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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
advice
I'm 16 and yes I do cut and I don't need a lecture. I'm trying to stop but I have an overwhelming amount of mental disorders. With that out of the way, I have to go to y cottage in 2.5 weeks and it's just me, my mom, younger brother, and aunt. No one except my best friend knows about my cutting and burning. I have a few faint scars from cutting on my arms and thighs and I want them to remove themselves because I have to wear a bathing suit at the cottage most of the time. And I have some very prominent burn scars on the wrist. There are 2 very pinky/red ones and one of them has gone white/ beige. I want the brighter ones to go white or beige so it isn't as noticeable. Does anyone know any remedies I can make at home tha works? I cannot just go out and buy special creams an it need I be fast acting, thanks
Even if you could afford to buy special creams that promise to improve or take away scars, there just doesn't exist any such thing. So of course there is no home remedy for it either.
Scars can fade on their own a little over the years and become less noticeable but still be visible.
I have a scar on my right knee as a child from a badly bloodied skinned knee. It was halfway healed when brother kicked me hard in that knee and I lost the scab and it became a fresh wound again. Then once it was about halfway healed again, I tripped in gym class and landed hard on that same knee on concrete floor and it broke open all over again. I am 55 and still have a ropey 1 inch long scar across the top of my knee. It has been less noticeable but is still visible. Scars from tiny incisions for gall bladder surgery are still visible. I can't say what happens for burns over time. If just a first degree burn like bumping a hand against the hot oven door or such, I know that there's usually no lingering scar. But anything worse may have the same effect as a serious fire burn victim and the skin healing but looking deformed, like shiny plastic, for the rest of ones life.
I'd say, that you either dress like for winter and show no skin and rouse questions from family, not to mention if its hot, the potential of heat stroke from overheating . . . or . . . you may just come to grips with the fact that you are not going to be able to hide this any longer and mentally prepare yourself to have to face their questioning.
If the family knows about your 'overwhelming amount of mental disorders', then it shouldn't be as big a surprise to them that you are cutting and burning. Thats one of the things that come with those mental problems, especially if the treatment isn't helping or if its just too slow a progress to getting better and getting it under control. If mom isn't aware that what ever treatments you are on arent helping and you're cutting, then she needs to know so that other treatment can be tried. This is like trying to quit smoking. Stopping cold turkey rarely works for most and people need all sorts of different helps and supports to kick such a habit. If the underlieing issue that causes you to cut and burn isn't taken care of, then you will continue to do so and it w ont go away. If your family knows you have mental disorders but have never taken you in for treatment, then its high time. You will have to ask for the help and if parents won't help, ask the school nurse or counselor to hook you up with help.
Sorry I don't have any better news for you dear. I hope your future gets better and brighter.
My mom is weird. She yells for the stupidest stuff and gets angry quickly. Today we rented a movie and my brother played it off the ps3 . She started yelling and screaming why youbeat the system use the cd playr in front of my cousin even tho the movie plays either way. She gets mad when the house isn't clean to perfection and in stores she'll yell at the manager if things aren't flawless.if I don't want to do something she'll give me this speech" I gave up my life for you . I sacrificed everything" if we don't do things her way she screams. She's always taking pics and posting them on fb and if the pics aren't perfect she'll yell. I stress out and am getting acne bc of it. I tryed talking to her but then she's like" oh your trying to act like the victim " I don't no what to do. Please help me
If you are under 18 and still being raised by mom, then there's nothing much you can do to make her stop.
But heres just a few ideas:
Is there a dad in the picture. Talk to him about your concerns. If she is having a temper, anger problems and unhappy with everything no matter who, even strangers, then she must be going through something big personally. You didn't say if this is a recent change in behavior. If so, hopefully her behavior will stop as soon as whatever is bugging her goes away.
If she has always been like this but slowly gotten worse there could be something wrong that a doctor or mental health professional can help her with. Theres always a possibility of her having anger issues and needing counseling, being depressed and acting out from that condition, needing doctors care, or perhaps she is a perfectionist in personality and will not ever be happy with anyone or anything always finding something is just not good enough.
Her reactions to what she's going through are not fair to others. Dumping on others and using them as an outlet to spew all her frustrations on is not right. She could get worse and begin true verbal abuse. I lived with a verbally abusive husband for 30 yrs and know how the stress of someone like that to live with can affect your health.
Usually it will do so in one way or the other...It can affect your emotional and mental health and you begin to have self confidance issues and other issues. (From someone who knows, its not your fault, nor will it ever be)
If you are able to keep your emotional sanity on the level, then you will be attacked physically...the stress has to go somewhere. Right now you feel acne came from this...It can get much worse. If you have other relatives you can talk to, have a private talk and let them know how this is affecting you. If you are going from the intention to simply take care of your needs to be stress free and you are not talking to share 'dirty laundry' information about things at home, then you are doing so for the right reason. Always in life, not matter what your age, you will always be responsible ultimately for your welfare. Parents aren't always perfect and make mistakes. Just because we are adults does not mean we are mistake free. And sometimes the kids suffer because of our mistakes. Usually its just a one time thing or temporary for parents if they do wrong or just not the best. But if its day after day, it can take its toll on you and begin to affect your performance and grades in school. Thats why I encourage you to find someone you can talk to. Sometimes just having positive words and love an encouragement from an outside source is enough to combat all the negative you get or witness from mom. And the positive stuff can cancell out the negative as far as how it is affecting you, but usually you need twice as much postive to cancel out the stress from the negative.
I would also encourage you to talk to school counselors and ask if there is any counseling they can get for you...not because you have anything wrong in you that needs fixing but because you need help dealing with the affects of her behavior.
If you go to church, go talk to your pastor. And you can also be praying for mom. But you will need to develop your own support group to help you through the years ahead. If you are willing to talk to a pastor but dont have one, think of a friend who goes to church and ask their mom if you can go talk to their pastor. Pastors are very familiar at hearing and dealing with the worst of human nature...even in church...more common than you may think, and may have some great suggestions for help. I have one more idea:
the Big brother/big sister program. I think you may benefit from that. It may need adult approval for you to join so ask them how you can get that if mom isn't willing. YOu would get matched up with a positive role model and friend, someone who may be able to give you times any from mom at times when shes the worst, perhaps to come rescue you and take you away for some time to recoup.
How this helps.
I'm a 13 year old girl. A few minutes ago I was up in my room when I heard yelling downstairs. I couldn't make out much but I heard my mom yell "It never happened." And then my dad: "yes it did!" And my mom: "No it didn't!" And my dad: "What did he say?!" Then I heard a door slam so I peeked down the stairs. My dad was sitting on the couch so I assume that the door slam was my mother storming to her room. My parents don't argue often so I'm a little concerned. Do you think that it's just a normal little fight? Can you infer what it was about by what they were yelling? From their dialogue my mind of course went straight to "mom is cheating on dad". But that's pretty unlikely. What do you think it was about? I'm really worried.
It's always unsettling on the kids when parents fight. There is no way though for any of us to venture even a guess as to what they fought about. Even if you did know what, there isn't anything you can do about helping smooth things over. Its for them to work out on their own. If they don't argue often, then likely they have figured out ways to deal with most situations without argueing.
Things like one having a stressful day and not having had time to unwind and relax, one feeling ill or in pain, having a headache can make a person more short tempered and unable to work things out smoothly because when we are not feeling our best, our patience is shorter. I am like that too but I know when I am feeling like that. Even as a mom, kids pestering me for attention and asking all sort of things...I didn't want to snap or yell at them just because I was stressed or had a headache so I always warn people, please, not now. I am not myself and not able to discuss anything right now. If you continue without giving me time, I might end up yellling and fighting with you. Luckily everyone would back down and wait. I am sure your parents are doing the best they can to work things out. If your 13, then they've been married at least 14 years or more and always worked things out before.
The one thing you can do is pray if you believe in a God or greater power and ask for lots of love to envelop them and tempers to go down and love and peace to return to the household.
11 year old female
Ok, so I really like this guy, but he goes to a different camp, luckily the camps like to combine to help us for middle school. Every time we have a trip where the camps combine, I think I'll get dolled up and talk to him. I get dressed nice, and get all worried about how my boobs are so small (I am just able to fit it the smallest training bra, and I haven't got my period yet so I could barely call myself a women) and my hips are big, and end up shying away. There's a girl in my camp who gave him a flirty look, and he smiled back but more politely then romantically he automatically stopped after a second, and that was that, but that means that girl likes him, right? And she is the biggest flirt in the grade, she hangs out with boys 24/7 also she has a much better body she's actually got a nice one I'm skinny as a twig until you get to my hips, wich looks like complete shit, then my ass is no ass. The only time I had a conversation with him was on a feild trip at school where all the district's 5th graders combined and we did activities together, and I ended up pairing up with him for thumb wrestling and we talked. Also we exchanged a smile that lasted for a while on spotlight night, where the district's 5th graders got to buy books for summer reading, and a tour of the middle school. But on that feild trip I talked to him I was whispering to my friend about him and I was trying to point him out, but she didn't know which one was it, because he was in a group of boys so after a while I got pissed off, and when he ran close enough to hear me,I was like, no,I like him loud enough for him to hear me, and I'm thinking, oh shit, the moment he can hear me. And that's like, THE WORSE POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD FUCKING HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What happens when the camps combine I stay close to my friends and whisper, and he stays close to his friends and whispers, I'm just waiting for him to make the first move. What should I do with my pathetic love life?
First of all, I must mention about how a good many girls look when they are in 5th grade. I had 3 daughters. Each of them in 5th and 6th grade looked like you, basically not a woman yet. No boobs, no butt and very very skinny legs and arms and the face of an older child. All my daughters I believe are beautiful and were back then too. As you said, no period yet so puberty hasn't hit yet. Thats normal. A few girls may begin to fill out at 10 or 11 but for the most part, the majority of females don't get their period until 14 to age 17 at the latest. And, its not always punctual and can vary all over the place in length of time you have it or length of time you don't...thats also normal.
Let me ask you this? If you were to plant a sunflower seed in the ground today, would you expect it to be a full grown sunflower with a big seed head center tomorrow? Of course not! And why? Because you know that the seed has to go through a growth process. Everything it needs genetically to become the fully mature plant is in that little seed, just as everything you need to become a full mature woman something is already inside of you. But it has its own little cycle and it grows just a very little bit at a time. When you graduate highschool someday, even that may not end up being the full mature body you will have for life. Some of us keep filling in and maturing into our early twenties. Some young men haven't got their fully mature male bodies until they hit 30,35. My husband used to be a pretty hairless body until mid 30 when it started growing like crazy and now he has tons of body hair everywhere, almost a sasquatch!. LOL Women who have children find it will change how their body looks sometimes. Some keep extra weight or lose it all except in the chest if breast feeding. I had the bigger boobs after the 1st but after feeding the 3rd baby, I lost all and my chest ended up smaller after breast feeding than before I started and it took about 6 years to go back to my original normal size before babies. There are so many factors that can change how a person looks.
What is most important is that you at your age are happy with who you are and how you look at this point and are not comparing yourself to others. Its not that one person is better than another, just that we are all different. If we all looked identical like the robots on I-Robot movie, then not a single one of us would stand out for being our unique self. Young boys may be impressed with looks initially, but what keeps them long term as a friend, and later as a boyfriend and later as a husband, is a female who has more than just good looks. When beauty is only skin deep, the boys get bored pretty quick.
Their hormones may cause them to look at the currently more sexually attractive girls but usually the foremost thought is having sex and its way too young an age to be mentally and emotionally ready to handle all that comes with that arena. Being physically ready is the least of it, anyone can do that.
What I suggest at your age is seeking a boy as a friend for now. When you are older and have a few years of being best friends, then you move to the romance part of being boyfriend and girlfriend.
If a person can smile at you as this boy did, then you have a good start. We all have personal body language, one being that we use a smile to show that we will be friendly and are approachable. On the other hand, if we dont want someone to come talk to us, we avoid eye contact and dont smile to discourage the other person. Its a subconscious thing person do and arent aware of. Since you both are 5th grade or there abouts, you both have little to no prior experience approaching and starting conversation with the opposite sex. He's in the same boat as you. I know more girls today are making the first move because the boy is too scared he will be rejected and the fear of rejection holds him back. The females really do hold the power to affect guys and the power over whether they will become friends or date or not. If you approach him first, its not a bad thing and he wont think anything bad of you, just be relieved that you actually took the first step so he didnt have to.
Was it the worst thing that could happen that he may have heard you? At your age when even I had no self confidence, yes it was scary and horribly embarrassing. Mature women may actually use such tactics on purpose to let a guy know that they are interested. It all depends on which side of the fence you;re on right now, unsure of self , and too self conscious or the side of self confidence. The one girl who flirts has self confidence. Whether its true self confidence or only due to the bodily looks she has, I can't tell, but that is getting her the attention and the looks of others.
Dating coaches for older mature adults teaching women how to interest a guy usually tell them that men are more interested in a self confident female in the long run and will choose her with plainer looks over the one who looks more mature or more like models.
So walk up to him, get the thing that is scaring you out of the way cus once you face it, the fear disappears. Giggle and say, "I suppose you heard me the other day when I was talking to my friend about you as you passed by. (whether he says yes or no, you continue) "Well, I was horribly embarrassed that you might have heard. And I don't want to be because its true that...and put whatever statement you want here 'that I like you', that I am interested in you, that I was hoping we could become good friends, ect...
Once you admit to feeling embarrassed, its over and done with and both of you can start talking about things in common, starting with comments about what your favorite parts of camp are. Go on to ask if there are siblings, what some of his favorite things to do are. You might even ask him now that you revealed your embarassing moment is What is the most embarassing moment you have ever had? If you can;t think of what to say, just talk to him as if you are talking to a best girlfriend. He may not have interest in talk about makeup and the cuted guy on the latest rock band but otherwise should be interested in probably any topic you bring up. Let me know how it goes. Good luck.
I have been with my boyfriend for close to 3 years now. When we first got together we both heavily discussed not wanting to get married. He has a child from a previous relationship (they never married) she is 4 now and I think of her as my own daughter. With a child involved being serious or not being together are really the only 2 outcomes of a relationship. Well we moved in together after 1 year and we are very happy. I love him and we are still sexually active and emotionally involved, we don't fight very often and his little girl just puts the bow on top of it all. Well, recently we decided with his former girlfriend that it would be best to get custody legally set. During the meeting he kept referring to me as his fiancé. Not sure if he did it because it sounds good legally or what. lately we have discussed buying a home after the lease goes up on our apartment. He said he is ready to sign a mortgage with me, we talk about building a green house and how we would paint his daughter's room. It seems so serious and I feel like at least for me how I felt 3 years ago when we first started dating has changed and I am starting to think he is the one. I am nervous to bring it up to him though, what if he still does feel that way? I don't want to feel the sting of being rejected by the man I have built a life with. I'm not sure how to bring it up without sounding like i am asking. How should I approach him? What should I say?
My impression is that he called you his fiancee when filing for custody because a soon to be wife sounds better than girlfriend to the courts.
However, as to know whether thats why he really said it, its better to ask him.
Getting a mortgage together is another big commitment like marriage. One doesn't enter into a contract with someone who isn't legally a spouse, who might leave them and their partner in the lurch with the mortgage payments, unable to pay and having to sell. If he can do this, there must be some kind of long term commitment towards you already in place.
One thing you need to realize is that some couples get the legal certificate signifying they are a couple and others become domestic partners, make as solid a commitment as some who get married, and plan to live together for the rest of their lives because they love each other but don;t care about the legal paper work.
There are benefits to applying and filing for a domestic partnership with the state but not all states do this. Here is a little about DP's and a list of what states do recognize legal Domestic partnerships.
http://www.ehow.com/how_5004293_file-domestic-partners.html
If the two of you agree to continue your relationship as a married couple without the marriage because he doesnt want a marriage ceremony, then you need to know if he wants to have children with you besides his one from before. If so, then you will need to have either a marriage license or a legally filed domestic partnership to have legal rights over the children in case of a separation or death. And both will cover you. Heres a listing of that and other benefits to a DP. Check if he's okay with that if your state is one that recognizes them.
http://www.ehow.com/about_5045669_domestic-partner-benefits.html
It usually doesn't take two people 3 years or so to figure out if you've found the right person for you, one you could spend the rest of your life with. I am wondering about the actual relationship and how much time you've actually had together to discover this fact and also built a level of trust, enough to get a house together. It may be 3 years but the amount of time spent getting to know each other during the 3 yrs was not enough to build a deep love and caring and want to be with the other always.
There is no way to bring up anything in conversation without speaking and asking. You can try mime or use sign language if both of you know it. But there is no other way than just speaking up, putting it into words and starting the conversation. Just make sure its not a time when he has something else on his mind. Just ask him if its a good time to have a convo about some things that are important to you to discuss. Even if you can't file for a DP in your state, the two of you having a long relationship already, should have set up the groundwork for your relationship at the time you entered into it. If not, its high time to do so now, setting a list of expectations you both have and agree upon for the relationship. (whether you get married or have a DP is appropriate as one of the things covered here.) You both set boundaries of what is okay for both and what each of you will not accept in the relationship and both must agree to it. This would cover, passing things by you for your approval too before making decisions on the behalf of both of you, what kind of contact with the opposite sex you both are comfortable with your partner doing, etc... Ground rules and boundaries are important in a relationship. Think of a business partnership where non of that is spelled out....its a recipe for disaster and all sorts of legal trouble. There is nothing wrong with asking in my mind and I don't think you should feel there is. I find it extremely naive and actually pretty risky to attempt to skate through a long term relationship without having good talks like this and daily in depth conversation, not the surface level, "how was your day?" "Fine" "Did you call to wish your mom Happy Birthday?" "Yes, I did. Did you make the cupcakes for my daughters school bake sale?" Thats all surface level stuff. Important in its own rights to bring up but its nothing solid and indepth that will help the two of you navigate this relationship as smooth as possible.
I want to go swimming and I cant unless I wear a tampon but I am scared that my tampon will fall out while swimming. Will it?
Tampons do not fall out ever. Even if you are not swimming. If you did not push it in far enough, the end of it might be visible to you when sitting on the potty and feel uncomfortable, like its about to c ome out but it wont. If you ever think you didn't get one in far enough, pull it out and start with a new one using the applicator. When a tampon is very full, no longer dry, it slides out easier when you pull on the strings. Thats why the strings are there to help remove them cus they won't come out otherwise on their own.
Everytime me and my boyfriend be making out , he fingers me & it hurts .. He did it twice and each time hurts . I don't know if maybe I'm tensing up or something . But it really hurts . And I don't know why .
There are a couple medical conditions in which a females hymen has a very small opening or two small ones with a wide strip of hymen between too large to be just stretched out or torn to have a larger access. Its called 'hymen bifenestradus
http://www.lexic.us/definition-of/hymen_bifenestratus
and another with a smaller strip of hymen between two larger entries but not large enough for a finger or tampon to get in without pain let alone a penis which is larger.
http://www.lexic.us/definition-of/septate_hymen
I would advise a trip to the gynecologist to get a check up and make sure that this is not the issue. Your parents don't have to know. You can see the family doctor or Planned parenthood can help or recommend a doctor. You need to be honest with the doctor that you are having sex and have this difficulty. Professional staff are non judgemental on this regards and you have the privacy of the hippa law that nothing of your visit or medical records can be shared with anyone, even parents as you have right of privacy regarding your sexual organs or anything of a sexual nature.
If there is no such problem, it would be good to rule it out. Perhaps using more lube and being more relaxed might helps. First time or two one can be anxious cus its a new experience and it feel uncomfortable.
Unless you have always had an extremely low tolerance to pain, it's more likely that this is no mere discomfort and hurts a little, but a major pain. Any major pain is something that needs to be seen by a doctor.
BTW, the solution to hymen problems is an easy quick fix. Doctors will numb the area and snip away the un-needed extra hymen and from reports I've read, the teens have no pain after the experience and heal quickly.
My fiancée is amazing or so i thought i fought him texting girls saying he wanted to fuck them and be with them but at the same time he said to them i love my woman tho ill never leave her what should i do we been together for three years hes talked to everyone with a vagina lol im sad lonely and wanna die i know he wont cheat but i cant get over the hurt he wont even admit to talking to anyone idk what to do i love him
Okay, I had to read your question and adviceman49's response cus i was curious. Then I thought I possibly verify what he wrote as far as how important good communication is. I tried the communicating with my ex. It did not help because he was the sort of person who did not think there was any talking needed about anything I brought up and would always turns issues around and tell me that it was just I that had the problem or that I was causing the issues and there wouldnt be any if I would just shut up and not go trying to make issues. Of course, I am no longer with him. It was a one sided marriage of only one person doing all the work to try to make the relationship work and hold together. Hold together it did for 30 years until I finally left.
So my point is the same, do try talking to him.
If he doesn't want to discuss it, or becomes defensive, then he doesnt love you deeply enough to be concerned about your feelings or how something he is doing is hurting or bothering you.
I wouldn't be wanting to marry someone like that too quickly. Either put the marriage off a while to see if his character can improve, or call off the wedding. If you decide to marry, don't expect anything to get better because most likely it will only get worse.
Hopefully the talk will help.
We have fleas everywhere what kills them fast bit is safe on six dogs?
If you think you can keep the dogs from stepping into shallow containers of soap water in their favorite resting places, then here's a method that works well. Heres one article with video on the procedure. There is even a commercially made/sold product that does the same thing. But its so easy to make yourself and use something like a posable desk lamp, that you can make one for every room for less cost
http://video.about.com/cats/Make-a-Homemade-Flea-Trap.htm
hey, am just a girl and am confused,
i hate my family for some reasons,
which is in my family they are so
protective, am from a big family
like i live with my dad, my mom
passed away 6 years ago but really i
can say i live in two house one
where my dad is there, and the
next one is where my grandma,
aunt live. and i have a sister which
is in college who everybody loves,
don't get me wrong i love her
too ,but the problem is when she
come everyone acts like i don't
exist anymore especially my aunt
she always makes me feel bad
about my self when she comes she
forgets me. am uncomfertable
around her, she ignores me even
when i say hi like am the adapted
child or something,i hate her for
that, oh... she see her like a
dimond, care for her but when it
comes to me she is just like do that,
and do this she doesn't even care if
am sick, am so tired of this, its so
stupid am a highschool senior and i
don't think that i deserve this and
the other thing is i don' t have
confidence with my self with my
looks evenso everybody says am
beautiful beacuse everybody sees
me as little for the reason that i am
thin, and have a baby face, i don't
have great hair or my hand is rough
everything about me i hate. and she
have everything that i don't have
and my aunt always tell her she is
beautiful but she never tell me that
i am, so thats not hard to guess how
i feel anyway i don't know how to
feel anymore so please help!!!
To give you benefit of the doubt, yes there can be times when family seems to treat one child different than the other as far as talking about their talents and paying attention to.
As a mom of 3 daughters, I found myself subconsciously doing the same without an actual conscious thought that I was doing so at first, but I caught myself many times and would stop myself. I am a very loving mom and had no attention of giving one daughter less attention than the other but honestly it's harder than you think. Think of the kids in school who are popular. They have more self confidence, are more vocal, outgoing, and yes, there is more about them to catch the attention of others, like spotting a glittering diamond. THat was a good analogy you used. It didn't mean my other daughters were any less special. But even as their mom, raising them, seeing them every day, two were still able to keep much of their thoughts, hopes dreams, wishes, hidden and had nothing as far as talents or skills that stood out. I knew they had strengths and talents, just that they weren't as obvious for me to be able to take notice of. My oldest had one ability like me to strike up conversation easily with strangers and make friends easily. My youngest had tenacity meaning that when she got the idea that she wanted something, nothing could make her lose sight of her goal, no matter how many said no, or its not possible. In my family it was the middle daughter who got the most notice. It seems that what ever she decided to try next, she seemed to be a pro at, dancing, singing, started playing flute but we witnessed her picking up instruments she'd never played before and playing like she'd practiced at least a little if not for years. She had talents in art as well. Give her a need to bring a dish to potluck she's never made before and without a recipe, makes a very tasty dish. No learning curve, just instantly knows how. That really is quite remarkable and so you can see how easily it was to always be looking at her, not at the other two.
It's human nature to be attracted to something showy or out of the ordinary. I had to go against nature to really study my other two much harder and when I began to do so, found other things they had as talents or things special about them.
Believe me that its easier than you might think for close family to not notice you or seem to treat you different. But it is not ever done consciously out of a will to do so, to neglect, shun, or hate. If you brought up to others what you are feeling and sense happening, chances are that family members are going to be unaware they've been treating you this way and once aware, like I was at some point, will make every effort to show you the attention you need.
Part of the problems of some kids in family being overlooked, not treated the same is that like a wallflower, they tend to blend into the background, the surroundings and not stand out much if at all with their personality.
Possible remedies for this situation:
Realizing that no one can read your mind. More often the issues we have with how we are being treated are still in our minds and in our hearts emotion wise but we have made no effort to verbalize our thoughts and feelings more than once and not let anyone talk us out of something. I did this as a preteen. Hated the old fashioned glassed my mom always got me. I was in middle school and would start highschool soon and saw a gal with glasses I liked. I decided I wanted that style next time. Did I tell Mom I hated my glasses or what I did want? Nope..not a word, just nursed my disappointments when I got the old style. Then finally the next dr appt came and I got the guts to tell mom what I wanted,
I saw it was the same price, but mom said, I see no reason to change, I like you in these old glasses. The clerk saw the desperation in my face and picked up on it and spoke up telling mom that she had to agree with me that I looked good in the new style and it made me look more grown up since I was entering highschool. It still took a while of learning to speak up and say what was important to me but I learned no one can tell whats going on inside you as miserable as you feel, it doesnt show on the outside as anything more than a sour face or gloomy face at best if anything shows at all.
Another thing would be to work on ones self confidence and self image. If both are two low, you will also not stand out in the crowd or in the family.
How one looks is not always connected to having a good self confidance. I know of many people who have the model looks and yet have no self confidence. Have read the bio's of some actresses who admit they feel they are very ordinary , not special and don't mind the acting but handling being in the lime light is something they hate.
So we have two issues. How you look. Young people are always going to worry about how they look and see it as important to being accepted and liked. I have met so many people who the first thing I liked about them is their personality not their looks and realized I could care less what they looked like or how they dressed, it was their personality, who they were inside that made me want to be around them. As you grow older, you may naturally develop a better self image. If I give it any mind I can come up with a list of things I dont like about me, top of the list being I have bony elbows that stick out quite pointed. But never in my life has anyone ever stared at them or made a comment to me about them. We are more critical of ourselves than others will be. The current trends for beauty in the media are just that, trends. Once upon a time it was trendy for models to look so skinny like anorexic almost, the Twiggy look. Also in the 40s and 50s, models were popular because the big boned and full bodied woman was the trend at the time. Go back to renaissance paintings of nudes, and all women had normal to small breasts, rounded, pudgy, not flat tummies, and big hips. Was any one of those the correct thing to admire and go for in looks? No. All they were is the personal preferences of people who were in a position to exert some public influence. Way back, it was in painting, today its in photos, ads, movies, etc.... There are many guys who don't go for the public image of what beauty is and someone will find you beautiful just as you are.
Self confidence is something you can also work on. In both areas, it means taking control over the negative thoughts about yourself that pop into your mind and replacing them with positive ones and then slowly stretching yourself to move past your boundary of whats comfortable.
Lets say its hard to find yourself joining in on a conversation, approaching a group of people. First thought might come is: I don't have anything interesting to say. I'm just gonna make a fool of myself, say something stupid, etc.., . and those thoughts keep you from standing out. Its not as much what you say, sound of voice, your looks or clothes or actions that make the impression on people though. Its the unseen thing, vibes they pick up from people. Start studying people closely and see if you can spot those who send out vibes of "I'm nothing special, no one likes me, I'm scared so dont come talk to me, etc. and you will be surprised to see how easily you can see it if you are looking for it. There are looks on a person that go along with it.
A low self confidence has looks but what speaks strongest is those invisible vibes others sense and pick up. They may not understand why they don't want to bother to include you or talk to you but they feel it strongly that they should avoid you for some reason.
If you need any more practical how to's to get going forward, give me an actual situation and i will be glad to give you some ideas.
is mansturbation one of the big reasons for hairfall..??.since i have read it somewhere so just want to confirm that..!!
I dont know where you read that but it is obviously someones idea of a silly joke. Think about it, if masturbation caused people to lose their hair and go bald, then the majority of men and women would all be bald. Other than a minor few, most healthy sexual people with and without partners masturbate.
The only thing that masturbating too an excess will do, is cause you to obsess and now have time for other pursuits, and responsibilities like a job, keeping up the home, grocery shopping and cooking, spending time with family, friends, etc.... and that would be the only unhealthy thing about it.
I had sex with a girl but not sure if I came in herand the next day she got stomach pains,is it possible that she could be pregnant but I came out before I could come but not sure if I came in her
Even if you pulled out before having an orgasm, there is sperm in precum, so if you went inside her without wearing a condom, theres a good chance of her becoming pregnant. It takes a fertilized egg up to 10 days to implant in the uterus at which point a pregnancy test would possibly be able to detect a pregnancy. She should take a test around that time. If it occured yesterday or day before, and shes old old to buy the morning after pill at pharmacy, also known as plan B, then it would be a good thing to do immediately to prevent possible pregnancy. Or she can check with Planned parenthood to get the Plan B.
If you are going to be having sex with a girl, for the first time, being wearing a condom. If the two of you decide you want to keep having sex together other than the one time, then besides the condom, the best thing the girl can do is go to Planned parenthood to get on a more reliable birth control like the pill. You need to bring up the subject and talk about it with which ever girl you are dating if it seems things are heading in that direction. If a girl isn't willing to go on birth control and you are not willing to wear condoms for std control, then you shouldn't be doing sex.
My sister and her boyfriend lost their 3th apartment b/c of poor money management skills. She has the money to pay the bills but doesn't. She and her boyfriend are big spenders. She likes to buy random things while he uses her money for video games and huge flat screen TVs. My sister works full time while her boyfriend is a stay at home dad. My sister has two kids. One from a previous relationship and the youngest one is his.
Her boyfriend's family took them in at first but they got kicked out. From his dad's house and from his older sister's house. My sister said it's b/c they were charging her rent and for babysitting and constantly yelling at her boyfriend to get a job. She said he can't get a job b/c his driver license is suspended and no one can watch the kids.
One day, I went to a dentist and came back home with my mom, suddenly they are at our house with their stuff. She said they are going to stay with us for free for a few months to save money and find their own place.
Since they have moved in without notice, I notice a few things:
The boyfriend doesn't watch the kids, although she claims he does. They make my older niece, 8, take care of her sister, 2. When the 2 year old cries they ignore it. If she doesn't stop they make the 8 year old hold her. The 8 yr. old admits to me that she dislikes her sister and wants to get away from her.
After my sister goes to work, he keeps finding excuse to leave the house to go somewhere in her car, she leaves him her car and carpools to work with my mom, and don't come back for hours. We live a few blocks from a police station and he's driving without a license. He's going to get arrested again. I have been babysitting the kids since they got there. When he comes back he plays video games all day. He doesn't even stop to feed the kids lunch or dinner. I make it for them.
We have a hallway bathroom but he uses the one in my bedroom. It's making my mom feel uncomfortable. He's walking in and out of my bedroom without asking or like it even matters. She watches the news a lot and is paranoid that he's going to hurt me or worse. She wants me to lock my door at all the times now.
I am starting college part time next month and going to work full time. I'm worried about what's going to happen to the kids when I'm not there. Like who is going to feed them and watch them? I told my sister about her boyfriend being irresponsible and my concern over the kids but she always makes excuse for him and brushes it off. I know it's their business and I don't want to get involve. I'm only worried about the kids.
This is a case of relatives abuse of you by assuming you will step in and do the things they don't cus they are lazy, bad at money management and what ever other issues they may have.
However, because there are children involved, I am another in agreement for calling CPS Child protective services. The welfare of those kids is important. Your sis and her boyfriend are not only not providing and seeing to the very basics of care for the kids but foisting it off on you and mom. You and mom never agreed to do so but simply did it cus they weren't. In fact they or not providing the roof over the kids heads, not feeding the kids which are some of basic needs, another is clothing a child. Children also need attention, love and nurturing which they are not getting from their parents. I know its hard to call in for help when it involves blood relations, but sis knows that and is using that angle to take advantage of you guys by forcing their way into your home and life without any concern of how it will affect you. I'd say they both need to see psychologists cus there is something deeper going on inside them that mismanagement of money is not the original cause of. If the two of you say nothing to officials, you enable them to remain stuck in this rut in life. Their issues are not going to come to light unless you guys report this to authorities now. And this has to be done now...today.
ok, so thats me, the one with the girl hating my guts. I couldnt log into my account, so i had to reset amd i just used a quick account, but, the girl (L) will crumple up my notes when i send them to her, and shes been pissed now for about 4 months. And is anerexsia really that serious? She needs professional help? :0
It doesnt have to be anything you've done to earn a girls anger or hatred. There in fact is often no valid reason of some outward experience to bring such change into a girl emotionally. Unless she's always been like this with people since she was in grade school, my guess is that we are talking about a girl going through puberty or recently gone through it. In a nut shell, many young females bodies today have an overload of too many female hormones because their bodies have picked many up just from the environment so when the body starts adding to it during young teen years, several things can happen:
A total change in their personality
Uncontrollable anger and hatred targeted at one, or a few people or in some cases towards almost everyone.
Depression occurs and due to the depression caused by hormonal imbalance, and they may start cutting, become obsessed with binge and purging (anorexia/bulimia) or become suicidal.
I have 2 nieces at this age and both from different families, in different states, and both have this issue and have needed to see a doctor to get treatment for it.
If this girl was once a friend, you might try talking to her face to face instead of sending notes and see if she can explain whats bugging her. Most likely there will be no good reason but once you have her in conversation you could say that perhaps its not you doing something or her doing something wrong but maybe something wrong that a doctor can help. Likely in her state, she likely won't think there's anything wrong with her. It may think her mom deciding to look for answers in her daughters behaviour and reach out to doctors for help. But at least, knowing this helps you to understand why a younger teen girl can have problems like this.
Doesnt make them a bad person, its other circumstances affecting them. If its hormonal, hormones even out by late teens and she should improve in her behavior as a person.
Another thing that can affect teens is that the pre frontal cortex of the brain is the last thing to finish completion in growth and is still immature, not fully developed until we reach our mid 20s at least or perhaps older. So a lot of a teens choices or decisions and actions may not be the best ones for themselves or affect others in less than positive ways.
This all comes with the territory of this age group.
You can tell, I've assumed that you are in this age group. If you both are older adults, my advice is to try to talk in person, no notes or texting. If that doesnt happen. Don't try to force something thats not going to happen, just leave her be and move on to hanging with other people.
My boyfriend and I are middle school sweethearts and we have finally decided to try and start a family. For 9 months we have practically been having sex every day maybe 3 days tops inbetween we wouldn't. I have weird periods where i skip every other month,so it's hard to schedule anything. I'm still not pregnant, i don't know what I'm doing wrong. Seeing a negative on every test i take is heart breaking. Please set me up with some useful advice. My boyfriend and I are ready to have one of our own, it's just not happening.
As the other advice person said, we can take this two ways, that you are 18 or older, adults now and have known each other, been together since middle school. If so, I assume you want us to know that tho you aren't married, you are a stable couple which is needed is deciding to bring a child into the world.
The other way we could take it is that the two of you are currently in middle school and want to get pregnant now, while still not done with highschool.
For one thing, theres no way to financially provide for the baby let alone have time for a baby when you have school yet, so school falls by the wayside, you both get stressed as the demands of a baby.
Hopefully its scenerio number one.
Has the boyfriend had his sperm count done by a doctor? If it is low, it could be due to something simple as what underwear he wears. Guys who wear boxers or nothing, have higher sperm counts than those who wear briefs that hug the genitals closer to the body all the time and the body heat lowers the sperm production. Animal farmers have known this for ages and used the tying of lets say the male sheep genitals close to the body so they would be less likely to impregnate a ewe as there was some reason they didnt want some traits from that one passed on.
If he's wearing briefs, try that first. Otherwise have him see a doctor. You may want to get a check up also. And finally my advice is to get something that monitors when you ovulate. You can find that in a certain online or ask your doctor what they recommend. Women who use these ovulation detectors, have had greater success getting pregnant as long as there was no medical reason preventing them from doing so.
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I'm quite embarrassed to say that I am a 33 year old female virgin and have never masturbated. I don't think there is something wrong with me, it's just an opportunity to have sex never happened. But now I am constantly thinking of sex, getting sexual urges sometimes for days on end etc. I am even thinking of getting a vibrator just to please the urges. I am quite scared to do it, since it will be my first experience but I am also quite excited at what I might feel. Is there something wrong with me or my sexual urges? Will it calm the urges a bit if I masturbate? I am quite shy about this subject as sex and masturbate is not a common subject in my family / friends circle. I am quite a sorry Suzi / sad case and feel like I am doing something so out of character by ordering a vibrator. Any advice? Should I masturbate?
I cant say why it happens but some people plain old never get a sex drive or desires, some can have a low one or a high one all. So their life, and lastly....like you not have a sex drive for years until well into adulthood and finally its like a switched was flicked on...instant urges.
I had a chance to watch a documentary of a handful of people who were in their 30's and 40s and had never had sex with a partner. Some had also never masturbated such as 30something single woman who was deep in the church faith and all family and friends did not discuss that, sex other than marriage taboo or something like that. She decided to have her first experience and was interviewed after finding a man she wanted to have the one night stand with, and she was ecstatic. For all, the hardest thing was getting beyond the fear of stigma if others knew, the fear of never having done it, etc. but once past the first try, all fear melted away and all people in the documentary now had self confidence to continue on to explore their sexuality.
Masturbating is a good way to go. You can also learn to finger your clitoris. Get a mirror and view this part of yourself down there. Locate your clitoris. There are lots of good videos on you tube to find good diagrams and info on sex and how to's help. Vibrators vary. Most are battery operated and for me, are constantly running out of power or the piece isn't made too well and after some time burns out. Also, some are more powerful than others, and are made for different reasons. Go to a sex toy shop. The girls there are always very helpful and no one thought anything of me being odd the first time I went into such a shop, long after I was first married and told them I had never been in such a place and knew nothing and wanted to know about all the toys they had. They are always glad to help and understand that for whatever reason, someone may not come into the shop until well into their adult years, so don't be afraid. Go enjoy shopping. You may decide you are not feeling enough sensation from the one you buy to get any orgasms so if thats the case, go back, tell them what you have and that you need something different. I have bought countless ones before finding one I like. Then someday it finally dies and I need another and they dont carry it anymore. Just keep trying cus its worth it to find what works on you and all of us are different in what works on us. Good luck!
20,f
Honestly,I'm really frustrated because of my looks. I'm 162 cm tall,65 kg,blonde hair,blue eyes. I am a bit chubby but I'm not fat. I tried dieting,exercising,Herbalife products but nothing helped. Yet I feel like I don't stand a chance next to all those pretty girls out there. I see them always having a boyfriend and nobody notices me. Recently I confessed to a guy on college and he said he likes me too but treats me as just a friend. He is a shy person and he said he needs time but I think that if you like someone you don't need time and excuses such as that. I think he is put off by my body. I have a good face,I dress nice,I know what suits me but I still have no one who likes me in a romantic way. I wish some guy would eventually look beyond my unflattering body. Are there still guys in the world who care about personality? I am caring,reliable,compassionate,funny,smart,helpful and many other good things but it seems it simply doesn't matter.
Yes you will have a chance with someone. There isn't just one taste in men for a woman. The same goes for women. I am sure you are not attracted to every guy you see. Some may be okay looking, not plain looking, but you don't notice them if they are shy, unsure of themselves or they tend to blend into the background.
Some guys seem to have self confidence and they may have but it could be tied only to their looks and status in society such as being from a rich family.
The guys who are still pleasant looking but not standing out as a model type in looks, may feel they are too ordinary to be able to attract a girl so they don't even begin to try, no matter how much they want it. And these types are more likely to want to search for a girl with a great personality cus it matters as much as her looks.
Everyone has personal taste that varies greatly whether its in food, style of music, humor, clothing etc.... and the same goes for who they are attracted to. At teen and college age, guys usually are not even sure of what they are looking for and haven't developed their own personal taste in women yet because they have not experienced enough different women and situations yet. Some have no particular preferance like thin or chubby because they say what matters most is the personality. Some prefer a woman their height or preferably shorter. But I've seen enough couples where the woman was taller. I have seen skinny beanpole guys with very obese women on several occasions. I wondered briefly what a guy would find to be attracted to in such a girl. As I observed couples like this, I saw something remarkable in the woman, she had an inner glow that came from self confidence, I could see that she did not have a problem with her looks, that she loved herself as she was, and I found that the more I watched her, the more beautiful she looked to me, another female. I saw then how a man could be attracted to her, whereas another overweight female would not be attractive.
You see, we send out certain vibes that others are able to pick up on. They may not consciously realize its happening, only that they feel they don't want to spend time around you.
So to get you started on the self confidence thing, think about your best feature, a cute pixie nose, beautiful eyes, shapely lips, perhaps gorgeous long hair. Pick the one you feel most confident about and now you will borrow some confidence from a famous person to get started. Start researching on the computer of a famous female, whether your age or not that has an equally gorgous nose, eyes, etc... and imagine yourself as having her self confidence as a singer, actress where ever she goes in public and people will notice. I did that regarding my eyes cus I felt I had very expressive alluring eyes. The first time I put that thought in my head and went out with friends dancing, I had strangers both male and female remarking on what beautiful eyes I had. It was almost spooky how it happened so quickly. But hearing those words gave me more self confidence and that was the only boost I needed to continue to gain self confidence about the rest of me, personality included. I am a petite, skinny person and its not hard to find things about myself that I feel are not good enough in looks if i let myself do so. We are always more critical of ourself than others will be is one truth I have learned.
Another is that men if given a choice to choose between a beautiful woman in looks with no self confidence over the plainer looking woman with lots of self confidence, the self confidence will charm him every time. I have heard this from relationship experts on line.
You see, guys don't want a needy woman, drama queen, jealous woman, lacking personality...it scares them away. They may be attracted initially by looks but dump her as soon as they see this stuff. Hope this helps you.
I wasnt sure when you said you confessed to a guy in college, actually what it was you confessed, whether you confessed to liking him or that you confessed that you worried about your weight and looks. Never bring up the subject of how you feel about your looks. He just might be the kind of guy who has no preferance or likes more woman to hug and hold onto and if you say something like that, it signals him you lack self confidence and so he doesnt make a move for you. If you confessed you like him and he said he's shy, then let him know if its okay that he is shy.
Of course he needs time, so do you. The like that you are talking about is mostly going to be the looks, some of their actions, surface stuff you can pick up like maybe their laugh is fun, great voice, how they dress and hold themselves. But it's really nothing in depth where either of you could know if there is really enough in common to be more deeply attracted and whether a friendship could slowly blossom into a romance. It doesnt have to be instant hots for each other at first sight but that can develop in time. Spend time with him as a friend and see where it goes. If theres not enough in common, you dont have to drop him as a friend, just start keeping eyes open for another guy.
Good luck dear
So I've had the same boyfriend for about a year and I just don't love him like that anymore. He is nice and all but I just don't feel it anymore. It'll break his heart if I tell him. He's just too sensitive and needs me too much. I need someone stronger than that because I am NOT a a girl who will baby you. I don't take no shit. I speak my mind and I'm not much of a people pleaser but I don't want to hurt him. Is there a way I can tell him without hurting him. I don't want a boyfriend right now and kinda do better on my own because I can be more independent. If anyone was any ideas I sure could use em.
P.S I'm 15 and my boyfriend is 15 also.
The love you believe you had and the feeling that was there but now gone may not have been love feelings but 'new relationship energy'.
Its a heightened sense of excitement because of the newness of the situation which can mimic the real thing when in fact there really is nothing in common, no spark or chemistry. The romance feeling of having that spark for someone in most cases does not just disappear on its own. Either a person was sexually attractive and their presence made you feel desire or it was just NRE. If it's the real thing, then its still there as the years go on. If not, it fades. The only thing else that could kill the love one had for another is if the person were abusive, either physically, mentally or emotionally but that is more often a slow death over time. I experienced that loss of love after many years of abuse from 1st husband.
So since it seems it must be a lack of chemistry, tell him so.
Even with people where the situation is other than that and to tell the truth would anger them, it has always worked for me when dating after the
divorce, to say to a guy that I thanked him for the couple dates but felt no chemistry with him on my part. Never had a guy freak out over that. Seems to be a universally accepted explanation that doesnt hurt cus its just the way life is. A person can look attractive enough for me to be attracted to want to date but when spending time with, i see and sense a lack of chemistry. I am older with more experience so I can spot that sooner. It sometimes takes young people longer to see that but when you do, its important to let the guy know.
Make your self a list of what you like and don't like in a guy thru your dating experiences. One side has wants and the other stuff to avoid. It will help you in the future when looking for a long term partner or the eventual husband. Looks like you have a few things already to put on the list. As you date others throughout your teen and college years, you will find other things to put on the list. I did this for finding my 2nd husband and so glad I did.
@dragonflymagic..
To answer clarify to you on how the situation went down, I believe i was calm. We talked about it over the phone and I asked questions about the lunch e.g who had planned and how it came to be. I got my answers and I let him be for the rest of the day.I never cried or showed any emotion. But he did know that I was upset with his move to switch off his phone on me.
To answer your question,no, i don't believe that i come off as desperate.The little we talked about, his issue with me was on why I had such a strong reaction to him taking someone out to lunch. I think his issue with me was maybe in controlling him, or in being too inquisitive to the point of making him feel like he has no control over his life.
Thank you for responding on that. It all kind of depends on the emotional security of where a person is at in life on how they respond to someone just generally being inquisitive. A general curiousity can be taken as either having great interest in their life, meaning you care deeply about all that happens in their day and want to be able to feel like you've shared in it, or being inquisitive could be taken as questioning their choices in life, questioning their judgement and automatically assume that a person believes they could have done someething different or better. Sometimes a person who reacts this way is extrememlt sensitive to what others think about them, about being judged wrongly and over react on all situations in life because they always feel low self confidance or feel guilty whether its earned guilt or not.
As for coming across as controlling, there is nothing in general questioning that can sound that way. There has to be statements like, I don't feel comfortable with you meeting any other females for lunch or otherwise, no matter what the reason, or I always want you to let me know about a future event like this beforehand. And the strongest statement, I don't want you to ever go to lunch with another girl if I am not there with you. That will sound controlling.
I have been with my 2nd husband 5 years. There are many people from his past he keeps in touch with like on facebook. He'd be writing, asking me to spell a word, then another (learning disorder) and eventually it got me curious to see who he was chatting on line with. Couple times an old girlfriend, other times sisters of boyhood friends he grew up with. I'd come to read what he was writing and ask questions. I had no assumptions just curiousity. However my questions as to who they were always were followed up by statements like "She sounds like a fun person, wish I could meet her or tell me some stories about what you remember from her from your teen years. This at once disarms him so he feels comfortable talking about her, not like he's being interrogated and I make no demands. Its a good way to get the information you want so you can feell comfortable with the situation.
If your boyfriend is one of the people who is way too touchy about being asked simple questions, and unable to disregard any emotions of his that crop up, then there may be a few other things about him too that will make it hard to have as easy going and smooth a relationship as you may want with him. If you're up to the challenge of a rocky relationship as far as conversation and such, then go for it. If you can't handle it, maybe another guy is a better choice for you.
No matter what you decide, I wish you the best.
The discussion is real but is the feeling? I have always had the nagging feeling that my boyfriend isn't ready for the level of commitment we have. For two years he has reassured me that our son and I are what he wants but his words sometimes lead me to believe that he feels restricted and uneasy with our relationship. We just recently had a conversation in which he brought up the fact that he is unsure if where he is in life with us is where he really wants to be. It seems to me as if he needs some time to explore what it is that he really wants. He seems to think that his feeling of being trapped and forced into being a father and partner is simply part of being immature and he'll just get used to it. Opinions anyone?? It hurts me to hear him say he's not sure if he wants us.
It may be that he was raised to be responsible as a man and 'do the right thing' and so he just does it cus it was drilled into him. He may be one of those good guys who was willing to take responsibility for having a son with you. And in the beginning he may have believed there'd be no issues or problems doing so.
You says it's only been two years of being together. Sometimes it takes a while of two people being in relationship to realize that although there was enough attraction and in common to draw the two of you together to begin with, one or both can realize at a later point that there isn't enough attraction, desire, and in common to go long term. That is when a person begins to feel trapped and the way they talk or their demeanor may show it. It doesnt sound like he's the kind of person to just take off and desert you because of his commitment. But if things have changed for him at least, and this is very common in relationships and why there is so much divorce, its not just because two people fight, some truly care about the other person, unfortunately only at the friend level and not as anything more. Many had things in common in the beginning but as we grow older we change and sometimes those changes create too great a chasm of differences between two people and they agree to part as friends.
He is probably afraid to come out and truly spell out exactly what he is feeling. Your intuition is picking up on something, and if its not what I said, then its equally important that you know.
You could be right that he is not ready for this level of commitment, but there's also a chance that it is not level of commitment he is questioning in his mind but something deeper.
You could be right that he doesnt feel ready for the commitment level but it also may be something more along the lines of what I am guessing.
If I am closer to the real issue, then he most likely is the kind of man who will take his role as father and support of his son seriously if you both were to part ways. You have to realise that it isnt fair to either of you to stay together if the two of you or one of you no longer has the chemistry and desire and kind of love needed for a long term commitment. Staying together just because of child or children is not the smartest thing to do. My first marriage, I stayed cus of 3 kids, but there were other reasons for staying. However you do the kids a great disservice if they cant grow up seeing their parents deeply in love and able to witness that love between them. Two people playing the parts of mom and dad but having no real relationship between them even if still a peaceful relationship, its very obvious to children and they begin to think this is normal and when it comes time to find their life partner, they wont know that there is something better in relationships to go for and obtain.
have a good heart to heart talk with him. Let him know he can share anything and that you wont' go emotional on him. Then talk over what is best for both of you to do depending on what he reveals.