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Fancy other guys apart from my boyfriend
19/f
Recently I went clubbing and I got alot of attention from guys who asked me to dance. However I turned them down because I have a boyfriend.
This happens quite alot, and I'm beginning to enjoy attention from other guys since my boyfriend told me outright that sex is on the bottom of his list with our relationship.
Now my boyfriend is lovely for emotional reasons but physically theres a problem. I barely fancy him, and if we show physical displays of affection (kiss, cuddles) I'm ALWAYS the one to initiate it.
As for sex-he doesn't really like it! And he's not very good at it either...
I don't know what to do because I like my boyfriend, and I know a relationship isn't just physical but I feel deprived! Almost like my boyfriend doesn't see me in that way anymore.
We've been together for a year and i don't know what to do!
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I'm afraid the bottom line is probably that at 19 you are unlikely to settle for a relationship based solely on emotional security and companionship for any length of time. It's natural that you therefore feel drawn to 'other guys' who signal, and represent the probability of a more physical relationship. I should say you need to make it known that you find his level of sexual attraction and activity unacceptable and make every attempt to work it out. You do not have to perfectly matched in sex-drive to have a great relationship but it should be reasonably similar, and acceptable to both parties. A year into the relationship you should really both be still strongly attracted physically to one another and keen on showing it through sex. If you cannot resolve matters then it is almost certainly best to part sooner rather than later. Of course, if his reluctance is based on him feeling that he is indeed "not very good at it" then there is every reason to be hopeful of a 'fix' for the relationship. You can work at that! Remember that it is largely a myth that ANY guy can be an expert at sex, per se. That he can please ANY woman. It's about him becoming an expert at pleasing YOU individually. And a guy can become a master at pleasing his particular partner through communication. I'll just say that guidance and encouragement from you will work best re. his performance. Avoid criticism, especially negative and de-constructive criticism, which will lower his confidence. Meaning praise the bits he gets right and develop/build on them, and invite new things you'll enjoy. Rather than criticising the bits he gets wrong (wrong for you that is, it makes no difference if a previous girlfriend enjoyed them). He should start getting the picture soon! Hope you might find some ideas in my reply, or something to work with? X
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When you look for a partner, the deal is to find one who meets both your emotional needs and your physical needs. You can't have two different guys to get all your needs met.
Don't brush off sex at not that big a deal, because in reality it IS very important because the most successful relationships that last have two things as the foundation, 1. Being compatible in sex, 2. Being best of friends (where one of the needs met is the emotional one)
So either you decide to stay with him and give up on sex or you keep on looking. I know it sounds harsh. But too many people don't understand the purpose of dating. Dating is for when you are attracted to someone and want to get to know them better to see if they are a perfect partner for you. As soon as you discover reason's why they are not perfect, that's when you stop dating them and moving on. Unfortunately, people see dating as just a venue to be social and have someone to go do stuff with. And that's fine, but that according to dating sites would be termed an "activity buddy", not looking for romance in that.
Before you go thinking you can change him, you can't. If a behavior in a person is a chosen one, they must initiate the want and desire to change and do it. If his problem is more that he was born that way with low male hormones, or perhaps he is trying to do what he thinks is normal to fit in, rather than acknowledge that he is gay. Many gay people have married the opposite sex in the past. If you think the two of you could switch to just being happy being close friends but stop the dating thing, then you'd be free to go searching for Mr. Right.
All females have a need to be noticed by men and they love it. However, you will have tons of guys who notice you and are attracted to and approach you who are not perfect for you. If you ever want to know how to have a better chance of finding a guy, I'd be glad to share that with you.
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