|
i know hes fallen for me but i dont know if i have for him
I'm a 22 year old girl. For about a year now I met a wonderful guy with a great personality. We click and get along so well. We see a lot of things similarly. He would be the ideal guy for me except im not attracted to him. I think he senses that im not but he always tells me how much he cares about me and that he's glad to have me in his life. At one point he did tell me he had feelings for me but at the time I had a boyfriend and it was a complicated situation. My boyfriend at the time and I were going through some issues and he was there for me when I needed to vent. But anyway, now, after regaining our close friendship, its obvious he wants to be with me but I don't know if I see myself with him in the future because of the lack of physical attraction. I feel selfish a lot of the times because I know he wants more but I wouldn't give it to him. He says hes glad and appreciative of our friendship but I know he would love to have me as his own. I also just got out of a relationship with that guy I mentioned earlier so I'm not into dating anyone new right now in the hopes of being serious. I just want to continue to further my life for me. I tell him this but he always tells me to never shut the possibility out of being happy again and meeting someone. He always hints that I would be the perfect girl for him and I just feel so bad that I cannot return that feeling. He's in my life a lot and I can't just remove myself from his life. I also dont want to lose him as a friend. I honestly dont know what to do anymore. I feel guilty at this point.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Stay friends anything more Could ruin your friendship
]
Dating is less about being a social activity and more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what it is you like in a current partner, while also making note of things that are not right, like as you said, no attraction, spark or chemistry that is also an important part of a relationship. Another thing to look for is any disrespectful or destructive behavior.
When you come up against things like that which aren't good enough, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years until you find the right one.
If you are afraid of ending it cus you dont want to hurt him, try to picture yourself married to him for the next 30 years, not attracted sexually and no romantic spark. Could you actually do it? If so, why would you choose that? If you can't do it, thats good cus you shouldn't.
Imagine how much more it will hurt him over the years to consistantly not have his love returned. oNE or the other of you could become so frustrated that you are driven to either have affairs or get a divorce AFTER children have come into the mix, not fair to them if you were aware of the issue before marriage.
So don't feel bad, this is a part of life and happens often and is normal.
]
Dear,Why you are feeling guilty? Its normal that you don't feel the same for him.Just because someone cares for you doesn't mean that you also have to do the same.You consider him as your friend. And you told him clearly about your feelings.So you are not giving him any wrong signal. So don't feel guilty. Give yourself time. May be one day you will feel the same for him. You know people feelings change. And may be one day you will find him attractive. But whatever you feel make it clear to him. Never lie to him or to yourself. And yes never compromise in a relationship.
Good Luck!!
]
More Questions: |