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Lost my "best friend."
So I had this "best friend" for 11 years. All in all I don't think she's a bad person but over the years it seemed to me like she was just using me, only talking to me when she needed help or advice. I had/have an eating disorder and when she found out, she ignored me because she thought I was being complicated. I then lied to her that I'm good again,basically hiding my problems. The thing is that her boyfriend asked me if she was cheating on him and I told him yes (because she was). It just felt like the right thing to do because she was being horrible to him most of the time, not allowing him to do anything, basically putting him on a leash. When she found out I told him she said that our friendship is over. I don't know how I should feel, I mean she never really felt like a true friend anyways. Otherwise I'm still kind of sad about this because she was the only person I knew for this long and grew up with. I know that telling her boyfriend maybe wasn't quite the right thing but I just felt sorry for him and I didn't want him living a lie. How can I get over this? I'm pretty sure our friendship is over. Should I be sad about it? My boyfriend keeps telling me that I didn't really lose much because she was never acting like a good friend anyways. I'm also really hurt because in the end she made it seem like I'm the horrible person, even though I was always there for her, even though she only talked to me when she needed me. I helped her through so many bad things in her life, I used to talk to her for hours on the phone, just to make her feel better. And now she's the one saying that she can't be friends with someone like me. I'm just so angry right now..
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You did the right thing to her boyfriend becouse if you did not tell him he will feel really bad when she brakes up with him. She was really just buying you. You should make new friends and she will be guilty that she acted like that... Just ignore her she was using you...
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Okay so this is four days later I think, and I don't really know how you're holding up but, my suggestion is, don't even waste brain cells thinking about your ex best friend. I've had two "best friends" like that over the past couple of years. It is hard of course to lose a person, no matter how mean he/she was but as time goes on, you slowly begin to realize maybe you confessing her cheating to her boyfriend was the final fate turn to help you head in a different direction to meet people who are actually worth it. Your boyfriend is right, if she was never your friend, then gurl, no. You may think about all the cute experiences you had together and all but at the end, friendships are like relationships. It's a two-way deal, she has to give and you have to give as well. She never gave back so she was never a friend. Also, the boyfriend had every right to know, every person who is cheated on has every right to know. When someone stops being your friend in an abrupt manner, it'll hurt a bit but eventually you'll figure out it was for the best! Hoped this helped a bit
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I had a similar situation with my bestfriend but mine wasn't horrible or cheating on her boyfriend or anything but the things she would say to me would just be completely wrong it made me feel like I was worthless and ty away buthen I tried so hard to sta we have a group and our other friends were mine first and I didn't want to leave them because I would basically had no friends but when we would hangout alone she would be totally normal so instead of talking to her I just brushed it off then it went to a point where the only one a could trust was my cousin and I kept posting stuff like why cant I live with her and that moment where youre ignoring someone but they don't even notice and then one night I just cracked I was alone at home and I just start crying and crying and then I finally got text and calls from her asking if she was the problem and shes so sorry and then we talked and now we are all better im pretty sure you are in a different situation as I was but no matter what talking does help a lot even if she doesn't want to talk to you you talk to her and just have her listen tell her how you feel she only talked to you when she needed you and say all the things that you feel I know for a fact if I would have talked to my friend then I wouldn't have cracked and if you feel you wanna talk to her about hwat happened and not be friends make that clear just say like I do feel bad about what I did but I don't regret it because you were being a bad girlfriend to him and a bad friend to me and now that I cleared this up I don't want to talk to you
hoped I helped
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I am responding to your last statement since the previous advicegiver already answered to the rest, same as I would have.
You say you are angry right now. Well...you have every right to feel angry. But to help you over that, you need to focus on who you are angry with.
Why 'the best friend who's acting like a jerk of course" you might say. And I'd have to agree her behavior wasn't that of a friend so as your boyfriend says, 'you aren't losing much'.
I'd like to remind you though that the girlfriend has every right to make her own decisions with her 'free will' just as you do. The only difference is that she is choosing to make more wrong decisions than right ones. So in reality, if we can't be mad at someone for exercising their free will, then who can we be angry at? The only person we can really be angry at is ourselves. And then again, I couldn't call it anger either, more like regrets for not having seen things sooner or at least be prompted by them to take action sooner to remove yourself from association with such a person.
I had to do that. But it took me until late in life to finally do it because I had some religious beliefs that beforehand were keeping me from leaving.
I was in a verbally abusive marriage. He didnt really start until somewhere between 6 mos to a year after we were married. Knowing what I know now, I can spot the signs in a person sooner.
After 30 years, I left. I have tons of memories of mistreatment and lots of reason to feel bitter and angry but I chose to look at it differently. My view is "how can i be angry with him if the pressure in my life from his mistreatment is what caused me as a soul to grow in one area of my life. I learned to love myself...really love myself enough to learn to no longer subject myself to that kind of treatment from anyone, whether it be spouse, friend, neighbor, boss, etc. I realized that I was the one who had a choice to walk away much earlier and lessen the amount of time I experienced such treatment but I didn't. I wasn't seeing church doctrine clearly. He broke his vows long ago in not honoring and cherishing and loving me so I didn't reallize I was no longer bound to him by that. God got the message across to me that we can't really love others until we learn to love ourselves first cus in the verse, "love your neighbor as yourself" there are 2 things being taught. 1. Love your neighbor 2.Love yourself first to better know how to love your neighbor.
I had 1. down but had to learn number 2. If not for the harsh times, I would have had no reason to learn to love myself. I can't say what it is you are supposed to learn in this. But I can say that my view on my experience helped me to forgive, have no hard feelings and actually feel thankful that he was in my life for that period to be the instigator of the force that helped bring about change in me for the better.
BTW, her boyfriend DID ask you so you had to give him a truthful answer. It would be another story if you went running to tell him without him asking as soon as you knew she was cheating. He may not have been ready to hear. So in that, you did the right thing.
May you be blessed with many better new friends.
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What you did was EXACTLY the right thing to do. He had a right to know. I would've done the same thing.
If you have to hide something completely serious from her, she is not a true friend. Saying you're being complicated and ignoring you win you're time of need was a horrible thing to do!
Then you being a supportive friend for her for so long then saying she can't be friends with someone like you....
You need to be happy, and drop her as a friend, or a person in your life. She does not deserve you.
I wouldn't be sad about it. You have a right to be angry about it
You aren't the horrible person dear, she is.You'll be fine :) you are better off without her.
- Hardcore=Band-Geek
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