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alternative suicide
I'm 13 to, attempted suicide 3 times and hit 6 veins due to self-harming. I tried everything to know what to kill myself with. Now I don't self-harm because I'm to scared of my Mum seeing it, I forgot how it felt like to live. Now I ask God/Creator why he made joy when there was so much hate. I've been asking him the same question for over a year, he has never once replied. I've asked him for help, for a grave, for a new beginning, I have none of that. If you ask God to kill you he won't listen, he never will...
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We are not here to help you commit suicide, we are here to help you live and enjoy life. It is obvious that you are troubled but you only refer to hate as what is troubling you. Unfortunately there is a lot of hate in this world though the hate is not your fault or is it specifically aimed at any one person especially not you.
There is help for what is bothering you and hopefully we and I are the answers you have been looking for. There are doctors and therapists that can help you. When it comes to mental health you sometimes have to try several different doctors and therapists until you find the ones you are comfortable with; who understand you and you understand them IF you are not in therapy and not seeing a doctor to receive medication that can help you I urge you to get this type of help even if you have been in therapy before and not been successful.
I am going to place below some links to websites with hotlines that are available to help you. They are free and totally confidential. They operate 24/7 365 days a year. Pleaser call them and talk to them about what is really troubling you. Let them help you.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location) Kids help Phone for ages 20 and under 1-800-668-6868
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location) 1-800-273-8256. National Suicide Help Line
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location) 1-800-656-HOPE. I am including RAINN in the event you are a victim of Rape, Incest, or Abuse. RAINN is a National Network for victims of these types of incidents and they can and will help you. You do not have to suffer any of this type of abuse. IF you are a victim of Rape, Incest or Abuse please call them for help.
Suicide is not a solution, it is the wrong answer to your problem. There are people that love you and will miss you. We want to help you, I want to help you. You can contact me in a private message if you wish to give me more information as to what is bothering you this much. No one but you, me and the webmaster, who is very trustworthy will see what you write.
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I like what Dragonflymagic had to say about the whole joy/hate thing. God gave us free will, so pretty much, that's why there is a bunch of crap going on in the world. If he made us not have free will, we would pretty much be robots and we wouldn't go to him on our own. It wouldn't be "real" if that makes sense.
Sometimes it sucks a lot and it sucks that there is so many bad things in the world. But there is also so much good.
When you ask God questions, it seems like you're asking him to give you everything you want. That's not how it is. When you asked him a question, he listens, but his answer could definitely be no.
Just because he didn't answer yes, doesn't mean he isn't listening.
And I also like what Dragonflymagic had to say about all this. God looks at us like we are his children. Just because your child asked to be killed and is unhappy, you're not going to kill it.
If you want to find real happiness, go seek help for it. You're only 13 and you have so much more to experience. The situation and life you're in right now might not be what you want, but in a few years, you get to make your own choices and choose where you're going to be at and what you get to do, so hold on.
Suicide doesn't end the chances of life getting worse. Suicide eliminates the possibility of it ever getting better.
Go get therapy, and they'll help you work through your problems and find better ways to deal with them.
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The way I've had it explained, God actually does attempt talking to us all the time, the problem is that we don't hear with our mortal ears, it has to be internally, hearing in our mind, like mental telepathy. And that is not an easy thing to do. Our intuitive giftings like that are seldom instantly able to hear from God or your Angels. It is like any muscle, needing plenty exercise before strong enough to work. It can also be considered like a radio station that is tuned just off station or not tuned to God's 'station' at all. So He's broadcasting but we aren't tuned in.
Trick is, the only way I found to become tuned in and able to begin hearing from God was after years of just talking to Him, not even asking for anything or for answers. So all I can advise you to do is keep talking to him. Perhaps ask Him to give you a sign that He exists.
As to why there is hate, well...God gave each one of his children a free will to make their own choices, even if their choices were to act the opposite of what their creator is like. If God chose to force us to become like him, to love him and desire to please God, then we'd be nothing more than like a robot that can be programmed, not having a choice of our own. God wants us to wish to come to him, be like him, not be forced to. And other than human parents who have allowed so much negative and evil to enter their life, most parents, like our Creator can not conceive of killing our own child. Imagine, you gave birth to a baby. A couple years later, you kill it because It wasnt happy.
Our world is imperfect, it still suffers much negative influences since the time of Lucifer's battle against God. God allowed even his angels a choice to be part of the family or not, and this one chose not to. and that has caused repercussions that life on this planet are still battling. God will not stop someone who is polluting the world or using ingrediants that aren't fit for humans bringing health related issues after a lifetime of eating. This falls under someones free will to do bad. Doesnt sound fair to the rest of us. Doesn't mean he doesnt love and care about us, it does make him sad. But God lives in each of us...a small piece of God is already there. In the Huna religion of ancient Hawaii, it is believed that God doesnt speak direct to our conscious mind but straight to our subconscious mind, who works like a switchboard operater of old time phones, and it relays the info immediately without any break in time so we assume it came straight to our conscious mind.
Problem is, our subconscious sometimes is at war with us, not cooperating. It may help to focus on doing meditating. It is when we quiet our mind, and it's not spinning out thoughts a million miles a minute, that God has a chance to get through. It can happen when we try to clear our mind by doing something over and over and focusing only on that one thing. One way is listening to a relaxing music, like wind-chimes and tibetan bowls. I have one that's a favorite of mine and will post here:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Another way to quiet your mind is focusing on your breathing and much easier for me when I try a pattern, rhythm, like two separate but quick breaths in and back out rather than taking the usual one breath in and out. Combining that with listening to the piece I attached, is a good way to begin teaching your mind to learn to empty itself of other thoughts. Harder said than done. Do it every day. Right first thing in morning or before bed is a good time. Each time you catch your mind thinking about school, that cute boy, your troubles, tell it to stop and focus on the sounds and the breathing. You will be fightin more thoughts at first than getting any meditating done. If you can set a timer and see how long you can go before your mind wanders again, after weeks and months you will see a difference and most likely will begin to hear from God.
So what does He sound like? It's funny but its not a big booming voice in your head, in fact the thought to me sounds like my own thought, like my own voice. The only way I have learned to know when it is God instead is when I hear a suggestion to try something that I don't want to do cus I am scared or something. So at first you will doubt you hear from God but go with it and keep telling Him that you are trying to hear him and what you are doing you believe to be from him, if its not, then ask for new direction. It's hit and miss in the beginning but you can get there hon. I was able to do this already as an older teen like 17,18. If you get too busy to think of God, He won't intrude in your world. You need to ask him to walk with you step by step through your day, that you want him there to help you make it through another day. Here's an interesting one, try asking God to send someone to you that he can use to give you a hug through. Of course he doesn't have mortal arms but He does use others to do things like this. You right now need to know He cares. So ask this without telling people what you asked God and wait for someone to give you a hug and you can know that God just gave you a sign He cares. I know I am rambling on. So if you have any difficulties with this, feel free to write me. I'd like to encourage you to keep with this. Once you have the ability to really hear from God, you may find it very comforting. Problems may not disappear, because our souls are here on earth for the purpose of learning things through hardship, but in the middle of hard times, there can still be blessings and love and joy and accomplishments and having God to encourage you and gently direct you which way to go is something very special.
One last thing, if I asked a question that really wasn't going to help me grow spiritually, God didn't answer me either. So a year of asking what you did got no answers for probably a good reason, it doesnt pertain to what you really need in your life right now and since there is no answer that could satisfy you anyways, with where you are at right now, it's best for God not to answer that. I suggest you ask God, God how can I please you. What is there that you wish for me to do? When I began to ask those questions, I was an adult already with kids of my own. But GOD did answer. One time He actually said, I can't answer you that right now because you are not ready yet spiritually for the answer but when you are, I will tell you. Two years later, at a time I wasnt meditating or praying, God just popped into my mind and refered to my question and answered it. He was right. If he had told me two years earlier, I wouldn't have been ready to believe it.
Good luck dear.
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