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I CAN'T TALK TO MY CRUSH AT ALL
11 year old female
Ok, so I really like this guy, but he goes to a different camp, luckily the camps like to combine to help us for middle school. Every time we have a trip where the camps combine, I think I'll get dolled up and talk to him. I get dressed nice, and get all worried about how my boobs are so small (I am just able to fit it the smallest training bra, and I haven't got my period yet so I could barely call myself a women) and my hips are big, and end up shying away. There's a girl in my camp who gave him a flirty look, and he smiled back but more politely then romantically he automatically stopped after a second, and that was that, but that means that girl likes him, right? And she is the biggest flirt in the grade, she hangs out with boys 24/7 also she has a much better body she's actually got a nice one I'm skinny as a twig until you get to my hips, wich looks like complete shit, then my ass is no ass. The only time I had a conversation with him was on a feild trip at school where all the district's 5th graders combined and we did activities together, and I ended up pairing up with him for thumb wrestling and we talked. Also we exchanged a smile that lasted for a while on spotlight night, where the district's 5th graders got to buy books for summer reading, and a tour of the middle school. But on that feild trip I talked to him I was whispering to my friend about him and I was trying to point him out, but she didn't know which one was it, because he was in a group of boys so after a while I got pissed off, and when he ran close enough to hear me,I was like, no,I like him loud enough for him to hear me, and I'm thinking, oh shit, the moment he can hear me. And that's like, THE WORSE POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD FUCKING HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What happens when the camps combine I stay close to my friends and whisper, and he stays close to his friends and whispers, I'm just waiting for him to make the first move. What should I do with my pathetic love life?
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You're in fifth grade. Stop worrying about your boobs and butt. Just try to make friends with him (to make sure he's not a douche) and then take it to the next level. Maybe TGAT other girl is pretty, but if she can't entertain him with a good personality, he lose interest in her quickly. (Just btw the age requirement for this site is 13 so..... But I'm not gonna report u, don't worry lol)
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First of all, I must mention about how a good many girls look when they are in 5th grade. I had 3 daughters. Each of them in 5th and 6th grade looked like you, basically not a woman yet. No boobs, no butt and very very skinny legs and arms and the face of an older child. All my daughters I believe are beautiful and were back then too. As you said, no period yet so puberty hasn't hit yet. Thats normal. A few girls may begin to fill out at 10 or 11 but for the most part, the majority of females don't get their period until 14 to age 17 at the latest. And, its not always punctual and can vary all over the place in length of time you have it or length of time you don't...thats also normal.
Let me ask you this? If you were to plant a sunflower seed in the ground today, would you expect it to be a full grown sunflower with a big seed head center tomorrow? Of course not! And why? Because you know that the seed has to go through a growth process. Everything it needs genetically to become the fully mature plant is in that little seed, just as everything you need to become a full mature woman something is already inside of you. But it has its own little cycle and it grows just a very little bit at a time. When you graduate highschool someday, even that may not end up being the full mature body you will have for life. Some of us keep filling in and maturing into our early twenties. Some young men haven't got their fully mature male bodies until they hit 30,35. My husband used to be a pretty hairless body until mid 30 when it started growing like crazy and now he has tons of body hair everywhere, almost a sasquatch!. LOL Women who have children find it will change how their body looks sometimes. Some keep extra weight or lose it all except in the chest if breast feeding. I had the bigger boobs after the 1st but after feeding the 3rd baby, I lost all and my chest ended up smaller after breast feeding than before I started and it took about 6 years to go back to my original normal size before babies. There are so many factors that can change how a person looks.
What is most important is that you at your age are happy with who you are and how you look at this point and are not comparing yourself to others. Its not that one person is better than another, just that we are all different. If we all looked identical like the robots on I-Robot movie, then not a single one of us would stand out for being our unique self. Young boys may be impressed with looks initially, but what keeps them long term as a friend, and later as a boyfriend and later as a husband, is a female who has more than just good looks. When beauty is only skin deep, the boys get bored pretty quick.
Their hormones may cause them to look at the currently more sexually attractive girls but usually the foremost thought is having sex and its way too young an age to be mentally and emotionally ready to handle all that comes with that arena. Being physically ready is the least of it, anyone can do that.
What I suggest at your age is seeking a boy as a friend for now. When you are older and have a few years of being best friends, then you move to the romance part of being boyfriend and girlfriend.
If a person can smile at you as this boy did, then you have a good start. We all have personal body language, one being that we use a smile to show that we will be friendly and are approachable. On the other hand, if we dont want someone to come talk to us, we avoid eye contact and dont smile to discourage the other person. Its a subconscious thing person do and arent aware of. Since you both are 5th grade or there abouts, you both have little to no prior experience approaching and starting conversation with the opposite sex. He's in the same boat as you. I know more girls today are making the first move because the boy is too scared he will be rejected and the fear of rejection holds him back. The females really do hold the power to affect guys and the power over whether they will become friends or date or not. If you approach him first, its not a bad thing and he wont think anything bad of you, just be relieved that you actually took the first step so he didnt have to.
Was it the worst thing that could happen that he may have heard you? At your age when even I had no self confidence, yes it was scary and horribly embarrassing. Mature women may actually use such tactics on purpose to let a guy know that they are interested. It all depends on which side of the fence you;re on right now, unsure of self , and too self conscious or the side of self confidence. The one girl who flirts has self confidence. Whether its true self confidence or only due to the bodily looks she has, I can't tell, but that is getting her the attention and the looks of others.
Dating coaches for older mature adults teaching women how to interest a guy usually tell them that men are more interested in a self confident female in the long run and will choose her with plainer looks over the one who looks more mature or more like models.
So walk up to him, get the thing that is scaring you out of the way cus once you face it, the fear disappears. Giggle and say, "I suppose you heard me the other day when I was talking to my friend about you as you passed by. (whether he says yes or no, you continue) "Well, I was horribly embarrassed that you might have heard. And I don't want to be because its true that...and put whatever statement you want here 'that I like you', that I am interested in you, that I was hoping we could become good friends, ect...
Once you admit to feeling embarrassed, its over and done with and both of you can start talking about things in common, starting with comments about what your favorite parts of camp are. Go on to ask if there are siblings, what some of his favorite things to do are. You might even ask him now that you revealed your embarassing moment is What is the most embarassing moment you have ever had? If you can;t think of what to say, just talk to him as if you are talking to a best girlfriend. He may not have interest in talk about makeup and the cuted guy on the latest rock band but otherwise should be interested in probably any topic you bring up. Let me know how it goes. Good luck.
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I'm going to be honest, You're eleven. You shouldn't be focusing on a "love life" but I know crushes are a big part of growing up.
When you like someone, you should just talk to them, try and get to know them. I would just walk up to him and strike up a conversation about something you have in common. If you don't know what you have in common just something that's going on-
"Hey did you here about that--"
"What did you think of--"
Just be friendly and polite :)
Now i want to address one more thing. Body image.
We females, are very critical of our appearances. It's a part of everyone, boys too. WE just focus on it more.
You are very young, and I can't tell you not to focus on your body. But you shouldn't make it one of your priorities.
Having a big chest,or a "nice ass" is not what will attract a boyfriend. It will attract boys, but not the ones you want to be with. The boys worth your time are going to be attracted to your personality .
Believe me I've had my share of body-related insecurities.
If you have to focus on your body focus on the things you like.
Like for me, I focus on my eyes and my hair.
Saying negative things about yourself will just make yourself more miserable.
How you look now will not be how you look forever. You haven't hit puberty yet, you will have MANY years to change. Inside and out.
Everyone is beautiful in their own unique way.
Now one last piece of advice,
Before you can love someone else, you need to love yourself first.
-Hardcore-Band-Geek
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