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I need to ask my parents for something big. How do I do it?
I'm a 14 year old girl and at the beginning of this year my family and I moved about 6 hours away from our hometown for my dad to pursue a job opportunity. The thing is, I want to go back home. He has job offers there, but he wants to stay with this company so he turned them down and transferred here like his current company wants him to. He probably had good reason for doing so, so I tried not to complain. At first I handled the loss of my friends and boyfriend through cutting. No I'm just depressed and cry myself to sleep. If I told my parents this, they wouldn't take me seriously and sure as heck wouldn't get me a therapist. They treat me like my 8 year old brother. I learned about sex and my period from friends because I never got the talk from my mother and they still think that I believe in Santa and all of that magic stuff. They will not take me seriously ever. I need to go back home, I'm falling apart and I'm not myself anymore. I'm beginning to diet in an unhealthy way because I hate my body and I cut again because I hate my mind. I need to go home ASAP. How do I ask them to move back????
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
You need to talk to a teacher, counselor, friend's parent or adult you can trust. Outline to them your situation and how you feel depressed and not taken seriously by adults in your life. Mention the cutting.
You need to. You need help. It's not normal and signs that something is going on mental-health wise. Have them advocate for you to your parents as they would trust other adults or those that are their peers.
They can point out you have been miserable and can't fit into your new situation. That doesn't mean you will move back home. If you work with a counselor or medical professional on being depressed over time you might find yourself liking your new situation. At least you will be armed with coping skills.
I know it hurts to lose everything you had though but eventually something positive will unfold for you no matter where you are. The cutting likely doesn't have to do with this move. There's something else that drives it.
Tell someone about your diet too. It needs to be stopped. You have to seek out an adult who can support you and start to make things bearable.
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Dragonflymagic is correct in that this problem need intervention from another adult. There is something else you need to know about depression. Since I have been through depression myself I think I can understand how you feel and can explain a little bit about why you feel as you do.
You cut because you want to feel something, anything but the mental pain you are feeling from the loss of your friends, school and the town you have grown up in. While the cutting itself can be very harmful if you cut in the wrong place it is also understandable as to why you do so.
Another reason for why you cut is perception. Depression causes pain. Pain causes anxiety, anxiety causes pain. This cycle continues and throws are entire perception of the world around us off. I'm not saying that what you see or what you are saying is wrong. It is what you perceive and that makes it real. I find it hard to believe that if you were to go to mom or dad show then the scars from your cutting that they would not want to take you to the professionals you need to get the help you need for the depression you are suffering.
Since you perceive they will not help you this is why you need another adult to talk to and to help you make your parents aware that you need help. This is where a trusted teacher, a school principal or even the 911 service can be of help. If this weekend you feel cutting DON'T; CALL 911 INSTEAD. You never need adult permission to call 911 for help. Tell the call taker you have been cutting and want to cut yourself now. The call taker will send help to you.
If you can wait until school is open then go to any teacher or the principal and show them your scars. Tell them how you feel and why you have been cutting. They are required to protect you and they will make the calls needed to get you help and to see to it that your parents are made aware and that this help is continued.
The fact that your mom has not had "The Talk" with you could be for two reasons. The first she may be waiting for you to come to her when your first period arrived. The second she does not want you to grow up and by not having the talk she thinks she is keeping you innocent. Again perception is in play here. Mom knows she can't ignore your period and have it not arrive. As a onetime teenager she knows the pressure you will be under to have sex. Unless she wants to be a young grandmother it is important to have the talk with her children at the onset of puberty. I want to believe she was waiting for you to come to her. Why I can't explain but I do know some moms are like that.
As for the Santa thing; that may be more for your 8 year old brothers’ benefit than anything else. My parental instincts tell me mom and dad are aware you know Santa is not real but wants to keep the fantasy alive for another year for your brothers’ benefit. Once again perception is at play here.
It is my belief that you may be suffering from depression longer than you think; I now know I was. The move and the loss of your friends and community were the straws that brought the depression to the surface. You need professional help for your depression before asking to move back.
Home by definition is: where your family lives. By that definition you are home. With the help of a good therapist you will get over your depression, stop your cutting and learn to deal with major upheaval your fathers work has caused. You may always yearn to move back to wear you use to live but for now as long as you are a minor you have to deal with where your family takes you.
My advice is: IF you need help between now and when you go to school; call 911. When you get to school talk to a teacher, the nurse or the principal; they will help you.
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If it is not just how you are perceiving your parents, but that they truly haven't got a clue, then you will need help, another adult to approach your parents with you to have a talk with them so they take this seriously. You can go talk to a school counselor and ask them to help tell your parents how the move as affected you emotionally. THey need to know what effect it is having on you even if they cant move back because you are going to need help, understanding and support. Dont think that a school counselor doesnt handle this sort of thing or doesnt care. In todays time, your kind of situation is becoming quite common and should be taken seriously because if you do not get some people on your side to help you deal with this and overcome you grieving the loss of friends and your hometown, then it will only get worse with your grades likely dropping or dropping out of school. A kid who is hurting with parents who pay you no attention will try to get attention any way they can, even bad attention by getting in with the wrong crowd and getting into trouble, drinking, drugs, not just the cutting, perhaps end up doing serious crime and ending up in juvenile hall. or worst of all, getting so depressed that one takes their own life. So dont think you can handle this alone. If not a school counselor, perhaps there is an adult relative you are close to. Someone you can talk to easily and who pays interest in your life. If you have someone like that, an aunt or grandmother, talk to them. Tell an adult what you told us and ask them to help approach your parents to talk to them because you didnt believe they would take you seriously.
Good luck dear. If you need to talk again, just write.
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