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my niece has an online boyfriend
my niece let's call her Kat she is only 12 years old she told me that she has an online boyfriend and she isn't even allowed to date until she is 16 I mean she is 12. she doesn't live with her mom she lives with me and my mom . could she be doing this for attention because she doesn't live with her mom. also she has other behaviors I am concerned about she's always talking about how she drinks and is always talking about boys. I have caught her smoking ciggerates already what should I do I am only 16
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Even though you are only 4 years older than you niece you are proving to be a good caring Aunt. I doubt your niece sees you as anything more than maybe an older sister certainly not someone who has any type of parental control over her. This would make it extremely hard for you to do anything to correct her other than lead by example which I suspect you are already doing.
The best thing for you to do is to let your mom know what you know to be fact. I assume mom is her guardian and therefore has full parental authority to discipline your niece for transgressions and wrong doing.
One thing you are most probably correct about is that your niece is most likely rebelling or acting out because she is not with her mother for whatever reasons. I would suggest you say so to your mom and suggest counseling for your niece so she can have an outlet for her anger that won't come back on her and to have that anger channeled into a more productive manner.
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I am all for promoting 12 yr olds having friends who are males, but not boyfriends. If she is able to invite girlfriends over, then male friends should be acceptable and that way she has adult supervision. But that doesnt sound like the real issue. She is troubled for whatever reason, likely something to do with not being able to live with mom and admiting to drinking and cigarette smoking...I think are signs she needs counseling. Even though you are family, she is too young to see reasoning from you. The frontal lobes of the brain that help with making good decisions doesnt finish developing until our mid 20's. I got married at 20. I didnt make a good choice...wrong guy couldnt see it, brain not developed enough. I dont know what a counselor can tell you but your mom needs to know so she can get you all into counseling. Not that theres anything lacking in you but like your mom to learn how to help your niece/or cousin. You will need to understand how to not enable her to continue a rebellious path. It was good that you cared enough to write us but i think you both will need more help than our column can offer.
Good luck
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This is something you may want to talk to an adult that you trust and is in charge of her. Tell them what you have said above, Good for you for being a good caring person.
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