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is my boyfriend the father of the baby and what should i do
my boyfriend made another facebook account hidden from me and the cover photo was a picture with this girl whom i do not know. i accidentally saw their pictures on july 2 2014 and i confronted him but he said that its not what i think thats why i decided to ask the girl..she said that my boyfriend was his boyfriend and she is pregnant. i ask him to choose and he said that he cannot leave the girl for the meantime since her pregnancy was quiet dangerous. he said that he was sorry and ask me to give him a chance to fix the mess he made. i ask for an explanation and he said that he met this girl on facebook march 2014 and courted her for fun. they ve been in a relationship on may 8 2014 but personally meet on june 2 and had sex. they meet again june 20 and had sex again. but now he is not sure if the baby is his thats why he is pulling away from the girl. and said that he is starting to fix the mess that he made. he also deactivated the facebook account that he temporarily made to prove to me that he wants to fix our relationship. i love him so much that i think i cannot live without him in my life. is it possible that the baby`s father is my boyfriend if they had sex on june 2 and june 20 only, and the last period of the girl is may 16-20? i have 3 things in my mind right now (1). move on and start all over again (2). give him a chance if the baby is not his because this is the first time he cheated and i think he deserve one last chance though i wouldnt give him a chance if the baby is his because our life would be complicated with the mother and his baby around (3). give him a chance and let him prove himself for a year or two that he is worth another chance. and also to test him if he can now be faithful to me. if he was able to that then i will marry him. what do you think is the best thing to do? we are in a long distance relationship.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Yes, he had sex with her during a potentially fertile period, but that's not really the issue at all.
You need to recalculate: 3 months, 2 UNPROTECTED sexual encounters (that you know of), 1 secret facebook account presenting them as a couple, WHICH he lied to you about. That's not a one-time mistake, that's a full summer of lies. It doesn't matter if he is the father of her baby; he is not what you're looking for in a spouse.
Even his apologies devalue you--he's pulling away from her because he's not sure the baby is his? First, too late. Second, that has nothing to do with valuing your relationship. He won't leave her since her pregnancy is dangerous? How supportive of her is it that he's maintaining a relationship with you? She thought he was her boyfriend, too! Your life will be complicated not just by this woman, but all the other women he decides to court on facebook in the future and have unprotected sex with and have other children and very likely STDs with them. He is not marriage material in any way if you are looking for monogamy, or even just honesty and respect.
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How about I ask you a question first.
Does a person with an addiction to alcohol learn to not drive drunk the first time he/she gets into an accident while drunk driving?
The majority do not because their addiction is so strong and they find it hard to kick or they don't want to kick it. So they repeat the same mistake.
Does a person with an addiction to gambling, find the resolve to simply stop because creditors are calling all the time asking for payments and they have spent all their money gambling? Nope, most find it hard to quit.
Likewise, a man who may be addicted, or maybe not to checking out and dating and having sex with as many girls as he finds attraction to, may not.
Just because this was his first time cheating while with you....IF he is telling the truth on that, does not mean he will learn with his first indiscretion because others will their various vices never stopped after their first time either. Because there is something at core in his character that needs him to deal with first, whatever emotional, or selfish feelings/issues or whatever need to be personally dealt with before he can be trusted. Otherwise he can have all the desire to stop and think he is putting all his willpower into never repeating and fixing the mess he made but will fail until whatever deeper hidden inside mental/emotional programming is running and over-riding his will power and promise to change. He may mean well, but you can't be 100% sure because of what i just said that he will not repeat the same transgression.
Razhie had good things for you to think about. It doesnt matter if the baby is his or not. There are many couples who face the same issue. The biggest thing will be him providing child support. Then both he and you will need to decide who is the best person suited to each of you to be in a long term relationship with.
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Your boyfriend could certainly be the father.
You should dump him.
You should dump him because there is a real chance that the baby is his, and it's not fair or respectful to use the baby's paternity as a the reason to break up or not. It's okay to not want to be with him if he has a baby, but don't stick around just to be sure, and then dump him when the DNA test comes back positive. He has no control over that at this point, and making your relationship contingent on the child's paternity will only encourage him to lie to you. If you know you don't want to be with a guy who has a kid, dump him now.
You should dump him because asking him to 'prove himself' and 'testing' him is cheap move and a waste of your time and energy. Either you can trust him - or you can't. If you can't, no amount of perfect behaviour or tests is going to change that. If you can't trust him, dump him now.
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