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exes. .oh no
So lately I've been thinking about a somewhat ex of mine. Her and I could've had a long lasting relationship had I not worked things out with my now girlfriend. Things between her and I are going pretty well, however I find myself missing my ex to an extreme. I want to know how she's doing and I just want to talk to her...nothing malicious just friendship wise. The only problem is that my girlfriend doesn't like her and doesn't allow me to add her on social media. I just want to get in touch with her and just talk like old friends. I find myself constantly hoping to run into her which is pretty much impossible since I'm in college now but I have no clue what to do.....
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
The feelings we have for someone long after a relationship ended is because our feelings/emotions reside in our subconscious mind which isn't always as quick to catch on to what our conscious minds made a decision on. >Give it time to catch up and eventually If current girlfriend is the better choice for you not just for dating but for a potential life long partner, then the feelings should die down and only pleasant memories without the heart tugs remain.
You say the missing her is extreme. So perhaps you are wonderin g or not willing to think of it that you may have settled for the wrong person? Sometimes, the person we end up going back to just because we knew them first isn't the best person for us. If the ex you're missing is an improvement in many areas, then there remains the fact that you settled for less by going back to number 1.
What is important is the commitment you have made to number 1. girl. As long as you wish to keep that committment to her, you should also be considering her feelings and such and if she doesnt like you keeping in touch with an ex, then you should uphold that wish. Not all people are mature enough or have enough trust to not feel threatened by a partner speaking to, keeping contact with the opposite sex, especially an ex.
I will say that depending on the maturity level of the couple, partners should not presume it okay to forbid their significant other to do things and run their life, especially if the two did not set down ground rules for the relationship in the beginning or the second beginning as in your case. It is important to have boundaries established that both of you have agreed to, and your not keeping in contact with an ex is one that would have been covered and agreed to in the beginning. If thats the only disagreement and you both agree on all other rules and boundaries, then it's no big thing. I hope you see what I am trying to say. Since you likely didn't have such conversations in the beginning of repairing this relationship with #1, you leave both yourselves open to feeling resentment at having to do as the other wishes, even though you never specifically agreed to it. However if you made a commitment to the person, and intend to keep it, then this kinda comes with the territory if unspecified ahead.
What you do need to ask yourself is if it is just as desire to keep in touch friend wise and see how #2 is faring or if the emotional draw is stronger to her than the current girlfriend and in wanting to keep contact, all you would accomplish is frustrating yourself. If thats the case, I can see no good coming from this for you will keep bouncing back and forth between the two girls or even cheating in the eyes of one or both of them.
It might help you to know what the purpose of dating really is and what you are truly looking for in a life long partner unless you intend to socially date women just for the fun, nothing serious for the rest of your life. If You believe you may want a long term relationship either wife or domestic partner, then please read the following. It may help you decide whether you are really with the right woman now.
The object is not to practice longevity of relationship is the beginning of your dating experiences, sticking together long term even if its not a perfect dating relationship. The object is not to prove to yourself or others that you can stick with someone long term...that comes in later years After you have a clue what kind of person you want to end up life long with.
Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.
Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a girls character and the same for her. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.
If you break up, when you look for the next dating partner, alway try to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which girl you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband.
If what I have shared brings up specific questions in you, feel free to ask and I'll do my best to help
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