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Should I date him?
I am someone who doesn't have much dating experience because I am a picky person. Physical attraction is a must. But, it is one of many qualities I look for in a guy. So, I met this guy and he's attractive. But, we've been talking for a month and he has only called me once and we have only hang out once. It usually an excuse, but he has only express that he likes me one time. He text me almost everyday but their been two occasions where he didn't text for a few days. But, of course he is apologetic. However, I often question is he really into because I feel like he shows little effort. I feel I deserve more. I think I should tell him how I feel and move on? Or should I express to him that I would really like if you showed me you cared by calling, texting and hanging out more and see his response? I just want to make the best decision.
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I used a dating site to help me narrow down the field of choices to what I was looking for because I am as picky as you. I was tired of hunting for the needle in the haystack so to speak. It sounds like you met this guy in real life first and other than knowing his looks are attractive, you do not know anything about him to know if he is going to meet your other criteria. If he doesnt talk to you or spend time with you theres no way to know. First you need to find out what he is looking for in a girl as far as 1. just an activity partner like for dancing or to the movies. 2. just someone to chat with online /on phone once in a while 3. Is he wanting to date girls to find someone who is perfect for him. 4. Is he looking for the perfect girl cus he is ready to settle down and marry. 5. Is he just looking for a friend with benefits. 6. Does he want a girl for sex but doesnt want to really be friends, just on call to take care of each others urges, nothing else.
There is nothing wrong with any of those reasons but that needs to be squared away cus even if you could get him to open up and learn more about him, it could end up a dead end road if your goals are totally different from each other.
So ask him. If he is not making himself available, write and leave a message for him to answer. If you don't hear back, he's not really that into you. He may have said once that he liked you but as to what he meant by that could vary greatly. Maybe he just 'liked' your looks, your humor or maybe he liked how you communicate.
If a guy is really into you, you will be one of 3 top priorities in his life. I have read the studies done. Men usually will juggle all sorts of priorities like school, job, sports team, friends, family, and girlfriend. If you aren't at the top, he isn't interested and not worth your time.
You can't ask him to show that he cares because perhaps he really doesn't. Don't you want to know the truth of where you stand with him?
I do know a gal, close friend who is in her mid forties and has never been married, close once but she has met guys and I have met them or shown me dating profiles of those who want to meet her. She always chooses the ones who are "eye candy', you know, the ones who look like air brushed models, just oozing with sexual attraction. But even though the ones I met even caught my eye, I've learned to look beyond that and have seen that every one she's been with has had a multitude of grievious faults with the worst being a temper to the point he almost choked her to death one night. So you can not just rely on the looks. Make a list of what attributes you are looking for in a guy. Is it even important to you as to who he is at core? Does he handle himself in life based on what his beliefs, views and morals are? What are his views of women? How does he treat them, starting with female members of his family? Does he hold them in high esteem, does he respect them and is always supportive and up holding them in their skills and life pursuits? I think you need to be sure what you are looking for.
I will venture a guess as to what you may be putting on your list.
A man who is a good consistant communicator,
A man who is an open book, willing to share about himself, his life, his thoughts.
A man who is able to keep his word and there is rarely an excuse that he can't prove to you prevented him from being with you or contacting.
you.
A man who makes you a top priority in his life.
If thats what you want on your list among other things, then he's losing bad already.
Have a talk, be able to tell him what you are looking for in a guy and you are wondering if he even might come close but without any contact, it's hard to know so if he doesnt make himself more available to pursue you, you will thank him for his time and begin to look elsewhere.
If you decide to hang around keeping yourself available for him even with his poor interest so far, then you will make yourself appear desperate for a guy, any guy, willing to settle for less than the best and thats all you will attract. So I am serious about you putting some thought into what you need and what you want
A need is a must have cus if he doesnt, thats a deal breaker. A want is like the icing on the cake. It would be nice but not necessary in order for you to date him. A need could be someone who is the same religious belief, or perhaps someone a non smoker like you cus you're highly allergic to cigarette smoke, If you dont want kids or anymore kids, then he must be a man who is not wanting any more kids. A need is also a man who respects women, doesnt have a temper and never yells, compliments lots. (that was on my list 2nd time around cus 1st one was verbally abusive) A want is like saying I'd love him to have long hair but will accept anything. I would like if he knows how to dance but thats not necessary.
Then you share that with him and say if he can prove to you he fits the guy on that list, you will date, if not then you will look else where. Life is short and theres no time to waste hanging around waiting for someone to wake up and begin to show interest who may not be perfect for you in the first place. If you are as picky as you say you are, then I would expect you find the "list" a good idea and helpful tool. Men are attracted like moths to a flame when they find a woman with confidence, who knows what she wants, and isn't afraid to ask for it.
The men who dont like that, are not and never will be relationship material anyhow.
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Your best option is just telling him how you feel & asking him how he feels. You have to be an up front person all the time. You should express to him that you would like it if he should at least a little sign that he cares.
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We girls can't always wait for the guy to make all of the moves. You should make an effort to ask him if he wants to hangout.
Maybe you can express to him that you like him. You should start showing effort too, maybe he doesn't think you like him.
- Hardcore-Band-Geek
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