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What is wrong with me?!
So I joined color guard a while ago and I am finally getting really good at it. I just started high school color guard with 7 other freshmen and I'm the second best freshman on our team. Yeah, SECOND. The first is my friend Jen. She is so perfect. She can spin a quad on a rifle already. She also is all of the upper classmen's favorite. Even my color guard partner likes her more than she likes me. I'm really jealous of this. So when band camp started this week, I always skipped my lunch hour and practiced drill and the work the whole time. I also came 1 1/2 hours early to practice rifle and other work. Plus I've been trying to learn really hard tosses like a 45 and scoop tosses. Plus when I get home, I practice for 2 hours. I just want to be good like Jen soon so when I'm a junior, I get to be co-captain, and my senior year team captain. The thing is, I'm not at all the type of jealous person. I'm the kind of person who worries about other before myself. I also ALWAYS say sorry. So this is kinda a weird feeling of being jealous at my friend. But I mean, she is better at everything than me. Besides guard, I do theater and I have done it for 3 years and this year I was supposed to get a good part. But no. Jen decided to try out for the first time this year and she got the MAIN ROLE. I got a lower role and I hated it. Plus, I have been doing competitive swimming since I was 8, I hold state records in my age group. But this year in summer gym, she beat my best time by 3 seconds and she has never swam competitively before. I get so mad. I work so much harder than her in color guard too. Like 10x harder. She doesn't practice unless she's with her color guard partner. But me, well I already said how much I do. I just want to be as good as her. It's so mean, but what do I do? I can't tell her because she will be mad at me and tell the rest of the team and they will all hate me. I'm so confused that it's hurting me inside. Please help.
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There is always a first time for jealousy even if you've never experienced it before.
Some people happen to have a natural talents they are born with, many...so that whatever new thing they try, they are instantly a pro and do great. The rest of us to be just as good have to work really hard at it. Doesnt mean we can't ever achieve the same results, just that it takes longer.
I know it doesnt feel fair but thats just life.
Of three daughters, one of them is like your friend Jen. First time she tries something new, she does like a pro, people don't believe she has never done it before. This comes out in all creative area's, art, drama, singing, writing music, dancing, playing instruments. She learned flute in school but every wood wind type instrument she's picked up since, she can be playing after a few minutes of experimenting. Her sisters however don't have any such ease at doing great. They have to work hard to learn to do all the same things that come easy for her. But there are areas in which her sisters excell over her. The younger is better at handling a relationship with a boyfriend, the older is better at communicating well, sharing whats on her mind and asking questions and researching information so communication and information is something she excells at.
This is just life hon. Can't explain why it works out this way, it just does.
I can think of only one thing if you and her have the exact same skills why people would notice her over you...cus I had the same issue not being noticed when I was young, it was due to me not being sure of myself, not comfortable in my own skin, not liking myself enough, having shyness and a low self esteem, and low self image. People won't know that you have these issues if you do. But its something invisible that all people can sense, its like a different kind of energy. Perhaps Jen's energy is such that it draws people to her, it energizes them and makes them feel good so they notice her much more easily.
I can say that once I learned to deal with these issues in myself, and overcome shyness and gain some self esteem and confidence, my world changed and I began to be noticed more often for my talents, and my personality and began to make friends more easily, although it took me until my graduating year in high school to begin to make these kinds of changes. I am wondering it this may be partly what is going on for you? You do need to stop comparing yourself to her or anyone else. Do not join any sport, hobby or other thing just because she partakes in it and you want to compete. Only take part in things that interest you and do your best as far as skills go, but what is even more important is learning to let your natural personality show through in whatever you do and you will begin to be noticed.
This is actually a very common thing for many teens. As teens we worry so much about how we appear and want so much to be accepted..these are the most important issues for any young person and even into adulthood. So you having issues with this is not odd, its natural but it can become different with a different view point for you, of not comparing yourself any more, not competing and working on letting your friendly, outgoing unique personality show through stronger, that I know is more important when seeking people for acting roles than their looks or previous talents because a person with presence as far as their personality goes will be noticed better in a role on stage than another would. This is also what has me believing it may be more of your presence or lack of it that is at issue, not a lack of talent. I wish you the best dear.
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Jealousy is a terrible thing. It can cause a lot of harm for everyone involved. But, that is not to be confused with a healthy sense of competition. This is often a very positive thing as that it helps us strive to be the best that we can be at any given thing.
Since you are obviously into athletics, I'll use sports as an example. Let's take swimming. For a long time, Michael Phelps was the elite swimmer. Ryan Lochte can up to rival him and while being teammates and probably friends, they are also competitors. They drive each other to do better and become better.
Have you ever given any thought to the idea that maybe your friend Jen is driven by you? Maybe she feels like you do in that she thinks, whether she'll admit it or not, that you are really really good at things and wants to be like you? Sure, perhaps some things might come more natural for her and with less practice but that happens in life sometimes.
I suggest you keep up with your competitive spirit but don't let it consume you. The key is to be the best you can be and do the best you can do. Ultimately you are competing against yourself. Forget what others are doing and this will be a much more positive experience.
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I know what it's like to be competitive in guard. (I'm in color guard too) I'm a sophomore now, going onto my 3rd year of spinning. Last year was my second year as a freshmen. Last year we got a huge group of freshmen come in for their first year ( I did guard as an 8th grader so i was a year ahead of them)and this girl started talking bad about me behind back, saying I didn't deserve to be on saber line because i "Sucked". She was jealous that even though I was her age, I was on the advanced lines, she didn't even care about guard that much. She still dislikes me to today.
The amount you work is impressive, it will show through to your director.
Also who dictates who's best and who's not the best in your guard? You shouldn't let stuff like titles get to you.
AS for this girl. You are just going to have to stop comparing yourself to her. Yes it will be hard. But it's not healthy for you.'
All you can do is try your best. Color guard is a wonderful and very fun thing to do, don't spoil it by being jealous and always comparing yourself to this girl
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