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third party
I am a lesbian and my gf I bi. She wanted to have a threesome with a guy I decided to fulfil her fantasy. I seen a guy I approached him got his number we all hung out got comfortable we end up eventually doing the threesome now a few weeks later my gf text me asking for his number she said its nothing I just need to ask him a question and I said what do you possibly have to ask him. I am entitled to know why correct? And she wants him again thats why she is contacting him correct?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
No you are not entitled to know why. She is your girlfriend not your property. You should have known or considered the fact when she asked for a threesome that given the fact that she is bi that she might enjoy a physical relationship with him afterwards. That is the chance you took when you agreed to the threesome.
I would have liked to have known your ages for if you are truly a lesbian I cannot see you going anywhere near a real penis or allowing one to come in contact or even touching one. I'm not saying your not a lesbian I'm just saying by vertue of this three some I have my doubts as to how strong your lesbianism really is.
If you allowed him to touch you, make love to you anyway. Whether this included intercourse or not. You may want to re-examine your sexuality.
Should you be a teenager and you decided you were a lesbian when puberty struck, then I urge you to re-examine your sexuality. You just do not wake up one day and decide you are gay. You should have had these feeling and none something long before you became sexually aware. I am available in private email if you would like to write and explore this further.
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Well, I think you should have asked for advice before having a threesome. Those can complicate things like mad crazy. Anyways, on to your question. No, you're not entitled to know. She is her own person, as is you are. You don't know why she's contacting him, maybe she thinks he's a cool guy, maybe she has a legit question, or maybe she's into him. You took a serious risk by doing that, and you might be paying the consequences.
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You are not entitled to know everything she is thinking and everyone she is talking too. That is not what a relationship means.
A relationship is a series of agreements, and if your agreement with her was that she wouldn't contact this guy ever again, then you can remind her of that. But relationship agreements also need to evolve and change with the needs and interests of the people involved in them, They are not eternally binding contracts you can force her to obey.
If you are afraid she wants to change or break an agreement, like by cheating on you with him, then talk to her that, but don't demand to know everything she has ever thought about this guy or would like to say to him.
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Did you ask yourself why it is so important to you to know 100% for sure why she wants to see him? I've known plenty of married folk in alternative sex situations.
One of the greatest issues that comes up is a fear of loss, mainly loss of the person to someone else. This fear of loss is jealousy. And yes, a person can feel jealous just from imagining what a situation might be, even if it isn't true.
The second thing that arises is a feeling of not measuring up. Comparing oneself to someone else, such as a mates other partner. The comparisons most of us make are unfair to ourselves and others. Most people fear that a partner will find someone better. Is chocolate ice-cream better than vanilla, is lasagna better than enchilada's?
The reason most things in our life are not better, is because of personal choice. We may like both entree's for their own personal blend of ingrediants, textures, and flavors. Humans are more complex than a meal, but the point I'm making is a real thing. The only time I can see a person making a better choice in a partner is if they are leaving someone who is physically, emotionally and mentally abusive, to someone who is loving and respectful and caring. Other than that, better is not the word to be worrying about.
As with all fears, once faced and brought out into the open, they disappear. How to do that? Well, you felt entitled to know. You are not, no matter how close you and gf are. If the two of you have been open books all along and share the whys of everything you do in your lives and all of a sudden she changed behavior, then I can see why it would alarm you. You can guess forever and never put fears to rest. You can ask her without demanding to know, or pleading to know.
After all, you must realize that with her being bi, there is always the chance of her not being in a relationship with just one sex but with both, once she finds one of each that appeal to her. Of the Lesbian's I have known or heard about, only one could handle multiple relationships, meaning she was not monogamous but polyamorous. So she could not find partners among lesbians cus they are for most part, monogamous and would consider anything else, cheating. So she had to seek out bi sexual polyamorous women, if she were to have more than one relationship with only women. That fact that you are lesbian and she, bi, means that there is always a chance of her finding another to add to her life, not replace another. Her nature just may be to be polyamorous while you are probably strict monogamous. The two can not mix and work out well.
You can let her know that you fear losing her if she someday gets hooked up with a man, whether this guy or someone else and you need reassurance from her. If you can bring up a talk about it, it's the first step toward healing for you. Since you cared enough to arrange a 3 some, you might try exploring if perhaps you have changed since you first discovered you were lesbian. Perhaps you are capable of being poly in some way. Read up on it on line. There are all sorts of formations of poly groups, especially in triads. 2 straight men who both have relationship with the one female, 2 females who have a relationship together but only one who has the added relationship with a male, and many other combo's. It takes a certain amount of maturity, it's harder than handling the issues of one relationship, but with set up boundaries agreed upon by all, and really great communication, it's possible. Good luck dear.
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