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hey, am just a girl and am confused,
i hate my family for some reasons,
which is in my family they are so
protective, am from a big family
like i live with my dad, my mom
passed away 6 years ago but really i
can say i live in two house one
where my dad is there, and the
next one is where my grandma,
aunt live. and i have a sister which
is in college who everybody loves,
don't get me wrong i love her
too ,but the problem is when she
come everyone acts like i don't
exist anymore especially my aunt
she always makes me feel bad
about my self when she comes she
forgets me. am uncomfertable
around her, she ignores me even
when i say hi like am the adapted
child or something,i hate her for
that, oh... she see her like a
dimond, care for her but when it
comes to me she is just like do that,
and do this she doesn't even care if
am sick, am so tired of this, its so
stupid am a highschool senior and i
don't think that i deserve this and
the other thing is i don' t have
confidence with my self with my
looks evenso everybody says am
beautiful beacuse everybody sees
me as little for the reason that i am
thin, and have a baby face, i don't
have great hair or my hand is rough
everything about me i hate. and she
have everything that i don't have
and my aunt always tell her she is
beautiful but she never tell me that
i am, so thats not hard to guess how
i feel anyway i don't know how to
feel anymore so please help!!!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
To give you benefit of the doubt, yes there can be times when family seems to treat one child different than the other as far as talking about their talents and paying attention to.
As a mom of 3 daughters, I found myself subconsciously doing the same without an actual conscious thought that I was doing so at first, but I caught myself many times and would stop myself. I am a very loving mom and had no attention of giving one daughter less attention than the other but honestly it's harder than you think. Think of the kids in school who are popular. They have more self confidence, are more vocal, outgoing, and yes, there is more about them to catch the attention of others, like spotting a glittering diamond. THat was a good analogy you used. It didn't mean my other daughters were any less special. But even as their mom, raising them, seeing them every day, two were still able to keep much of their thoughts, hopes dreams, wishes, hidden and had nothing as far as talents or skills that stood out. I knew they had strengths and talents, just that they weren't as obvious for me to be able to take notice of. My oldest had one ability like me to strike up conversation easily with strangers and make friends easily. My youngest had tenacity meaning that when she got the idea that she wanted something, nothing could make her lose sight of her goal, no matter how many said no, or its not possible. In my family it was the middle daughter who got the most notice. It seems that what ever she decided to try next, she seemed to be a pro at, dancing, singing, started playing flute but we witnessed her picking up instruments she'd never played before and playing like she'd practiced at least a little if not for years. She had talents in art as well. Give her a need to bring a dish to potluck she's never made before and without a recipe, makes a very tasty dish. No learning curve, just instantly knows how. That really is quite remarkable and so you can see how easily it was to always be looking at her, not at the other two.
It's human nature to be attracted to something showy or out of the ordinary. I had to go against nature to really study my other two much harder and when I began to do so, found other things they had as talents or things special about them.
Believe me that its easier than you might think for close family to not notice you or seem to treat you different. But it is not ever done consciously out of a will to do so, to neglect, shun, or hate. If you brought up to others what you are feeling and sense happening, chances are that family members are going to be unaware they've been treating you this way and once aware, like I was at some point, will make every effort to show you the attention you need.
Part of the problems of some kids in family being overlooked, not treated the same is that like a wallflower, they tend to blend into the background, the surroundings and not stand out much if at all with their personality.
Possible remedies for this situation:
Realizing that no one can read your mind. More often the issues we have with how we are being treated are still in our minds and in our hearts emotion wise but we have made no effort to verbalize our thoughts and feelings more than once and not let anyone talk us out of something. I did this as a preteen. Hated the old fashioned glassed my mom always got me. I was in middle school and would start highschool soon and saw a gal with glasses I liked. I decided I wanted that style next time. Did I tell Mom I hated my glasses or what I did want? Nope..not a word, just nursed my disappointments when I got the old style. Then finally the next dr appt came and I got the guts to tell mom what I wanted,
I saw it was the same price, but mom said, I see no reason to change, I like you in these old glasses. The clerk saw the desperation in my face and picked up on it and spoke up telling mom that she had to agree with me that I looked good in the new style and it made me look more grown up since I was entering highschool. It still took a while of learning to speak up and say what was important to me but I learned no one can tell whats going on inside you as miserable as you feel, it doesnt show on the outside as anything more than a sour face or gloomy face at best if anything shows at all.
Another thing would be to work on ones self confidence and self image. If both are two low, you will also not stand out in the crowd or in the family.
How one looks is not always connected to having a good self confidance. I know of many people who have the model looks and yet have no self confidence. Have read the bio's of some actresses who admit they feel they are very ordinary , not special and don't mind the acting but handling being in the lime light is something they hate.
So we have two issues. How you look. Young people are always going to worry about how they look and see it as important to being accepted and liked. I have met so many people who the first thing I liked about them is their personality not their looks and realized I could care less what they looked like or how they dressed, it was their personality, who they were inside that made me want to be around them. As you grow older, you may naturally develop a better self image. If I give it any mind I can come up with a list of things I dont like about me, top of the list being I have bony elbows that stick out quite pointed. But never in my life has anyone ever stared at them or made a comment to me about them. We are more critical of ourselves than others will be. The current trends for beauty in the media are just that, trends. Once upon a time it was trendy for models to look so skinny like anorexic almost, the Twiggy look. Also in the 40s and 50s, models were popular because the big boned and full bodied woman was the trend at the time. Go back to renaissance paintings of nudes, and all women had normal to small breasts, rounded, pudgy, not flat tummies, and big hips. Was any one of those the correct thing to admire and go for in looks? No. All they were is the personal preferences of people who were in a position to exert some public influence. Way back, it was in painting, today its in photos, ads, movies, etc.... There are many guys who don't go for the public image of what beauty is and someone will find you beautiful just as you are.
Self confidence is something you can also work on. In both areas, it means taking control over the negative thoughts about yourself that pop into your mind and replacing them with positive ones and then slowly stretching yourself to move past your boundary of whats comfortable.
Lets say its hard to find yourself joining in on a conversation, approaching a group of people. First thought might come is: I don't have anything interesting to say. I'm just gonna make a fool of myself, say something stupid, etc.., . and those thoughts keep you from standing out. Its not as much what you say, sound of voice, your looks or clothes or actions that make the impression on people though. Its the unseen thing, vibes they pick up from people. Start studying people closely and see if you can spot those who send out vibes of "I'm nothing special, no one likes me, I'm scared so dont come talk to me, etc. and you will be surprised to see how easily you can see it if you are looking for it. There are looks on a person that go along with it.
A low self confidence has looks but what speaks strongest is those invisible vibes others sense and pick up. They may not understand why they don't want to bother to include you or talk to you but they feel it strongly that they should avoid you for some reason.
If you need any more practical how to's to get going forward, give me an actual situation and i will be glad to give you some ideas.
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I'm sorry that your family does that to you, thats not right at all. Sometimes family can be disapointing, but that doesnt mean it has to make you feel like shit about yourself. Everyone has beauty, you just need to find yours. It doesnt mean having to be physically attractive or the smartest or wahetever, you just have to be the best you. Be kind and have a loving heart, try to help those in need.. even if its just making someone smile or smiling at a stranger to make themselves feel good. That is beautiful. Try to find your passion, what you want to do in life and focus on that, try a bunch of things to see what you like and dont like ajd what you do like use it as a healthy way to keep yourself productive and try to get better at it.. everyone has a purpose and is important in life, your sister and everyone else are not better or worse than you. And if you dont feel good about your looks, try changing it or trying a new style to help you gain confidence. And yeah dont let your family get to you, find true friends who will believe in you and make you feel good about yourself and do your own thing. Itll be alright. I hope this helped, good luck!
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Dear,you sound a lot like me. Here's how you could deal with it. You need a distraction. I suggest taking up a sport or gymnastics or whatever interests you. Your family seems very unsupportive but don't let it get you down. I had the case of being worthless to my family if I didn't get an A in school. It went up to the point where they said they will give up on me if I keep getting a B all the time. But thanks to a wonderful friend and some free time activities,I endured it,now I'm on college and studying what I love. Whenever they complain about a grade now,I just calmly tell them to go take one of ny exams if they think they can do better. And they shut up. So stand up for yourself too,dear. It's hard and I've been there but you must not give up. And do find something along the lines of what I've suggested. I hope you'll come out of this as a strong young woman. You have my support.
Best wishes,
Luchia94
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