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I've been talking to this guy
Hello, I'm nineteen and female, he is 19 as well. We started talking at the end of sophomore year in college and we parted ways for the summer where he went home to Jersey and I to Pennsylvania. However, we've been texting non stop everyday. A few times he's told me that he's changing his mind about commitment and how he wants a girlfriend and how he wants it to be me but I told him I was never in a very committed relationship so I told him I need time to think if that's what I want. He knows I like him and care about him and I know he cares about me so he let me think about it. I went away with my family for a weekend to our cabin in the mountains and didn't have any cell service, when I came back and we were talking again, he was different and I asked him what was wrong and he said while I was gone, he did some thinking that he doesn't want a girlfriend anymore and that hurt because while I was away, I decided that I wanted to be with him and commit to him but he changed his mind.
I got over that and we were still talking like we used to, hanging out and hooking up and being cute. That lasted for a while until I noticed him not being the same again and we talked about it and he said he's losing feelings, he still cares a lot but not as much as he used to. So, I gave him space. I thought we weren't really getting along and I thought it was best that we got over each other. It's been a few days that we haven't talked since he said that and we got into a fight about how every time I wanted to give up on us, he always pulled me back telling me we can work it out but when he wants to pull away, I can never bring him back.
It's been a few days and he texted me and just asked what was up, like nothing happened so I blatantly asked where he was on the scale of being over this and me and he said it definitely isn't a ten. I was on my way to fully getting over him and ever since he said that, it's like it drew me back to him.
I just can't seem to get over him and it sucks. I deleted his number and told him I need time away to get over him because he's definitely working on getting over me as our conversations are getting so short and we fight all the time and he isn't being cute to me like he used to. I even unfollowed him on twitter and instagram so I don't have to see him or hear from him and we even got into a fight about that. He doesn't understand the whole "out of sight, out of mind" thing and I told him that's what that was that if I don't see his face on instagram, it would be easy for me to get over him and he got mad at that.
I'm just getting sick of the games. I thought that if I talked to him about other guys that that would help me to get over him, like hanging out wise. He even got mad at that saying "I don't care what you do with them, I'm not involved. Don't talk to me about other guys that you would give a change, it's like you're rubbing them in my face." But I brought up that he can talk to me about his work friends ALL THE TIME to which he said "yea, work friends, not girls that I would date or hook up with." I'm sick of the games and the double standards and how when he says one thing, it just draws me right back to him.
So, the point of this is.. why do you think we fight all the time (as that is what broke up apart mostly) and why is he getting so mad at me for the dumbest things? He decided he didn't want to be with me yet he gets mad at me when I talk about other guys. And, lastly, how do I get over him?
Thanks.
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At your age I had no idea what I was looking for in a guy other than he had to attend church and say he was a Christian. I had no other requirements. The thing is...knowing what you want is important to know before you ever get close to the committed stage and even then, things can change and you have to back out of the committed stage and start all over.
A girls emotions seem to get deeply involved easier and faster than a guy will. Its even worse if theres romance or sex. But this is part of the dating process, if we keep our hearts open to be able to love, then we risk getting hurt. If we wall up our hearts to protect ourselves, then even when the right person does come along, they can't get close to you because of the wall you are hiding behind. I knew a man who finally broke up with his wife when in their 50's saying he just could never get past the protective wall she built up after hurts early in her life. The walls prevented him from ever bonding at a deep intimate level with her and he just got tired of trying. So don't close off your heart. It helps to know what the dating process is about to help lessen the chances of making mistakes on your part that bring about this kind of hurt so write on about dating.
At your point in age, the object is not to practice longevity of relationship, sticking together long term even if its not a perfect dating relationship. The object is not to prove to yourself or others that you can stick with someone long term...that comes in later years after you have a clue what kind of person you want to end up life long with.
Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.
Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.
If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband. It should work just as well at any age, including high school dating too.
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Hi angel!! Wow!!! Your hands are full!!!
Ive been in your situation,and it sucks so bad!!
So,let's start with this dude. He's definately playing a tug of war with you which is not right.Playing with someone's emotions is careless,as that what he has done
Now then,your heart is heavy,and I understand.
It seems to me like he doesn't know what he wants!
He may also have liked the convinience of having someone around but not really committed.
Also,you may have heard of the term''I don't want to be alone,but I also want to be alone''
It may be where he is at right now.He doesnt know what he wants.
I applaud your efforts into getting him ''out of site and out of mind''
Sometimes when you train your mind into thinking that youre over the person you like,chances are your mind will get the message and he will be out of site and mind.
Distract yourself with various activities.How about painting? Maybe take an acting class and be the next Jennifer Lawrence?!! How about writing a kids book? Choose something that will grab your intrest while also being fun and rewarding you to make a positive choice in your life!!!
Be blessed!
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