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I need to break up with my girlfriend.
Hi there. Me and my girlfriend have been going out for several months now, (8 to be exact.)
I'll get straight to the point. So basically, I am her second boyfriend, and she's absolutely crazy about me. As of recent, she calls me her "partner" and soulmate. I feel extremely uncomfortable, and I don't feel the same way when she expresses these things. We have had arguments here and there, and when I suggest the thought of breaking up/leaving her. She starts crying, getting all emotions and saying things such as: "I don't want to ever lose you, I'd be in pain for the rest of my life, etc etc. I can't handle this anymore, and quite frankly, it's annoying. I'm afraid that if I break up with her, her parents will possibly take revenge on me. (Paranoid I know.) Seeing as I have a good relationship with them. Also, seeing as my girlfriend has her grade HSC trials (Here in Australia.) I don't want to leave her in a position where she stops functioning, and going to school.
What should I do?
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Just break up with her! People break up with each other all the time, it's part of life. Don't worry about her parents - unless her previous boyfriend disappeared mysteriously in which case call the cops! :)
If you really think she wouldn't cope and would mess up her HSC trials (whatever those happen to be!) then you could wait until after she's done them, but honestly it really isn't your problem. She needs to learn that she can't use emotional blackmail to get people to stay with her.
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Even if you are older than adviceman49 guessed, by watching my own daughters age range from 21 to 29, I can see that even throughout the twenties, there still is very little relationship experiences for a person to have matured enough to have understanding what to do, how to go about it, whats the purpose for dating, and what is the perfect partner and have no idea what they're looking for or what their end goal is.
So either way, even if you're not high school age, I agree with what he said. The time of dating and relationships is to discover what you do and don't like in a partner, remember to look for the good things you liked in the last person and avoid the bad points in the next person. By now her parents as older adults should know this.
You did say you have a good relationship with her parents. If she is indeed a teen and not an adult yet, her parents still have the parenting role over her and would be the ones to work with her and help her to understand that not all relationships are meant to be. It may sound scary to do this, but before approaching her again to make a final break for good, you might ask her parents to meet you to talk privately without her knowing first. Let them know it's important.
Tell them that although she is a very nice gal and had many qualities that attracted you at first, that no matter how much time you hang in there, that you feel she is not the right person for you. Let them know that you have tried to break up before and were concerned by her reactions. That you still care about her as a person, as a friend, but not as more than a friend which she is wanting from you.
And since you care about her as a person that is why you wanted to talk to them.
Tell them what occurred with the last time you tried to break off the relationship and what extremes you believe she may be capable of going to in the time after the breakup. You want them as her parents to know so they can be there for her and let them know when you will be telling her whether its later the same day or tomorrow.
If they are really good people, they will see your approach to talk to them and be honest and open as a very caring and mature thing to do, not just some young persons whim of the moment to break up...but that you have given this some thought. And though it may hurt to see you move on and leave their daughter, they should understand and at least have some respect for you for having approached and talked to them.
Hopefully they won't intrude as to ask what it is about their daughter that makes you want to end dating her. Most adult may wonder but be polite enough to not ask. However if they do ask, you could say that as her parents, you feel uncomfortable sharing that cus you know they love her. If they still want to kknow cus they feel it would help them in handling things after you leave, then share the qualities you are looking for, that she doesnt have in positive words, it's much easier recieved but peoples subconscious minds.
So instead of saying she is too needy you could say you're looking for someone independant, instead of her being clingy, you are lookin for someone with self confidence, and instead of overly emotional, someone who is more calm and logical and mature in their thinking and actions.
I think that since you are so caring, that there is no other way for you to break up with her that wouldnt leave you worried for her, unless someone else knew and could step in to comfort her, like her parents.
Even if she is an adult and can make her own decisions, her parents may appreciate knowing so they can still at least comfort her. Good luck.
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I have to guess at your age as you have not given it so would I be correct if I said you were in an age group of somewhere between 14 and 17. If so my advice is to relax. Girls in this age group are often very emotional; it’s a hormonal thing that comes with puberty.
You said it yourself in the fact that you are her "second boyfriend." I'm sure she was absolutely crazy about her first boyfriend and possibly more so since he was a first. Teenage relationships are just that teenage relationships which in almost all instances are not meant to last.
This is a time where you build your relationship skills. Remember when you first started to ride a two wheeled bicycle. You dad put training wheels on it so you could stay upright and not fall off. Teenage relationships are a lot like that; relationships with training wheels to help you learn how to have a proper relationship with someone.
If this relationship is failing and in your eyes it is then it is time to move on. You take from this relationship the positives as well as the negatives and learn from them as you move on to the next relationship. Eventually when you are older you will find the person you want to make a life with.
Now in your own way you can use what I have just written to soften the fact that you want to end this relationship. Yes she will cry and say things as she has said but she will get over you as she did her first boyfriend. Her parents will be upset but they will not seek revenge because they are old enough like me to understand that these things happen in teenage relationships.
What I would suggest if possible and depending on how close her HSC trails are is if you can wait until after they are complete. In this way how those trials come out for her are all her own and she cannot blame you if she fails them.
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