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Boyfriend stonewalling me.
Hey there.. I write here today seeking answers. My boyfriend and I had a bit of a scuffle. I had an issue with a certain friend of his whom he had taken for lunch. I personally hate to be the one to find out things,and then the fact that he was taking a friend out to lunch also got me abit jealous. We talked over the phone and he assured me it was just friendly,and she was going through a rough patch in her life.
Hours later,it was Saturday evening and we usually talk about sleepovers or night outs. When I called,his phone was off and it remained like that all night.
Sunday morning,he said he had put it off specifically for me because he knew I would call about that issue. He made it seem like my reaction had not gone well with him,which is fine. I like to talk about our issues. He wasn't hearing it,and he started saying things like he is busy and we will talk later..basically just avoiding talking. He has been quiet for the rest of Sunday now,and I don't know how this week will go.
It's hurtful when I'm consumed inside but I don't have him to talk to. What do I do now? He is not taking my calls and isn't talking to me. Would I be wrong to assume it's over between us?
I'm open to your advice.
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Since I wasn't there to witness the actual words, tone of voice, body language, facial expressions or even the invisible vibes that many of us are able to pick up from others, I can't say if anything about your reaction or questioning him about the female friend was causing him to feel cautious with you. Most young guys have had previous experiences themselves or witnessed their male friends dealing with overly emotional female friends, dating ones or not. And it just confuses them, they have no idea how to treat the situation, how to act, whether to reassure and if so , with what words or actions. Often, its inexperience too at how to handle the situation and males will simply withdraw from the situation or even attempt to avoid any perceived possible later similar situations cropping up because they don't know how to handle it. Sometimes, seeing a gal start crying makes them feel scared and helpless, hearing an edge in her voice, or actual anger or even a friendly tone but questions asked rapid-fire, intensely like they are being grilled will make a guy feel uncomfortable, lose interest in a girl at the worst case scenerio and of course avoid her for a while or for good depending on how severe he perceived the situation to be.
If you have a guy who isn't willing to face you, talk about it, then you will get no where with him and just be wasting your time trying to get him to talk. The harder you try, the more desperate you sound to have a boyfriend and it sends a distasteful feeling to guys where they will make excuses and avoid a girl because they are afraid to tell her the truth of how they feel. They dont tell the truth for good reasons, either its a guy who was just a player and not really interested, or if the guy genuinely had interest in the girl, they are afraid of being themself, sharing how they feel because there is no high level of trust in the girl yet, due to length of relationship or things they've witnessed her do with them or others where it seems she doesnt have control over her emotions and may fly off the handle, accuse, or whatever.
If you are one of the minority of gals who are self confident and control of herself emotionally then he has nothing to fear from you and if he still avoids you, he's not worth the time to discover why he's avoiding you. Just another note, men who feel a woman lacks self confidence by relying too much on him, leaning on, acting needy or desperate, will lose interest or never develop it to begin with and begin to avoid females like that. Give yourself a good inward look. Are you even remotely coming off that way, even if thats not how you are? It would be good to know, and the only way might be to ask some of your friends. Good luck dear.
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Hey there sweetie!
I think you might've upset him by implying you don't trust him. A little jealousy is fine, but some people don't like it.
Personally, I think you should just let him cool down. Let him come to you, and then tell him you understand that he was upset but if you don't talk about then you won't be able to get past it. Read a book, talk to your family, do whatever you want to keep busy while he cools down.
If he's upset, and you keep bothering him you'll probably just make it worse. If he truly loves you, you guys will get through this bump. I don't think just because you got jealous he'll break up with you.
Best of luck!
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