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Ok, so this question could be triggering I don't know so sorry if it is. I am an outpatient recovering from anorexia bulimia, depression and mild OCD , (yeah I know pretty messed up). my friend from school is having a pool party and has invited lots of people including the girl that effectively sent me to hospital, she bullied me constantly online and at school and no one knew.(the girl, not my friend) I still haven't told people about my problems with her girl because I know they won't believe me. Anyway I really want to go and I have set it as one of my short term goals to achieve but I am worried about this girl being mean to me, also I will be in swim wear so people will defiantly notice how fat I am now I'm out of hospital and also all the scars on my body due to self harm, I am just scared she will bring it up infront of people and I don't know what to do!? (link)
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"ana" or "ed" are those monsters living under your bed that you were always afraid of... they feed off of your fear and burn images into your mind that are false ; you are not fat. stop giving these monsters the power they crave to destroy your life. I know that you know that your eating disorder, depression and OCD are not who you are. That girl that bullied you did It because she is insecure with her self. It has nothing to do with you. If you want to go more than you don't want to go, then GO, have FUN ! don't let any of these issues get in the way of who YOU are. you have scars? so do I. but its apart of you, something you can not get rid of, the difference between you and I and every body else is that our "imperfections " are visible. So you wear those scars as reminders of where you don't want to be again. People are going to see them and that's okay because even if they say anything or give you weird looks they all have their own secrets that are just as bad or worse. I have depression and someone VERY close to me has anorexia, so I understand why this is so hard. but lets say in a different life time that none of these problems existed for you, then would go you to the party then? the answer is yes, you would. so don't let it control you, don't let it hide who you really are, this is not what defines you, what defines you is your heart mind and soul. the real you is the girl that would say yes if you didn't have any of these problems - don't let her slip away. go and have fun. you deserve it so much. (:
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