Dragonflymagic's advice column | Page 227

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Female

Location:

Washington state

Occupation:

Retired

Age:

64

Member Since:

April 24, 2013

Answers:

7093

Last Update:

October 11, 2025

Visitors:

128796

Favorite Columnists

solidadvice4teens

kittenlover2000

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

about

Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Good morning / Good afternoon advicenators, I`m 20/f and my bf is 22. I`m from India. We recently broke up a few months ago and decided to stay friends. We broke up because we had been in a secret relationship and finally he wanted to come out but I couldnt let it happen because of my family. The problem is I cant stop thinking about him and I truly still love him. I know for sure my family would never accept him so thats the reason we cant get back together. We still text each other and talk but I want to know how i can just love him as a friend. I want to be with him but because its impossible, I just want to learn how to stop thinking about him constantly without having to stop talking or texting him.

You have an age old problem thats been around for centuries upon centuries, where two people who are truly in love feel the pressure against them being together because of:

Family's opinion or bias,
Religious differences
Coming from a different social caste

And it is not easy to stand firm and strong against disapproval of family, society, friends and neighbors. But it is not their lives we're talking about, just yours. Your life is yours to live as you best see fit to do. If the two of you are not strong enough to withstand the disapproval or loss of other friends and family because of staying together, then you will have to live with your choice. If it is a matter of people doing something violent against you both such as threatening your lives, hurting you or trying to kill you for your choice to be together, I can see not doing it, but if that isnt likely, then there is nothing else to hold you back other than a fear of other people, their reactions, their disapproval.
If the two of you are truly both in love, and choose to not become a couple but just remain friends, and stay in touch, sorry but theres no way to turn off the feelings and even the regrets. They may fade over time or you may be distracted by marrying someone family approves of who is nice but doesnt capture your heart such as this guy. So you will face wondering and longing for him all life long and not having him. Thats a lot of years of wanting and not having.
Only you can know what the right thing to do is for you. If you choose to not become a couple and staying in touch is hurting you, then stop all contact with him because if the chemistry is there for you to love him as a lover, then you can't make it go away to love him as a friend...same as two people who don't have that chemistry together are not able to do anything to make it happen. It either just is there or isn't.

I'm a 22 year old girl. For about a year now I met a wonderful guy with a great personality. We click and get along so well. We see a lot of things similarly. He would be the ideal guy for me except im not attracted to him. I think he senses that im not but he always tells me how much he cares about me and that he's glad to have me in his life. At one point he did tell me he had feelings for me but at the time I had a boyfriend and it was a complicated situation. My boyfriend at the time and I were going through some issues and he was there for me when I needed to vent. But anyway, now, after regaining our close friendship, its obvious he wants to be with me but I don't know if I see myself with him in the future because of the lack of physical attraction. I feel selfish a lot of the times because I know he wants more but I wouldn't give it to him. He says hes glad and appreciative of our friendship but I know he would love to have me as his own. I also just got out of a relationship with that guy I mentioned earlier so I'm not into dating anyone new right now in the hopes of being serious. I just want to continue to further my life for me. I tell him this but he always tells me to never shut the possibility out of being happy again and meeting someone. He always hints that I would be the perfect girl for him and I just feel so bad that I cannot return that feeling. He's in my life a lot and I can't just remove myself from his life. I also dont want to lose him as a friend. I honestly dont know what to do anymore. I feel guilty at this point.

Dating is less about being a social activity and more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what it is you like in a current partner, while also making note of things that are not right, like as you said, no attraction, spark or chemistry that is also an important part of a relationship. Another thing to look for is any disrespectful or destructive behavior.

When you come up against things like that which aren't good enough, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years until you find the right one.

If you are afraid of ending it cus you dont want to hurt him, try to picture yourself married to him for the next 30 years, not attracted sexually and no romantic spark. Could you actually do it? If so, why would you choose that? If you can't do it, thats good cus you shouldn't.
Imagine how much more it will hurt him over the years to consistantly not have his love returned. oNE or the other of you could become so frustrated that you are driven to either have affairs or get a divorce AFTER children have come into the mix, not fair to them if you were aware of the issue before marriage.

So don't feel bad, this is a part of life and happens often and is normal.

20/f
Junior in college
He is 22
Senior in college

The last week of my sophomore year, I hooked up with this guy. Ever since, we've been texting nonstop. When he's with his friends, when he's on vacation with friends, when he's with his family, in class, at work. He's a cool guy and I like having him around as a friend. We talk about anything, it's just so easy with him. We talk about how hard it was to become friends because or mutual friend didn't want us to be friends because she felt like she was being replaced to anything like him telling me why my battery in my phone doesn't last as long as his.
One day he was acting kinda different and we're friends enough that I can call him out on it and I said I just felt like he didn't really wanna talk anymore since we hooked up and I felt like that was all he wanted and he went into this big thing that if all he wanted to do was hook up, then he wouldn't have went through all the drama with our mutual friend to be friends with me.
I've slept over his place a few times, he's slept over mine. But only the last night I spent at his house, did he try anything sexual and I liked that about him, that he didn't rush anything, he waited til we've spent a few nights together to see if anything was there.
He tells me countless times when he's drunk at the bar, with his friends that he wants to cuddle and that I'm such a good friend to him because I pick him and his friends up from the bar and make sure they're all okay.
^^^This was all last semester from the time we started talking to the last week, that we hooked up.

We went our separate ways for the summer and we still texted every day but we never hung out because we live far from each other.
We've been planning this play fight all summer and he said the day we move back into school that it's happening. I joked that if I won, we aren't friends anymore. He asked what he gets if he wins and I told him anything he wants and he answered back "Huh. I'll remember that when I win."
A few times, he was cute this summer but nothing like before. Like, he texted me that he was watching a basketball game and I texted him something back with "that sounds pretty great" in it as a reply and he texted back "you know what would be pretty great? if my team wins and you were here to scratch my back." Because every time we would spend the night together, I would scratch his back.
School starts back up tomorrow but we've been moved in for about three days. Well, he's been, I'm commuting. We still text every day. Last night, I told him where I was going to hang out and he asked if he could bring his friends to which I said okay but then he said they can't come because his friend got so bad and they didn't want to bring her to where I was in case she would get sick and ruin anything. So, I joked with him that I'm never gonna see him because we're both busy and have our own friends and own lives and he said "you know, you never asked me to hang out over the summer, or we would have seen each other."
Even right now, as I type this, I'm texting him and he's complaining that he can't load his email at school because the wifi is so bad and I asked why he didn't have it on his phone. He said he couldn't figure out how to do it, so I tried to explain how to and he just answered "how about you just do it for me some time :)"

I know it seems like it's punching me in the face that he likes me but I don't know why he doesn't ever ask me to hang out or ask to just see me anymore. Last semester it was so easy that he would just randomly text me and say "hey, are you doing anything tonight, if not, come spend the night" or anything as easy as that. Now, it's like, I get nothing like that.. he tells me all the time that he's with his buds or going to the bar and that kinda thing. I know, class didn't even start yet and I'm jumping the gun but I'm jumping the gun so I know how to handle this.

Do you think there is anything there, feelings wise or attraction wise? Do you think he's waiting for me to make the moves now since he did last semester? I don't have a room on campus since I'm commuting so I can't really do anything about that. Why is it so much different now when he made it so easy last semester?

Thanks.

You ask, is anything there like feelings? Well, if you both got to the point of spending time together, trusting each other enough to just cuddle and sleep with no sex to start, I'd have to say that there is feelings of friendship at least.

As to attraction, you can answer that easily yourself, would you have sex with someone you didn't have even a slight attraction to? No. Because it would be a turn off. We would have great difficulty getting aroused.
So of course he is attracted. I feel that the greater amount of both sexes have their differing ways of going about relationships, sex and dating. There are exceptions but for the most part, a female believes that the moment a guy starts hanging around or even has sex, that he wants a committed relationship and has developed feelings for her. It will only be the guys and gals who have a list in mind of what they are looking for in the opposite sex, and are looking for that who will make a commitment to such a person soon after finding them. Most guys and gals do not have a clue what it is that they need and want in a partner. Guys will go about casually spending time with a girl to find out what it is he likes about girls and her in particular. The more time spent together is for the purpose of getting to know the person deeper, not just on a surface level like casual friends. Sex comes into the picture because it is a valid item in committed relationships. The two need to know that they each have enough things in common sexually such as their likes and dislikes, any fetishes, and strength of libido, whether one's wanting it more or less than the other...cus it should be the same.
Sounds to me like your guy friend is someone who is exploring what he likes in a female by just spending time with them. He may not be consciously putting a list together as I did when searching for a 2nd husband, but his subconscious mind will record some of the things he likes. Its hard to put together a list of what you will like until you have experienced it. Like for example, how could you know ahead of time if you like Sushi, or Saki wine before you have ever tried it? You can guess. But once you try, may decide "Oh, it sounded like a good deal but i now realize that I don't like it. Same with personality traits, and such.

Dating, hanging out with, seeing each other is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in one or both people that would harm the partner emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up. If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.

Neither of you have asked each other what the other is looking for right now at this point in life so that is why you have unanswered questions that truly we can not answer, but only guess at. If you really want to know, learn how to ask questions. Questions like "What do you think would make the ideal partner for you?" "What would you say is your main purpose for hanging out with the opposite sex? A. You just prefer female best friends B. Nothing serious, just for the social-ness. C. Trying to form an idea of what you like in the opposite sex for future reference in getting into a long term relationship or D. You know exactly what you are looking for in a woman and are seriously looking for your soul mate to marry after you get out of college. You can customize questions to your own type of way of talking.
You can also ask if he's the type of person who is more currently interested in friends with benefits. If is good to know if he plans to see and hang with other females at the same time...which there's nothing wrong with as long as both know neither is at the stage of looking for commitments right at the beginning.

As for making the moves, are you saying that the only times you got together were times that he asked you or made the first contact or suggestion. Cus if you weren't sharing in showing an interest to be with him by asking, he may thing that you weren't as interested as he was IF he was.

Girls who only let the guy make all the moves, suggestions and so on, are not going to be as exciting a prospect compared to the gal who has confidence, knows what she wants, and goes after it and isn't afraid to ask for what she wants.

This type of action from a gal puts a guy on firm ground of not having to guess where he stands and what is expected of him. If this guy cant be that for you, then he will tell you so. Then you can back out in a friendly manner and keep up the search for the right guy.
So my advice is for one...to stop guessing and start communicating with him.

To be able to tell him what you are looking for and what you want in a guy, you need to actually really know that for sure, no guessing in this.

If you don't know, thats okay...but you can't expect any commitments or more from him when he does not yet know what you are looking for. You can also ask him what he is looking for with questions that will give you clear answers as to where he is at and what he is looking for.

Good luck

There's this girl and I really began to like her. I'm in a messy relationship and stuff keeps going downhill. This girl I met is what seems to be perfect for me in every aspect of the word. We just met but she's beautiful in every sense of the word.we are both in a college group and there's this guy that she also began talking to. They text and are always together and I feel as though I'm pushed off to the side. I know this isn't good for me and I should get the hell out but I don't know what to do.

I don't know what you mean by messy but lets address that first since there are two separate concerns here.
I am assuming that whomever you are with right now, you are not happy with totally. I dont know also if she's totally happy with you. But for a relationship to be healthy and work, both people need to have that spark together and also be each others best friend. Someones both people will realize that they are settlings for less and their partner is not right for them. Doesn't mean anythings wrong with either person. They'll be the right one for the right person just currently with the wrong one. Do not hang onto her because you fear no one else will have you and dont hang on cus you are afraid of her being hurt. Of course people are hurt when relationships break up. In future years if she moves on and finds someone more perfect for her, she'll be grateful that you two split up.
If the two of you are perfect for each other but having issues, it could be due to inexperience in male-female relationships but you can learn, read up on and strive to be better and so can she. It takes will power to want to make the relationship the best it can be. Even two perfect for each other could have fights all the time if they were not mature enough to handle whatever comes up.

So decide first if you want to continue with the current girlfriend or not and then take action. . . which is having a good talk and working things out or breaking up.
If you are staying in the relationship, then you can admire the other girl from afar but not pursue her, even in thoughts. When thoughts of her come that you wish you were with her, you capture that thought and replace it with, "She may be wonderful, but my girlfriend/wife is a Goddess and perfect for me and I know I can not find anyone as special as her anywhere else."

iF you can't say that to yourself and believe it 100% then you are not meant to be with your current girl. It doesnt mean you are meant to be with #2 either though.

If you break up with her and are single again, only then is it right to pursue someone else.
All you said is that you met girl #2. You didn't provide detail so I know what happened in the meeting or two, words exchanged, her actions or body language so I can't tell you if you have done enough initially so she knows you have an interest in her. Your use of language sounds to me as if you are trying to convince yourself that either you are too late or that you don't have a chance with her. Your're not a teen in High school anymore. You're an adult, time to gain some self confidence and be secure in who you are. Not every girl is going to find you perfect for her and one who might be, may not be mature enough to realize it. Rest assured, the right one is out there and you may not find her at first try but each following dating partner should be an improvement in some way over the other in being more perfect for you.
Just because she is talking to another guy does not mean that she has made any commitment to him. Some girls and guys will go out on dates with several different people without having made any commitment to date solely them. I've done the same 2nd time around. I hung out with different guys in the same time period to get to know each one enough to be able to determine which of the bunch sounded most promising to me. Once I decided, I told the others I found someone else...they already knew I was seeing several guys at once to make a decision. Then I dated the one exclusively.
So either she is really friendly and enjoys talking to guys and hanging out with them, or she hasn't decided on anyone yet and because he is making a point to always hang around, other guys don't even try so she has no idea that others may be interested in her at the same time. Its possible, if so she doesnt know she has other options, she will be spending time only with him, or perhaps she has already decided to date him exclusively. If he hasn't also asked her to date him exclusively, she may be just one of a few gals he is checking out before he makes a commitment, or he could be the type of guy who doesnt make a commitment to a girl but enjoys female company of those he finds visually attractive.
You don't know what the situation may be until you give it a try. So try to engage her in conversation and ask if she is dating anyone exclusively right now. If not, then ask her out.

If you are too chicken to come right out and ask, a good way to know if she has interest in checking out other possible suitors would be to leave notes and gifts for her from a secret admirer. You tell in notes that so far you are attracted to what you see in her and want to spend time with her to get to know her better and possibly see if both of you may want to date each other. then one note tells her to meet her unknown admirer on such and such date, at a given time and place that you know is usually open on her schedule if she wants to come to know who you are. Then you go there and wait for her to show. If she doesnt, she's not interested in dating anyone right now or already has someone.

good luck!

Okay , so I really really really like this guy who is 17. I'm 14 . He turns 18 & 3 months later I turn 15. I've already talked to my parents about it, and they litterally have no problem with it ( I was so surprised ) but his mom does a little bit. She just doesnt want him to get in trouble.. I live in NC. I just want to know the laws of dating a minor. He's like the other half of me, we are like Bestfriends. & we've already had the talk about sex and stuff. There's none of that until the time & age is right.. He told me he would never make me do anything i wouldn't want to do. I trust him and we are happy. We don't date yet though, I just don't know what to do. Is the age difference bad? Would people look at us weird? should i care what people think? ): I'll love to hear all your advice and opinions (: .

Once a couple are both adults, 3 years difference is not an issue. Many couples have 5 to 8 years difference and even wider gaps. The only issue will be of what your peers or other parents may say or think.
As to getting weird looks while out in public...assuming you're not in amoungst a group of people who know you at all, any stranger seeing you IF they even paid attention to look at you would never assume there was an age difference and most older people have no clue how old exactly a younger person is. I see some high school kids who look like college age and some in their 20's who like 14, 15. Dont worry dear. If your parents are ok with him and like him...thats what counts. His parents are not weird for feeling a bit uncomfortable. But in all my searches I haven't found any yet that says there are laws that ban dating. The only law is regarding sex and a few people have said that in NC the age of consent for sex is 16. You might want to do more searching on your own to be sure.

I'm 19/f.

I want to break up with my boyfriend. We've been together for 10 months.
The problem is he's really nice and is totally in love with me. I'm worried that breaking up with him will crush him completely.

I just don't get excited about us anymore. When I get a text from him even if it says hey beautiful-I just feel no emotion. I don't really fancy him.

Recently he's had a go at me for not being able to come on dates. We live like a hour apart. I don't want to go on dates because they bore me.

Also my mum told my sister that I could do better for a boyfriend.

I know breaking up with him will hurt him no matter what. Just I start Uni again soon and would prefer to be single ready to mingle if you get what I mean. I'm just scared also they'll be no one else if I split up with my bf, and I'll regret the decision.

He's an amazing, lovely guy-I just don't fancy him. The type that'd say 'Is there anything I need to change'. Truth is you either fancy someone or you don't.

Should we take a break and see how it goes? he wants to see me more-I'm not so fussed.

No you dont need a break. Nothing is going to change during a break, you will still be you and he will still be himself. Your problem of only one liking the other is very common. What you are feeling, that lack of romance, chemistry is also normal and happens often in the search for the partner who is perfect for us. Basically, the two of you are not a perfect match and it doesn't mean that he isn't a perfect guy in every way possible nor you a wonderful gal. However one can't make a relationship work on just the friendship alone. Many do try though and even get married. But without the want and desire to be with that person and having deep feelings for them and attraction to them, it's not enough to make a relationship work. He may already be figuring out that something is not quite right. People who are mismatched who stay together long term will have one unhappy cus the other doesnt return love and the one who is bored and feels nothing is not having the basic needs of a love relationship and companionship met in a meaningful way so they may be tempted to cheat. It is not fair to let him assume all is fine.Its not fair to him, keeping him on the line in case nothing better comes. Wrong thinking cus you would be settling for less and may lose him sooner than later anyhow when he finally decides to leave you but that could happen in the next month or 20 years from now. Want to be stuck with him the next 2 years? He deserves to find a gal who is really into him.
If you did feel something at first, thats also normal, its called new relationship energy and can be very misleading with the excitement of something new covering up the fact that there isn't chemistry. Eventually the excitement of the new relationship wears off and one or both realize they are with the wrong person.

Dating is for determining is the person you are with is going to be the best match for you. Make a list of all the good things you like to look for in the next person and also avoid the things that were not perfect and make sure that each relationship you are in is an improvement over the other. Eventually you will find Mr. Right.

Hello Advicenators,

My father told me to start translating a book, so I started translating it about 3 days ago. Its a self help book, anyways, today he tells me that he plans to publish my translation and sell it as a book. I was thinking more along the lines of uploading the translated self help book online on scribd and torrent websites so that people could download it for free. Who has better karma in this case? me who wants to give away the translated self help book for free or my father Who in this case came up with the idea to translate the selfhelp book however he would like to sell it at a price?

I would appreciate some advice.

thanks

Whose book is it, did your dad write the book? If so, it's really his decision what he wants to do with it whether to sell it or offer it for free.
Some people don't take seriously anything that they can get for free....while others who really need the self help but can't afford to purchase it go without. Karma has nothing to do with this beforehand. Karma comes about from things we have done that we shouldn't have in most situations and is there for us to learn a lesson and learn how to set things right.
If the book is not his and he attempts to sell someone elses book in a translation, that is against the law and he WILL be setting up some bad KARMA for himself. So if this is not his, do not translate or do anything with books that you or he havent written originally and have copy right to. Copyright means exactly what is says, the right to make copys whether its a copy just for you, to try to translate and sell or give away, etc. Only t

I'm a 14 year old girl and at the beginning of this year my family and I moved about 6 hours away from our hometown for my dad to pursue a job opportunity. The thing is, I want to go back home. He has job offers there, but he wants to stay with this company so he turned them down and transferred here like his current company wants him to. He probably had good reason for doing so, so I tried not to complain. At first I handled the loss of my friends and boyfriend through cutting. No I'm just depressed and cry myself to sleep. If I told my parents this, they wouldn't take me seriously and sure as heck wouldn't get me a therapist. They treat me like my 8 year old brother. I learned about sex and my period from friends because I never got the talk from my mother and they still think that I believe in Santa and all of that magic stuff. They will not take me seriously ever. I need to go back home, I'm falling apart and I'm not myself anymore. I'm beginning to diet in an unhealthy way because I hate my body and I cut again because I hate my mind. I need to go home ASAP. How do I ask them to move back????

If it is not just how you are perceiving your parents, but that they truly haven't got a clue, then you will need help, another adult to approach your parents with you to have a talk with them so they take this seriously. You can go talk to a school counselor and ask them to help tell your parents how the move as affected you emotionally. THey need to know what effect it is having on you even if they cant move back because you are going to need help, understanding and support. Dont think that a school counselor doesnt handle this sort of thing or doesnt care. In todays time, your kind of situation is becoming quite common and should be taken seriously because if you do not get some people on your side to help you deal with this and overcome you grieving the loss of friends and your hometown, then it will only get worse with your grades likely dropping or dropping out of school. A kid who is hurting with parents who pay you no attention will try to get attention any way they can, even bad attention by getting in with the wrong crowd and getting into trouble, drinking, drugs, not just the cutting, perhaps end up doing serious crime and ending up in juvenile hall. or worst of all, getting so depressed that one takes their own life. So dont think you can handle this alone. If not a school counselor, perhaps there is an adult relative you are close to. Someone you can talk to easily and who pays interest in your life. If you have someone like that, an aunt or grandmother, talk to them. Tell an adult what you told us and ask them to help approach your parents to talk to them because you didnt believe they would take you seriously.
Good luck dear. If you need to talk again, just write.

I'm 29years oid, my boyfriend just disvirgin me somedays ago and the pains is much and my breast is bigger than each other? Pls help

First thought I have is whether this was something you wanted or not. Did you want and welcome the sex or were you forced. If forced, that is rape and can be reported to the police.
Usually any tenderness after sex doesn't last long so if it lasts more than a few days and the pain is very intense, you may want to go see a Doctor to rule out anything serious wrong.

Breasts do not change size one bigger than the other just from having sex. You would have known if one was larger than the other which is okay...its normal, one of my daughters has that.
so if they were both the same size before but one is a bit larger now,, all I can think of is that perhaps this guy was very rough with you and grabbed and squeezed one breast more than the other quite often which could account for tenderness and some bruising and or swelling which to you makes it seem one is larger than the other. As for the other pains, if he was too large in size and/or was rough acting like a battering ram for a prolonged amount of time, you could be bruised inside too. If this man has been really rough with you, that is not acceptable and you dont have to put up with it. Sex should be an expression of love between two people, or at the very least a mutual agreement to engage in sex to take care of ones sexual urges. In each situation, the best attitude of each partner is to wanting to see their partner totally satisfied. If he was treating you that way and doing what pleases you best while you at the same time are doing the same for him, it will be a pleasant experience.

My sister never takes no for an answer and sometimes it gives her a feeling that she is allowed everything and everyone must do whatever she asks. Like she never handed me a shoe to kill a spider even if she was next to one and she expected me to kill a spider and another she never let's me in her room and whenever she wants to borrow my clothes and I say no becaude you never return any favors she gets mad and slams my doorand pulls huge sissy fits. What can I do? I hate fighting but the sense of authority she has is mind-blowing and it makes me feel like she never gives me any respect.

Let me guess....she's a teen too? I had three girls and when they hit puberty and for quite a few years after, due to the hormones, they were touchy and sensitive emotionally. That means easily irritated, or gets angry and upset often for no reason or silly reasons. Yes, there could be some of her personality that would be irritating not only to you but others too, however it is even harder to handle during your teen years. Just know that this doesnt last forever.Eventually you both will outgrow this stage. In the meanwhile let mom know how you are feeling. She went through this at your age too and understands what its like. When you feel you need to blow off some steam, and if mom is willing to be your listening ear, just tell her how you are feeling. Sometimes that is enough to diffuse things, but if she knew that you both are going through the hormonal bickering thing, she can also step in and act as a buffer and help you both to settle disputes and help to keep the peace.
Good luck!

So I had been a Wiccan for months, and my dad had the bad idea of it. That every Wiccan was a witch. That witches are evil. That the Horned God is associated with Satan because he has horns/antlers. I have never felt comfortable in Christianity, but felt comfortable in Wicca, like I was 100% safe and nothing would ever hurt me. I'll be turning 18 in a few months. Should I just light candles in my room, try to tell the Horned God that I'm sorry and that I'll move in with my friend when I turn 18 and become a Wiccan again?

If your parents are Christian, they will likely never come around unless they choose to be more open-minded. Believe what you believe in secret for now until you turn eighteen and can make your own choices for beliefs. There is no real true Deity, God or Goddess who would take offense with you at your situation.
You may do your own little rituals in privacy of your room if family members are prone to knocking on your door often or just barging in. If you have siblings who dont believe the same as you, you'd have to keep it secret from them too.
But I do not believe any ritual necessary.

I began my beliefs in Christianity and later in life as an adult, by the leading of the Holy Spirit which I now recognize as the Goddess half of deity. The Horned God is the male representation of deity and the moon, the female one, The male is asso. with the sun and the Goddess with the moon. In my mind, there is nothing wrong with.
I have come to know that pagans, wiccans or witches if they identify themself as one, have acted more as children of GOD, Than the Christians I recall acting, and also have had more success with their prayers, rites or rituals for healing then Christians who believe that healing will only come if its Gods will.
I read a great book when i first became pagan. I still retain some of the principles from my Christian faith that I find truth in and discarded the rest after I discovered through experience and the reading of a comparison of Christianity vs Paganism as sister religions. Paganism was there first and Christianity copied and made much of the pagan ritual and beliefs part of their doctrine to win pagans over.
While you await your time to worship freely, you are still a Wiccan, it isn't something you can turn on and off and on again like a light switch. What is in your heart remains.
Hopefully your friend and her family are Wiccans and you can go over to visit and talk with them, perhaps if they attend a ritual, you can occasionally go along and stay overnight with them as long as your parents dont know of their beliefs. Since the sabbat rituals are only 8 during the year, its not likely to be often you do this. If you ever need someone to talk to more in depth about your beliefs, a friendly listening ear, feel free to write to me.
Blessed Be!

Hello,
my life was complicated when I lost my virginity with the boy wich I loved them so much,I lost my virginity as i teeneger,now I find guy muslim who wanna only virgin girl and who respect the tradicion so much? I find on internet some fake hymens (not the chinese one) this one it's american product and it's seem very effecative and no bad effects for the body..Did someone else know what other it's good and what can help me here? I don't wanna do any surgery because I'm so afrraid..I can't tell the guy the true because he will kick me from his life...From this virginity dependes my life,my marriege....

I guess theres always something new to learn as I had not heard of this. So I went researching on the internet. While I found many sales pitches and many different suppliers of the product with various prices, I could not find one who would explain with the ingredients of the fake blood or the fake hymen were.

I did find one women reporter with (New York) nymagazine.com who was asked to test the product with her boyfriend who was aware of the product use.

http://nymag.com/thecut/2012/09/sex-with-a-fake-hymen.html?mid=twitter_thecutblog

She writes it mostly from a point of humorous dialog but does give some info on the matter.

After all I've read, there are questions that come up in my mind that no one is supplying the answers to in their sales pitches.
Just in case a female was very allergic to any of their ingrediants used, I thought it would be a good thing to know before hand. Since there is no way to know, if you develop a rash, itch or infection with or without a bad smell, you'd have to go see your doctor.

I am always conscious of what products I apply to my skin because whatever is applied to the skin will enter the body and the bloodstream so if its chemicals that can cause problems, it would be nice to know. The fake hymen is made of ingrediants that self destruct within 15 minutes. The reporter had the first one melt in her hands before she could figure out how to insert it.
Because there is such a short window of time from application to when the blood is released by the 'Melting Skin' packet, a female would have to get her man to put his penis in her before the time is up and she starts oozing blood that he is able to see outside her vagina or trickled onto bed sheet.
Or he may not allow you the moment to go use the bathroom beforehand (to insert it) and in eagerness just take you without the product in side. Thats always a possibility. Hopefully he is a patient man and will allow you a moment in bathroom alone.
The product comes with two, one for practice and if that fails as it did with the lady reporter, it might be a good thing to practice again with the 2nd one and then order another two.
The dye resembles red food coloring in a liquid thick enough to be blood and made quite a mess for the reporter.
The dye got scattered in quite a few different places for a liquid that is supposed to be only a few drops.
Here's a thought, blood has a coppery smell and taste, is your guy smart enough to pick up on the fact that this blood has no odor or taste? I assume of course in absence of detailed information from the creators of these products that there is no artificial odor or flavor to the liquid.
Another concern would be whether the red dye does stain sheets and skin as red cooking dye does. Blood can be wiped away and leave no stain, but red dye has left stains on my fingers when I have used it in tinting cake frostings.
Another thing you'd have to consider, does the red dye left on items turn brown later as blood stains do when they are old? If not, you would want to be washing any clothings, sheets and such before the spots have a chance to dry becuase dried blood is supposed to appear brown. We have no way of knowing if the creators put some chemicals into their fake red blood that will make it turn to brown later when it dries. I hardly think they got that fancy.
So there are several things to think about regarding use of the product.

I dont like having to pretend and basicly lie in a marriage to ones partner but I do understand the narrow minded views of some cultures. If men from those cultures are ignorant enough to believe that all virgins will have their hymen bleed during sex the first time, then they are likely stupid enough to not notice the details. Once they see the red stain, they will be happy.

This gives you something to think about and precautions to take, especially with the testing of the product before hand. Good luck.

So basically me and my friends boyfriend have abit of a history together and recently we've started talking and texting again. We have so much chemistry together and we both have feelings for one another but not the type of feelings that we want to be together as a couple, we just enjoy having abit of fun together but the problem is that he is with one of my college friends and they have been together for a while now. I know it's wrong to be doing what we are doing but we can't help ourselves and I know it's wrong to just let him use me like this but I kind of enjoy it. Please someone give me advice on what to do in this situation. Thank you! P.s I'm 19, female and from England.

It almost seems to me that you contradict yourself cus couples need to have two things to make a good start for a couples relationship, one being best friends/good friends and the other having that romantic spark, sexual chemistry. You said:
We have so much chemistry together and we both have feelings for one another but not the type of feelings that we want to be together as a couple, we just enjoy having abit of fun together

It is in best friends type of caring for each other that the 'feelings for each other comes about'. Otherwise, the feelings that you are talking about would just be lust feelings which don't work for a relationship. You may have the sexual chemistry but if thats all you have, then yes, a relationship will not work. So you are
doing something with this guy that you know is wrong. You are allowing your baser nature of just taking care of your sexual urges to override your choices of treating your girlfriend with respect. Right now you have no respect for her feelings, by continueing to hang out with, have contact with and perhaps sex with her current boyfriend.
I hope you realize you risk losing her friendship sooner or later due to what you are doing.

You ask us what you should do but I dont think you need us to answer what is so obviously a reply. You must have a conscience because you say you know its wrong. So you tell me, what are we supposed to do when we are doing the wrong thing or going the wrong way? Do we continue to go the wrong way or make another choice. The choice is yours. You will do what you want to do no matter what we say. You need to be honest with yourself as to why you are choosing to do this.
Is it because you have a high libido and need sex often. Is it cus you have an emotional need and he seems so far the best to fulfill that for you? there must be some draw for you that keeps you from being able to pull away and stop. Discover what that draw or need is and then if he's off limits, decide where you will go to get those same needs met. It may seem he's the only one who is going to be best for you but you will meet others. Just make sure that in finding a guy that you have the things in common that are important to you.

If you penatrate a woman from the ass can she cumm

Every woman is different. Some have more of the senstive nerve endings on the top side of her vagina, the belly button side, on the inside and is more likely to experience g-spot orgasms...or cumming. Others have more of these nerve ending on the back side of the vagina, on the wall of the vagina next to her anus so that when the pressure of having anal sex, (in the ass) this area is stimulated thru a thin separating wall and she will come better that way. The thing is to learn all about what works best for your particular lady and use most often the techniques that get her off.

My natural hair is really thick, frizzy, and puffy (not curly) making it really hard for it to "look good." It takes me a long time to straighten my hair, even with having had the keratin treatment and when I wear it natural it just looks messy and tangled. If I had really curly hair I could just wear it curly but it's not curly at all. What's a way if can wear my hair or products I can use that's easier to do than straightening?

Ask a hair stylist what can be done. they are in the trade for working with hair and will know all about the latest products. Information is free. You might ask if an application of a hair relaxer would work for frizzy hair just as it does for relaxing black girls hair. My niece is bi racial and the relaxer worked great on her hair. I can't say how it works on caucasion hair but a hair dresser would know. Good luck.

Hello, I'm nineteen and female, he is 19 as well. We started talking at the end of sophomore year in college and we parted ways for the summer where he went home to Jersey and I to Pennsylvania. However, we've been texting non stop everyday. A few times he's told me that he's changing his mind about commitment and how he wants a girlfriend and how he wants it to be me but I told him I was never in a very committed relationship so I told him I need time to think if that's what I want. He knows I like him and care about him and I know he cares about me so he let me think about it. I went away with my family for a weekend to our cabin in the mountains and didn't have any cell service, when I came back and we were talking again, he was different and I asked him what was wrong and he said while I was gone, he did some thinking that he doesn't want a girlfriend anymore and that hurt because while I was away, I decided that I wanted to be with him and commit to him but he changed his mind.
I got over that and we were still talking like we used to, hanging out and hooking up and being cute. That lasted for a while until I noticed him not being the same again and we talked about it and he said he's losing feelings, he still cares a lot but not as much as he used to. So, I gave him space. I thought we weren't really getting along and I thought it was best that we got over each other. It's been a few days that we haven't talked since he said that and we got into a fight about how every time I wanted to give up on us, he always pulled me back telling me we can work it out but when he wants to pull away, I can never bring him back.
It's been a few days and he texted me and just asked what was up, like nothing happened so I blatantly asked where he was on the scale of being over this and me and he said it definitely isn't a ten. I was on my way to fully getting over him and ever since he said that, it's like it drew me back to him.
I just can't seem to get over him and it sucks. I deleted his number and told him I need time away to get over him because he's definitely working on getting over me as our conversations are getting so short and we fight all the time and he isn't being cute to me like he used to. I even unfollowed him on twitter and instagram so I don't have to see him or hear from him and we even got into a fight about that. He doesn't understand the whole "out of sight, out of mind" thing and I told him that's what that was that if I don't see his face on instagram, it would be easy for me to get over him and he got mad at that.
I'm just getting sick of the games. I thought that if I talked to him about other guys that that would help me to get over him, like hanging out wise. He even got mad at that saying "I don't care what you do with them, I'm not involved. Don't talk to me about other guys that you would give a change, it's like you're rubbing them in my face." But I brought up that he can talk to me about his work friends ALL THE TIME to which he said "yea, work friends, not girls that I would date or hook up with." I'm sick of the games and the double standards and how when he says one thing, it just draws me right back to him.
So, the point of this is.. why do you think we fight all the time (as that is what broke up apart mostly) and why is he getting so mad at me for the dumbest things? He decided he didn't want to be with me yet he gets mad at me when I talk about other guys. And, lastly, how do I get over him?
Thanks.

At your age I had no idea what I was looking for in a guy other than he had to attend church and say he was a Christian. I had no other requirements. The thing is...knowing what you want is important to know before you ever get close to the committed stage and even then, things can change and you have to back out of the committed stage and start all over.

A girls emotions seem to get deeply involved easier and faster than a guy will. Its even worse if theres romance or sex. But this is part of the dating process, if we keep our hearts open to be able to love, then we risk getting hurt. If we wall up our hearts to protect ourselves, then even when the right person does come along, they can't get close to you because of the wall you are hiding behind. I knew a man who finally broke up with his wife when in their 50's saying he just could never get past the protective wall she built up after hurts early in her life. The walls prevented him from ever bonding at a deep intimate level with her and he just got tired of trying. So don't close off your heart. It helps to know what the dating process is about to help lessen the chances of making mistakes on your part that bring about this kind of hurt so write on about dating.

At your point in age, the object is not to practice longevity of relationship, sticking together long term even if its not a perfect dating relationship. The object is not to prove to yourself or others that you can stick with someone long term...that comes in later years after you have a clue what kind of person you want to end up life long with.

Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.

Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.

If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband. It should work just as well at any age, including high school dating too.

18/f
I have a lovely circle of friends and we all get on really well and I'm so chatty and confident when there is atleast 3 of us but when it's just me and a friend I find it really difficult to hold/start a conversation and I'm worried that I'm boring. Can someone please give me advice on how to hold and start a conversation please?
Thanks

If you have some things in common, then you can never be boring, bring up convo's on things you both like. If you have nothing in common, it can still work...lets say you love bowling and she's never played...differences work fine to help expose us to things we've never tried or done. You ask the friend bowling and take time to go slowly over how to position the ball and when to release and body form, and how to keep track of scores. this works for any hobby.
There is nothing wrong either with companionable silence and no talk. Some times, words are not much needed. Like being out at a park with a friend, you see someone's puppy doing something funny, or some other thing you want to point out. You don't have to say a word, just a tap on the shoulder, pointing so she will look too and the both of you sharing a good laugh together without a word needing to be said.

It may not be so much that you have difficulty with conversation but the issue lies more with how you feel about yourself. Perhaps you don't even like yourself. Low self esteem or a low self image will have effect on your relationships with girlfriends and also with a guy when you try to date. the girls already know you and like you so your fears will have no effect on them.
So whenever you feeling that you may be boring, talk to your self and deny it. Tell yourself, that negative thought is not true, I am not boring, I am very interesting. A ffew minutes later the same thought will come, repeat the positive affirmation. you will become aware quickly of how often you hold on to the negative energy of these thoughts and your poor subconscious mind can only do one of the things it is made to do, to change your behaviour to make your beliefs or your prediction come true so that in the end, it could become a real issue with you slowly becoming a boring person. Right now you are not. Even if you were, using the same tactic, you can climb out of the hole. It wont be instant like a day or two but consist work on yourself for weeks. Its a bad habit and at minimum takes a month to change a habit...but I have found it to be longer sometimes like 6 weeks or so.
If its only idea's you lack and no things in commom to share about or nothing has happened in your life to have to share with them, then make up stories about a supposed relative, or person you saw at the mall or park and tell the funny story. I still do this today. I might get inspiration from an oddly dressed person I saw and just embellish on telling how I reacted to it or what I thought. Lets say it was a long haired blonde with a high shrill nasal voice and then they turn around and I am watching cus of the odd voice and realize it wasnt a female but a male with full beard and then I try to mimic the funny voice to get them laughing. Then ask if they've ever known anyone or met someone with a weird sounding voice. Its pretty easy if you're sharing tiny stories like that. Most likely it will cause your friend to think of their own similar story to tell and they share. If they dont speak up, then you ask them. If not, try another angle...can you imagine dating a guy who sounds more female than you do? No matter how nice a guy, it would irritate me too much eventually. What about you?

Do you see how you can keep conversation going...using yourself, your experiences and your opinions as a spring board? If you have trouble in only one specific area, just give me the details and I will try to help more.
Good luck dear.

I'm going into 8th grade and super scared that I will get bad grades or something. Should I be worried?

Have you asked yourself why you have these fears? Is it something you've heard from others who've completed 8th grade already? Do you feel since its a year away from high school that it is more likely to be more serious and harder? Do you believe yourself to have a learning disorder like dislexia or another and feel the disorder may cause you to have troubles?
Worry and fear and being scared are all the same, they are based on feelings that are not grounded in reality. We hear something or have a negative thought and entertain that thought by thinking more about the negative thing and expanding on the scary thought until we have a full fledged horror/suspense movie playing in our heads about how things will go in the future, a movie created just by our thoughts.
Teen years are ones we are concerned about how we do in everything, how we appear and being liked and accepted by others and if there is a problem in any area, we feel our life is over.
8th grade is no different than any other grade as a having a possibility for you to come across something you have difficulty getting and learning. >The thing is to ask for help as soon as you have a problem. Never feel bad if you still don't understand when someone explains cus in some cases, there will be things you struggle with just as I did that I really didn't begin to do fairly good with until my late 20's or later. My big problem was algebra. Teachers noticed my struggle and I ended up switched to a class of nothing but kids who struggled with Algebra, instead of embarrassed, it was a relief to have the pressure to keep up. The pace was slower. When I didnt understand I went up to the teacher to ask him to explain. I still feel sorry for the poor guy. LOL He was so patient to keep trying different ways to explain the same concept and when he asked if I understood, I had to tell the truth, I didn't. Just be sure to ask for help and if the teacher doesnt have the time, check with your school counselor if there is a special class for those who struggle with a particular concept, or tutor help available. Be sure to let your parents know so they can help support you. Good luck!

I am 20 years old girl.I am from Bnagladesh. 2 years ago I met a boy on facebook.He was from the another city of my country.I never add unknown people. Actually I was searching someone from his company. And I sent friend request to him. But after chatting I came to know that he was not the one. I decided to remove him. But from his old status I came to know that he lost his mother last year. I really felt bad. And decided not to remove him. We became friends. We used to chat for long time. He shared a lot of things with me so did I. He was a nice boy. He cared for me. I forgot to take my medicine. He asked me everyday that I took my medicine or not. He asked my opinion about his business card. I mean he gave me priorities. But after 2 months don't know what happened he started to change. He didn't reply me back like before. I didn't ask why. And I started to realize that I like him. I felt bad about it that how I fall in love with someone on internet. I decided to move on and not to talk to him anymore. But that time it seemed very difficult to me. I decided to remove him. One night I knocked him and told him something about my family and then told him that I am going to remove him. He said please tell me the reason. I told him and removed him.but still I used to message him and he replied me. That time I came to know from other source that he hided things from me. He didn't told me that his father got married few days ago. He told me that he had a girlfriend for one year but he never loved her. But I came to know that after that he also had a girlfriend almost for 3 years. But he didn't tell me anything about it. After one months I added him again. He accepted friend request and talked to me like nothing happened. Everything became normal again. I gave him my number. We started to chat on whatsapp. Almost like before. It was my birthday. I asked for gift. He asked what I want. I told as your wish. He told me to ask for something. I told him that you won't be able to give me. He asked me what. I didn't want to tell him. But he forced me and requested me to tell what I want. I told him that I liked him seriously and I really wanted to spent my life with him. He told me that we didn't meet each other ever so we shouldn't think about it. After that I didn't knock him. After one day he knocked me and told me that he added me on his new facebook id.in which he refused me to add before, he told me that this account was for his family.one day i called him and we talked for the first time. That day he told me about his father marriage. We talked for 20 minutes. And he was nice. After that we used to talk. His birthday was coming I decided to send him a gift. I asked for his address but refused to give it to me. But I knew his addressed already so I sent the gift. And he accepted it. There was his another female friend. She also liked him. She also send him gift but he didn't accept it. I came to know from someone. And on his birthday he called me and said that I am crazy. But he was happy.every thing was going well. One day I knocked him on whatsapp and after sometime he replied. Like he always does. But I felt something is wrong. Don't know why!!! But my mind telling me that something is wrong. I felt that he was not replying me. Someone else was doing it. And the person tried to insult me. I knew that he couldn't talk to me like that. I end the conversation. I was so upset that he allowed someone to reply me by his phone. After 7 days I knocked him and asked about the matter. He told that it wasn't he. I asked who it was. He told it was his colleague. But he didn't tell the name. I got very angry. He tried to explain me that it wasn't international. But I didn't pay any heed to his talk. I asked him how could he allowed someone to message me. He said that his colleague borrowed his phone for some work and I knocked that time and she replied. She also deleted the message but told him what she wrote. And she did it for fun. I was so angry. I shouted at him. And told him not to contact me ever. At last he also got angry and told me that I was just a facebook friend to him nothing else and he never thought about me.
After that I found out the girls name. She is 1 year older than him. She also proposed him. But he said no. Before that happened I contact him again almost after 3 months. He also did. One day he called me we talked for so long. And after one day the girl tried to commit suicide and admited hospital but he didn't go to see her. When I heard about it I really felt bad. Its been 6 months. We don't talk like before. He doesn't reply like before. I also ask him that if he has any problem to talk to me he can tell me directly I won't contact him again. But he says he has no problem to talk to me. But still he doesn't reply every time. I also don't knock him like before. I come to know that the girl come back in his life.they talk to each other.but they are friend. He never tell me anything about it ever. I found it out from another source. I still miss him. Want to talk to him. But when I remember about the girl I stepped back. And didn't knock him. Don't what to do.

I can't say what his problems or issues are. But I see that you have a hard time making a decision and sticking with it.

I don't blame him for not replying to you as he did in the past. Your inability to stick to a decision very likely has him thinking you were leading him on, and that means pretending an interest in him when there really wasn't any.Of course, you are 20 and still young, even though you may feel grown up. So you don't have much experience yet.

The first problem I saw was that as soon as you saw you had the wrong person, you intended to stop talking to him and remove him as a friend on facebook but that is not what you did. You have a caring heart and felt sorry for him because he lost his mother. But trying to befriend someone or having a dating relationship with someone based solely on the reason that you felt sorry for them, is not a good base to a relationship. He may be a nice guy but both of you made errors that will hurt a friendship. I always tell people that on line friendships or relationships are very limited and a poor imitation of the real thing face to face. I suggest that instead of trying to make friends on line first with a guy and then try to make him into a boyfriend, that you meet guys in person first.
But even before that dear, you really need to know what the purpose of dating is before you'll even have a clue as to how to act in a relationship.
At your point in age, the object is not to practice longevity of relationship, sticking together long term even if its not a perfect dating relationship. The object is not to prove to yourself or others that you can stick with someone long term...that comes in later years after you have a clue what kind of person you want to end up life long with.

Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.

Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.

If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband. It should work just as well at any age, including high school dating too.

Good luck dear.
Oh by the way, it is likely that a girlfriend of his intercepted your calls or messages and messed with you.

My sister got married recently and she and her husband have very different feelings about dogs. Our family has always had dogs. We love them and my sister can't imagine her children not having one. Her husband however doesn't like dogs. He had one when he was a kid, but has stated numerous times that he's not a dog person.

They've agreed to get a border collie, but her husband is insisting that the dog will stay at their ranch house and they will visit it only on occasion to make sure it has enough food and water. This is a very stupid idea. We had a border collie when we were young and he was incredibly friendly and energetic. Those dogs are known for being that way. If they got one and left it by itself all of the time with no one to play with and nowhere to run around. It'd be miserable and we would probably run away. This sounds mean but I'd hope it would run away and find a family that would love it and give it the attention it deserves.

I know my sister wants a dog and I want her and my nieces and nephews to have one to, but not of its going to be locked up all alone in a barn all of the time. Especially if it's a border collie or other friendly, energetic dog. I know whatever they do is out of my control, but is there any advice I can give them for the dog's sake?

If he's not a dog person, then is he a cat person instead? Or does he not like any animals at all?
If its really just dogs he doesnt like and he would like a dog that is more cat like, perhaps choose a dog that would be more cat-like.
Here's link for ideas of dogs like that
http://www.petmd.com/dog/slideshows/care/top-three-cat-like-dog-breeds

...although I've found the Pekingese to be quite unique, neither like a dog nor cat but closer to like a cat in behavior, especially in play..we used to own one.

Sis is married to him and so a compromise would be nice but if he wont then theres nothing she can do. Another possibility is that you get a dog and have the nieces and nephews over to visit often and play with your pet(s).

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>