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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

sometimes I feel like it's my fault because I gave in

I think I know who you are though from the little information you have supplied I can't be sure if you are someone I have answered before. Would you please supply some more information about your question. It may have been a few days since I answered you and in that time I may have answered a couple of dozen questions.

so i have been suffering with depression for a while now, and last semester (i'm in college) i had a complete breakdown. i started missing classes and avoided all my friends. avoiding them, mostly because i didnt wanna be the sad mopey one who eventually everyone wont wanna hang out with. also i just didnt want to burden them with my sadness. i've been struggling with the same issue for so long that i felt my friends got disillusioned by it. people texted or called me and i'd ignore or avoid them. i was completely isolated from everyone else.

but after a while, i felt better and talked to my friend about it. instead of being comforted, she yelled at me for being selfish and not thinking about her. and tells me that im not being considerate of other people's feelings while i was preoccupied with my own sadness.

should i feel offended? i know that being depressed makes you more pessimistic, but i just didn't think it was other people's problems. is it okay to think that my friend is making the main issue into her problem instead of mine, without considering my feelings instead?

It is your friend who is wrong here. Unfortunately most people do not know how to deal with someone who is depressed or recovering from depression. I know for I have been there too. Many people think to get over depression you just have to think happy thoughts. You and I know this is not true.

Some of us need to work through whatever is causing the depression which for clinical depression is stress related. Others need the help of professional and maybe medication to get them past it.

One thing is true though that while depressed that person does not see things clearly. There perception is clouded by their depression. I'm not sure if it makes you more pessimistic or not though if that is how you felt then it is true for you.

As I said you friend is wrong or she may have stated her feelings wrong when she was trying to say you should have come to her for help. Whichever is correct is something that requires a discussion between you and her for you are still in a fragile place with your depression.

So I have two suggestions for you.

1. If you have not had help with your depression by a psychologist I suggest you consider getting that help. You should be able to get that help through the school health center.

2. You need to have a discussion with your friend. There are as I said two possibilities here. That being what she said was meant to mean you should have come to her for help and she said it very wrong, or you have misinterpreted what she said. It is also possible that you heard her right in which case she is very wrong.

When you talk to her you need to tell her what it is like to be in a depressive state for more than a few hours or a day. Most people never experience true depression and have no idea what it is like or how to deal with it or someone who is dealing with it. As the TV ads say depression hurts both physically and mentally.

If she is a true friend and once she understands better, if what she said is truly what she meant then she will also understand that she hurt you at a time you can least afford to be hurt.

Most importantly though is I believe you are still wrestling with the problem and stressor's of the depression for which counseling will help. Pleas contact the health office to seek help for your depression

This is long, I apologize

I have veen with my husband for 5 years abd when we first met things were good until I met his mother... she from the start had a problem with me and portrayed me as being the women who was coming between her and her son. She has tried to break us up countless times, called us 25+ times a day, left nasty voicemails...we both changed our numbers and moved because it became unbearable. We move...then 2 years later we decide to try again a d forgive her so we wrote her a letter. She wrote back again indicating her son atopped talking to her bwacause of me etc. No, Her son stopped talking to her because well several reasons... she was on drugs, in and out of rehab and lost several apartments from not paying rent and her rude manipulative ways. We have gone to the police.. now here is the problem, she lives in the next state over and we do not know where sge is. ANYWAY! after changing jobs...she eventually finds out where my husband works and has been calling his work! He is pissed! We do not know what to do as we dont know where she lives... please help!!!

-at wits end

Don't under estimate the powers of the police to find someone especially your mother in-law. You say she has been on drugs and in and out of rehab. It may be possible she has been in jail for being in possession of drugs and therefore may be on active parole. If so she has to be registered with a parole officer and have regularly scheduled visits or at the very least have her living address registered with the department of parole and probation.

If she is working then she has to have a social security number. The police can track her down through this, something you cannot do.

Harassing people, even relatives is is illegal. Depending on the degree of harassment she can be charged with a misdemeanor or a felony.

Calling 25 times a day, calling someone at work asking neighbors where she can find you is all considered harassment. You should inform neighbors that no one is to be told where you work unless they are law enforcement agents. Family and friends who you want to reach you or might need to find you all have information as how to reach you.

My suggestion n is you turn this matter over to your local police or sheriff. File what ever charges they suggest and let them handle this from there. If she contacts you arrange a meeting and bring the police with you or have them go in your place.

I have this issue with my step-brother and it's kinda complicated. Basically, when we met at the ages of 7 (me) and 9 (him) we hated each other. Then as we got older we became friends. Then when I was 14 and he was 16 our relationship changed as we became more touchy feely, so fights which used to be all about injuring each other just became about having fun Then we started cuddling during said fights, if we got tired. It's not like we grew up together since I only saw him every couple of weekends when I would visit my dad. So when I was 14 I had this huge crush on him and I thought that maybe he liked me back, since the way we would treat each other was definitely not one I would treat my siblings in and I'm certain he wouldn't treat them in the saw way either. However he got a girlfriend so I backed off. He later found out I liked him but he was totally cool with it. He said he'd still do anything for me and that it didn't change anything. Then in February this year, when I was 16 and was 18, he and his girlfriend of 1 1/2 years split and he and I got really close again. We'd talk on Facebook a lot but then he started making really suggestive comments and hinting about kissing me. In March whilst at my Dad's house he and I ended up hanging out together. He began teasing me that I wanted him, and then I went off on a rant about how I didn't. Mid-rant he kissed me. He was my first kiss and he knew that too. I know at 16 maybe that's kinda lame that I've never been kissed but I was waiting for the right guy and then he kissed me which is so messed up. At the time he said that it meant nothing and that it was only to prove a point, but then after that every Sunday when I would visit my dad, me and my step-brother would end up hooking up, each time going further and further (last weekend we go to third base). It was totally different to the other times as when he touched me face to bring me in to kiss him his hand was shaking, he told me he missed me, there was no fighting before hand when there usually is, he'd kiss my cheek while we would just be cuddling, after he'd 'gone down on me' he kept worrying about whether I was okay or not, he even started eskimo kissing me at one point... but now it's really complicated because feelings aren't supposed to be involved but I think maybe they are :/ which once again, is so messed up
because it was just supposed to be for fun. I wasn't supposed to end up having feelings for him. He's my step-brother, none of this was ever supposed to happen. My friends know about it and they're all encouraging of it. And my family on my mom's side know I used to have a crush on him and they were okay with it then. However I highly doubt he has feelings for me, and if he did it's not like it could go anyway. On the one hand I don't want this thing to stop because I enjoy it but on the other hand I know that if it continues my feelings will just get stronger, we'll end up having sex and ultimately I will be the one who ends up hurt. So my questions are; Is any of this okay? What do I do now? Do you think he has feelings for me? How do I go about doing whatever it is I'm supposed to do next?

Okay lets start with the big question. Is this incest? No! You two are only related by marriage of one of your parents to the other. You are siblings by other mothers and fathers in this case.

Next is the age difference. Two years is not a big deal but given that you waited till 16 for your first kiss it says he is your first true love. He being 18 is very likely going to be far more experienced then you are in the matters of the heart.

One of the big mistakes teenagers make is going from that first kiss to intercourse to fast. You have waited this long for the first kiss I would think you could put the brakes on and wait a while longer until you were say 18 before having intercourse.

If you cannot; then at least visit your doctor and ask for birth control medication. At age 16 you are by Federal Law known as HIPPA, able to make a doctors appointment, to see you doctor, for anything related to your reproductive system, without parental consent or knowledge. This includes asking for birth control pills. Your visits, discussions and treatment by the doctor(s) are totally confidential and require your written permission to release any information.

Should for example mom arrange a doctors visit where during the exam a female examination, anything to do with your reproductive system, is to take place. Mom can no longer be in the exam room with you and the doctor(s) or anyone in their employ can tell you mother anything about the exam. All you need say to the doctor is; "I invoke my rights under HIPPA. Mom will be asked to wait in the waiting room if she is with you.

F/high school age
my boyfriend lives in another country (4212 miles away). we've been together almost 3 months, we Skype everyday, and obviously we are an online relationship. i KNOW hes my soul mate.
..my mother is a strict christian lady and she has told me multiple times "no talking to strangers online" (as if i was 13!!) she always talks to me about molesters and men whom rape and hurt young woman and they draw them in through the internet,she asumes any guy on the internet is there to hurt girls (or something)
i know that if she met him she would love him,... but what do i say? how? shes a very loving person and she trusts me... but no guys on the internet... i know im in over my head, but if i didn't want to spend the rest of my life with this boy i wouldn't worry about telling her...
Well thank you for any help or advise you might have

Before I can answer or would answer this question I need some information from you.

1. I need to know how old the two of you are.

2. You say; "know im in over my head, but if i didn't want to spend the rest of my life with this boy i wouldn't worry about telling her..." With this being your feeling and 4,000 miles between you; How do you see the two of you ever getting together?

3. Is he as committed to you as you feel you are to him? Are you sure?

The say distance makes the heart grow fonder and I am not going where your mother feels with internet relations as my son is now dating a very nice girl he met on the internet. Only difference they live 15 miles apart.

Not knowing you age I ask that you answer these questions for me, then write me back with your answers in a private message with your answers. Then I can help you with a proper answer.

What do I do if no teacher or anybody cares if someone is bullying me?

Lacking more information the only option I see is for you to call 911. Being bullied is high on the police radar. If you are being bullied in school or around your neighborhood and the school or the bullies parents are not stepping up it then becomes a police matter.

Fruit makes me feel really sick for some reason. Maybe its the chemicals they use or something. In any case I would like to switch to eating more organic lentils, and vegetables. I dont seem to be having any trouble consuming animal products so ill stick with them for now.

I agree with Razhie that a visit with your doctor and proper testing is needed to see if you are allergic or intolerant to certain foods. There are important nutrients in fruits that are not found in other foods. Doing without fruits means you are not getting these vitamins or minerals.

Fortunately for most of them there are supplements available that you can get at the supermarket or health food store. Taking a multi-vitamin daily may not supply enough of one or more of the important nutrients you need and a specific amount of that supplement may be needed. This can only be determined through blood work.

As for food allergies and intolerance you will need to see an allergist. First a visit with your family doctor is required for a complete physical to rule all other things. Then the allergist can do what they do to find out what you are either allergic to or intolerant of.

Once the doctors have all the information they can make a proper diagnoses of your problem and give you instructions on the best way to deal with this; which I would assume include what if any supplements you might need to take on a daily basis and how much.

I know both my parents want the best of me but they're always so insulting and they're always comparing me to other children. I'm 20 years old and a college senior and for all I can remember, I've never heard my parents tell me they're proud of me. All my dad tells me is that I'm a disappointment. If not to my face, my parents still talk. My dad tell me I have a lazy mind with no motivation. Yet my dad says that I don't talk to him nor tell him what problems I'm facing. If they get mad at me over a specific situation, they never let it go. Every time I get another insulting lecture from my dad, the same situation is brought up. I got the courage once to tell him that he's so negative all the time to me but he turned it around to use it against me saying that because of my attitudes I am where I am today. I don't feel disappointed in myself personally but to them, I will always feel like one. Especially since I'm told straight up that I am a disappointment. I don't know what to do. How can I have a friendly father-daughter relationship if this is what he says about me? My family loves to talk about other people's families and their faults during their normal family conversations but yet they can't focus on their own. I'm not saying I'm completely right but I really don't feel the change has to start with me. I always function better in a positive environment with support from my loved ones and I can't even get that. I feel like I'm expected to be a perfect child just the way they see other people's children. Surely no family is perfect but I'm sure other parents don't tell their children half of what I'm told. Not only am I a disappointment, I have a bad attitude, bad facial expressions, and I'm spoon-fed too much. Once when my face was breaking out due to school and exam stress and just having acne issues, I was severely insulted by my mom saying that I must like to look that way since I obviously don't care about my face that that my mom would have been afraid to show her face in public if hers looked like mine with the acne. My biggest fear is that I would screw up badly and have them shut me out completely but it seems like everything I do will always cause an issue. I feel so much more comfortable in public when my dads not with me, like if my family decides to go to church and whatnot because he always scrutinizes everything. I sing regularly and he always has negative remarks. If I happen to sing decently to his standards, he won't say anything. Either that or he's just given up on the remarks of that day. I don't want to lose respect for my parents, especially my father. But I haven't ever felt close to him. He always thinks he understands everything and knows better than everyone else and it's just overwhelming to deal with. I don't know how much longer I can handle this. Please help me someone. Im literally crying my eyes out while writing this. Thank you.

It is unfortunate that there are parents in this world like yours. You are not alone in having parents like that. While I won't defend them for I know they are wrong. Just for your knowledge they were probably treated this way by their parents and it is what they know or knew about parenting. For we are a product of our up bringing. This does not mean you will be this way with your children or that you have to sit there and take it.

First: You may be your parents child though at age 20 you are no longer a child. You are an adult and when you graduate in the spring you will fully enter the adult world. You will for the first time in your life be totally independent of your parents. They no longer will have anyway to control you; be it money for school or anything else once you establish yourself with a job and your own living space. They can no longer ground you, take your car away from you or anything else that made you dependent or feel like a child.

Second: The type of father-daughter relationship you envy or desire is probably not in your future. What is in your future is the ability to set your own goals and your own life path.

I know exactly how you feel at this time for I spent most of my life trying to live up to what I felt were my fathers standards. I never once received a complement from him either. Nothing I did was good enough and he could always do something better that I did. Even when I received a special promotion, for outstanding performance, to a rank almost no one obtains in their first 4 years in service. What did my father say; "I guess you did something right, huh."

Right then I decided to stop trying to impress him. The only person I truly had to impress was me. The only person I had to be was to be a better person tomorrow than I was today. I found better roll models to follow. This worked for me. I became more independent, I exceled at what I did and I have made an excellent living for my family and me.

My father never really changed who he was and he missed out on a lot with me and my family. At one point he crossed the line and I wrote to him and told him everything I felt he had done wrong to me going back to my earliest memories.

My fathers attitude was such that when I was nearly killed in an auto accident,, that I was totally blameless in, was to ignore me. For other reasons as part of my recovery I ended up in the care of a psychologist learning to deal with my injuries. Through the psychologist I learned a great deal more about myself and my life. I learned that you can't always be what someone else wants you to be or have that someone be what you want them to be. This I believe is where your at now.

You may never have the relationship with your father or your mother you desire. What you can do is make sure your children have the relationship with you that you want to have with your parents. Not to make the mistakes with your children your parents have made with you.

It is unfortunate we do not get to choose our parents as we do our friends. There are times when you just have to say I will just have to tolerate them from a distance and there are times when you say enough is enough and put them out of your life.

My advice is that while your still in school that you visit the health center and take advantage of counseling sessions that are available to you. I believe having the opportunity to talk with a psychologist and actually verbalize how you are feeling will do you more good then we can do for you here.

My friend is a senior in college, I am a freshman. There has been a new policy that passed two days ago, letting kids carry concealed weapons on campus. I, as well as my friend, are part of the sociology club at school. So, he is really into current events and such that happen especially on campus. He really wants to wear something under his gown on graduation day that says "Keep (my school) a gun free campus" but he isn't sure about doing such because he thinks they may hold his diploma. So, I am writing in to ask you guys what you think. If they hand it to him and he walks and he opens it when he is at the end of the stage, will they hold it? Once it's in his hands, it's his, right?

Thanks for reading!

Two things about your question.

1. As Dragonflymagic said in most Ceremonies what you get on stage is an empty holder or blank paper. The school either mails your diploma or you go to a specific room after the ceremony to pick it up. This is the way it is done in most High Schools and most Colleges unless your attending a very small College or Graduating from a Post Graduate class where the class is small in number.

2. The Graduation Ceremony, to my mind, is not the place for this type of protest. Your family and friends as well as the family and friends of your classmates are all in attendance to see their friends and children graduate. You are know supposed to be a more educated responsible adult. Graduation is not the place for protests or hi-jinx.

I understand your friends concern. The topic is a very volatile one and one that most everyone has an opinion on. If the school is allowing guns on campus then it must be something they feel the majority of the students and faculty want or they would not allow it.

There are better ways to protest the administrations decision in this regard rather than shocking the audience who is expecting a dignified program. He can start by joining the Alumni association and working with them to reverse this decision. The Alumni association is a very powerful organization as they have control over a large amount of funding colleges rely upon for their operations. If he is successful in getting the backing of the Alumni he stands a better chance of reversing the schools choice on this rather than protesting at graduation.

i am 10 and have started masturbating does that mean i will start my period soon

No not really. Masturbation and puberty are not related.

Masturbation is a natural instinct that we all have when we are born. Infants have been known to and do in a way masturbate when they rock themselves, doctors have found. Why, because it feels good. Children generally stop when they come out of diapers as it is the bulk of the diaper that helps them masturbate according to some studies.

According to another study most of us do masturbate and start to when we become sexually aware of ourselves. This does not and is not always related to puberty. Know of course after saying this it is always possible that your first period will arrive tomorrow. Most likely sometime between now and age 12 is when your first period will arrive.

I hope this helps.

is it illegal for a 15 year old girl to have sex with a 17 year old guy or an 18 year old guy? thanks

Thanks to the No Child Left Behind Law the age of consent is being raised in most states to 18. This is being done so young people can no longer drop out of school.

When it comes to sex between two minors the age of consent has several loopholes. Yes there is the chance of the guy being charged with rape since the girl is under the age of consent. Then again there is in some states an age difference test that has to be met. Meaning if they are both within a certain age group then neither one can consent or the male is not considered to be committing statutory rape because of an age variance gap. Therefore no rape has been committed unless he forced her. Most states have or are closing these loop holes so it is best to know the law in your state.

Do not consider crossing a state line if the laws in that state are better than the laws in your state. You then fall under a federal law known as the Mann Act and that law is really tough.

If she is not actually 15 or even if she is 15 and you are real close to 18; you are very close to that line or over it in many states. My advice would be to find a girl closer to your own age to have sex with.

my niece let's call her Kat she is only 12 years old she told me that she has an online boyfriend and she isn't even allowed to date until she is 16 I mean she is 12. she doesn't live with her mom she lives with me and my mom . could she be doing this for attention because she doesn't live with her mom. also she has other behaviors I am concerned about she's always talking about how she drinks and is always talking about boys. I have caught her smoking ciggerates already what should I do I am only 16

Even though you are only 4 years older than you niece you are proving to be a good caring Aunt. I doubt your niece sees you as anything more than maybe an older sister certainly not someone who has any type of parental control over her. This would make it extremely hard for you to do anything to correct her other than lead by example which I suspect you are already doing.

The best thing for you to do is to let your mom know what you know to be fact. I assume mom is her guardian and therefore has full parental authority to discipline your niece for transgressions and wrong doing.

One thing you are most probably correct about is that your niece is most likely rebelling or acting out because she is not with her mother for whatever reasons. I would suggest you say so to your mom and suggest counseling for your niece so she can have an outlet for her anger that won't come back on her and to have that anger channeled into a more productive manner.

Hi I'm almost 15 and I haven't had a period yet, it's kind of worrying me I have had discharge for 5 months and I'm starting to think that something it wrong with me. I'm 15 in 3 months and I haven't had a period yet.

Your about the same age my sister was when she had her first period. Have you ever heard the term late bloomers. It is generally meant to mean boys and girls that enter puberty later in life then others. There is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer and there could be good reason for this, especially for girls.

One of the best reasons for a girls period to be late in starting is if she is overly athletic. Have you ever noticed the female Olympic athletes. Some of these girls are 16 years old and older but developmentally their bodies look more like 12 to 14 year old girls. They do not have resources their body needs to develop because of all the training they do. Their bodies use up all the energy and resources their bodies need to develop. For as long as they keep up this training they, for the most par,t do not get a period or fully develop as a woman.

Since I do not know you and you haven't supplied any other information about yourself. I am just pointing this out as one of the most common factors as to why you could be a normal 15 year old and not yet have a period. This question is really something you need to sit down with mom and discuss. This is not sex, this is about how your body works. Questions about this would be no different than asking about your sinuses or throat.

In talking with mom you may find out that all is normal an you come from a family of late bloomers. Being a parent myself I can tell you that mom is probably well aware your period has not arrived yet and if she was concerned she would have already booked an appointment with a doctor to find out why.

Since you are this concerned; speaking with your mom and voicing your concerns with her may be just enough to have her suggest seeing a GYN for an examination to see if everything is in order with your reproductive system.

In fact since you are over 14 years of age and this is a reproductive problem. Under a federal law known as HIPPA. You do not need parental permission to make an appointment or see a doctor about any reproductive health problems. This law also gives you total privacy and confidentiality. Meaning your parents can never be told by the doctor or anyone in the doctors employ. Why you saw the doctor or what you were or are being seen for or are being treated for without your expressed written permission. This also means mom cannot be in the exam room with you.

I would suggest though that if you have never been sexually active and there is no chance you are pregnant. If this is the first time you will be seeing a gynecologist you may be more comfortable if mom is with you. For future visits you may want to invoke your HIPPA rights which is just as easy as I just wrote by saying so to the receptionist or nurse.

Okaaay sooo im 14 with 86 pounds. Please dont tell me that its in okay weight cause i know its not. People arent bully me or anything its just that im 14 WITH 86 POUNDS !!! How can i gain more weight? Besides going to the docter cause i aldready did and they didnt tell me much. Soo please help... thankss ...

I looked at a weight range chart for your age. You are with in three pounds of the acceptable low side of (to the good side) for your age. So you are not in any danger. The range shown was 83.3 to 158.

One thing that has a lot to do with your weight is your metabolism. Which is how you use and store the food you ingest. If your doctor is not concerned then you should not be as your doctor should know you best. Since you are concerned the easiest thing to do and should be done before all else is to seek a second opinion from another doctor.

Should this doctor not be concerned then should or could seek the help of a registered nutritionist or dietitian which either doctor should be able to refer you do. Be prepared to tell either of them everything there is to know about you.

In fact if you intend to see either of these people I suggest you start doing the following now. Get a small pocket notebook. Each day write in the note book what you have to eat and when you what it including any and all snacks and when you have them. What time you get up and what time you go to sleep; actually turning off the lights and closing your eyes not just the time you may get into bed. You list not only what you eat and drink during the day but your activities for the day by time when you do them.

They will still have questions for you though with the information from your notebook they will get a better look into what you do on a daily and weekly basis. From this they can tell if you are taking in enough calories. Do not be surprise if they suggest eating smaller possibly higher energy meals throughout the day rather than just 3 well balanced meals a day. To gain weight you need to take in more than you burn though it must be the right kind of things not junk food. To loose weight of course you need to take in less than what you are burning an exercise more than you may be.

Hope this helps

Don't get me wrong, I don't care. Sex is sex, I like it, I like being with multiple guys, and if you don't include my gangbang fantasies, I'm really not that much of a slut, ya know? I've always been really sexual though, I watch porn when I'm bored, and whatnot. I lost my virginity at a whopping 14(with a couple), and have slept with 13 people since then. I've always been known to make really fucking bad decisions, hence why I got raped. It wouldn't bother me that much, if it weren't for the fact I'm like 2 people. My main brain being like, normal, and my pussys brain being like... stupid. I have a boyfriend I love very much, but the urges to watch porn(and 80% of his friends wanting to bang me) makes it hard. I cheated on my last bf and I hated myself for it. I'm 17, I love my boyfriend, and unless I'm single, I want this to stop. I just want to shut my pussy off. I don't mind being like that if I don't have a bf, but otherwise, its bothersome. If he had sex with me more, maybe it would be different... but he doesn't, Heh. My brain wants a relationship, but everything else want sex. I... honestly don't know what to do, Heh.

First let me say I very much dislike the word slut. I do not believe any woman can be a slut regardless of how many relationships she may have. The word slut has very much to do with the double standard between men and women. A man can sleep with 100 women and there is no such word by which to call him that even relates to words like slut.

So first things first you're not a slut. If anything you are over sexed, especially for the tender age that you started having sex. Being raped didn't help your sexual addiction or stop you from wanting more sex.

Yes there is such a diagnoses as a person being addicted to sex which I believe is what your problem may be. This is why I agree with Razhie that you should get therapy either form a psychologist or a psychiatrist for this addiction. No your not crazy; these people are the people best trained to help you.

Being addicted to sex is no different that being addicted to alcohol or drugs. There are treatments for this addiction that will allow you to lead a more normal life without cheating on a boyfriend or future husband.

Well ever since my best friend asked me out and I shot him down things have been extremely awkward between us.And he took another girl to prom and things were even more awkward. Tonight we webcammed for maybe 5 minutes. We went from sending each other over 400 messages a day to maybe 20-50. I don't know what to do! Please help!

There are three good ways to mess up a good friendship.

1. Is to enter into a relationship with them.

2. Is to have sex with them.

3. is to loan them money.

You two have been good friends, for whatever reasons he had or has he wanted to take your friendship to the next level by asking you out on a date. Your refusal sent him a message that you do not see him as anything more then a friend. This may have been received by him as a very clear message.

The real problem her is that while you two may be texting and talking to each other a great deal in the past; you have not been communicating with each other. Had you been then maybe you would not be where you find yourself at this time.

Communication is the key to any relations ship, be it strictly a friendship type or a deeper more sexual one. We find ourselves from time to time telling one another that we are not mind readers though we often forget this in our own relationships. Somewhere in your friendship he must have felt it was possible to go to the next level with you and to ask you out on a date.

Did he miss read you? Did you inadvertently send him a signal that you were open to this? Was it just wishful thinking on his part? I can't say and you can only find this out by talking with him and communicating you feelings with him that you have for him.

It may be possible to repair your friendship with him but it is going to take a face to face conversation so that you can look at each other and look into each others eyes as you talk. You cannot do this in a text or by phone.

You start the conversation by apologizing to him if you inadvertently signaled to him in some manner that you were wanting or willing to take your friendship to another level. Then you need to explain to him how much you value him as a friend and fear loosing him if a more intimate relationship was not to work out. You may work into your conversation how easy it is for relationships to come and go but true friendships are hard to find. His is a true friendship which you value and do not want to loose.

If he is as bright as I believe you to be he will understand what you have said to him. From this point you have a conversation between you where you discuss what has happened between you and see if you two can get back to where you were.

I really really need to know something, can rodenticides kill a dog??? I'm really worried about this since I think my dog has been poisoned...Thanks in advance.

I believe it can depending on the type of poison and the amount your dog has ingested. Call the emergency number for you Vet immediately.

Some areas have emergency vet service listed under the heading of local government services. Call that number now if you have not already contacted a vet for help.

I am really at a loss her. My adult daughter has two children and is divorced. She has been seeing a nice young man off and on for a couple of years. I contacted him by text one weekend to ask if he knew if her boys had bought something for her for a special occasion. If not, I was going to take them shopping. He answered my question and that was the end of it. Well, now she's told me that it's inappropriate for me to contact her boyfriend without her knowledge. I explained what had taken place but she insisted I was in the wrong and must respect her boundaries. Was that inappropriate?

This is one of those questions that has no right answer. You said; "She has been seeing a nice young man off and on for a couple of years." This puts their relationship in question." Is he a boy friend, a boyfriend or future husband? By virtue of the off and on again relationship he is not at this time as seen by her a future husband or a even maybe a boyfriend.

In her mind by contacting him about what she sees as what might be a very intimate family related question. You have given him reason to think his status with her has elevated to the area of boyfriend." Divorced people are very timid in general when it comes to that next relationship so they are sometimes overly cautious in categorizing their relationships. In your daughters mind you crossed a boundary she may have established for herself.

That was her side of the story. Putting myself in your shoes. If this person is someone I know who has been to my home on more than one occasion. Who has dated my daughter and knows my grandchildren well enough that he may have been allowed to take them shopping. Then I would have done the same thing as you did and called him so as not to spoil a surprise for her.

As I said to begin with there is no right answer here. I see you both as being wrong and right. She is wrong to have said what she did. You unknowingly crossed a boundary she has. Know that you know I'm sure you won't do it again. She needs to tell you if she has any other boundaries that you need to be aware of so that you don't inadvertently cross them. On a scale of 1 to 10 of wrong this ranks maybe as a 2 for your daughter has never informed you of her boundaries.

My son when he gets comfortable with a girl friend he brings her to meet us. At that point she is a girlfriend and we can consider her as part of the family and discuss openly anything we would normally discuss or talk about with other family member present. These are his boundaries and he set them with us a long time ago. I would suggest to keep peace with your daughter in the future you do the same with her. As far as any wrong doing on your part now?

I don't think so. I think in the same situation I would have done as you did.

I'm in such desperate need of you're advice. I have reached an extreme breaking point and I kindly ask for as many responses as possible!!!

In April 2012 I met a guy and told him very clearly that I did not want a relationship. He kept pushing tho and I was an idiot who couldn't resist the attention. Long story short... we're still together. I realize leading him on was a huge mistake. I don't need anyone telling me I messed up. However please note that he knows we're not an official couple. I've made it clear!!

I do love him but I've been trying to get him out of my life for months and months and here's the awful part; he is 11 years older than me and his parents finally kicked him out of the house around the same time he got fired. He was a chain smoker and alcoholic and so are all his unreliable friends. He has no where to go and at this point no friends or family to turn to.

He has done so much better with the smoking and he rarely drinks now and says its because of me. And before I move on I must point out how literal I am when I say he has NO friends or family he can turn to... so you can imagine my predicament... I'm stuck. I do love him very much, I can't just throw him to the streets. :( what kind of person would do that to someone they love?!

He has been in and out of state working and when he's gone I feel so free and happy. But now he refuses to go out of state again and is having a hell of a time finding a job. I feel like if he just had a job then I could leave cuz he wouldn't rely on me so much but as of now he has no car go find a job so he needs mine and he has no phone so on his applications he puts my number. ...he is 35 and he relies on a 24 year old!!! I hate taking care of him.

He has 2 weeks before his unemployment stops coming in and he won't be able to stay at the extended stay hotel we've been in for 5 weeks. If he doesn't have income by then, he's homeless! I'm leaving the country in June for a month so he will have no where to go. My roommate hates him so he can't stay at my apartment. Which I'm kinda grateful for!!

I don't know what to do. I'm so stressed that I've actually has horrible thoughts of him dying and the burden being lifted... which I definitely don't want to happen but its awful that those thoughts are there.

If I just leave he will be alone in this world and I'll be a bitch. Or I can stay super miserable and keep taking care of him but at least he'll have a roof over his head and food to eat.

Please help. Please!!!! :'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(

There was something you wrote that was a catch phrase for me. "He has done so much better with the smoking and he rarely drinks now and says its because of me.

That reads as "he has not stopped smoking or drinking and he uses his almost sobriety as a way to keep you near him almost against your will.

My brother in-law is a 25 year recovering alcoholic. He has been sober this long only after hitting bottom which for him was waking up in the drunk tank one day. If he was writing this he would tell you the best thing you can do for your guy would be to leave him for as long as you stay with him you are enabling him.

Before he is able to stop drinking, which is his main problem, he has to hit bottom. This is what you would be told if you attended al-anon program meetings. Al-anon is a program designed to help friends and families of people with dependencies such as alcohol and drugs. It is a support type group which is almost a companion group to alcoholics anonymous.

Everyone's bottom is different. As I said my brother in-laws bottom was waking up in the drunk tank. Funny part of this for him is that the arresting officer is now his best friend and is responsible for getting him into AA. Once you hit bottom groups like AA can be a big help though until a person hits there own bottom taking them to groups like AA is like leading a horse to water, you can lead them there but you can't make them drink.

From what you have written that by your being there and supporting him you are unfortunately, out of love for him, enabling him and keeping him from hitting bottom. This has to be a tough love type situation. If he is to recover he has to first fail which means you have to walk away.

You don't have to take my word for this if you think I'm wrong or being to hard. Try going to an Al-Anon meeting. The following URL is the location section of their website which will help you find a meeting place near your home.

http://al-anon.alateen.org/local-meetings

I am a female and I am almost 15. Please do not tell me how stupid I am for letting this happen because I know I am. I really need help. A few days ago (last weekend) me and my boyfriend I guess you could say we had sex? It was in and we were doing things, but he pulled out before he came.. I am late for my period now it normally comes on the 7th and it's now the 9th. I am really nervous and I want to know if I'm just overreacting or if I should go get a pregnancy test? How long would I have to wait from when we did it to take one? Someone please help :'(

While every women's fertile period is a bit different form each other, 80% of women are most fertile during a 14 day period in the middle of the menstrual cycle. Given what you wrote it is possible that you are pregnant; I will explain why it could be.

Even though your boyfriend pulled out before ejaculating. At some point during the intercourse he emitted a small amount of fluid. This fluid is a lubricant and in the fluid is semen, enough semen to impregnate a women.

The male does not, in most instances even feel this fluid being emitted when it happens. This is why the pull out method of birth control is the least reliable.

As for a home test kit. There are some test kit for which you may be in the window that they can detect a pregnancy. I would suggest you go to a drug store and look at the labels on different test kits. Purchase more than one kit for there are more false positive than false negatives with these kits. If you get a positive wait 5 more days and test again.

Additional information you should know: Being 15 you are now old enough to be covered under a law called HIPPA. This law gives you total confidentiality and control over your reproductive health; this is a Federal Law.

What this means is you by this law can seek a doctors help for any condition related to your reproductive health with or without parental permission or knowledge. Your parents never need to and can never be told why you are seeing a doctor or what you are being treated for without your expressed written permission.

Your mother can no longer be in an exam room with you without your permission either. All you need to say to any doctor is you invoke your rights under HIPPA and mom will be asked to wait in the waiting room.

Should you be pregnant this law makes it totally you choice as to whether to have the baby, abort the pregnancy or to give up the baby for adoption when born. Your parents cannot force a decision on you in regard to a pregnancy as it is covered under HIPPA as it is a reproductive health issue.

should the home test be positive then seek a doctors test for proper confirmation. Once you are sure then it is your choice. Once you decide then it is also your choice as to whether to inform you parents or not based on what you decide.

There is one other possibility: By being stressed over whether or not you are pregnant. The stress could upset your normal cycle. It happens quite a bit to young women and stress in older women such as your mom will upset their cycle too.

Hopefully you are not pregnant, If you are not under the rules of HIPPA you are old enough to ask for birth control medication with out parental permission and the doctor must write a prescription for it when asked. I would suggest since you are sexually active that you do so. Also always make the boy use a condom. Under the same HIPPA law he can purchase them if he is over 14 and no one will challenge him. Not only do condoms provide extra birth control they protect against many of the STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus.

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