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Does my ex still care or not? Please read
I hope some of you will read this.
The thing is, I've been in a long distance relationship with my ex for 3 and a half years, and he broke up with me 2 months ago.
We have been broken up before for the obvious reason, the distance, but have gotten back together again cause we couldn't let go.
but when it happened 2 months ago, we made a promise that we would still be friends and have contact and be there for each other, just not that often. And this week he texted me for the first time since, saying that he had felt really bad lately due to some trouble that is going on in his life and asked me if we could talk one day, only if I wanted to of course.
And even though I still need more time to forget about our past and because that I miss him, I accepted. Since I know he would do the same for me.
We talked this night, and it was allright. He explained to me what was going on in his life that bothered him a lot. Family, work, ect. And of course I listened to him and gave feedback.
Other than that, I asked him how his birthday was in October where he turned 24, how I was doing, and about my next birthday in april where I'll turn 20. He even said that he would definitely like to see me on my birthday. I said he didn't have to, but he insisted. That made me happy regardless.
But the thing is, there were many times in the conversation where as soon as I was about to talk about something that had to do with us (which I wasn't even trying to do), he didn't want to talk about it and tried to change the subject. I have 3 examples from the top of my head:
1) When I told him how weird I felt with him writing to me, he immediately joked with it (not in a mean way) by asking if I thought it was because he wanted us back together? and I firmly said no, because it was still kind of a rude thing to say and because he didn't let me finish. Of course afterwards he said he was joking and continued to listen. I explained to him it was because I still needed more time to myself to forget, as he has agreed on when we texted, and because I kind of felt like he didn't deserve it for what happened. But that of course I would still be there for him, as he would to me. But now I'm sitting here thinking if he really thought that about me, or if it really only was a joke?.. Because I really felt looked down at from hearing that from him.
the 2nd thing is) When I talked about that, and after I had explained how I felt when reading it, he said that we shouln't talk about that and wanted to change the subject.
the 3rd thing) is after our "Allright"- conversation, and we were in the middle of saying goodbye, I said "well, see you next time I guess" and he responded with something like "Well, maybe, I don't know when but yeah", but then again told me that he wanted to see me on my birthday. After that we hung up.
It probably doesn't sound like all that much, but I guess you had to be there.
But I just really felt like from the way he was talking from these examples, he tried to show that he didn't care at all, and even tried to make me look desperate in a way.
He is a really good guy so it's not his style, and I think that's why all that stuff got to me..I don't know if it's because he didn't want to look stupid since he was the one who wanted me to talk to him about his problems or if it's cause he's "hiding" his emotions or if he simply doens't care at all.
I hope my question makes sence and I'm really grateful for you reading this.
I hope I can get some helpful advice from you.
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In the first place you shouldn´t be reproducing all over again what he said or what he meant because it´s useless. As hard as it may sound stop thinking about it; sometimes by overthinking we come up with completely wrong conclusions.
Of course he cares about you! And it´s just this matter that makes him find a way to rest importance to the situation. Because he might still love you and he doesn´t know how to react.
It´s not easy, but you must now think what YOU want. If he has spoken to you there must be a reason. It´s obvious that he misses you...
Maybe you should start talking to him some time and see his reaction. Maybe you should meet him on his birthday and see what happens... In my opinion, this story is far from over.
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Sounds to me like the reasons for you two splitting up to begin with have never been honestly addressed and discussed between you. It would be good to know what his issues were in case another person says the same in the future, you may have to look at what you are doing. He may not be willing to be honest because he believes it will hurt you. I find that in most cases, it really doesnt work well for two people who used to be in a relationship to end up as just friends and be satisfied with it. There will always be too much emotion and memories to make it impossible to switch to being platonic friends. Now best friends who are willing to give it a try to see if maybe there may be a romantic thing there between them only have to give it a couple trys and if it doesnt work, just resume the friendship. This doesnt sound like what you have here.
If he has reason that it isnt going to work romantically with you, he is going to have to eventually find the girl with whom it does and who will also be the person he can trust to share whats on his mind or his problems, most likely a long term relationship partner like a wife. A wife won't like him running to an old girlfriend to talk when he has stuff on his mind. That becomes the job of the wife who then becomes his best friend, replacing you. You may still be on friendly terms but not his go to source for something like this.
What you need to realize:
A guy can not straddle the fence forever and have one girl as best friend but not romantic partner, and the other as romantic partner but not best friend. One or the other or both gals will eventually have a problem with it, have issues, and he will lose one or both. It is best if he looks for one gal with whom he can have it all. And I would say, the same for you. A one sided relationship like this usually doesn't work and since he avoids talking about anything like the friendship, he isn't ready to acknowledge what he needs to do. He is simply holding off making a decision to find the gal right for him, or make up with you and realize you're the one for him. You know, t=That saying, Where there is a will, there is a way. well it works when two people are truly in love with each other. If they cannot stand to be apart, both will make sacrifices to be together. LDR's rarely work because a relationship needs many things in order to grow strong and build a deep love than are prevented from happening by the computer screen and distance between you. So for the most part, unless he is crazy about you and willing to talk, then stop pining after him and worrying about what he said. Yes, your feelings will still be there but it's time to look for an 'in person', face to face relationship that has at least a fighting chance to make it or not.
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It's hard to tell what he's exactly feeling but since you guys are broken up, you shouldn't try to read into it.
Because he might really care and be putting it off like it's no big deal but then again, he also might not care anymore in that way.
Either way, whether he cares or not, he's not interested in dating again because he kept blowing it off when you were trying to talk about it.
The thing is, I don't think you're ready to be friends with him. You obviously still have feelings for him and hoping that he still cares about you in that way.
When you're friends with someone, that means still being a friend and being ok if he starts dating someone else. It doesn't sound like you'd be ok with it if it happened.
So my advice would be to talk to him, let him know you need more time before you guys can be friends again. And even though it'll be hard and it's easier said than done, you should move on.
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My advice from what I have heard is that it's probably uncomfortable to talk about it. Your in that phase where you don't want to let go of what you had. You may never be really close friends because of everything you both have been through, but I hope for the best that the phase will pass and the awkwardness of talking about it disappears. Whatever you do, just make sure you stay positive and handle the situation appropriately.
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