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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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My grandparents are extremely important to me and I don't use to be like that. I used to feel that I might die if anything happened to them however lately I started to feel disgust(not exactly but dont noe wat else) and can't feel anything when they are sick. Once my grandfather had a heart attack and all I could think of was "I should be worried". I have problems with my father who repeatedly make troubles bcause he kept thinking badly of my grandparents ( they were my mother's parents).I also use to hate my father but recently can't bring myself to. Everything simply went opposite. Deep down I knew it was because I unconsciousLy chose it this way as a defensive mechanism. What I want to know is, how I can change my mindset again? I KNOW I love my grandparents and don't want to be that unfilial child that can't feel anything even when they die.I know it sounds rlly ironic but everything I mentioned is true

So is it that you have no feelings only toward dad and grandparents? What about Mom and siblings and other relatives or even friends?

If you feel this way toward ALL people, this may be an disorder you have, which seeing a mental health doctor would be the best remedy for. I have heard of one that is called a disassociative disorder but I am no doctor

Since you mentioned problem with the father and it sounds like some of those are on going, it's probably more likely that this is a defensive mechanism. I had one of my own when married to a verbally abusive man. A counselor friend who had done the same in past, could see me using my defense mechanism long after I left the ex, would point it out each time I did it. I told other of what I would do at times, so if they saw me doing it, they too could call me on it and slowly I began to do it less and less. Not everyone can heal themselves that easily and it may take more professional help. You may not be able to get rid of this defensive stance until things have been resolved with the dad, if not, you may subconsciously still feel the need to use it. You didn't say if you had any bad treatment/issues with the grand-parents, so I can't say for sure if they caused it in part too like dad. A defense mechanism, as I found, I began to use out of habit with everyone, not only the one who caused me to have to create it in the beginning. So if you're not doing the same thing with others, that leaves a big question why in my mind. Best thing is to see a doctor on this.

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Hi 15F.. Me and "̮м̣̣̣̥γ̥"̮ bf *̩s 2gether for almost 2 weeks now. And *̩ went 2 his house today ( "̮м̣̣̣̥γ̥"̮ mom send "̮м̣̣̣̥γ̥"̮ feiend 2 watch over us) and *̩ wanted 2 go tomorrow again coz *̩ don't see him over vacation. She said no. And that *̩ am "going after" him. Help plzz?

Have you and the parents ever formally sat down and discussed dating rules and boundaries, or when you are allowed to have male friends, at what age can you have private dates, etc.

Moms of teen boys don't have to worry about him coming home pregnant or raped so more often, there's not as many rules, if none for boys. I raised 3 girls. So I didn't want them, raped, pregnant or such. But I did want them to be able to have time hanging out with boyfriends, male friends, so the rule was, he was welcome to hang out at our house when I was at home so I could keep an eye on them. If they both got to the point where they had such strong feelings for each other that they really wanted to have sex together, my stipulation was that they come to me and I'd make sure to get them on the pill and that there'd be condoms to use. Not a single one of the guys ever interested in my daughters had the guts to come hang at our house though. All my daughters decided on their own to wait until they graduated highschool before having sex.
So as you can see, it depends on the parent but there are compromises that can be made, however you have to have a good talk before you can find out what the rules are and if they will give you a choice in the matter.

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To start off, I'm 20, female and I've always only been in straight relationships. I really haven't dated that much and I've only had one sexual partner who I've been with for 2 years and we're engaged.

I love my fiance, I do but I don't really see a wedding happening anywhere in the close future mostly because they're very expensive. He's a good man with a good job, he's handsome, sweet and loves me to death. Of course we have typical relationship issues.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot that I might be happier with a woman.
I love a lot of what are considered by America "feminine" topics and activities such as fashion, beauty, shopping, getting my nails done, cooking, baking, going out to eat, reading, poetry, interior decorating, art, ect. I have a love for all things beautiful, sparkly or cute.

I hate all the manly things my fiance and exes always seem to do. Such as playing countless video games, most masculine hobbies, wearing dirty or old clothes, not caring about nutrition or cleanliness, ect. I think a lot of men dress and act the same . My friend's will say "OH HE'S SO HOT!" and I'll look at him and not understand at all and whenever a female friend talks about sex with a guy I get disgusted and even a little irritated.

I hate sex with a penis. It's annoying and I find it very boring. I try to postpone sex as much as possible. My fiance and I tried different things but I just do not like it. I even hate looking at a penis. I've never given him oral because I do not want to go near that thing. I've never had an orgasm. Anything "sex with a man" is an instant turn off for me. I don't appreciate his body although I know he's attractive.

Of course I've seen lesbian pornography and it always seemed so much better. More sexy, loving and passionate. Not just some guy trying to force his penis into things until he comes. I think women are beautiful, the whole feminine form is very pretty to me and I love all of the pretty makeup, outfits and cute hair styles.

Sometimes when I look over at him asleep in bed I wish it was a pretty female form to cuddle up with. I daydream about having a life with another woman full of beautifully decorated homes, fashion, cooking, walks on the beach, ect. Where we pick out stylish clothes for each other and go out on the town and laugh at all the ugly men hitting on us and then go home together.

All of my friends complain about the same masculine things in men but they keep putting up with it because "it's a guy thing". I can't imagine just tolerating it all for the rest of my life but at the same time I feel like finding a lesbian woman to date that's going to share all of my similar interests is far-fetched and maybe I should just take what I have and deal with it.

Should I just ignore it or what? How do I even go about really finding out if I'm lesbian?
Do I sound like I am (because I feel like I do)?


The best thing may be to break off the engagement until you can discover for yourself who you are and define yourself. In most adults, this doesn't happen until late twenties like 27,28,29. You have a ways to go until having lived and experienced enough to make the best decisions for your life.

I married at age 20, a church going guy like me. So no sex before marriage. then once married, I discover we are a sexual mismatch. Nothing about him turned me on. I never had orgasms from him. He was one of those, put the penis in til he comes and he's done. So in naiveness I thought that sex and romance was overrated and not for real. I had no idea. About 5 yrs before I left and divorced him, he wanted to try swing clubs to 'spice' up our marriage, cus he found me to be lacking, and I the same with him. We just didn't have chemistry/that pheremone connection, plus he didn't care to learn how to please me first before seeking his own pleasure.

You might be lesbian....but perhaps you have bi-sexual tendencies. Only you wouldn't know if you could be happy with a guy too because up til now, the only guys you've run across have no clue what they are doing yet. Too many 20something males seek their own pleasure first, or if they focus on her first, they only allot a short amount of time, not enough for her to become aroused and have her orgasm. My new husband works on me until I've had multiple orgasms before he takes time to get his. And some nights, the focus is totally me. It's like night and day in comparison to what I had before with the ex.

From actually attending the swing club with the ex for a while, I came to meet many bisexual females. I discovered the majority of them did not like men in general but for one exception, their husband. The husband knew he had her love, was secure with that and understanding that she enjoyed females, not just one but often quite a few. At early twenties, finding understanding guys, may be difficult;. It might be better for you to enjoy females for most your 20's and once guys have grown up and matured a bit, maybe 27 to 35, in age, then keep your mind open if you meet that one guy that really attracts you. Check him out if you can enjoy him sexually. But don't string along the fiancee because you are unsure.

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So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years this month. I can honestly say he is the one I want to spend my life with and we've discussed plans to get married within the next couple of years. He's funny, charming, and as cliche as this sounds, he's been my rock through some very hard times. I recently lost my father and he has been supportive in every way.

However, he is slightly narcissistic and it drives me crazy. I rarely voice my feelings when he does something small that upsets me, because I don't want to cause an argument if I can simply get over it. So when I do confront him, it's because I am very upset. But even when I calmly tell him why he has upset me, he tells me that I'm overreacting. He never thinks that he does anything wrong.

For example, we have a long distance relationship. He said that he'd be leaving Monday to come stay with me for a couple days. Monday came and I was so excited. I called him to see what time he'd be leaving and he said "I'm not coming until tomorrow. My boss really needed me to take an extra shift so I couldn't say no." I asked him when his boss asked him to do that, and it had been several days before and he just didn't tell me. When I told him that I was upset, he got angry and told me that I was being inconsiderate and that he has a responsibility to show up for his job. I totally understand that and had no problem with him picking up a shift for his boss; I was upset about him not telling me that during one of our many conversations about our plans for Monday. He told me that I was overreacting and that just because I was going through a hard time doesn't mean I can treat him like crap. I told him that it's unfair to turn every fight around on me. If I'm upset with him, he never apologizes. My being angry is a result of something else like "being on my period" or "going through a tough time." HE NEVER DOES ANYTHING WRONG.

And it's not just when we fight. He thinks that all of his interests are exciting and mine are not. While I listen to him talk about football for hours on end and I do actively listen and respond, when I talk about something I like, he immediately says things like "why do you like that? that's so boring"

We go to the mall and he complains the WHOLE time, even though we never spend more than 2 hours there and he has stores that he likes to go in. In fact, we go in the stores he likes, and he shows me every little thing that catches his eye, and if we spend more than 5 minutes in a women's store, he starts complaining or talking about how ugly everything is.

He said he hates the mall because walking around for that long hurts his back. (I suppose he wants me to feel bad) but when he wants to golf, we'll spend anywhere from 2-5 hours on the course and his back is FINE.

I don't know if he acts this way because he's an only child and his parents worship the ground he walks on, but I'm about to go crazy. Normally I wouldn't stand for this kind of behavior, but otherwise he's an amazing boyfriend, and really does do so much for me. He's not selfish by any means, he takes me out on dates all the time, and really does treat me like a queen... but he's also very into himself. That's why I don't know how to bring this up to him. He'll get mad and think I'm being ridiculous, even if I point out the facts and all the times he's been rude to me.

How do you tell a narcissist that they're doing something wrong?

Hmm, you say he's a good guy but you had a heck of a lot more things to say about what's not right. I've had opportunity close up to see what a narcissistic husband is like. Made friends with a neighbor and her husband was one. As her friend, being over alot, he began to try to treat me the same way...all the stuff you mentioned.

You want to know if he acts this way cus he's an only child? NO, this has nothing to do with being an only child. This is actually a mental disorder. You can find it in this listing of mental disorders:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mental_disorders

And here's wiki's description of the disorder. I call it the "God complex" because a person with the disorder believes they are superior to anyone else, and want to take away your personal choice and make them all for you. So it may SEEM like they are doing lots of nice things for someone, but if something else is asked for, they become like a wrathful God and want to make you pay.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

Considering that his parents already believe he is perfect, they are either lying to themselves or totally oblivious so they won't be of help to convince him to see a psychologist.
So is there a way to tell him he's doing wrong? NO Because they won't take anything that hints they may not be perfect, and all knowing. My worst incident was popping in just as the neighbors husband was finishing making a meal. I was offered a glass of wine. He invited me to eat with them but I said I'd already eaten. He was pissed that I didn't want to eat the meal he cooked. He said that a lack of appetite was a sign of depression and I should go see a doctor. His statement was ludicrous, and when his wife dared to remind him I said I'd already eaten, he turned on her. "You dare disagree with me? Take that wedding ring off right now, put it here, you and I are done forever!" and he pounded the table with his finger. She went quiet and said no more. He placed a plate of food at the end of table where I stood sipping my wine and said sit and eat. I thanked him but said I was full, maybe another time. He turned on me and in a raised voice shaking a finger, he advanced on me saying, "I know what's good for you too, so sit and eat." But he came at me so fast shaking his hand that when he got within a foot of me, I panicked and flung the contents of my wine glass at him and then made a quick escape. Another time while over there, I corrected him on something that she and I had done together, I think a movie we were discussing and who acted in it. He insisted it was a certain actor, I told him that it wasn't the guy. His angry response, "You dare to insult my intelligence?" And it scared me. I could never be in relationship with someone like that. Over time, he only got worse and worse. They moved away and the lady lucked out in that he died a year ago.
There is no such thing as an amount of narcissism that is okay and healthy. Relationships or marriages with a person like this will be really destructive. The best thing is to avoid getting into that relationship or leaving it. But it's not that easy to be rid of a narcissist even if you leave. My advice, leave him. If he threatens you, pesters you, get police involved.

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I am a lesbian and my gf I bi. She wanted to have a threesome with a guy I decided to fulfil her fantasy. I seen a guy I approached him got his number we all hung out got comfortable we end up eventually doing the threesome now a few weeks later my gf text me asking for his number she said its nothing I just need to ask him a question and I said what do you possibly have to ask him. I am entitled to know why correct? And she wants him again thats why she is contacting him correct?

Did you ask yourself why it is so important to you to know 100% for sure why she wants to see him? I've known plenty of married folk in alternative sex situations.
One of the greatest issues that comes up is a fear of loss, mainly loss of the person to someone else. This fear of loss is jealousy. And yes, a person can feel jealous just from imagining what a situation might be, even if it isn't true.

The second thing that arises is a feeling of not measuring up. Comparing oneself to someone else, such as a mates other partner. The comparisons most of us make are unfair to ourselves and others. Most people fear that a partner will find someone better. Is chocolate ice-cream better than vanilla, is lasagna better than enchilada's?
The reason most things in our life are not better, is because of personal choice. We may like both entree's for their own personal blend of ingrediants, textures, and flavors. Humans are more complex than a meal, but the point I'm making is a real thing. The only time I can see a person making a better choice in a partner is if they are leaving someone who is physically, emotionally and mentally abusive, to someone who is loving and respectful and caring. Other than that, better is not the word to be worrying about.

As with all fears, once faced and brought out into the open, they disappear. How to do that? Well, you felt entitled to know. You are not, no matter how close you and gf are. If the two of you have been open books all along and share the whys of everything you do in your lives and all of a sudden she changed behavior, then I can see why it would alarm you. You can guess forever and never put fears to rest. You can ask her without demanding to know, or pleading to know.
After all, you must realize that with her being bi, there is always the chance of her not being in a relationship with just one sex but with both, once she finds one of each that appeal to her. Of the Lesbian's I have known or heard about, only one could handle multiple relationships, meaning she was not monogamous but polyamorous. So she could not find partners among lesbians cus they are for most part, monogamous and would consider anything else, cheating. So she had to seek out bi sexual polyamorous women, if she were to have more than one relationship with only women. That fact that you are lesbian and she, bi, means that there is always a chance of her finding another to add to her life, not replace another. Her nature just may be to be polyamorous while you are probably strict monogamous. The two can not mix and work out well.
You can let her know that you fear losing her if she someday gets hooked up with a man, whether this guy or someone else and you need reassurance from her. If you can bring up a talk about it, it's the first step toward healing for you. Since you cared enough to arrange a 3 some, you might try exploring if perhaps you have changed since you first discovered you were lesbian. Perhaps you are capable of being poly in some way. Read up on it on line. There are all sorts of formations of poly groups, especially in triads. 2 straight men who both have relationship with the one female, 2 females who have a relationship together but only one who has the added relationship with a male, and many other combo's. It takes a certain amount of maturity, it's harder than handling the issues of one relationship, but with set up boundaries agreed upon by all, and really great communication, it's possible. Good luck dear.

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I can take my knee cap and pull it out of where it's supposed to be (completly painlessly) And can easily put it back. It's not dislocated, because it only comes out if I try to pull it out. Does it mean I'm double jointed, because my sister could do the same thing with her elbow.

I am not a Doctor so I can't say if it means being double jointed. Just logically thinking, it doesn't sound like a good idea to be forcing your knee to do something it isn't meant to do. You can not know if showing off this ability over and over for friends will eventually later catch up with you in knee problems. The only way to really know would be to ask the family doctor.
I would have concerns of stretching ligaments beyond what they should normally do and leaving yourself open for a real knee injury from some kind of stress, due to falling, sports, etc.

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if im horny and a girl what do i do about it?

Adviceman covered it all very well. I agree. I am writing just to mention that I used to attend several different Christian churches that all taught it was a sin to masturbate. If interested in the story why as I was told, you can message me. But I can say it is a bunch of baloney. Many Teens these days suffer from great stress or even depression. Another good benefit to masturbation is the release of tension caused by stress which if not released, stress can build until one becomes depressed.
I do have one more thing to mention:
Since teens can not access a sex toy store, due to likelihood of pornographic items on the premises, you will have to search else where if you want to find a personal massager as well as using your own hands. Some will purchase a massager at a pharmacy. These cannot be used internally but work great on the clit. I have heard many girls write that they use the vibrating part of an electric tooth brush for that as well. If your mom is an openminded sort, you can always ask her to buy you your first vibrator.

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I really want to have sex with my boyfriend and at dsame tym he wants to finger and suck me....but I hvnt been sucked and fingered before.... am just scared cox he might say I get wet easily and maybe when he sucks me he might not like the taste of my Varginia.wat f he ends up sucking me and doesn't like the way my pussy tastes or feels

There is something called pheremones that either attract us to someone or don't. We are attracted like animals are to the scent of each other and that includes taste. This covers saliva, sweat, musk scent from genitals and the released lubrication liquids or ejaculation fluids, both from males and some females. Not all females have the connecting tube to ejaculate fluids in orgasm outside of the body, for some it flow's into the bladder instead of out.

So my guess is if he has no problem with kissing you or the scent of your sweat, he'll have no problem with the scent or taste of you down there.

Just lay back and enjoy.

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I'm 13 to, attempted suicide 3 times and hit 6 veins due to self-harming. I tried everything to know what to kill myself with. Now I don't self-harm because I'm to scared of my Mum seeing it, I forgot how it felt like to live. Now I ask God/Creator why he made joy when there was so much hate. I've been asking him the same question for over a year, he has never once replied. I've asked him for help, for a grave, for a new beginning, I have none of that. If you ask God to kill you he won't listen, he never will...

The way I've had it explained, God actually does attempt talking to us all the time, the problem is that we don't hear with our mortal ears, it has to be internally, hearing in our mind, like mental telepathy. And that is not an easy thing to do. Our intuitive giftings like that are seldom instantly able to hear from God or your Angels. It is like any muscle, needing plenty exercise before strong enough to work. It can also be considered like a radio station that is tuned just off station or not tuned to God's 'station' at all. So He's broadcasting but we aren't tuned in.

Trick is, the only way I found to become tuned in and able to begin hearing from God was after years of just talking to Him, not even asking for anything or for answers. So all I can advise you to do is keep talking to him. Perhaps ask Him to give you a sign that He exists.

As to why there is hate, well...God gave each one of his children a free will to make their own choices, even if their choices were to act the opposite of what their creator is like. If God chose to force us to become like him, to love him and desire to please God, then we'd be nothing more than like a robot that can be programmed, not having a choice of our own. God wants us to wish to come to him, be like him, not be forced to. And other than human parents who have allowed so much negative and evil to enter their life, most parents, like our Creator can not conceive of killing our own child. Imagine, you gave birth to a baby. A couple years later, you kill it because It wasnt happy.
Our world is imperfect, it still suffers much negative influences since the time of Lucifer's battle against God. God allowed even his angels a choice to be part of the family or not, and this one chose not to. and that has caused repercussions that life on this planet are still battling. God will not stop someone who is polluting the world or using ingrediants that aren't fit for humans bringing health related issues after a lifetime of eating. This falls under someones free will to do bad. Doesnt sound fair to the rest of us. Doesn't mean he doesnt love and care about us, it does make him sad. But God lives in each of us...a small piece of God is already there. In the Huna religion of ancient Hawaii, it is believed that God doesnt speak direct to our conscious mind but straight to our subconscious mind, who works like a switchboard operater of old time phones, and it relays the info immediately without any break in time so we assume it came straight to our conscious mind.

Problem is, our subconscious sometimes is at war with us, not cooperating. It may help to focus on doing meditating. It is when we quiet our mind, and it's not spinning out thoughts a million miles a minute, that God has a chance to get through. It can happen when we try to clear our mind by doing something over and over and focusing only on that one thing. One way is listening to a relaxing music, like wind-chimes and tibetan bowls. I have one that's a favorite of mine and will post here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5dU6serXkg

Another way to quiet your mind is focusing on your breathing and much easier for me when I try a pattern, rhythm, like two separate but quick breaths in and back out rather than taking the usual one breath in and out. Combining that with listening to the piece I attached, is a good way to begin teaching your mind to learn to empty itself of other thoughts. Harder said than done. Do it every day. Right first thing in morning or before bed is a good time. Each time you catch your mind thinking about school, that cute boy, your troubles, tell it to stop and focus on the sounds and the breathing. You will be fightin more thoughts at first than getting any meditating done. If you can set a timer and see how long you can go before your mind wanders again, after weeks and months you will see a difference and most likely will begin to hear from God.
So what does He sound like? It's funny but its not a big booming voice in your head, in fact the thought to me sounds like my own thought, like my own voice. The only way I have learned to know when it is God instead is when I hear a suggestion to try something that I don't want to do cus I am scared or something. So at first you will doubt you hear from God but go with it and keep telling Him that you are trying to hear him and what you are doing you believe to be from him, if its not, then ask for new direction. It's hit and miss in the beginning but you can get there hon. I was able to do this already as an older teen like 17,18. If you get too busy to think of God, He won't intrude in your world. You need to ask him to walk with you step by step through your day, that you want him there to help you make it through another day. Here's an interesting one, try asking God to send someone to you that he can use to give you a hug through. Of course he doesn't have mortal arms but He does use others to do things like this. You right now need to know He cares. So ask this without telling people what you asked God and wait for someone to give you a hug and you can know that God just gave you a sign He cares. I know I am rambling on. So if you have any difficulties with this, feel free to write me. I'd like to encourage you to keep with this. Once you have the ability to really hear from God, you may find it very comforting. Problems may not disappear, because our souls are here on earth for the purpose of learning things through hardship, but in the middle of hard times, there can still be blessings and love and joy and accomplishments and having God to encourage you and gently direct you which way to go is something very special.
One last thing, if I asked a question that really wasn't going to help me grow spiritually, God didn't answer me either. So a year of asking what you did got no answers for probably a good reason, it doesnt pertain to what you really need in your life right now and since there is no answer that could satisfy you anyways, with where you are at right now, it's best for God not to answer that. I suggest you ask God, God how can I please you. What is there that you wish for me to do? When I began to ask those questions, I was an adult already with kids of my own. But GOD did answer. One time He actually said, I can't answer you that right now because you are not ready yet spiritually for the answer but when you are, I will tell you. Two years later, at a time I wasnt meditating or praying, God just popped into my mind and refered to my question and answered it. He was right. If he had told me two years earlier, I wouldn't have been ready to believe it.
Good luck dear.

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so i dumped this guy and now he is calling me stupid telling people i am dating these ugly guys and calling me gay in the bad way but i wish he meant happy i don't even like him anymore so i need you help on what to do any advice would be nice thanks! i love typing lol but also please help!

He is doing what he is doing because he is immature and this is his way of acting out a tantrum like a little child. He is mad that he didn't get what he wants, you, regardless if you have anything in common or any chemistry together. Now that you see his true colors, be happy you are no longer dating him.

Ignore him. If you talk to him regarding what he is saying or ask him to stop, you give him the satisfaction of having upset you or bugged you. If you do not react, then there will be no reason for him to continue. If he does go on for a while, perhaps he has a mental illness as well, and then its doubly good you're not with him any more.

Any friends and fellow students who are mature and true friends will never listen to him anyways.

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I hope some of you will read this.

The thing is, I've been in a long distance relationship with my ex for 3 and a half years, and he broke up with me 2 months ago.
We have been broken up before for the obvious reason, the distance, but have gotten back together again cause we couldn't let go.

but when it happened 2 months ago, we made a promise that we would still be friends and have contact and be there for each other, just not that often. And this week he texted me for the first time since, saying that he had felt really bad lately due to some trouble that is going on in his life and asked me if we could talk one day, only if I wanted to of course.

And even though I still need more time to forget about our past and because that I miss him, I accepted. Since I know he would do the same for me.

We talked this night, and it was allright. He explained to me what was going on in his life that bothered him a lot. Family, work, ect. And of course I listened to him and gave feedback.

Other than that, I asked him how his birthday was in October where he turned 24, how I was doing, and about my next birthday in april where I'll turn 20. He even said that he would definitely like to see me on my birthday. I said he didn't have to, but he insisted. That made me happy regardless.

But the thing is, there were many times in the conversation where as soon as I was about to talk about something that had to do with us (which I wasn't even trying to do), he didn't want to talk about it and tried to change the subject. I have 3 examples from the top of my head:

1) When I told him how weird I felt with him writing to me, he immediately joked with it (not in a mean way) by asking if I thought it was because he wanted us back together? and I firmly said no, because it was still kind of a rude thing to say and because he didn't let me finish. Of course afterwards he said he was joking and continued to listen. I explained to him it was because I still needed more time to myself to forget, as he has agreed on when we texted, and because I kind of felt like he didn't deserve it for what happened. But that of course I would still be there for him, as he would to me. But now I'm sitting here thinking if he really thought that about me, or if it really only was a joke?.. Because I really felt looked down at from hearing that from him.

the 2nd thing is) When I talked about that, and after I had explained how I felt when reading it, he said that we shouln't talk about that and wanted to change the subject.

the 3rd thing) is after our "Allright"- conversation, and we were in the middle of saying goodbye, I said "well, see you next time I guess" and he responded with something like "Well, maybe, I don't know when but yeah", but then again told me that he wanted to see me on my birthday. After that we hung up.

It probably doesn't sound like all that much, but I guess you had to be there.

But I just really felt like from the way he was talking from these examples, he tried to show that he didn't care at all, and even tried to make me look desperate in a way.

He is a really good guy so it's not his style, and I think that's why all that stuff got to me..I don't know if it's because he didn't want to look stupid since he was the one who wanted me to talk to him about his problems or if it's cause he's "hiding" his emotions or if he simply doens't care at all.

I hope my question makes sence and I'm really grateful for you reading this.

I hope I can get some helpful advice from you.

Sounds to me like the reasons for you two splitting up to begin with have never been honestly addressed and discussed between you. It would be good to know what his issues were in case another person says the same in the future, you may have to look at what you are doing. He may not be willing to be honest because he believes it will hurt you. I find that in most cases, it really doesnt work well for two people who used to be in a relationship to end up as just friends and be satisfied with it. There will always be too much emotion and memories to make it impossible to switch to being platonic friends. Now best friends who are willing to give it a try to see if maybe there may be a romantic thing there between them only have to give it a couple trys and if it doesnt work, just resume the friendship. This doesnt sound like what you have here.
If he has reason that it isnt going to work romantically with you, he is going to have to eventually find the girl with whom it does and who will also be the person he can trust to share whats on his mind or his problems, most likely a long term relationship partner like a wife. A wife won't like him running to an old girlfriend to talk when he has stuff on his mind. That becomes the job of the wife who then becomes his best friend, replacing you. You may still be on friendly terms but not his go to source for something like this.
What you need to realize:
A guy can not straddle the fence forever and have one girl as best friend but not romantic partner, and the other as romantic partner but not best friend. One or the other or both gals will eventually have a problem with it, have issues, and he will lose one or both. It is best if he looks for one gal with whom he can have it all. And I would say, the same for you. A one sided relationship like this usually doesn't work and since he avoids talking about anything like the friendship, he isn't ready to acknowledge what he needs to do. He is simply holding off making a decision to find the gal right for him, or make up with you and realize you're the one for him. You know, t=That saying, Where there is a will, there is a way. well it works when two people are truly in love with each other. If they cannot stand to be apart, both will make sacrifices to be together. LDR's rarely work because a relationship needs many things in order to grow strong and build a deep love than are prevented from happening by the computer screen and distance between you. So for the most part, unless he is crazy about you and willing to talk, then stop pining after him and worrying about what he said. Yes, your feelings will still be there but it's time to look for an 'in person', face to face relationship that has at least a fighting chance to make it or not.

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I'm fat, and I really need to lose until I'm about 104. How can I do that? Like give me as much tips that you have! Thank you!

A change of diet and upping the amount of exercise you get can help but depending on how fast your metabolism is, you may require more exercise than others do to lose the same amount of weight. You gave your goal but not how many pounds you want to lose. The amount of lbs you want to lose, and what ever time in which you want to get it done may or may not be realistic. The best and safest way is to ask your doctor. Go in for an appointment and let them check what your body fat ratio is and whether that's close to normal or if you have a longer time needed to lose it.

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Im 16/f. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I'm confident that I love him. I need to know the details of sex. What does it feel like? Should it be prepared or spontaneous? I need to know everything teachers don't tell you in sex ed

You should both be prepared as far as birth control and protection from STD's. Either you go see the family doctor for that or check with your local Planned Parenthood and get on birth control. If it's the pill, there's a period of time of taking it before it will be fully protective for you, approx. a week but check with the person giving you the prescription or the pharmacist to be sure you know how long to wait while taking it before you have sex.
I know what you meant by 'prepared' and I will get to that shortly. PP is a good bet for you and like any doctor, they are bound by the Hippa Law to keep your visit confidential so the parents don't need to find out. Even tho you may be on something, it is still wise to have him use condoms which he can either purchase or get from Planned Parenthood as well.

All that aside, here's some food for thought concerning having sex the first time. when a person first learned how to ride a bike, do they get on and ride perfectly the first time? Most of us learned as kids with training wheels. It was a period of time where you gained confidence and experience until you could ride perfectly on your own. That's how it is with sex. No one experiencing it the first time, comes to the event with knowledge of what it will feel like to them or what exactly they are supposed to do to please their partner and knowing what parts they will like or dislike participating in before hand, it's not until you try you learn that.

Another thought, you don't have to do everything at once. That would be like going to the restaurant and ordering one of everything on the menu to eat all at once. Sex is a release of sexual tension and for those lucky enough to have strong feelings for each other, an expression of those feelings to each other and a willingness to want to please your partner foremost before seeking your own pleasure. If both come at the experience with that attitude, no one will feel left out or ignored. He should be doing his best to familiarize himself with what you like while you're doing the same for him. Neither of you are likely mind readers, so for heavens sake, don't remain silent during sex. If one thing feels really good, ask him to keep repeating that. If it's not doing much on the arousal side, ask him to move his finger, or try a different position or whatever. It takes time to come to know your partner intimately and once you know each others erogenous zones, to learn the right technique or touch, how hard or soft how fast or slow. And on the things that don't work out the first time, be willing to try again. Even long married couples can have days where due to other things that happened during the day, or maybe the time of month or other things, one or the other has difficulty of some sort.

Is there a Hymen? Yes but not all girls will find that theirs rips or tears having sex the first time. So is it really painful? Its all a matter of a person's personal pain tolerance level. For most, I don't believe it can be even called a pain, just an slight burning sensation as the skin stretches and thats it. It helps if he makes sure he's got you fully aroused beforehand, maybe giving you even orgasms using his hand. Again, first time, there's not a 100% chance of having success with that. If there's isn't enough natural lubrication inside you, or even if there is, it's wise for him to use a personal lubricant that will not deteriorate the condom he's wearing. Most all are safe, like KY jelly and such but whoever buys it, be sure and read the label. When he is lubricated and if he penetrates slowly, an inch at a time and gives you time to adjust to the feel before you give him the okay to proceed a tiny bit more until fully in, then you may never end up tearing the hymen. Only in a few rare cases do females have a strip of hymen running from top to bottom in the middle of the vaginal opening, thus creating two smaller spaces for him to get past and it usually doesn't work, or its extremely painful or you tear badly and will still need to see a Dr to have the rest of the 'Septate' hymen as it is called, removed in a simple procedure.
Also make sure your boyfriend keeps this thing in mind, that guys are hot and ready as quickly as one can flick on a lighter. Girls are not like that. He will need to spend more time on you than you need to on him for being ready for penetration. A female is more like a clothing iron. It takes a woman a long time to warm up like an iron, but once hot, it also takes a long time before she's cool again. So once aroused, she can go on and on. So once a guy has cum, he can still go back to working on her as females are capable of multiple orgasms once they have learned exactly what type of activity or touching does it for them.
I hope I didn't leave anything uncovered. If you have a specific question, just write me dear.

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So I'm following this women on social media her daughter is a cancer surviver. Her daughter was the third or fourth baby ever born with this really rare cancer. She's the only baby ever to survive this rare cancer. She is now 2 years old. Only 1% of people get it. Her mom is a big advocate for pediatric cancer. She just posted a pic of this 16 year old boy who just died of the same cancer her child had. Now ever sense she posted this picture I can't stop looking at it. I feel so bad for this boy and his family and friends. In the picture he has such a big smile on his face. I can't stop crying about it. I feel so sad all the time now. It's as if I lost someone close to me. I've never met him or heard of him until now. I found a Facebook page that his family made. It is for his family and friends to keep them all updated through his journey. Everyone has been so proud of how strong and positive he's been. They also like seeing pictures of him smiling and laughing. But now I'm so depressed I don't understand it. How is it possible that I'm grieving for someone I don't know?

If I understand, you are feeling that what you are experiencing goes beyond what you feel normal human empathy would be.
Unknown to your conscious mind, perhaps on a subconscious level, something about the boy, his looks, the name or something else clicked with your subconscious and since our emotions are connected to our subconscious, therefore you are grieving. There may be no connection to anyone you've ever lost in this lifetime. I don't mean to offend if you don't believe the same, but in cases like this, I have found reasonable explanation to be found in the belief on reincarnation. If you believe your soul has lived lives before, then this child may remind your soul of someone you lost in a previous life. I know, sounds far fetched. But I had a similar experience. I met a woman at the home of friends having a potluck, never having met before and we clicked as friends immediately. But the end of evening when time to go home, I found myself feeling frantic that I might never see her again, as if she were a long lost relative I just bumped into and had to fight tears at the thought so I asked to trade phone numbers, all the while wondering as you are, why I was feeling like this, she hadn't shared any sad stories for me to feel empathy about. By next time we met, I'd had some dreams and shared with her, to find she was someone gifted with psychic abilities and was able to confirm we both have known each other many times in previous lives, always choosing to be born in the same time frame so we can meet. We are now good friends and consider each other as a sister. I have never experienced anything like that before or since but I feel at peace with my acceptance of this explanation.
Blessings to you.

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22 year old female and I realize I will never be normal. I had been diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder, but have always had symptoms. I'm not healthy. I believe I never will be. I can't continue to lie to myself. When I was 15 in a down rage I took a box cutter and went up and down my left arm with slashes. I still have to live with that because it's visible and we live in a very accepting world. I've been going back and forth into deep depression since before I could remember like middle school it just hasn't stopped since. Entire family has given up on me. And quite frankly I'm coming to terms with the fact that I will never lead a normal life.

Was this self diagnosis or have you seen a Dr? Are you getting treatment from a Dr, and finding it doesnt help, then let him/her know and try another medication. I had a co worker who was bi polar, so I read up on it. I remember reading that medication may help but even so, people with bi polar or some other mental disabilities, have a difficult chance at long lasting relationships, even if that person loves them, because it is so wearing on them that they eventually have their own breakdown. One article did say the best plan for those who don't want to be single is consider accepting a life of short term relationships only and find a way to emotionally deal with that.
You didn't actually ask a question so if you wanted to hear someone congratulate you for coming to terms with your situation, then I must say, you are taking a step in the right direction, as long as you've tried everything you can medically and with counseling to improve your situation.

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Started out so well.. We loved each other. We knew each other for about 4 years, but I guess we officially started dating 6 monthes ago. Doesn't seem that long but if felt as if we were dating for years.. Anyways long story short. My girlfriends father passed away 4 months ago, and I did my best to help her and support her in any way that I could have. One day we were making out, but we went to third base. And it was a big deal to her... She's the kind of girl that doesn't want to have sex before marriage which I love about her. I did my best not to pressure her at all while we were doing it.. And she enjoyed it, but afterwards maybe a week later she said it was something soo wrong that we did. That we committed a big sin ,, and basically saying that I used her when she was feeling vulnerable and that I assaulted her... I feel terrible, maybe this was my fault... I didn't assault her or force her to do anything she wanted to do. At that moment she wanted to... But, anyways.. Because of this she wants to break up... I so I took the blame agreeing with her that it was my fault and told her that this is something we can work out and move on from. And to just give me a second chance.. She says she had and doesn't feel any better about it saying how she doesn't want to be with me anymore.. And that she doesn't love me as much as I love her.. Telling me that it's unfair for a wonderful guy like me to be with someone who doesn't love him back... I feel terrible, . And don't know what to do. People have told me to give her a lot of space and don't call/message her for a while. But how long should I do that? Idk us going to 3rd base seemed to be like an excuse she was using.. We already talked about it and I thought we got passed it, we agreed that we both wouldn't fall into temptation.. But now she just... Tells me that she wants to break up suddenly. We're both in university, but she decided to withdraw for a year and is staying in a different country at the moment where the rest of her family is... What do I do? How long should I wait.. She doesn't love me anymore.. We used to be awesome together before that happened.. My mind is just all over the place sorry..

You didn't say what country she's originally from but it may be one that holds strict customs and rules regarding being virgins on wedding night. And if she isn't, she is shamed, or not considered marriage material anymore, and in some backwards places, women are still being put to death for something like this.

Now it may be that her and familys religious belief teaches to remain virgins until marriage. You can find this even in Christian churches and families and many girls these days go thru special ceremonies and wear a promise ring meaning to stay virgin til marriage, it's a serious deal to them. Whether her family now knows, I can't say, but if they do, there's a chance they may have some influence in her choosing to not be with you.

If it's pressure from family, telling you she doesnt love you back may be a plausible excuse she is using to cover up the real reason she doesnt want to be with you any more.

Or, she had time to think and having given you her virginity, she thought along the lines of, I was only going to give that to my husband and so she may have entertained the thought of considering taking you as her husband since you've already had her, and once she began thinking along those lines, is when she realized that she doesn't feel strongly enough, not enough chemistry and/or things in common to be able to do that and that's why she finally told the truth to you. Lots of young people discover these kind of facts unfortunately at a later point in a relationship, rather than at the beginning of first couple dates, or before sex or even before marriage. Some marry and figure this out months later. It isn't an easy thing to go through and someone always ends up getting hurt.
You can trying keeping in contact over the distance and see if she'll open up and share why she is not considering or if what she said is the only reason. It may be she is expected to marry someone of the same belief and you are not?

BTW, when a person goes through something traumatic where grief is involved like losing someone to death, they become more vulnerable to wanting to find any outlet to make them feel a bit more normal and happy again. Its during these times a person easily can let down their own ideals, and guards and allow themselves to do something like she allowed herself to do.
I wouldn't blame you, don't blame yourself. You were trying to be supportive to her so if she was trying to seek solace in sex, and she was willing, it was her decision and you were willing to oblige her. I also don't think there's much chance of anything happening for you with her in future. I would suggest you take time to get over her if she is unwilling to even correspond and level with you in detail and confirm that its over between you. If she is wishy washy and won't give a concrete answer, thats good enough reason to forget her also. If you want to find a partner that may turn into a life long mate, you'll want someone who trusts you enough and can be open and honest with you.

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ok so i have this guy i like and i want to tell him i like him and i want it to be me to tell him not anyone else and once somone else told him and i said it was just a rumor but i still want to tell him and i have already told the girl who is dating him i like him and she is my best friend so she hasnt told anyone and she isnt mad and i also want help the guy i like is saying i am using blank (his girlfriend) as a decoy untill somone prettyer comes what should i do about all of this!?

I am another who isn't quite sure what you are asking or sure about the situation.
If you talked to his current girlfriend telling her that you liked him and want to date him and she's okay with that situation, then why is she dating him at all? Dating must not be something she does to become serious about the person, and shows she doesnt really care about him at all. So if she's willing to leave him, then that leaves him single again for you to ask him out, so if this is the case, I dont see what the problem is. Whether the girl is your friend or not is not the issue. It's about whether he is available to date or not.

When you say you want to help the guy, I am not sure what it is you want to help him with so can't give advice on that.
And it sounds like you're saying someone is accusing you of using someone as a decoy. A decoy is used to lure your prey to you, as in hunting. In relationships, that sounds like a bad situation. Perhaps decoy isn't the word you were looking for. If I change it to the guy using current girlfriend as a place filler until some girl he finds prettier comes along, then he is not the kind of guy you should even consider getting together with at all, because :

1. Either he is a dishonest person, leading the other girl on to believe he is interested in her looks and her personality
OR
2. His interests in girls right now at his age are somewhat shallow, or shall we say skin deep. Guys at his age are going to want to see how far they can go to explore sex. Girls crave attention, and want a guy to love them for who they are inside, while guys don't care to get to know the girl inside.

3. He wants a girl to fill the girlfriend spot more as a status symbol, to make him popular, because he craves the attention, and it's all about him, how she can be the perfect girlfriend to meet his needs and wants, not about how he can be the perfect boyfriend for her.

Or he may be a combination of all 3.
If I've misunderstood what you are trying to say, let me know and I'll try to help give better advice.

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Me and my fwb have been seeing each other for 5 months now and things are pretty good between us. Lately he's been asking what I feel about us being in a relationship. He's asked a few times and each time I say I want to be but then he won't say what he wants or how he feels. There has also been a few times when he says maybe we'll be serious or be official but he won't say for sure. I'm not sure why he keeps bringing it up if he won't really do anything about it or is he waiting for me to say something? But I've already told him yes more than once so I'm not sure what to do. What do you think?

In 5 months time, you may be sure, but for him, he may feel he knows you well in some area's but not enough in others to know if he really wants to make that kind of commitment. I don't know how deep your conversations have been. Surface level info about a person is not enough to know if a relationship might work, I am talking about knowing your favorite, color, music and movie genres, your favorite foods, where you went to school, names of your childhood friends, and whether you have siblings or not. Those kinds of information are important too but do nothing in reassuring a person if you share the same values, beliefs, hopes and dreams and if not, how willing each is to support each other to follow their talents and dreams. In some cases, not knowing that before hand could lead to a break up if two people have the type of goals in which there is no compromises that can be made. An example, you want to work to a high level job in the company you work for while his dream is to work with sealife, training and care and there's a job possibility for him in Seaworld but thats far across the states from your job. It becomes an issue of just how compatible you are, are both of you willing to dump your dreams forever for this love because you both are deeply in love, not just having the sexual compatibililty, but can you both see each other as their best friend for the rest of your life as well? If that is valued over job and location to live, then there is a great chance for you both being in a relationship.
Try asking him these kinds of questions. If he draws a blank easily as I do when asked to answer a chance, he may do better putting it in writing and sharing with you a list of what is important to him in a long term partner, or life long partner. You might find it helpful to make this list. It won't be complete in a matter of minutes. If you start it though, you'll find yourself thinking of important issues to add to it throughtout the days and weeks following until it is pretty complete. For example, an important issue to put on the list is how important kids are to each of you. Not that you want one immediately but good to know for future, and if unable to have kids of your own, would either be willing to adopt, that and many other important points need to go on your list. Get him started on his, you make yours and then have a good conversation together with both of your complete lists on the table. Good Luck

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Hi. I am from India. 22/f. I recently brokeup with my boyfriend.actually i do not talk with him for a week. Because he always questioned and argued with me with my past. I do not told him about my all details about my ex boyfriend,because i was tortured mentally and physically by him. I current boyfriend do not ask me about all minute details,so i donot told him everything.now he heared some false rumour about me from my ex boyfriend's friend and he became mad.he always doubted me,treated me poorly and became verbally abusive.He thought i deceived him and i destroyed his life. What to do? Do i again call him and say sorry again?(i do it for 100times) i love him very much,wants to marry him. I know he love me but i cannot understand why he doing all this staff. He always rebuked me and considered me good for nothing!he doesnot think i hold any good virtues in me. What to do please suggest me.

I agree with the other advice giver, he does sound terrible. You are still young and perhaps have no firm idea yet of what a really loving carring man is like. Everything you have described is what a verbally and emotionally abusive guy is like. In India, women are not always treated well because backward views of male-female relationships are stilled expected if not actually discussed. I know what I am talking about, I married at 20, thought he was a good church going guy. After a few months he let his real self show and it was everything you mentioned about your boyfriend and more.
The top reason he is interested in you is because he see's you as a weak willed female since you have not set out plainly what guidelines and boundaries you expect him to follow or you will leave him. Women will confidence who actually do that, will gain the attention of the good guys, the ones who would treat you better.
So really, your problem is not that he treats you terribly. All humans have free will to live their life and treat others as they wish. However you also have a free will to decide to accept this kind of treatment or to love yourself enough to remove yourself from this situation.
The reason many young women do Not Leave a bad guy like you have and I had, is because women crave attention from a male. If a male pays her attention, she falls in love with him, no matter if its good attention or bad, abusive attention, women will stay with a bad male for financial security reasons and in exchange for a place to live and food to eat, she gives up all rights to being a separate person, and is willing to become a slave or more like something he owns.
The real issue is that you need to learn to develop a personal strength and confidence in yourself, not be willing to settle for less than a man who treats you like a Queen.
His behavior is not normal or good. It may seem normal just because so many men in India are acting the same way but it is not, trust me. You need to leave him. The heart will eventually heal. And someday when you find the man who treats you like a Queen, as I did in my 2nd marriage, you will realize that your love for the first guy was so misplaced, and you will wonder what you ever saw in him.

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wen I tried to enjoy the sex with my boy friend he inserted his penis into my vagina but it was not entered completely but only 4inches n bloodcame out due to hymen break n later he tried but not entered more n he said that it wont enter more deep n disappointed n I felt depressed with that thing but later when I tried to finger, my finger entered for only 3 inches and some tng inside stopped me to enter deep n blood oozed all over my finger I was afraid plz tell is there any problem with me am I not eligible for sexlife

Have you ever used tampons or had difficulty getting them to go in? Or tried using a dildo and had same problem? The reason I ask is that some females can have what is called a septate hymen. Basically, instead of the extra hymen tissue running the circumferance of the vagina, in a very few females, it is a strip of flesh going right down the middle, attached firmly at each end and it thus creates two much smaller openings. In one case I read of a girl who forced a tampon in with much pain. When she was ready to remove it, she couldn't and Mom couldn't removed it either It took seeing the Dr. and having that strip of skin cut away. Its a simple procedure and girls who've had it done say there is no discomfort After. If you're a teen who doesnt want mom to know whats going on, either call and see if they can help at Planned Parenthood, they handle many things to do with your reproductive organs and sex. Or if you've had difficulty with tampons, tell mom and let her know you've heard about hymen causing two smaller entrances that then will rip and bleed. It would heal but rip again each time you try to fit something in and a removal at a Drs office is the right thing for this.You don't have to be having sex to have this problem, keep that in mind if talking to mom.

As far as any other possible reason he couldnt fit, if its not septate hymen, but just a regualr rip, that has nothing to do with a guy being able to fit all the way where he's bumping into your cervix. A female when not aroused is a shorter length than when fully aroused, such as having been given orgasms first before penetration with penis.j Her body pulls the womb higher up inside creating a longer vagina. But even so, from experience, I can say, I found there is a maximum length in a guy I can take when aroused, anything beyond is painful for me and he can't fit in all the way if my aroused length is shorter than his aroused length. I dont believe this to be the case as you mentioned lots of bleeding with him and later just with your fingers. Don't worry, you will heal if it was torn. But if it's septate, it will keep being re injured without a guy able to fully get in until taken care of by a doctor.

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