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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

So I had this "best friend" for 11 years. All in all I don't think she's a bad person but over the years it seemed to me like she was just using me, only talking to me when she needed help or advice. I had/have an eating disorder and when she found out, she ignored me because she thought I was being complicated. I then lied to her that I'm good again,basically hiding my problems. The thing is that her boyfriend asked me if she was cheating on him and I told him yes (because she was). It just felt like the right thing to do because she was being horrible to him most of the time, not allowing him to do anything, basically putting him on a leash. When she found out I told him she said that our friendship is over. I don't know how I should feel, I mean she never really felt like a true friend anyways. Otherwise I'm still kind of sad about this because she was the only person I knew for this long and grew up with. I know that telling her boyfriend maybe wasn't quite the right thing but I just felt sorry for him and I didn't want him living a lie. How can I get over this? I'm pretty sure our friendship is over. Should I be sad about it? My boyfriend keeps telling me that I didn't really lose much because she was never acting like a good friend anyways. I'm also really hurt because in the end she made it seem like I'm the horrible person, even though I was always there for her, even though she only talked to me when she needed me. I helped her through so many bad things in her life, I used to talk to her for hours on the phone, just to make her feel better. And now she's the one saying that she can't be friends with someone like me. I'm just so angry right now..

I am responding to your last statement since the previous advicegiver already answered to the rest, same as I would have.
You say you are angry right now. Well...you have every right to feel angry. But to help you over that, you need to focus on who you are angry with.
Why 'the best friend who's acting like a jerk of course" you might say. And I'd have to agree her behavior wasn't that of a friend so as your boyfriend says, 'you aren't losing much'.

I'd like to remind you though that the girlfriend has every right to make her own decisions with her 'free will' just as you do. The only difference is that she is choosing to make more wrong decisions than right ones. So in reality, if we can't be mad at someone for exercising their free will, then who can we be angry at? The only person we can really be angry at is ourselves. And then again, I couldn't call it anger either, more like regrets for not having seen things sooner or at least be prompted by them to take action sooner to remove yourself from association with such a person.
I had to do that. But it took me until late in life to finally do it because I had some religious beliefs that beforehand were keeping me from leaving.
I was in a verbally abusive marriage. He didnt really start until somewhere between 6 mos to a year after we were married. Knowing what I know now, I can spot the signs in a person sooner.
After 30 years, I left. I have tons of memories of mistreatment and lots of reason to feel bitter and angry but I chose to look at it differently. My view is "how can i be angry with him if the pressure in my life from his mistreatment is what caused me as a soul to grow in one area of my life. I learned to love myself...really love myself enough to learn to no longer subject myself to that kind of treatment from anyone, whether it be spouse, friend, neighbor, boss, etc. I realized that I was the one who had a choice to walk away much earlier and lessen the amount of time I experienced such treatment but I didn't. I wasn't seeing church doctrine clearly. He broke his vows long ago in not honoring and cherishing and loving me so I didn't reallize I was no longer bound to him by that. God got the message across to me that we can't really love others until we learn to love ourselves first cus in the verse, "love your neighbor as yourself" there are 2 things being taught. 1. Love your neighbor 2.Love yourself first to better know how to love your neighbor.
I had 1. down but had to learn number 2. If not for the harsh times, I would have had no reason to learn to love myself. I can't say what it is you are supposed to learn in this. But I can say that my view on my experience helped me to forgive, have no hard feelings and actually feel thankful that he was in my life for that period to be the instigator of the force that helped bring about change in me for the better.

BTW, her boyfriend DID ask you so you had to give him a truthful answer. It would be another story if you went running to tell him without him asking as soon as you knew she was cheating. He may not have been ready to hear. So in that, you did the right thing.
May you be blessed with many better new friends.

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Hi! I'm 13 and do u have any tips or pills that can make your boobs bigger?? I am currently a 36A but I would like to be a 36C. Please help!!

I remember my daughters at your age, they loved dressing up in my clothes but didnt have the chest yet to go along with and ended up sticking tissues in their bra to appear fuller.
There are no pills or tricks to make your boobs actually grow in cup size. You will continue to grow into your 20's so there is some chance you will grow a bit bigger in bulk. The only thing that ever changed my cup size to larger was breast feeding my children.
The creams or meditations and other gimmicks do not work to grow your cup size. While a gal can do lots of exercise to develop her chest muscles/pec, these lay under the breast tissue where the milk glands and ducts and tissues are developing for later. And doing all that exercise will only push the bulk of your cup size out further from your chest but wont increase the cup size which is what females are after.
So dont believe anything you hear.

That leaves us with only being able to make the breast appear to be larger than they really are.
How? Push up bra's in your current cup size. How it works is that they have lots of padding built in to displace the bottom side of each breast upwards, making the breast look as if it is larger when actually you have something like 1/3 padding and 2/3s breast inside that bra cup. When a cleavage is visible, it is a trick on the eye making it appear larger though it isn't . Some push up bras will do that but a bustier, corset top will use "boning" which now a days instead of bone is flexible pastic strips sewn in that help push any bulk of tissue that naturally hangs towards the sides and helps force the breast more towards center. Combining padding with the pushing from the side will give you the best you can expect to have at your age until your chest grows more on its own.

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I'm a 14 year old girl. When I was about 6 my mom had a baby boy named Luke. She brought him home from the hospital and I was so excited to have a baby brother. I promised him that I would protect him and love him and all of that stuff that a little girl says to someone or something that she loves. But that night I had a nightmare. The nightmare went like this: I was sleeping when I heard an ambulance outside of our apartment building. I went outside to see what was going on and I saw a man in a paramedic uniform carrying something. I looked in his arms and he was carrying Luke. But something was wrong: Luke was missing his arms, legs, and head. The paramedic was just carrying Luke's torso. In the dream, I knew that someone had chopped up my baby brother. Pretty deranged dream for a six year old girl who should be dreaming about princesses, right? I was terrified but I never told my parents because even when I was young, I never felt like I could talk to them. I never had this dream again, but it still haunts me and scares me and worries me. It's been bothering me for the past eight years. Is there a way that I can get this out of my head?

By keeping it secret and not bringing it out in the open to share with parents, you are keeping the fear alive. The saying that 'we need to face our fears' had truth behind it for when I have faced my fears head on instead of ignoring or trying to cover up, I always win the battle. There are different ways to face ones fears.

Now a little about dreams. Dreams are mostly symbolism that stand for something else. You were 6 at the time so you would have seen differently then, from a 6 yr olds perspective.
As a 6 yr old you made a vow to love and protect him. I believe that you saw how vulnerable a little baby really is and how they need others to take care of them and look out for them. You realized that at 6 your had many more capabilities than he had. You could walk, write, talk, etc and he couldn't yet. In your dream, his lack of the same abilities as you, may have been why you saw him missing parts of the body, the head missing : brain not as developed as yours yet/not able to communicate in language yet, legs missing : unable to walk or run yet, arms missing: unable to write and grab things, comb his own hair, etc... Maybe you heard an ambulance siren that night before bed and/or had watched something scary on TV. That all combined with the awe you had over how helpless a little baby is and turned out to become the horror dream you had. Dreams very rarely make sense. You can't take them literally, you can't interpret it to mean you would witness him become injured or die as a baby or even a child. What you felt you knew so surely in the dream is your brain coming up with ideas to explain the crazy images you are seeing. I wouldn't worry about that dream any more. And if you feel you still can't shake it, talk to mom or if not her a relative you are close to and have good communication with, like a grandma, aunt. Aunts are really good at this. My girls talked sometimes to their aunt before talking to me and they are just about as close as you are going to get to a mother figure. Good luck dear.

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So lately I've been thinking about a somewhat ex of mine. Her and I could've had a long lasting relationship had I not worked things out with my now girlfriend. Things between her and I are going pretty well, however I find myself missing my ex to an extreme. I want to know how she's doing and I just want to talk to her...nothing malicious just friendship wise. The only problem is that my girlfriend doesn't like her and doesn't allow me to add her on social media. I just want to get in touch with her and just talk like old friends. I find myself constantly hoping to run into her which is pretty much impossible since I'm in college now but I have no clue what to do.....

The feelings we have for someone long after a relationship ended is because our feelings/emotions reside in our subconscious mind which isn't always as quick to catch on to what our conscious minds made a decision on. >Give it time to catch up and eventually If current girlfriend is the better choice for you not just for dating but for a potential life long partner, then the feelings should die down and only pleasant memories without the heart tugs remain.
You say the missing her is extreme. So perhaps you are wonderin g or not willing to think of it that you may have settled for the wrong person? Sometimes, the person we end up going back to just because we knew them first isn't the best person for us. If the ex you're missing is an improvement in many areas, then there remains the fact that you settled for less by going back to number 1.
What is important is the commitment you have made to number 1. girl. As long as you wish to keep that committment to her, you should also be considering her feelings and such and if she doesnt like you keeping in touch with an ex, then you should uphold that wish. Not all people are mature enough or have enough trust to not feel threatened by a partner speaking to, keeping contact with the opposite sex, especially an ex.
I will say that depending on the maturity level of the couple, partners should not presume it okay to forbid their significant other to do things and run their life, especially if the two did not set down ground rules for the relationship in the beginning or the second beginning as in your case. It is important to have boundaries established that both of you have agreed to, and your not keeping in contact with an ex is one that would have been covered and agreed to in the beginning. If thats the only disagreement and you both agree on all other rules and boundaries, then it's no big thing. I hope you see what I am trying to say. Since you likely didn't have such conversations in the beginning of repairing this relationship with #1, you leave both yourselves open to feeling resentment at having to do as the other wishes, even though you never specifically agreed to it. However if you made a commitment to the person, and intend to keep it, then this kinda comes with the territory if unspecified ahead.

What you do need to ask yourself is if it is just as desire to keep in touch friend wise and see how #2 is faring or if the emotional draw is stronger to her than the current girlfriend and in wanting to keep contact, all you would accomplish is frustrating yourself. If thats the case, I can see no good coming from this for you will keep bouncing back and forth between the two girls or even cheating in the eyes of one or both of them.
It might help you to know what the purpose of dating really is and what you are truly looking for in a life long partner unless you intend to socially date women just for the fun, nothing serious for the rest of your life. If You believe you may want a long term relationship either wife or domestic partner, then please read the following. It may help you decide whether you are really with the right woman now.


The object is not to practice longevity of relationship is the beginning of your dating experiences, sticking together long term even if its not a perfect dating relationship. The object is not to prove to yourself or others that you can stick with someone long term...that comes in later years After you have a clue what kind of person you want to end up life long with.

Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.

Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a girls character and the same for her. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.


If you break up, when you look for the next dating partner, alway try to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which girl you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband.

If what I have shared brings up specific questions in you, feel free to ask and I'll do my best to help

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My girlfriend asking me why I love her.

I've usually told women to do this but it will work well for a guy too and will be all the reasons plus more that you love her.

You will make a list of what you NEED in a woman and a list of what you WANT in a woman. You wont be able to put it together instant on the spot, it takes some thought but piece by piece, whats important for you to have so you can love the woman will come to mind.
One persons Needs may vary from anothers based on their past life experience and their own idiosyncracies. Lets say you must eat a very restricted diet that is dairy free, gluten free etc. and are looking for someone who already eats natural health foods. YOu can easily cook for each other or with each other. This may not be a need if you are dating merely for fun and social reasons and not trying to date to find the girl to end up with life long whether married or not.
So it depends on your circumstances. A want is more like personal preferances like if you really liked red heads more than others but any will be fine, my husband said that I have the body shape and size he always dreamed of finding, but he would have taken any shape and size as long as she qualified on his Needs.
As I put my list together what I wanted and got it all in my 2nd husband, its easy to know why I love him. My examples: I love him because of his moral character, that he is consistant in who he is at core so I can depend on him, he is constant and therefore trustworty. He dotes on me hand and foot, always asking if there is something he can do for him and I love that about him. I also love how he thinks, his knowledgable background in psychology and astrology and the fact that he is not religious but spiritual like me, using all of his spiritual gifts on a daily basis in living each day out. I love that fact that he upholds me , encourages me in my interest and pursuits and is my 'fan club'...supporting whatever I do. I love that fact that he has never raised his voice to me in the 5 years we've been together. He compliments me. I love how he misses me if I am gone even a few hours and prefers to hang out with me even doing the chores and mundane things cus he finds having me at his side for all that just makes life more fun and worth living, i love how he tells me in detail what about me turns him on, whether it's his playing with my long strands of hair, the play of moonlight or candle light on my skin, my shape, my taste...its gets very detailed and its not just words, his eyes change so I can see desire, I like how his focus is to see me totally satisfied before he seeks his own satisfaction, the list justs goes on and on.
So I hope hearing why I love my husband will give you some clue as to what she needs to hear from you. But it has to come from your heart, it has to be things about her that you love. It isn't one big easy thing, love is multi faceted so you'll need to come up with a list.

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I am someone who doesn't have much dating experience because I am a picky person. Physical attraction is a must. But, it is one of many qualities I look for in a guy. So, I met this guy and he's attractive. But, we've been talking for a month and he has only called me once and we have only hang out once. It usually an excuse, but he has only express that he likes me one time. He text me almost everyday but their been two occasions where he didn't text for a few days. But, of course he is apologetic. However, I often question is he really into because I feel like he shows little effort. I feel I deserve more. I think I should tell him how I feel and move on? Or should I express to him that I would really like if you showed me you cared by calling, texting and hanging out more and see his response? I just want to make the best decision.

I used a dating site to help me narrow down the field of choices to what I was looking for because I am as picky as you. I was tired of hunting for the needle in the haystack so to speak. It sounds like you met this guy in real life first and other than knowing his looks are attractive, you do not know anything about him to know if he is going to meet your other criteria. If he doesnt talk to you or spend time with you theres no way to know. First you need to find out what he is looking for in a girl as far as 1. just an activity partner like for dancing or to the movies. 2. just someone to chat with online /on phone once in a while 3. Is he wanting to date girls to find someone who is perfect for him. 4. Is he looking for the perfect girl cus he is ready to settle down and marry. 5. Is he just looking for a friend with benefits. 6. Does he want a girl for sex but doesnt want to really be friends, just on call to take care of each others urges, nothing else.
There is nothing wrong with any of those reasons but that needs to be squared away cus even if you could get him to open up and learn more about him, it could end up a dead end road if your goals are totally different from each other.
So ask him. If he is not making himself available, write and leave a message for him to answer. If you don't hear back, he's not really that into you. He may have said once that he liked you but as to what he meant by that could vary greatly. Maybe he just 'liked' your looks, your humor or maybe he liked how you communicate.

If a guy is really into you, you will be one of 3 top priorities in his life. I have read the studies done. Men usually will juggle all sorts of priorities like school, job, sports team, friends, family, and girlfriend. If you aren't at the top, he isn't interested and not worth your time.
You can't ask him to show that he cares because perhaps he really doesn't. Don't you want to know the truth of where you stand with him?
I do know a gal, close friend who is in her mid forties and has never been married, close once but she has met guys and I have met them or shown me dating profiles of those who want to meet her. She always chooses the ones who are "eye candy', you know, the ones who look like air brushed models, just oozing with sexual attraction. But even though the ones I met even caught my eye, I've learned to look beyond that and have seen that every one she's been with has had a multitude of grievious faults with the worst being a temper to the point he almost choked her to death one night. So you can not just rely on the looks. Make a list of what attributes you are looking for in a guy. Is it even important to you as to who he is at core? Does he handle himself in life based on what his beliefs, views and morals are? What are his views of women? How does he treat them, starting with female members of his family? Does he hold them in high esteem, does he respect them and is always supportive and up holding them in their skills and life pursuits? I think you need to be sure what you are looking for.
I will venture a guess as to what you may be putting on your list.
A man who is a good consistant communicator,
A man who is an open book, willing to share about himself, his life, his thoughts.
A man who is able to keep his word and there is rarely an excuse that he can't prove to you prevented him from being with you or contacting.
you.
A man who makes you a top priority in his life.

If thats what you want on your list among other things, then he's losing bad already.
Have a talk, be able to tell him what you are looking for in a guy and you are wondering if he even might come close but without any contact, it's hard to know so if he doesnt make himself more available to pursue you, you will thank him for his time and begin to look elsewhere.
If you decide to hang around keeping yourself available for him even with his poor interest so far, then you will make yourself appear desperate for a guy, any guy, willing to settle for less than the best and thats all you will attract. So I am serious about you putting some thought into what you need and what you want

A need is a must have cus if he doesnt, thats a deal breaker. A want is like the icing on the cake. It would be nice but not necessary in order for you to date him. A need could be someone who is the same religious belief, or perhaps someone a non smoker like you cus you're highly allergic to cigarette smoke, If you dont want kids or anymore kids, then he must be a man who is not wanting any more kids. A need is also a man who respects women, doesnt have a temper and never yells, compliments lots. (that was on my list 2nd time around cus 1st one was verbally abusive) A want is like saying I'd love him to have long hair but will accept anything. I would like if he knows how to dance but thats not necessary.
Then you share that with him and say if he can prove to you he fits the guy on that list, you will date, if not then you will look else where. Life is short and theres no time to waste hanging around waiting for someone to wake up and begin to show interest who may not be perfect for you in the first place. If you are as picky as you say you are, then I would expect you find the "list" a good idea and helpful tool. Men are attracted like moths to a flame when they find a woman with confidence, who knows what she wants, and isn't afraid to ask for it.
The men who dont like that, are not and never will be relationship material anyhow.

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So i talked to that guy and told him that i didnt feel the fireworks in our kiss. He got really upset with me sayin i led him on. Which is not the case here i was always honest to him about the way i feel and now he is mad that i am deciding what we should be after one kiss. My opinion is that i owed it to the both of us to see if it could be something more therefor i kissed him. I mean its not like it would have been better to start going on dates and risking him getting attached and me then breaking it to him that i dont feel something for him.. Right ?

Well, that's his opinion/view that you led him on. Opinions or viewpoints of people are not always true...its just how they perceive things in life. Believe me, when I did the internet dating, I had many write me who were already pissed at what I wrote my standards were for the guy I was looking for.
What counts is that YOU know in your heart you did the right thing. And have the satisfaction of knowing that God also knows you did nothing wrong. When the intent of our heart is right, even if the end result is not so good, as in your case, you can rest assured...thats what God looks at, not whether the guy ended up upset,indifferent or grateful for the honesty. Your heart was in the right place for trying out a kiss. Dont let his view on it spoil it for you forever. I still say it's a pretty good practice to keep in mind.

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The hardest part about life is going through pain, but pain is often necessary. I question the relationships I have with people. Why I am constantly left disappointed? Well, I think I have found the answer. It is because I have no control over what people do or say to me. I often wish I could change people, maybe if I tell them how they hurt me they would change for the better. In my mind I have expectation of them and they are completely inconsistent to who the person actually is. I constantly look for someone I can depend on but I have attracted unreliable people. I am a reliable and considerate person shouldn't I attract reliable and considerate people? What am I suppose to learn from this?

You are right about the fact that you have no power or control over people to influence or change what they do or say in any situation to any person including you, but its not just you. What we are talking about is the 'free will' that our creator gave all of us, that means we have a choice to seek Him or not, He will not force us in that. And there is no such thing as selective free will where you get control in certain things but in others God or people can make you change. Nope, we all do not change because of external influences. They can only give us an example to see something we want to be like and then internally when we want to change, we will, until then no change.

When you say you look for someone to depend on, I need to make sure you do not mean someone to lean on, someone to make you whole. If a person feels weak or incapable of handling things in life and is looking for someone to take care of them...that will not work. What does work is when two perfectly whole capable people come together and do not need to lean on each other, then the marriage is balanced cus one or both are not constantly trying to seek or find something in the other that they themselves lack.

It may be more likely that you are saying that you are looking for someone who isn't all over the place as far as the convictions, views morals and beliefs they say they have. You are looking for someone who is consistant and not changing what they believe every day to suit their mood or ulterior motives. I have a 2nd husband whom i have total trust in because he has proven himself to be totally consistant in who he is at core, it never wavers. So of course he is reliable and considerate. MY first husband was not like that. So if the people we are choosing for friends or partners always end up the wrong choice, then it only makes sense that you lack ability to discern or sense or spot certain traits in a new person that you didnt like in the last person. You may not catch it at first, but people cant fool you for long because it takes great energy to keep up a false identity. Usually by the third time meeting you should be able to spot an unwanted characteristic in a person and then must never get back together with them. There are lots of self help books for learning how to deal with different personality types, study of personalitys, study on do s and donts of dating, how to spot destructive things in relationships. If you put search es in youtube lets say with a short phrase like destructive behavior in relationships, you should get a lot of hits with articles to read and video to watch. Study and research on this topic is very helpful. Was for me. I find the study of people and relationships very interesting and am always open to learn more.
I have no idea where you are meeting the majority of these people so perhaps you are looking for them in the wrong fishing hole so to speak. I'd like to be able to offer some real helpful suggestions but without some examples of what is actually happening where you say they were unreliable or where you meet people, or an example of friends and also boyfriends that leave you disappointed. otherwise I literally have no clue what is going on and if there is anything you can do to improve your situation. I'll be waiting to hear back from you.

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Ok. I'm a 15 year old girl. I never had sex or masturbate but I get the urges to most times. I don't know what to do because when my boyfriend touches me and we fo sexting it's good but now we are not together . I know I shouldn't be doing those things but I can't help it. I want to remain a virgin until marriage,

I am okay with teens who want to wait until marriage to have sex. But we are all human and God made us to experience urges. We can control ourselves and choose to not get into a situation where we end up naked with and engaging in sex with someone. But the urges are still there. I used to attend church. They stressed that masturbation is evil and we shouldn't do it. There are quite a few things some churches will forbid and it varies from church to church because there really isnt a clearly defined mentioning in the bible against it, only some person interpretation and a stretch to make a scripture verse fit what they want to forbid.
I masturbated anyways even though I wasn't about to have sex outside of marriage.
Physiologically it is much healthier for our bodies to have that sex release by masturbation than to attempt to do without. One of the greatest benefits is stress relief, especially if you can get it to go beyond just feeling good and tingly but actually have rocking orgasms. Because its the hormones released by orgasms that bring stress relief and can get rid of headaches. aT least I know it works for me. So you have to decide if you are going to do that or not to take care of your needs, cus the only other way to take care of it is to have a sex partner and engage in sex. Just because your church may frown on it or perhaps your parents, it doesn't make masturbation wrong. There are lots of taboo's in churches that are not wrong. I even remember a sermon on how Christians should be going to Naturopaths instead and yet the clinic I choose also had an acupuncturist and when I mentioned seeing their accupuncturist and i was told to never do that again as it was evil and somehow the practitioner would hex me or something....pretty odd ideas some church leaders have...some sounds on the verge of what one would expect out of the mouths of mental patients not on their meds anymore. You must decide for yourself what you feel it right. If that includes masturbation until you get married, then do so. Otherwise you will either need to suffer in silence. If you decide, hang it all, I am going to engage in sex but just a little, not all the way with a guy....don't attempt it without being prepard. Either you, he or both of you will get carried away at some point. Not every time but there will be times when you just cant resist. and you do not need to end up pregnant as a christian teen before marriage and have to face a bunch of christians who think they are superior and more sin free than you and look down their noses at you and treat you in ways to make you feel shamed. Jesus is not like that at all.
You can always go to planned parenthood, get on the pill, they help out teens with anything having to do with the reproductive system and because of the Hippa law, can not reveal to anyone including parents that you have been to see them and what for. So it would be all private.
Not trying to talk you out of remaining a virgin, just giving info to cover all situations in case you at some future point decide to go that way.

If you intend to wait until marriage, then when you finally get to marrying age, if not having sex, you need to still feel some chemistry with the guy , to feel desire arise in you from his kisses and his touch. If its not there, no matter how nice he is dear, don't marry him. At 20 I didnt know better, was a virgin at marriage to a nice christian guy. Didn't know that in his family there was mental illness. Not to mention on my wedding night discovering that he and I had no sexual chemistry. It did nothing for me. He got his releases by using me but I never had orgasms with him. Yet I loved him until the mental illness grew worse with each year and eventually his treatment of me killed my love for him. Love needs to be nurtured or it will die. Both love in friendship and love in sexual relations, I had neither and yet he was a Christian. Please be careful and give more thought into whomever you choose because divorce is also frowned upon in churches and many are too scared to do so and suffer on in silence. You want to get the right guy the first time.
Good luck dear and if there's anything else I can help answer for you, please feel free to write me.

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There is a girl at school that lets me feel her boobs and ass. She is super hot and way out of my league. She curvy and skinny, im fat. When she bends down to get books out of her locker I rub her ass. She'll turn around smile and feel my man boobs. We do this all day sometimes I start it sometimes she starts it. I just want to know why she doesn't mind.

I am not her, so I cant say what is in her mind. If you want to know why she doesn't mind, ask her.
It might seem forward to ask her but you've already gone way beyond that in touching her before asking permission to do so. Asking first is better way to go than waiting to get possibly slapped.

I will say one thing about the really hot girls in school. Often they can be the loneliest people because all the guys who have interest in her as a person won't even try to approach her, talk to her or ask her out because they think she is unattainable, out of their league cus they feel too ordinary compared to her.
Maybe thats the case with her and she gets no attention. Maybe she feels bad attention is better than no attention.
But that will change in months or a year or two when other guys get braver and start talking to her. If one of the guys guys looks hotter, she may be taken with him. All girls though just want attention and friendship and romance from a guy to start, without anything sexual. Girls want to be respected and have a best friend in a guy first and time to develop deep feelings for him and the same from him before being ready for sex. There's always a few girls who welcome and give it up for whatever their reasons are but these girls are not the kind to really value you for who you are as a person because their agenda comes first and if you fit in their plan, they'll use you just as guys use girls. It's a much nicer way to go to start out searching for a girl you are attracted to who wants to be friends with you and is attracted also. Not everyone is shallow looking no further than skin deep although teens mostly haven't learned that yet and have low self confidance to boot.
As I said to begin with, if you really want to know ask her and if she even has a clue why she allows it, she'll tell you

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that song used to creep me out back in 1998 when i saw an commerical for a compiliation cd thst includes the top ten songs of the 80s and i saw Anne Lennox singing Sweet Dreams and the way she was holding the wand gave me the creeps and it lead to thinking it was Marilyn Manson who also has a version of that song and in his video for it has demons and monsters which is really scary but afterwards i learned that the version i heard on tv was not him and it was the Eurythmics i got used to it knowing that they do not play same music as Marilyn Manson but has anybody else ever been freaked out by that song and DragonFlyMagic i am posting this in your advice column

No, the song does not creep me out.
If you want anyone elses opinion, you'll have to post again for all, and not select one advice giver.

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I am looking for easy-to-understand-and-see facts about male and female sexual anatomy. Can you suggest a video on YouTube and/or a webpage?

Yes I can. I found some video's accidentally and they were so good I saved them. It was from a teacher at a medical college.
Its a 9 part discussion but I am sending the two that zero in most on what you want to know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVL_GudwAOI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnEJ6bcVFsI&list=PLHROYgtRnnKAdSQWyUzdDDdkls81azAm2

If those don't work, let me know and I'll look for them again and send the links.

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I'm 20/f.

Most of the time I like being a girl. I'm a very girly person in general. I like wearing dresses, I have long hair, I like necklaces, stuffed animals etc.

The thing is that when it comes to having sex or a romantic relationship with someone I'd rather be a guy. Whenever I have sex with my boyfriend I feel so uncomfortable because I just don't like being a girl in bed. I also don't like being dominant, so that's not the problem. I'm just uncomfortable with my private parts and my whole gender when it comes to these things.
Because of this, we don't have sex very often.

Whenever I fantasize about either sexual or romantic relationships, I think of myself as a guy. Anything else just turns me off. I also don't like heterosexual pairings. I usually just read books or watch movies about two guys being in a relationship because a girl would just ruin the whole story for me.
This leads to another problem I have.
I don't get along with girls. Just their presence makes me feel really uncomfortable. Whenever there is a girl around, I just want to get away. I don't have any friends that are girls, I just feel really weird around them and usually don't get along with them very well.

I don't know if I'm really born in the wrong body or anything like that, because as I said, I'm not tomboy-ish, I like being girly and dressing girly.

I don't know what's wrong with me. :(

I have watched lots of stuff on line listening to the stories of those who are transgender as you are supposed might explain away your situation.
The transgender thing is one gender at a young age already having no interest in same gender clothes or activities but drawn to and happiest when engaging in dress and activities of the opposite sex. Then on the other hand, a transgender person when it comes to puberty if the body is female and one feels male, then they grow to despise the breasts growing, try to hide them and hate their genital and fact that their is a period to deal with. Same for the opposite, not wanting the facial hair etc... In all I've seen the two pieces go hand in hand.
I am a female, dont hate girls but don't prefer to seek them out for friends, seek out guys instead. I am married for 2nd time. I love girly things and have no problem with my body but i have in the past had a lot of dreams in which I was the male having sex. It wasn't until I came to believe in reincarnation that I understood that my soul prefered incarnations as a female in form but has also lived as a male for the experience. These 'male' memories come out at times in how I stand...like a man, but then as I walk away, I walk like a woman. It is so woven through my life in a perfect blend that i dont let it trouble me. At least it no longer does. In sex, i have not had a problem being the female but something deep inside longed to feel the male experience in sex even tho I have female genetalia. One day I got my wish, it happened with my 2nd husband. All of a sudden I was confused in my mind because it felt like i had a penis and he had the female vagina i was entering. It was so mindblowing I had to say something. When I told him, he revealed he had felt the same thing. Had actually felt it with a few females in the past but none of them had picked up on it as I had.
So I did experiments of visualizing that i had a penis but only when on top and wouldn't tell him what i was doing mentally. He would immediately say, "you're using your penis again, aren't you"
I have not read anything about this situation anywhere. But I do know our bodys have energy systems and auras and such and when i focus my thoughts on it, I develop an energy penis and the husband is fully aware of it and his bodys energies immediate switch to becoming the reciever. iT takes a special man to not feel emasculated but willing to and enjoying switching roles. I have found that learning to accept parts of both sexes in me to be the most rewarding.

Short of this, since I am no professional, you might go to a sexual counselor. In this day and age they have heard of everything and are not biased to only one way of being. Perhaps they can help you shed some light on whats going on for you and help you find solutions.
I hope everything works out for you eventually.

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I'm 15, female, 5'5", and 115 pounds.

I danced for six years growing up – I took ballet from when I was seven until I was thirteen and quit so I could focus on my music career. Of course, after quitting, my entire physical build changed, and I went from being 105 pounds to 125. I also had a lot less energy and was constantly tired. About ten months ago now, I started exercising regularly again, mostly at my mother's insistence – I started out by just doing Zumba two hours per week, and now, I do Beachbody's T25 exercise videos every day and I've graduated from the Alpha series to the Beta. I have mostly regained the physical condition I was in before I quit dance, and I have energy again.

This summer, I went to a seven-week music intensive. I really, really need my life to be very structured, so music camp was an incredible relief from home life for me. I improved a lot as a musician, and unexpectedly, I also lost about 15 pounds. I did the T25 exercise videos regularly at camp, but what made the biggest difference were the 3-5 miles that I walked on an average day, that I could eat however I wanted without my parents dictating my diet, and that the food there was really gross, so it wasn't tempting to overeat. I realized exactly how much I overeat at home, and I felt so, so much better at camp when I ate proper portions. However, I got home three days ago and my mom instantly freaked out about my weight loss. In the past three days, she's insisted that I eat as much as she does, and she's on a diet to gain weight because she has such a high metabolism that she naturally has 5% body fat. She refuses to recognize that I don't have the same metabolism that she does and says she doesn't want me to get anorexia when I say that I'm full or that I don't want to overeat. In the past three days, I've eaten 1,800 calories per day instead of the 1,200 I ate at camp and gained 5 pounds. I already feel unhealthy, but my mom said she would take me to a psychiatrist if I didn't stop insisting that I eat healthier.

I really just want to be healthy, and I honestly feel better when I weigh less. I don't think that I have anorexia, nor is my primary motivation for losing weight appearance. What should I do?

I've always found I had a high metabolism so no matter what i ate I remained my 110 high school weight. Some time into my 20s I went with a friend to aerobic dance twice a week. In no time I went down to 95-98 pounds. That is rather light for my small frame, so I tried adding more caloric healthy foods and that didn't help, I cut down on the amount of exercise and gained my weight back.

As for what range of range is all normal for a certain height and skeletal frame thickness is best to go to experts for. and the best there would be the family doctor. If his opinion is that you are of a normal weight, then mom should be happy with it.
Mom may come from a family and was raised to have some extra weight on the body visually thinking it is good reserves for lean times when one doesnt have food to eat. My own parents grew up in times where they didn't have food to eat at times and the generation following them were always taught to eat as much as possible in case times like that came again. Its possible mom has some program like that running in her mind and only a doctor saying otherwise will get her to understand you are fine.
I have gained in older life 10 lbs and found it to be too much and now have to do a little more exercise than before because my metabolism has slowed down a little. As far as Ayurvedic medicine teaches, there are 3 basic body types and yours may not be the same as moms so what you do can not be the same as what she does to have perfect health if she has that.
One type needs very little exercise to remain at optimum weight
another needs more than the first, a moderate amount to keep at their best weight
and the last poor unfortunate group have to work their butts off in exercise 3 times more than anyone else to get the same results.
It also goes into what type of foods cause problems for one body type and not for the other. It can be very complex which goes to show how unique each of our bodys are and there is no one diet and exercise program that fits all. Have mom take you for a check up to the doctor and that should put an end to her nagging.

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There was this chick in hs and she was my girlfriend's best friend. We all went on a group trip without my girlfriend and on a drunken night I told her, "if you weren't her best friend, I'd be with you." Surprisingly she didn't tell my girlfriend about it and every time she'd see me she'd say hi. I hadn't seen her in about 8 months due to college and yesterday as I walked down the street I had a feeling someone was watching me and as I looked up she turned around and left off in a different direction. Does this mean she ever felt the same about me and did she avoid me on purpose? Or is it all in my head and I should leave it in the past?

Females seem to have a cardinal rule to never date or respond in any way to a guy who is dating a girlfriend of theirs. In fact, long after a couple breaks up, the girl is still unlikely to go after the guy now that he is single for fear of hurting the girlfriends feelings or making her angry and ruining their friendship. She will only date if she gets a girlfriends blessing and okay to do so.
A few may act otherwise but this seems to be the majority of females actions in such a situation.

I don't see why you are surprised she didn't mention what you said to her girlfriend. What would she gain from doing so? Were you too chicken to break up with the girl yourself and hoping her revelation to her friend would make the girl so angry that she not only breaks up with you but choose to stop being her friend too?
Cus thats a good possibility. Perhaps you would have lost the girlfriend but the two girls stuck together as friends. Did you think if your girlfriend dumped you for that revelation that the 'other chick' would come running to you to take her place because you said you would prefer to be with her. Maybe. But theres also a chance this girl wasnt stupid and could see this as a fault in your character.
I am sorry this sounds harsh man, but you've got to understand when you are doing something that could turn girls off regarding you rather than attract them to go. Trying to do you a favor here.
The fault is not for being with a girl and realizing that you are no longer interested in her. Thats part of what dating is about. Finding what you like and dont like about the opposite sex and always improving on your next girl friend because what you learn in dating will help you to find your eventual life time partner whether married or not.

It takes balls to ask a girl out in the first place and ask her to be your girl friend, it takes even bigger balls to be honest and upfront and explain why you no longer wish to be with her. Always remember that the other person is not lacking in their character, they are just different. You need to find the girl that is right for you. As soon as you realize someone is not right for you, to make them go on believing all is okay is not fair to them, its called leading someone on. It also is not fair to yourself to settle for less. Many people tho end up doing just that in selecting a marriage partner and end up feeling trapped. Silly humans...its a trap of their own making and yet the door stands open ready for them to just march right on back out if they had the balls to admit to their partner that they aren't happy and that it isnt working any longer. Of course usage of tact is important but it is a part of life that shouldn't be ignored or pushed on the back burner cus of fear of hurting someone. Of course someone is going to feel hurt, depends on who is doing the breaking up. But that is again....part of life and cant be avoided. After time has gone on and the partner released from dating or marriage and found someone better for themself, they will actually be thankful to you for letting them go.

I want to make sure you understand the concept of how not just any girl you find visually attractive will be perfect for you cus thats just not true. Remember the toys for toddlers with square triangle and round holes and pieces in those shapes to insert into those holes? Just in case you're wondering, no i am not refering to the sex act..lol. What I am saying is: Imagine the you are the square hole and you keep trying to date girls who are triangle pegs and rounds pegs, they are not going to be a perfect match for you, nor you a perfect match for them. It doesnt mean a triangle peg gal has anything wrong with her, she's just not found a triangle hole guy yet to date, and you as a round hole are wrong for her.
On to the next issue: You state you hadn't seen her in 8 months, but nothing regarding whether you are still dating her friend or not. iF you are not single and she knows it, how can you expect her to even approach you and say Hi. You can't know what she was thinking or feeling because you caught her staring at you. Not unless you are a mind reader. I doubt that. I am not a mind reader either. So I can not tell you that she has the still feelings for you, but it is possible and as I said, she will not interfere as long as you are dating someone and not unless she got her girlfriends okay to date you. bUt that would mean you would have had to break up with the girlfriend. Hmm what a quandry.
I can think of another reason she was staring at you. You wont like it. She could have been looking at you in disgust cus she despises you for continueing to date her while you are in love with her, for not having the guts to break it off and be truthful at least with her friend. And thinking how lucky she is that you never asked her first to date you.
Why didnt she tell on you. Most girls don't believe it when it comes from a friend. THEY just assume its a tactic from their girlfriend to get the guy for herself and usually the girls end up estranged from each other for a while or for good. Why do females act this way regarding guys? Cus they are very territorial. Where one has made her mark, no other will go near just like in the animal kingdom.
Frankly I am surprised to hear that you are college age and have so little clues when it comes to dating. But then again, perhaps you have no experience except for this one girl you were dating, so I must give you the benefit of the doubt. Yes, at this point, it is all in your head. You only said something to the friend of the girlfriend. She never said anything back...likely due to being in shock. You obviously still have an interest in her whether its purely lust driven or love driven, and all you do is wonder about it. So yes its still in your head, not out in reality. Should you leave it in the past. What is the IT you want to leave in the past?
Regret for having said anything at all cus you've decided you're sticking with the girlfreind after all? Yes leave it in the past.
Regret that you never broke up with the girl you no longer had interest in? No, it can't be left in the past. Its a current issue that you've been too chicken to deal with.
Sorry that you never broke up and asked her to date you instead? I assume you are not dead since you wrote me. Theres a saying, 'You haven't failed until you're dead." So as long as you are still living and breathing, you can take that other path. You break up if you haven't with any girl who doesnt feel right for you. Then go seek out the one who did interest you. Apologize for your cowardly attitude in the past. Assure her you have come to a decision and realized her girlfriend wasn't the right one for you. You dont know whether she is either but you are attracted and would like the opportunity to discover is the two of you do click or not. Ask her if she is attracted to you too. If she isnt', then cut your losses and dont bug her again and keep searching for Miss square peg to fit square You.

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Hello,its Love Choice girl again
Im writing because I wonder if I ever made the right choice.
You see,I chose to let my sweetheart go
My mom,really hating him,is still upset,even though I made the choice for her sake and benifit
He really loved me.He wanted to marry me.He tried his best
And I dont know wheteher I made the right decision.
My mom's doapproval would haunt me forever
And lets not forget that I will got to hell forever if I did stay with him
Its unethical,Im having a hard believing this
I miss my love alot.And pushing him out,was an easy way out and a cop out
I love God (YAH) and I dont read anywhere inthe bible where it says I will go tell for this.
I guess what Im asking,how do I get over this??
He was so good to me,and the most awesome awesome friend too

What do you do now? Wow, that a big open ended question.
What do you do about what, is the question I ask.
What exactly are you getting at?
All I can say is that you are an adult, as an adult you made a choice. Now you have to live with it and the consequences of it.

Sometimes as adults, we make what we believe to be the best choice that we know of, only to find out later that we were wrong, or that we have regrets.

Well, hon...welcome to the world...that is real life for real adults. We have to deal with that all the time through out life.
But there is a trick here! The trick is to learn something from a certain choice or path we took that ended up not being right for us at all and learning from it and not repeating that choice.k for to repeat it would be a mistake and shows only that you never learned from it.
When we do not as an adult learn from any such choices in life to do better and find some personal growth out of the situation, then we are going to have to repeat that lesson in life in some way or form similar to or exactly the same as the last. And this will keep repeating until you make the right choice.
Think of the mouse in a maze trying to get to the cheese. When he reaches a dead-end, does he keep retrying the same path that ended in a dead-end? Nope. He tries another path, another way.
If you believe you took the wrong choice/path, then next time, take a different one.

Heres another thing for you to think about. Parents raise their children teaching them their ideals or beliefs because they belive it the right way or best way in life. Many children will follow the faith their parents raised them on, only because they are operating at a level of blindly following, never having given any real personal thought to whether they really believe what they've been taught to believe.

I mention this because from what you've written several times already, you seem to end up again at a dead end...not 100% sure in your heart of what you believe regarding what happens after death, hell/heaven or what.
May I suggest that the reason you are not 100% sure of what you believe, where all your confusion and anguish is coming from and why you can't just live with your decision, is because you have been riding the coat tails of someone elses beliefs until now. The time has come for you to either find the proof to verify that there isn't any false concepts in your Christian belief, to test yourself, as to what parts you do believe and don't believe 100%.
Belief can not be taught to a person. They can only decide to go with what they have been told and so they faith if any will be a mediocre one.
Belief only comes from experience. What one has experienced in real life spiritually between you and God and that is where my belief comes from. Holy spirit tested me so often putting me in situations where I could either obey something I was told or choose not to for fear of being wrong when told to give someone a scripture verse or pray for their head pain before I even knew they had a headache. I always chose to follow through what my gut was telling me, all those times I felt unease was because I was at a crucial learning point. I remember God telling me on my response of "I cant' say that, she'll think I am crazy." "You did ask me if I have anyone for you to share a word from spirit with. I do. I told you. It is up to you to decide to obey and do it or wimp out due to fear. But remember, you have a choice, I am not forcing you to do this nor will I be upset if you choose not to."

Every time I followed through on what Spirit told me I built one successful experience upon another until I had 100% trust in the Spirit due to experience. I can tell you, if I had balked at walking out on a limb and taking the chance cus maybe I heard wrong in my head from Holy Spirit, then I would never have learned to believe what I did thru experience.
I have since come to learn that just about every religion has a piece or two of the truth and a good majority of misinterpretations or total lies and falsehoods. It takes a very dedicated follower of their Creator, having a real relationship with their mother-father God, (I say mother to represent the Holy spirit who has so many of the female attributes, the nurturing and gentle guidance like a mom) before you will come to know for sure what you believe to be true and be willing to follow that path: even if it is different from what mom believes, even if it is different from what the majority of people believe, even if there is no written example or proof of ANY OTHER PERSON having heard God tell them to do the same. I had no desire to study other belief systems, but under the Spirits guidance I began to do some reading, only to find that there was a reason why the churches told Christians never to read about other religions doctrines or pagan beliefs for example, because anyone with half a sane brain who is able to think for themselves is going to find in their research that Christianity as a religion isn't all that they've been taught to believe. There are alot of holes in it...Actually stories from history with facts that cover how the Christianity of today that we believe is 100% pure and true and accurate has been sorely messed with and tampered with by man.
There are actually so many holes in the Christian belief that it truly does take a stronger dedication and belief to blindly accept doctrine so full of holes than one that is solid and can be proven.

Am I back slidden, a heretic, etc...? You may think so but you are the one suffering with issues of not being able to be at peace with your decision. And there is a reason for it. When your conscious mind has not yet learned to have a one on one ability to converse telepathically with God, able to speak and ask, and hear immediate answers back, then when you are at a critical decision point or learning point in life and unable to hear with your conscious mind from God, there is another backup plan. OUr subconscious mind is able to pick up signals from God. It won't know exactly the words or what to do, but since the subconscious is where all our feelings and emotions live and come from, the subconscious only has the signal of emotions to tell you that you are about to go the wrong way, this is called your gut 'feeling', or you end up feeling scared, anxious, sad, just totally at unrest, unease. It is good to listen to these warnings if you are yet unable or perhaps unwilling to take the time to exercise your spirit muscles until you can hear. Its a process, not instant ability to hear, just like newborn can't instantly walk but must go through a long process of stages where those legs get various types of exercise in babys movement until strong enough to stand and then walk.

My guess is that its very possible your subconscious was doing everything it could to pass on a message to make a different decision than you ended up making. And that is why you can't let this rest, why you don't feel peace.

But Hon, dont take my word for it...FOR all you know, I could be off my rocker, crazy and all that. You need to decide for yourself what you believe and believe it so strongly that even a threat of being killed would not cause you to sway on your belief because your beliefs are not merely beliefs any longer...they are an experience. And real experiences can not be denied or explained away as false or not real because all your senses and your mind and heart and soul are telling you otherwise. You are young and just don't know your own path yet. But now is the time to find it. It must happen with every person once they reach the age of adulthood, 18. It doesnt mean they know how to be an adult yet. Some are too afraid of no longer having a parent to make decisions for them and too fearful to make decisions of their own and stick with them. So what those young people do is either give up all personal control of their own life back to mom or to a controlling boyfriend or husband....thus finding a way to remain for all rules and purposes, a child for life, always doing what someone else decides for you.
In my opinion and I have read this also before, that taking such a path as giving up control of your life to another is actually a cop out on life. A person is not willing to be an adult cus its' scary (yeah, your'e dang right its scary at times, I rarely like having to be the adult and do the adult thing but I have been doing it since I turned 18. And did I make some bad choices....heck yeah....some royal ones that cost me lots of anguish,heart ache and even affected my total over all physical health at times. But I eventually learned from my poorer choices and learned to make better ones and I am a stronger person for it. Adulthood is not for the squeemish and fainthearted. Many choose to remain blissfully unaware of what opportunities they may be missing but blindly following someone else's lead the rest of their lives without really questioning it and giving it some logical rational thought and doing the footwork of research and watching the lives of others. A younger sibling tends to learn what not to do to stay out of trouble by watching its siblings. You can listen to us, or watch what we would do forever and never get anywhere unless you finally decide to make a stand, make your decision and stick with it. Action is required by you. You could say you made the choice to give up the boyfriend. Did you really? Or did you give that choosing ability away to your mom? I know i may sound cruel here, I dont mean to be. I dont know why you really did or for what reasons....but YOU need to know what you did and why.
Perhaps you gave your decision control over to a religion or belief system that you are not even totally sure about...a religion that is not pure and wholly true anymore. The only one you can trust for your important decisions is your creator. Get your answers and direction straight from Him and know that it will not be polluted by man's interpretations or false hoods.

Learn to listen to what he says cus he will always steer you towards a situation in life where you will have the best opportunity in life to learn that which is most important for your soul to learn, which may not be the same experience or lesson the next person has to learn and therefore, realize that your path will not resemble someone elses ...there's no one cookie cutter way that works best for all, no one size fits all life path.
You are at a crucial turning point in life, whether you make this turn is up to you. So if your still are unclear on some things or have other things to tell me, please write straight to me. I will take the time as I did here...as long as it takes to help my sister. We are all brothers and sisters and i really care.
If you choose to write to me, first analyse yourself. Whats really going on in your mind your heart your soul. Any feelings you may have had but dared not mention to mom cus they are contrary to her beliefs and wants. Be honest with yourself. You can lie to me all you like if you really wished to but it only would mean you are not yet ready to take control of your own life and your own beliefs and decisions. Its not just about what you believe religion wise but many other areas of life. I will not judge you for where you are at. There is no rush to learn a particular thing in your lifetime. GOd doesnt have a time table for you. I can only help you more clearly see where you are at currently in your life and its up to you if you want to stay there a while, forever or move on with life. If you can honestly say you're ready to move on, I can encourage you through the process and give you some things to look for as you navigate life
Blessings to you dear.

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My mom has always been a character- she's very organized, detailed and stubborn. She's been a housewife for the past 15 years because she raised me and my brother. After my parents divorced she's been unemployed and depressed. I try to encourage her to meet new people but she's scared of meeting new people.

When I decided to go to college, my mom was sad. For the first semester she visited me once a week and called or texted everyday. I yelled at her not to bring me food, but she still brought me food every week because I have a diet problem and she said I needed it so we argued a lot. Then she told me her financial situation is so bad, she needed to move in with me (I'm paying for my own housing). This is true so I let her move in.

However, since she's moved in, she's been driving me crazy. A lot of her habits are starting to really annoy me. For example, she spends a lot of time talking about depressing things like divorce, my dad's problems or criticizing everybody we know. She also is unable to take any form of criticism and will start telling me that I hate everything about her if I criticize her about little things.

I can't tell her to move out because that would make her homeless, and I'm the only person in my entire family who can stand living with her.

Any ideas on how I could make this situation more bearable? Thanks in advance

When a child becomes an adult, they become their own person now, no longer having to live under a parents idea's of what they believed best for you. So your ideas of how to keep house, how your prioritize your day, your life, your choices in boyfriends/men, your beliefs in religion/spiritual matters, in politics and world issues may differ very greatly from a parent.
When the differences are so great, sometimes it is not a good idea to live with a parent any longer in their home, even a worse decision to invite them into yours.
I am no psychologist but I know the following from life experiences:
Your mom may be one of those people who live in the past and just rehash all the experiences of the past because she is either unwilling to move forward in life, or afraid to, or feels unequipped mentally/emotionally to do so.
Some moms who pour their life into their children only and never take some time to develop their own interests and life at the same time, will experience that empty nest syndrome when children leave home and then react as your mom seems to have done, not able to be parted from you for long so she finds every excuse to have some kind of contact daily or weekly. She is for some reason not making the transition well to being a mom of adult children and allowing you to live your own way but instead trying to wiggle her way back into yours, thinking she is still mom but rather taking on the role of the child and making you stuck being her care taker.
If there is no other family, and she was totally disabled, I can see you ending up having no choice but to take on responsibility for her care.
Of the 'entire family' you mention, every one has been smart enough to stay clear of her for a reason. Being unemployed currently could be due to other issues that are causing her to be unable to hold a job mentally or emotionally...and depression just could be the reason. YOu dont say if she's ever seen a doctor or taken medication for it. But I would recommend her seeing a doctor and possibly get some counseling to deal with all the kids leaving home, learn how to begin to create her own different life now and how to face any fears that might be holding her back from doing so.
Neither you, nor I nor any of your family are experienced professionals capable of helping her.

I can say one thing for sure, if you continue to allow mom to stay with you, you are enabling her to remain stuck where she is. If she remains stuck...she will remain your total responsibility til the day she dies, and for to you for all her care, financial, emotional needs, physical needs, etc... etc....

You said: "I'm the only person in my entire family who can stand living with her." Yet from what you described what you are going through, I must say that is not the case...you can not stand living with her...that is why you are writing us. Please don't become stuck yourself by saying things to fool yourself that the situation isn't that bad a deal and can be bearable in its current configuration. That would be lying to yourself. We all do it at times. I have too. the thing is to recognize when its an untruth you've spoken, catch it and then, only then will you be ready to look at other possible options as a solution to your issue.
Also, is it truly the reason that she would be 'homeless' that you feel you can't tell her to move out, or is it because she is your 'mother'? Be honest with yourself. If there could be a place found for someone in her position and the issue of a place to live was solved...could you still ask her to move out or would you not do so because you know you'd feel too guilty? These are important questions to ask yourself. Remember it was her idea to ask you to take her in. This may have been a subconscious move to find a way to continue to stay where she is at emotionally.
Children do not often see or notice their parents faults, but since there was a divorce, it couldnt have been solely him that was the cause of it. From how you describe your mom, it seems obvious to me that she is a very difficult person for any human being to be able to get along with, let alone live with. I was married first time to a man with mental disorder that got worse over the years. Some of these mental disorders make it impossible for any relationship or marriage to last, it kills it, it can also make such a person impossible for any employer or co workers to work along side with. I am just guessing here, but dad possibly gave up on her cus she was unwilling to go for treatment to a professional to deal with her issues. Have you really talked to him and got his side of the story...theres always two sides. When a person has to talk negative all the time about another person, whether your dad or other people you know, it is a subconscious attempt by the person with a mental disorder to displace attention, taking attention off themselves so you never look close enough to see they have the issues but keep you so busy and your mind focused on the other people they are complaining about or 'pointing the finger at' as in look over here, dont look at me. I lived with that and once a friend got him to finally go see a counselor, only because I was threatening to leave, I heard from the counselor that if I was hoping for instant fixes, then i had to face reality. Many people who even do go for treatment/counseling take a long time to improve on one small point and many go the rest of their life never improving. The situation was so badly and constantly progressing worse that I knew the stress that was affecting my physical health because of it would kill me soon if I stayed, as I had experienced many serious illness and physical conditions already as a result of the stress.
Your body is not meant to handle that stress. You may have to do this alone but it would be good if you had other family helping you search for resources for someone in her condition and situation. The department of social and health services for your state and your county and city should have some ideas for you to check out. Perhaps there is emergency housing for women, or low income housing she can get on the wait list for. Usually though, the person needs to prove having a mental disablity or physical one to end up on it. I had a brother with schizophrenia and though he never had worked a job, he got social security checks and food stamps that covered his low income housing apt. and food needs. I used to be a paid care-giver for several mentally disabled adults and know that there are resources available to help someone in that position. IF and this is a big IF, there was a family member willing to become the caregiver for such a mentally or physically disabled family member, they could get training through their state and get a license to become the paid caregiver of that family member so it doesnt take away from your own financial resources. My brother in law is doing that for my sister. She has lots of illnesses that even prevent her from doing housework, shopping cooking...so he gets paid to do that for lack of agency workers to come in and do that and stills hold his day job.
But the key thing here is she needs to have a real mental or physical issue to qualify. There is a chance she may on the mental side of it. I knows the economy is tough but employment is on the upswing, so if she was really willing and went to an agency for help in job finding, new job training, how to do a proper resume, how to dress for success in finding work, etc....lots of that is free to those who come asking, even free office clothing available to choose from.
There is lots of ground work and research to be done, calls to be made and the family needs to band together and sit her down and tell her of her options, that continueing to stay with you is not an option. You'll all help her find help but she has to be willing to accept it. If not then she is on her own without a place to live and food to eat. If she shows that is what she would rather choose than going for help, financial, mental, counselling, foodstamps, housing, job search help, etc... then I'd guess that she has already given up on life and doesnt want to really live any longer. If she still had some desire to live and enjoy life, then she will take you all up on your support to help her find her own way in life without living with you, then thats the best deal of all.
Sorry this is long but I had provide all I knew from my own experiences in life to at least give you some things to think about.

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Do you guys think that it is wrong to kiss someone if you feel that there might be something more than just friends but after youve kissed the guy... U just didnt feel anything? Was i wrong to kiss him and now hurt him by having to tell him i dont feel anything for him more than just friends ?

Wrong to kiss a guy to find out if there is fireworks? No, definitely not wrong, in fact my opinion is that more people might want to consider doing so rather than guessing and wondering the rest of their life if there might have been something more.

My Story: I did plenty dating after a divorce to seek out at the very least a boyfriend/companion or hopefully a new husband. I might like what he had to date in dating profile, in his messages to me online or talks by phone. If after a couple days of chatting he sounded promising, we seemed to have things in common, I let it go no longer than a week before meeting in person. We'd meet at a coffee shop or restaurant. the reason for the importance to meet asap for me for to find IF there was some chemistry/fireworks when face to face. That part can't be picked up on any other way. I could feel I liked him much as a friend, i Might even have been sexually attracted to their looks, but a kiss for me told all, either if felt like i was being kissed by a potential lover or by my kid brother...meaning no fireworks. Not that anyone has ever kissed their brother that way, LOL, just that you just know how blah or disgusting even the thought of it is.

Now in my case, this was meeting someone for the first time and saying goodbye at the end of the meeting with a kiss to thank them for showing up. If the kiss was fireworks, I'd tell him I felt something and would like to see him again. If i did not, I would also tell him right then but also let him know i Liked everything else about him, just that there was no 'chemistry' in that kiss. A couple would say, are you sure, wont' you try one more kiss, which I'd do since they requested, but thats kinda something you are sure about.
I dont know if this is your situation or whether this is a male friend you've known for quite some time now and just now tried the kiss. That is a good thing to try with a male who is a best friend type and have felt something but not been sure of. Too many females keep potential boyfriends, lovers or husbands in the friend zone because they couldnt dream of trying what you did. As a friend, if this guy is one to you, there should be ability to talk about anything. So the question remains as to whether you told him why you kissed him and what you felt or rather didn't feel. If you've said nothing, you owe it to him to have a good talk about it. If he has been secretly harboring feelings for you stronger than friendship, then he will of course be disappointed with the results but he needs to know. If he has not ever seen you as anything but a friend, I believe not saying anything would make you continue to feel awkward around him,for not coming out and explaining your actions. As a friend and a male, he should understand perfectly the need to check with a kiss and most likely be willing to continue on with the friendship as if it never happened.
Good luck dear.

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Hi,

So I have a boyfriend, and I know that he talks to another girl late at night. One time i found out that he talked to her until 3 am... I don't know how to feel about this. Like I don't want to restraint him from being friends with other people, but I feel that in this kind of situation, wouldn't he want to talk to me late at night ?? What do you think ? Would you mind if your significant other did that to you ?

Is this a pattern of only talking to a particular girl late at night or does he talk to her at other times. If its at any time of day and varies it comes across as perfectly harmless, nothing more than gravitating more toward true friendships with the opposite sex.
Both my husband and I are much like that, more comfortable with friends of the opposite sex, but still have friends of the same sex. You have your own natural intuition and so do I as a female...and mine is saying that if the only hours he talks to her are for example usually between 10 PM to 3 AM at night, then either she works an odd shift and is not available at any other time, or she may be a female he does sexting or phone sex with regularly to masturbate to.

We could imagine all sorts of possibilities and be wrong on all of them.
I really need more information to give you some things to think about and advice particular to your situation. In itself, having a husband or boyfriend who will speak to other females on occasion or have some as friends is not unusual, but the missing factors and information could paint an entirely different picture.

So to better help, I need detail of your ages, how long you've dated, how often you spend time together getting to know each other, what the relationship is like, has he tried sexual advances with you? What all your believes about sex outside of marriage for both of you and what you both do to take care of sexual urges right now? Also think about whether you witness him with your eyes having more conversations with females than males, what you truly know of his character as a male and how he views women, how he treats any sisters, his mother as this will show either a great respect for women or lack of it. Has he made some profession of love for you, just likes you or has feelings for you, any examples to support such feelings in his treatment of you, We're trying to establish for my benefit what kind of male your boyfriend is at core. Are you just beginning dating, or have both of you talked about taking this to a committed relationship level or are you currently there?

If you don;t want to bother with writing back with more info, then all I can say is:

The only time you need worry is if he has less time for you, and whatever other activities he engages in take away from him being able to 'be there' for you emotionally and physically. If a man has an interest in a woman, a true attraction, then she should become one of his top 3 priorities in life that he juggles. If you fall lower than that, then he isnt as interested in you as he leads you to believe or he is seeing others girls and juggling time with them too.

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So this is a question I asked a few weeks ago but I have to add more to the story to get some more advice: So about two days ago my friend Olivia asked me to prank text her friend Brandon. She sent me the prank message and I sent it to him. I got in trouble, she got in trouble, we apologized to Brandon. It was stupid on my end and I shouldn't have done it and I feel bad. Olivia got her phone taken away because of it but before her mom took her phone she posted a screenshot of the message on Instagram with this caption: getting my phone taken away for six weeks because me and Laura (I'm Laura by the way) decided to prank a guy who scares too easily... Idiot...." Why would she post that?! I'm so mad because now the entire school knows what we did. I feel so sad and embarrassed about it too because we really scared the boy we texted. She doesn't care though because according to her mother this isn't the first time she's persuaded a friend to do something like this. I can't text/call her about it because she doesn't have her phone. Can't go to her house either, I don't know where she lives. How do I get her to take the post down???? I'm a good girl, I usually don't do things like this and I've only gone to this school for about a months I this is sort of people's first impression of me so now anyone who saw the post will think I'm an asshole! What do I do? And after this is all over should I stop talking to Olivia???

Ok that's the question that I asked a few weeks ago. I've decided to give her a second chance, but not to let us become close friends again because she has a track record of doing bad things. I did this because it's a small school and a small town, it would be hard for me to ignore her. We're talking again because she got her phone back and do far she hasn't mentioned the incident. Eventually I worked up the courage to get her to take the post down. She did it happily with no complaint. She invited me to go to a One Direction concert with her, my mother and I agreed that I shouldn't go. I figure she was trying to make up for what happened but trust can't be bought with concert tickets, you know? Do you think she's genuinely sorry? Am I making the right choice by being her friend again?

I remember your previous message. Thanks for the update. So it sounds like you are giving this much thought and trying to make mature decisions about this situation...so kudos to you!

I have always believed in 2nd chances. I also have a certain way of seeing the subject of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is something that you do for two people, for yourself and for the person who wronged you.
What happens internally in our bodies when we choose to not forgive, hold a grudge, become hateful or even to the point of wanting revenge, or just feeling bitter, is that all those negative energies held inside ourselves and constantly nurtured to continue growing and living in you...well...plainly put, it takes energy to keep those negative feelings going, energy that is being taken away from other parts of the vital functioning of your body. Think about this, it takes more muscles to hold a frown than it does to smile. When your body doesnt have what it needs to function at optimum levels, you begin to have physical or even emotional issues. Stress from other area's of life will have the same effect. You won't notice an immediate problem but over time the body will begin to deteriorate in some area.

When we forgive a person for their sake, some are wanting to hear they are forgiven and are genuinely sorry. Others show no inklings that they want forgiveness or need it or that they've done anything needing forgiveness. But whether a person knows you forgave them or not is not important, its more important for you that you did.
Being you are in a small school/small town, I think it a wise decision to at least be on speaking terms but to not choose to spend any length of time pursuiing any events or just hanging together considering her track record. This does not need to mean you never associate with her ever as a friend again. Don't burn bridges. It may not be within the year that she grows up and realizes she has been on a bad path and makes a change in his life. Being its a small town, if she has a true change of heart and character, you won't be the only person in town to notice it is genuine. It would be SOOO obvious, a total transformation of who she is....no guesses about it. If that were to happen and you wish to get back together as friends, there is no reason not to.
She is no longer a friend in status just because you acknowledge her and speak to her if you come across her but you no longer seek her out. She has fallen to a 'social acquaintance'....and as such doesn't deserve to receive that same kind of rewards that a true friendship brings, like spending of time together and going to concerts.
So don't worry at all dear. You are making good decisions and MOm is right for you not to attend with her. If for some reason you have been dying to go to this concert yourself before she asked, see if you can go with Mom or an older sis, or cousin, some family that understands the situation and can help keep you strong and on goal in case she approaches you at the concert so you won;t have a moment of weakness and go to hang with her. Not that I think you would, but she's less likely to try to invite you somewhere after the concert if you have this setup.
Good luck in life and blessings to you.

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