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Boyfriend stonewalling me.
@dragonflymagic..
To answer clarify to you on how the situation went down, I believe i was calm. We talked about it over the phone and I asked questions about the lunch e.g who had planned and how it came to be. I got my answers and I let him be for the rest of the day.I never cried or showed any emotion. But he did know that I was upset with his move to switch off his phone on me.
To answer your question,no, i don't believe that i come off as desperate.The little we talked about, his issue with me was on why I had such a strong reaction to him taking someone out to lunch. I think his issue with me was maybe in controlling him, or in being too inquisitive to the point of making him feel like he has no control over his life.
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Thank you for responding on that. It all kind of depends on the emotional security of where a person is at in life on how they respond to someone just generally being inquisitive. A general curiousity can be taken as either having great interest in their life, meaning you care deeply about all that happens in their day and want to be able to feel like you've shared in it, or being inquisitive could be taken as questioning their choices in life, questioning their judgement and automatically assume that a person believes they could have done someething different or better. Sometimes a person who reacts this way is extrememlt sensitive to what others think about them, about being judged wrongly and over react on all situations in life because they always feel low self confidance or feel guilty whether its earned guilt or not.
As for coming across as controlling, there is nothing in general questioning that can sound that way. There has to be statements like, I don't feel comfortable with you meeting any other females for lunch or otherwise, no matter what the reason, or I always want you to let me know about a future event like this beforehand. And the strongest statement, I don't want you to ever go to lunch with another girl if I am not there with you. That will sound controlling.
I have been with my 2nd husband 5 years. There are many people from his past he keeps in touch with like on facebook. He'd be writing, asking me to spell a word, then another (learning disorder) and eventually it got me curious to see who he was chatting on line with. Couple times an old girlfriend, other times sisters of boyhood friends he grew up with. I'd come to read what he was writing and ask questions. I had no assumptions just curiousity. However my questions as to who they were always were followed up by statements like "She sounds like a fun person, wish I could meet her or tell me some stories about what you remember from her from your teen years. This at once disarms him so he feels comfortable talking about her, not like he's being interrogated and I make no demands. Its a good way to get the information you want so you can feell comfortable with the situation.
If your boyfriend is one of the people who is way too touchy about being asked simple questions, and unable to disregard any emotions of his that crop up, then there may be a few other things about him too that will make it hard to have as easy going and smooth a relationship as you may want with him. If you're up to the challenge of a rocky relationship as far as conversation and such, then go for it. If you can't handle it, maybe another guy is a better choice for you.
No matter what you decide, I wish you the best.
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