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humorist-workshop
does he love me ? :(
i am 17 years old n im dating this guy from the past 8 months. i have had sex with him many times ,it was alright and going well before 1 month but from the past 1 month he keeps ignoring me n when i ask him why he gives pointless reasons he says that hes busy because of college work ,we don't speak for days sometimes .is it because he has lost interest in me or something i love him a lot and don't want to loose him please give some advice what should i do to get him back the same way he was before.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Sometimes young (and indeed not so young!) guys get terribly cold feet and nervous when a relationship seems to be getting settled and going well. They may see it as representing the beginning of the rest of their lives and the end of future possibilities and options. Freedom, in other words. One guy might welcome it, mr married guy is what he wants and sees for himself, alway has. Another may reject it. Not for me! I want to try new things, not be tied down or settled. Another guy might have one foot in each camp as it were. Likes the idea one minute, then not likes the idea another, changing his view constantly and ends up rather confused. Now, your guy seems to me to be the third option. He would be more likely to end the relationship or perhaps push your limits by behaving in a way not really expected of a boyfriend at all if he was determined to stay single. If he was all for the committed relationship it he would be constantly at your side and showing it in other ways too. He seems to be putting off acting one way or another, finding excuses and generally delaying things. So I would have a good bet on him being confused and not at all sure. Communication is the key. Your problem is to not back him into a corner and demand an immediate yes or no. You have to put forward the good bits of a steady relationship but not scare him off. He might jump one way or the other, so in effect try not to make him jump straight away. It is a difficult line to tread. You need to be affectionate but not clingy. Talk about future plans, but not ask him to start making a list of who to invite to the wedding! Encourage him about his college work and take an interest, but do not start talking about it as just the path to a nicely paid career. Tell him you like an interesting intellegent and educated boyfriend becasue they are more fun to be around...NOT because he'll get a better salary and you can get a bigger mortgage!! Get the idea? When you do talk, focus on Now, Fun, Happy and Care-free. As it was before? NO pressure. NO ultimatums...yet. At the end of the day he (like all of us) will pretty much do as he pleases and wants. Or what he THINKS he wants!! And you can influence what he thinks he wants. I am old and cynical...and devious. But I have always found that it is amazing what you can get people to do for you if you can convince them that it was their own idea. It is not always easy to do that, but if you can they will push the whole thing right along nicely for you. So get a bit cunning and savvy? Worth a try!! X
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Oh honey,let me give you a big hug.Your heart must be very heavy and broken,and please,if you havent already just cry as much as you like,its a way to heal your heart
From what you have said,there are many different things going on with his behavior and its a little hard to tell where his heart and mind are.
My advice is try setting up a time in a park or something and just tell him you really need to speak with him,and it almost cant wait.
He may or may not want to share things with you,but men being men usually dont like to share what they are really feeling.You can definately tell him how you are hurting and how he feels.
Either way and no matter what he chooses,may your heart be patient,and if he doesnt want to continue on with you be at peace and ease
Be blessed
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Sometimes people change. Its all a part of growing up. Tell him you need to talk to him and let him know exactly how you feel about the way he is treating you. Also if he isnt earning the sex by treating you like a princess then just dont give it up. If he is not willing to change his attitude then its time for you to move on. And if it comes to that then it just wasnt meant to be and you will find someone who will love you and treat you like a queen. Check out my column there is a nice piece of advice for a broken heart if you need it. Good luck and best wishes.
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I know it's not the same kind of love but if you have close girlfriends, BFFs, and you love them, You and they don't make excuses to not see each other and totally ignore the other when one is trying to make contact....or do you? This just isn't the way that someone who cares about you will act.
If indeed something has come up that is a perfect logical reason for not having the time, then it is common courtesy to let any person know why you can't meet with them, especially if its someone you are dating. And he is not doing that. So either he has no good manners, lacks relationship skills, or is hiding something, done with you and not forthcoming with the information.
I'll probably be the umpteenth person to say this to you, but guys this age are very much driven by their sexual urges and a good many of them are looking more for someone to fulfill their lustful sexual urges rather than trying to find someone whom they admire and care deeply about and then the sex is just a physical way to show that love.
People your age are usually not thinking too far into their future let alone are aware of what they are dating for or what might make the best long term future partner for them. Now is the time to start learning what you want in a guy..and compare that list to the guy you are with. You are not with a guy if he has walked away from you. There is no magic formula to make him grow up in a hurry and mature, or to fall in love again with you if he ever was in love.
Likely he has no idea what he wants in a girl either or for now, the latest visual attention grabber for sex is good enough. Whats going on here if he has lost interest in you so quickly is actually quite common in people. Young children have been doing this for quite a while. Remember the toy you absolutely had to have as a kid,you dreamt of it day and night and begged the parents and Santa for it. It held your attention like nothing else as long as you did not have it. Then you got it. You found it held your attention not forever as you thought it might, but only a week before it was ignored as the rest of your toys you no longer cared about. Basically that happens alot in relationships, more often than one might think, especially if one or both of the people just gut react when they see someone pretty/handsome and think..."I want that" just like the toy deal I mentioned. There's no thought towards what the two have in common, what their personality is, common goals, ideas, beliefs, likes, dislikes...etc and so there is nothing beyond the initial surface reaction of liking what one saw to hold a person to having interest in a person, slowly developing deeper feelings and eventually falling in love.
You can try to have a heart to heart talk with your guy. If no ground rules or boundaries were set in the beginning with the relationship, then perhaps let him know now what you expect and see if he will agree to them. If you want him to be honest with you, no matter if what he shares you dont end up liking, then ask for honesty. If you want him to communicate better, if he truly is busy you want to know what is going on and you will give him the needed time and space. If he has lost interest in you, as much as it will hurt, you want to know if thats so, and also why he believes he has lost interest. Let him know you'd rather have the truth than go blissfully on unaware and always hoping that there is some chance to continue the relationship. If you'd remain remain unaware of where you really stand, then you don't have to talk and ask a thing. And I don't believe there is anything else that can be done.
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