should not lie to each other, then it's even more serious if the person lying to you is a friend, not a stranger.
I understand where you are at, being a forgiving person and probably loyal too, through thick and thin, same as me. That is what makes it hard to shut someone like this out of your life for a while or perhaps for good, really depends on them. WHat puts things into perspective for me is to put my own welfare first...no it's not being selfish to do so. In fact if looking at something Jesus said, "Love your neighbor as yourself" most of us focus first on the love your neighbor part. However, theres that little word AS. As you are already loving yourself. Basically, we're being told that we need to be able to love ourselves first before we'll even have a clue how to love our neighbor. If being loving to yourself is removing yourself from the drama and he always brings drama, then it would seem that the best thing for now is to not talk to him, other than to tell him why you are choosing not to talk to him. You can be honest and tell him that you are tired of the drama and it's bring unwanted stress into your life. Don't close the door on him forever but make some boundaries, or requirements rather that he needs to meet before you will resume your friendship with him, otherwise it will be on hold. Then spell out what you expect from him. I can't tell you what it is you should say. But perhaps he tells so many lies cus he thinks his own life is boring or he's not interesting, maybe low self image...you may have a better idea if this is the case. If he has broken his promises to never lie to you again, then tell him that he needs to work on himself before approaching you for friendship and that one thing he needs to work on is to learn to keep his word. His promises are empty words right now, and he has killed your trust in him so that he now would need to start all over building trust in you. You said he hasnt owned up to what he does. Call him on that. Until he is ready to own up to the fact that he is a habitual liar and ready to stop doing that, you are not interested in hearing from him. It may be more than a bad habit, in which case he may not be able to improve here without the help of a licensed counselor. He may have deeper emotional issues that are causing him to do this that he may not even be aware of. If it's appropriate for the situation, you'd know whether to suggest professional help.
Good luck dear.
]
More Questions: |