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I'm ngaged to a man but I think I might be lesbian, how do I find out?
To start off, I'm 20, female and I've always only been in straight relationships. I really haven't dated that much and I've only had one sexual partner who I've been with for 2 years and we're engaged.
I love my fiance, I do but I don't really see a wedding happening anywhere in the close future mostly because they're very expensive. He's a good man with a good job, he's handsome, sweet and loves me to death. Of course we have typical relationship issues.
Lately, I've been thinking a lot that I might be happier with a woman.
I love a lot of what are considered by America "feminine" topics and activities such as fashion, beauty, shopping, getting my nails done, cooking, baking, going out to eat, reading, poetry, interior decorating, art, ect. I have a love for all things beautiful, sparkly or cute.
I hate all the manly things my fiance and exes always seem to do. Such as playing countless video games, most masculine hobbies, wearing dirty or old clothes, not caring about nutrition or cleanliness, ect. I think a lot of men dress and act the same . My friend's will say "OH HE'S SO HOT!" and I'll look at him and not understand at all and whenever a female friend talks about sex with a guy I get disgusted and even a little irritated.
I hate sex with a penis. It's annoying and I find it very boring. I try to postpone sex as much as possible. My fiance and I tried different things but I just do not like it. I even hate looking at a penis. I've never given him oral because I do not want to go near that thing. I've never had an orgasm. Anything "sex with a man" is an instant turn off for me. I don't appreciate his body although I know he's attractive.
Of course I've seen lesbian pornography and it always seemed so much better. More sexy, loving and passionate. Not just some guy trying to force his penis into things until he comes. I think women are beautiful, the whole feminine form is very pretty to me and I love all of the pretty makeup, outfits and cute hair styles.
Sometimes when I look over at him asleep in bed I wish it was a pretty female form to cuddle up with. I daydream about having a life with another woman full of beautifully decorated homes, fashion, cooking, walks on the beach, ect. Where we pick out stylish clothes for each other and go out on the town and laugh at all the ugly men hitting on us and then go home together.
All of my friends complain about the same masculine things in men but they keep putting up with it because "it's a guy thing". I can't imagine just tolerating it all for the rest of my life but at the same time I feel like finding a lesbian woman to date that's going to share all of my similar interests is far-fetched and maybe I should just take what I have and deal with it.
Should I just ignore it or what? How do I even go about really finding out if I'm lesbian?
Do I sound like I am (because I feel like I do)?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
The best thing may be to break off the engagement until you can discover for yourself who you are and define yourself. In most adults, this doesn't happen until late twenties like 27,28,29. You have a ways to go until having lived and experienced enough to make the best decisions for your life.
I married at age 20, a church going guy like me. So no sex before marriage. then once married, I discover we are a sexual mismatch. Nothing about him turned me on. I never had orgasms from him. He was one of those, put the penis in til he comes and he's done. So in naiveness I thought that sex and romance was overrated and not for real. I had no idea. About 5 yrs before I left and divorced him, he wanted to try swing clubs to 'spice' up our marriage, cus he found me to be lacking, and I the same with him. We just didn't have chemistry/that pheremone connection, plus he didn't care to learn how to please me first before seeking his own pleasure.
You might be lesbian....but perhaps you have bi-sexual tendencies. Only you wouldn't know if you could be happy with a guy too because up til now, the only guys you've run across have no clue what they are doing yet. Too many 20something males seek their own pleasure first, or if they focus on her first, they only allot a short amount of time, not enough for her to become aroused and have her orgasm. My new husband works on me until I've had multiple orgasms before he takes time to get his. And some nights, the focus is totally me. It's like night and day in comparison to what I had before with the ex.
From actually attending the swing club with the ex for a while, I came to meet many bisexual females. I discovered the majority of them did not like men in general but for one exception, their husband. The husband knew he had her love, was secure with that and understanding that she enjoyed females, not just one but often quite a few. At early twenties, finding understanding guys, may be difficult;. It might be better for you to enjoy females for most your 20's and once guys have grown up and matured a bit, maybe 27 to 35, in age, then keep your mind open if you meet that one guy that really attracts you. Check him out if you can enjoy him sexually. But don't string along the fiancee because you are unsure.
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Honestly, it seems like you're a lesbian. I cannot tell you for sure, cause I am not a woman, a lesbian, or you, but, it sounds like being engaged to this man is a bad idea.
You might have to have a serious talk with him, and go explore girls for yourself.
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