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I've dug myself in a hole I can't continue to be this person that I am
22 year old female and I realize I will never be normal. I had been diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder, but have always had symptoms. I'm not healthy. I believe I never will be. I can't continue to lie to myself. When I was 15 in a down rage I took a box cutter and went up and down my left arm with slashes. I still have to live with that because it's visible and we live in a very accepting world. I've been going back and forth into deep depression since before I could remember like middle school it just hasn't stopped since. Entire family has given up on me. And quite frankly I'm coming to terms with the fact that I will never lead a normal life.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Hi there!
First of all, I'd like to tell you that my heart goes out to you. It seems to me that you've experienced some very intense suffering. I commend you for your strength.
Secondly, words like "never" are very harsh to use on yourself. That word sets a very negative outlook for yourself. It may be better to look at this with an attitude of: "Things are hard for me right now, AND I can take the steps to try and improve my lifestyle."
Things may be difficult for you in the moment. It may take some time to get a firm grip on recovery, and that's okay! You're still very young and have a lot of time to figure out how to best cope with your mood disorder. It is highly likely that with some determination and help from a mental health professional, you will start to see some drastic improvements in your life.
You can find a therapist in your area here:
therapists.psychologytoday.com
Best of luck,
Julia
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Was this self diagnosis or have you seen a Dr? Are you getting treatment from a Dr, and finding it doesnt help, then let him/her know and try another medication. I had a co worker who was bi polar, so I read up on it. I remember reading that medication may help but even so, people with bi polar or some other mental disabilities, have a difficult chance at long lasting relationships, even if that person loves them, because it is so wearing on them that they eventually have their own breakdown. One article did say the best plan for those who don't want to be single is consider accepting a life of short term relationships only and find a way to emotionally deal with that.
You didn't actually ask a question so if you wanted to hear someone congratulate you for coming to terms with your situation, then I must say, you are taking a step in the right direction, as long as you've tried everything you can medically and with counseling to improve your situation.
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I'm not sure of what your question is, I hope your not continplating suicide for you have no reason to. Being bipolar does not mean you cannot lead a normal life.
The biggest problem with being bipolar is non-compliance with medication. When you are on your meds you feel fine and see no reason to take your meds or see your doctor or therapist. So you stop taking your meds you go manic and then it is a fight to get you back on your meds. You may even have to hospitalized until the right combination of medication is found to keep you from being manic. Then your released and it starts all over again.
If this sounds like you I can understand why your family may have given up on you. My writing this may also be meaningless to you depending if your manic or not.
The only advice I can offer you is if you are not taking you medication get yourself to a hospital. Call 911 if need be but get to a safe place where people can help you. The best place for that is the closest hospital.
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