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I am unable to feel love or guilt or empathy or worry towards my family
My grandparents are extremely important to me and I don't use to be like that. I used to feel that I might die if anything happened to them however lately I started to feel disgust(not exactly but dont noe wat else) and can't feel anything when they are sick. Once my grandfather had a heart attack and all I could think of was "I should be worried". I have problems with my father who repeatedly make troubles bcause he kept thinking badly of my grandparents ( they were my mother's parents).I also use to hate my father but recently can't bring myself to. Everything simply went opposite. Deep down I knew it was because I unconsciousLy chose it this way as a defensive mechanism. What I want to know is, how I can change my mindset again? I KNOW I love my grandparents and don't want to be that unfilial child that can't feel anything even when they die.I know it sounds rlly ironic but everything I mentioned is true
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
So is it that you have no feelings only toward dad and grandparents? What about Mom and siblings and other relatives or even friends?
If you feel this way toward ALL people, this may be an disorder you have, which seeing a mental health doctor would be the best remedy for. I have heard of one that is called a disassociative disorder but I am no doctor
Since you mentioned problem with the father and it sounds like some of those are on going, it's probably more likely that this is a defensive mechanism. I had one of my own when married to a verbally abusive man. A counselor friend who had done the same in past, could see me using my defense mechanism long after I left the ex, would point it out each time I did it. I told other of what I would do at times, so if they saw me doing it, they too could call me on it and slowly I began to do it less and less. Not everyone can heal themselves that easily and it may take more professional help. You may not be able to get rid of this defensive stance until things have been resolved with the dad, if not, you may subconsciously still feel the need to use it. You didn't say if you had any bad treatment/issues with the grand-parents, so I can't say for sure if they caused it in part too like dad. A defense mechanism, as I found, I began to use out of habit with everyone, not only the one who caused me to have to create it in the beginning. So if you're not doing the same thing with others, that leaves a big question why in my mind. Best thing is to see a doctor on this.
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What is happening to you is a defence mechanism one you have unconsciously built to deal with most likely some type of abuse; physical or mental. It is a close cousin, so to speak, of building an alter personality to deal with things you do not want to deal with. It is a total defense mechanism.
To fix this and get back to who you really are takes the help of a professional such as a psychologist and talk therapy to find the root cause of why you built this wall. Everything that you say to the therapist is confidential as is never repeated to anyone.
To start the process you need to see your family doctor as the therapist is going to want you to have a complete physical. This is to rule out any organic reason for why you feel this way. As a teenager hormones of puberty can be playing a part and your family doctor can help with that. When you see your doctor ask to be screened for depression. Why? The way you feel is usually partly due to depression. If you are showing signs of depression it would not be unusual for a young teenager. They even have a name for it now, they call it teenage depression and once again it is partly caused by the hormones of puberty something your doctor can help with.
Should your family doctor give you any medication be very compliant with the medication and take it at the same time every day. Medication for hormone imbalance works best if taken at the same time each day. Once any organic problems are found and treated you and your therapist can work together, much better, to find what triggered this change in you. You may be surprised when you realise what the true trigger may be. You think you know and you maybe correct. Then again it could be something altogether different. I was surprised while discussing something with my therapist a light bulb literally went off in my head and a door opened to something I locked away in my adolescence. Turns out it had been the cause of my problem for many years.
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I dont see the irony here, but what it DOES sound like is that you might need some counseling. It sounds like your doing what your doing to cope with things, and closing your emotions off is what your mind felt what work for you but obviously you know enough to know that this is not going to work.
your father may not like them but it doesnt mean you have to listen to him when he talks badly about them or whatever. Try not to take what hes saying personally, he has the views he has for a reason and those reasons might be based on his history with them over the span of manyyyy many years even before you were born possibly. It could also be based on his view of the world as a whole but no matter, you can still care for whoever you want weather he likes them or not.
try not to let what a family member says about other one effect you too much. If you decide you want to say something to him about it, i would mention that they are old and theres no need to be disrespectful about whatever it is their doing or not doing. Its just a waste of energy for him to spend his time thinking about how much he DOESNT like something. its unproductive and thats not living life. its existing and thats about it. Remind him that maybe he should worry about his own issues and not other peoples.
Its really good of you to care so deeply for your grandparents and theres absolutely nothing wrong with that. I would consider this just a rough patch for you and try to just power through it and continue to help and care for them despite what your father is saying.
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