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Recovering anorexic, with depression going to pool party
Ok, so this question could be triggering I don't know so sorry if it is. I am an outpatient recovering from anorexia bulimia, depression and mild OCD , (yeah I know pretty messed up). my friend from school is having a pool party and has invited lots of people including the girl that effectively sent me to hospital, she bullied me constantly online and at school and no one knew.(the girl, not my friend) I still haven't told people about my problems with her girl because I know they won't believe me. Anyway I really want to go and I have set it as one of my short term goals to achieve but I am worried about this girl being mean to me, also I will be in swim wear so people will defiantly notice how fat I am now I'm out of hospital and also all the scars on my body due to self harm, I am just scared she will bring it up infront of people and I don't know what to do!?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
First of all, you're not messed up. Anorexia bulimia is quite often associated with depression and mild OCD. It's not your fault your brain works in this certain way and it's not fair to put yourself under such harsh judgment.
Second of all, I can guarantee you that you are not fat. You didn't go to the hospital to "get fat". You got their to "get healthy." All your friends will admire how well you look, only your ED thinks you are fat.
If you are very concerned that people will comment on your size/scars or that this girl will trigger you, maybe you should open up to a few of your close friends about your situation. I know telling people is always scary at first, but I promise they are more understanding and supportive than you assume. This way they can back you up if people comment something like, "Oh, lets not talk about appearance. Did anyone watch that show last night?"
You can also be very honest with yourself. If you think being at the pool party while feeling self conscious AND being around the girl that bullied you is too much to handle and might be very triggering for you, then maybe you don't go to this party. There are tons of parties in the future that you will be able to attend that this girl will not be at. My biggest advice to you would be to tell your friends though. You will feel less depressed and isolated when you have their support and understanding.
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"ana" or "ed" are those monsters living under your bed that you were always afraid of... they feed off of your fear and burn images into your mind that are false ; you are not fat. stop giving these monsters the power they crave to destroy your life. I know that you know that your eating disorder, depression and OCD are not who you are. That girl that bullied you did It because she is insecure with her self. It has nothing to do with you. If you want to go more than you don't want to go, then GO, have FUN ! don't let any of these issues get in the way of who YOU are. you have scars? so do I. but its apart of you, something you can not get rid of, the difference between you and I and every body else is that our "imperfections " are visible. So you wear those scars as reminders of where you don't want to be again. People are going to see them and that's okay because even if they say anything or give you weird looks they all have their own secrets that are just as bad or worse. I have depression and someone VERY close to me has anorexia, so I understand why this is so hard. but lets say in a different life time that none of these problems existed for you, then would go you to the party then? the answer is yes, you would. so don't let it control you, don't let it hide who you really are, this is not what defines you, what defines you is your heart mind and soul. the real you is the girl that would say yes if you didn't have any of these problems - don't let her slip away. go and have fun. you deserve it so much. (:
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I'm a recovering from anorexia/depression as well as cutting so I understand. What I learned in the hospital and therapy is that you're not really fat, it's in your mind, you have a wonderful body. That girl sounds like a real bitch do you go to that god damn party in a sexy swimsuit, hold your head high, and have a good time.
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First let me say, you are not fat! You are a beautiful strong young woman. All through your life there will be someone saying something about you.. I will let you in on a little secret.. She is just jealous. My advice to you is if this girl seriously bothers you then talk to your other friend about it. Let your friend know that if she starts saying mean things to you then you will leave and you will not come over when she is there because you are more mature than that. And as for the scars, wear them with pride... you know why? Because thats all they are, scars, as in the past. Something you battled and have overcome. And if she says something to you just tell her what you say hurts me and because of your harmful words I use to harm myself but then I realized you are not worth it and I am not going to let you bother me anymore. Tell her to please act mature and try to get along with eachother or at least be mature and do not talk to me unless you are going to be civil. You deserve better than that. If you ever need to talk or need advice you can come to me. I have scars too I know where you are coming from. and I know what incredible strength it takes to overcome that painful past.
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Hello there, OP! Ah, recovery...such a wonderful, sunshiny journey, isn't it?
I can totally understand why you are hesitant about telling friends about what you've been through. I am a recovered anorexic and I didn't tell my friends until about two-years after I fully recovered. Some who don't understand EDs can get the complete wrong idea, so I would be care about who you tell when that time comes, but no hurry! The chick who bullied you is clearly an unhealthy influence so I hope you distance yourself from her.
I think its great that you want to face your fears and step out in public in a swim suit and what not. That's very brave of you. :) You deserve to have fun. Recovery is hard work! I was very self conscious myself during recovery; I felt like I was eating more than everyone in the room.
I don't know how mature this chick is, but if you absolutely want to go then I would hang out with your closest friends, people that you really feel secure with. Do your closest friends know that she has been bulling you? If so, I would let them know about your fears of her being a dick to you: "Hey guys, so since Sally doesn't like me very much and is rude to me, will you guys have my back"? I'm sure your friends will be willing to stay with you so that you are not obligated to be around this girl. You don't even have to mention to them about the ED.
What also can work is that you let your friend know that this girl has been bulling you and that you aren't too comfortable with her. You don't have to tell her to un-invite her but if you let your friend know how this bully treats you, then your friend can help look after you. Honestly, I think the bully will be too preoccupied with her group to take the time and gain up on you. And if you find it easier to tell her and your friends about the bullying and the Ed, then more power to you.
Again, I understand the discomfort of being exposed, especially during recovery. If your scars are noticeable you can use makeup concealer to conceal them. They'll probably be especially hard to notice if you're going to be in the water. You can also wear a light sweatshirt or wrap if you are feeling uncomfortable outside the water. You can wear a suit that doesn't have bright colors if you are still afraid of attracting attention.Hopefully this bully chick doesn't decide to waste her ever so precious time on you. Like I said, I believe it is best to stay away from her as much as you can. Stay close to your friends and those you trust.
Good for you, OP! It took me a long time to be social again after I recovered. Recovery is the most difficult thing I ever did in my life so I applaud you for pushing forward and stepping out. If you decide not to go, then that is totally ok; you aren't a wimp. I hope you have a great time! Let me know how it went. :)
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