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First time sex
Im 16/f. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I'm confident that I love him. I need to know the details of sex. What does it feel like? Should it be prepared or spontaneous? I need to know everything teachers don't tell you in sex ed
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Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
I'm old enough to be your grandfather. As such I will tell you the way it is not how your parents will tell you, or your teachers and possibly not even how your own grandfather would tell you. Why? Simple, the more knowledge you have the better decisions you can make and this is one of the biggest decisions you can make.
Lets start with protection. At age 16 under a federal law, called HIPPA, you have the right to medical confidentiality over your reproductive system. These means you and not your parents have the only say as to how your reproductive system is treated by a doctor. It means when having a female exam only you, the doctor and the nurse can be in the exam room. Mom must wait outside. The reason is so you can speak to the doctor in confidence about any problem or concern you may have. This includes asking for birth control medication. Being 16 the only reason not to prescribe is if there is a medical reason not too. Parental permission is not required.
This law was passed so that young people, girls and boys would seek medical help or advice they may not want to ask parents about. Under this law you do not need parental permission to see a doctor. You can see any doctor you wish or seek treatment at any of the free clinics.
So if you are considering starting a sex life the first thing you need to do is to see a doctor and get birth control medication. It is the responcible thing to do. Next is to get condoms and have your boyfriend practice properly putting them on. You can use a banana or cucumber for this.
A condon only works if properly worn. Together they provide 99.99% protection against pregnacy. Start now on insisting your partner use a condom even if he is a virgin as well. The condom protects against most STD's and the HIV/AIDS virus. Never have sex with anyone who refuses to wear a condom. Those who refuse are only out for themselves and not looking out for you. That should tell you they lust only for you and not in love with you.
We have covered the protection. Next we need to talk about waiting. This boy is most likely not the boy you will marry. He is for the most part a high school romance who may be in love with you but also lusts for you. To a teenage male love and lust are the same.
In 2 or 3 years most likely you two will go your seperate ways to college or he may or you may join the military. This happens in almost every high school romance they breakup and go their seperate ways at graduation. When this happens if you have had sex with him you have given him the most precious posesion a women has; your virginity. There is more to sex than intecourse and ther is no chance of an unwanted pregnacy with if there is no intercourse.
Oral sex, fingering and handobs will bring about a climax for both of you which is the object of sex; to reach a climax. Oral sex, fingering and hand jobs are used as foreplay to excite your partners before intercourse. What I'm suggesting is you bring the foreplay to conclusion with a climax rather then intercourse, The sexual tension you both have will be relieved and your virginity remains intact to give to a man that may possibly be the man to whom you wed.
As for intercourse itself that is someting that is both a learned experience and something we all know the basics of as they are in grown so to speak. He is going to get an erection and push his penis into your vagina. Yes it will hurt the first few times. Mostly because the muscles of your vagina are still locked and will not want to expand to accept him. The hurt is suppose to stop you. As you get older and closer to the end of puberty the last of the hormones are released which will unlock those muscles and the hurt will be far less. Mostly from the tearing of your Hymen if it is still intact.
When your ready to have intercourse, now or in the future make sure it is someplace you will be comfortable, secure and will not be disturbed. The back seat of his car where grandma probably lost hers is not the right place.
As for the rest of sex it is a learned experiece done through communication with our partner telling him what you like and where and how you like to be touched. He needs to tell you the same.
My best advice though is to hold off on having intercourse. If you have gone through the heavy petting stage then the next stage is to move to mutual masturbation which is what I discribed above. Fingering, oral sex and hand jobs.Yes get on birth control ust in case as at this stage it is easy to go to far.
Good luck
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What does it feel like?
Most peoples first time isn't all that romantic. For most, it'll hurt a lot. It's usually the second or third time that it's actually enjoyable.
You should be prepared in a sense that you have condoms and are on birth control.
Do not have sex if you don't have condoms. And don't have sex if you're not on birth control.
Accidents happen and you don't want to end up pregnant.
Just be careful.
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You should both be prepared as far as birth control and protection from STD's. Either you go see the family doctor for that or check with your local Planned Parenthood and get on birth control. If it's the pill, there's a period of time of taking it before it will be fully protective for you, approx. a week but check with the person giving you the prescription or the pharmacist to be sure you know how long to wait while taking it before you have sex.
I know what you meant by 'prepared' and I will get to that shortly. PP is a good bet for you and like any doctor, they are bound by the Hippa Law to keep your visit confidential so the parents don't need to find out. Even tho you may be on something, it is still wise to have him use condoms which he can either purchase or get from Planned Parenthood as well.
All that aside, here's some food for thought concerning having sex the first time. when a person first learned how to ride a bike, do they get on and ride perfectly the first time? Most of us learned as kids with training wheels. It was a period of time where you gained confidence and experience until you could ride perfectly on your own. That's how it is with sex. No one experiencing it the first time, comes to the event with knowledge of what it will feel like to them or what exactly they are supposed to do to please their partner and knowing what parts they will like or dislike participating in before hand, it's not until you try you learn that.
Another thought, you don't have to do everything at once. That would be like going to the restaurant and ordering one of everything on the menu to eat all at once. Sex is a release of sexual tension and for those lucky enough to have strong feelings for each other, an expression of those feelings to each other and a willingness to want to please your partner foremost before seeking your own pleasure. If both come at the experience with that attitude, no one will feel left out or ignored. He should be doing his best to familiarize himself with what you like while you're doing the same for him. Neither of you are likely mind readers, so for heavens sake, don't remain silent during sex. If one thing feels really good, ask him to keep repeating that. If it's not doing much on the arousal side, ask him to move his finger, or try a different position or whatever. It takes time to come to know your partner intimately and once you know each others erogenous zones, to learn the right technique or touch, how hard or soft how fast or slow. And on the things that don't work out the first time, be willing to try again. Even long married couples can have days where due to other things that happened during the day, or maybe the time of month or other things, one or the other has difficulty of some sort.
Is there a Hymen? Yes but not all girls will find that theirs rips or tears having sex the first time. So is it really painful? Its all a matter of a person's personal pain tolerance level. For most, I don't believe it can be even called a pain, just an slight burning sensation as the skin stretches and thats it. It helps if he makes sure he's got you fully aroused beforehand, maybe giving you even orgasms using his hand. Again, first time, there's not a 100% chance of having success with that. If there's isn't enough natural lubrication inside you, or even if there is, it's wise for him to use a personal lubricant that will not deteriorate the condom he's wearing. Most all are safe, like KY jelly and such but whoever buys it, be sure and read the label. When he is lubricated and if he penetrates slowly, an inch at a time and gives you time to adjust to the feel before you give him the okay to proceed a tiny bit more until fully in, then you may never end up tearing the hymen. Only in a few rare cases do females have a strip of hymen running from top to bottom in the middle of the vaginal opening, thus creating two smaller spaces for him to get past and it usually doesn't work, or its extremely painful or you tear badly and will still need to see a Dr to have the rest of the 'Septate' hymen as it is called, removed in a simple procedure.
Also make sure your boyfriend keeps this thing in mind, that guys are hot and ready as quickly as one can flick on a lighter. Girls are not like that. He will need to spend more time on you than you need to on him for being ready for penetration. A female is more like a clothing iron. It takes a woman a long time to warm up like an iron, but once hot, it also takes a long time before she's cool again. So once aroused, she can go on and on. So once a guy has cum, he can still go back to working on her as females are capable of multiple orgasms once they have learned exactly what type of activity or touching does it for them.
I hope I didn't leave anything uncovered. If you have a specific question, just write me dear.
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