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third wheel? can't get her off my mind
There's this girl and I really began to like her. I'm in a messy relationship and stuff keeps going downhill. This girl I met is what seems to be perfect for me in every aspect of the word. We just met but she's beautiful in every sense of the word.we are both in a college group and there's this guy that she also began talking to. They text and are always together and I feel as though I'm pushed off to the side. I know this isn't good for me and I should get the hell out but I don't know what to do.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Deal with the relationship you are in and figure out to move on from it. Secondly, you have no idea who this guy is or his role with the new girl. She may not be with him other than a friend. And if she is with him it's okay.
All you do then is put your desire for her aside and just be a friend like you are to other people. Get to know her and see what life brings. It's better to be a friend than nothing at all. You won't be with her all the time but so far she's done nothing to indicate you are a nuisance or third wheel.
You also have to cool your horses and slow down. You just met her and it's far too early to think possible girlfriend. You have to know her story and be friend's for awhile or she will run or think you creepy despite only having good intentions.
In a nutshell I advise you to WAIT and be a friend and learn more. Back off a bit and let her lead with the friendship. If nothing develops chalk it up as not to be. ABOVE ALL fix or end your current relationship and don't drag out any longer. If it's unhealthy end it.
You could mention to this girl next time you see her that you value her friendship and would like to continue it. However, you weren't sure who this guy was and didn't want any problems if they were together. You want both of them to be okay with your presence tell her.
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I don't know what you mean by messy but lets address that first since there are two separate concerns here.
I am assuming that whomever you are with right now, you are not happy with totally. I dont know also if she's totally happy with you. But for a relationship to be healthy and work, both people need to have that spark together and also be each others best friend. Someones both people will realize that they are settlings for less and their partner is not right for them. Doesn't mean anythings wrong with either person. They'll be the right one for the right person just currently with the wrong one. Do not hang onto her because you fear no one else will have you and dont hang on cus you are afraid of her being hurt. Of course people are hurt when relationships break up. In future years if she moves on and finds someone more perfect for her, she'll be grateful that you two split up.
If the two of you are perfect for each other but having issues, it could be due to inexperience in male-female relationships but you can learn, read up on and strive to be better and so can she. It takes will power to want to make the relationship the best it can be. Even two perfect for each other could have fights all the time if they were not mature enough to handle whatever comes up.
So decide first if you want to continue with the current girlfriend or not and then take action. . . which is having a good talk and working things out or breaking up.
If you are staying in the relationship, then you can admire the other girl from afar but not pursue her, even in thoughts. When thoughts of her come that you wish you were with her, you capture that thought and replace it with, "She may be wonderful, but my girlfriend/wife is a Goddess and perfect for me and I know I can not find anyone as special as her anywhere else."
iF you can't say that to yourself and believe it 100% then you are not meant to be with your current girl. It doesnt mean you are meant to be with #2 either though.
If you break up with her and are single again, only then is it right to pursue someone else.
All you said is that you met girl #2. You didn't provide detail so I know what happened in the meeting or two, words exchanged, her actions or body language so I can't tell you if you have done enough initially so she knows you have an interest in her. Your use of language sounds to me as if you are trying to convince yourself that either you are too late or that you don't have a chance with her. Your're not a teen in High school anymore. You're an adult, time to gain some self confidence and be secure in who you are. Not every girl is going to find you perfect for her and one who might be, may not be mature enough to realize it. Rest assured, the right one is out there and you may not find her at first try but each following dating partner should be an improvement in some way over the other in being more perfect for you.
Just because she is talking to another guy does not mean that she has made any commitment to him. Some girls and guys will go out on dates with several different people without having made any commitment to date solely them. I've done the same 2nd time around. I hung out with different guys in the same time period to get to know each one enough to be able to determine which of the bunch sounded most promising to me. Once I decided, I told the others I found someone else...they already knew I was seeing several guys at once to make a decision. Then I dated the one exclusively.
So either she is really friendly and enjoys talking to guys and hanging out with them, or she hasn't decided on anyone yet and because he is making a point to always hang around, other guys don't even try so she has no idea that others may be interested in her at the same time. Its possible, if so she doesnt know she has other options, she will be spending time only with him, or perhaps she has already decided to date him exclusively. If he hasn't also asked her to date him exclusively, she may be just one of a few gals he is checking out before he makes a commitment, or he could be the type of guy who doesnt make a commitment to a girl but enjoys female company of those he finds visually attractive.
You don't know what the situation may be until you give it a try. So try to engage her in conversation and ask if she is dating anyone exclusively right now. If not, then ask her out.
If you are too chicken to come right out and ask, a good way to know if she has interest in checking out other possible suitors would be to leave notes and gifts for her from a secret admirer. You tell in notes that so far you are attracted to what you see in her and want to spend time with her to get to know her better and possibly see if both of you may want to date each other. then one note tells her to meet her unknown admirer on such and such date, at a given time and place that you know is usually open on her schedule if she wants to come to know who you are. Then you go there and wait for her to show. If she doesnt, she's not interested in dating anyone right now or already has someone.
good luck!
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