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Dad always insulting me
I know both my parents want the best of me but they're always so insulting and they're always comparing me to other children. I'm 20 years old and a college senior and for all I can remember, I've never heard my parents tell me they're proud of me. All my dad tells me is that I'm a disappointment. If not to my face, my parents still talk. My dad tell me I have a lazy mind with no motivation. Yet my dad says that I don't talk to him nor tell him what problems I'm facing. If they get mad at me over a specific situation, they never let it go. Every time I get another insulting lecture from my dad, the same situation is brought up. I got the courage once to tell him that he's so negative all the time to me but he turned it around to use it against me saying that because of my attitudes I am where I am today. I don't feel disappointed in myself personally but to them, I will always feel like one. Especially since I'm told straight up that I am a disappointment. I don't know what to do. How can I have a friendly father-daughter relationship if this is what he says about me? My family loves to talk about other people's families and their faults during their normal family conversations but yet they can't focus on their own. I'm not saying I'm completely right but I really don't feel the change has to start with me. I always function better in a positive environment with support from my loved ones and I can't even get that. I feel like I'm expected to be a perfect child just the way they see other people's children. Surely no family is perfect but I'm sure other parents don't tell their children half of what I'm told. Not only am I a disappointment, I have a bad attitude, bad facial expressions, and I'm spoon-fed too much. Once when my face was breaking out due to school and exam stress and just having acne issues, I was severely insulted by my mom saying that I must like to look that way since I obviously don't care about my face that that my mom would have been afraid to show her face in public if hers looked like mine with the acne. My biggest fear is that I would screw up badly and have them shut me out completely but it seems like everything I do will always cause an issue. I feel so much more comfortable in public when my dads not with me, like if my family decides to go to church and whatnot because he always scrutinizes everything. I sing regularly and he always has negative remarks. If I happen to sing decently to his standards, he won't say anything. Either that or he's just given up on the remarks of that day. I don't want to lose respect for my parents, especially my father. But I haven't ever felt close to him. He always thinks he understands everything and knows better than everyone else and it's just overwhelming to deal with. I don't know how much longer I can handle this. Please help me someone. Im literally crying my eyes out while writing this. Thank you.
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It is unfortunate that there are parents in this world like yours. You are not alone in having parents like that. While I won't defend them for I know they are wrong. Just for your knowledge they were probably treated this way by their parents and it is what they know or knew about parenting. For we are a product of our up bringing. This does not mean you will be this way with your children or that you have to sit there and take it.
First: You may be your parents child though at age 20 you are no longer a child. You are an adult and when you graduate in the spring you will fully enter the adult world. You will for the first time in your life be totally independent of your parents. They no longer will have anyway to control you; be it money for school or anything else once you establish yourself with a job and your own living space. They can no longer ground you, take your car away from you or anything else that made you dependent or feel like a child.
Second: The type of father-daughter relationship you envy or desire is probably not in your future. What is in your future is the ability to set your own goals and your own life path.
I know exactly how you feel at this time for I spent most of my life trying to live up to what I felt were my fathers standards. I never once received a complement from him either. Nothing I did was good enough and he could always do something better that I did. Even when I received a special promotion, for outstanding performance, to a rank almost no one obtains in their first 4 years in service. What did my father say; "I guess you did something right, huh."
Right then I decided to stop trying to impress him. The only person I truly had to impress was me. The only person I had to be was to be a better person tomorrow than I was today. I found better roll models to follow. This worked for me. I became more independent, I exceled at what I did and I have made an excellent living for my family and me.
My father never really changed who he was and he missed out on a lot with me and my family. At one point he crossed the line and I wrote to him and told him everything I felt he had done wrong to me going back to my earliest memories.
My fathers attitude was such that when I was nearly killed in an auto accident,, that I was totally blameless in, was to ignore me. For other reasons as part of my recovery I ended up in the care of a psychologist learning to deal with my injuries. Through the psychologist I learned a great deal more about myself and my life. I learned that you can't always be what someone else wants you to be or have that someone be what you want them to be. This I believe is where your at now.
You may never have the relationship with your father or your mother you desire. What you can do is make sure your children have the relationship with you that you want to have with your parents. Not to make the mistakes with your children your parents have made with you.
It is unfortunate we do not get to choose our parents as we do our friends. There are times when you just have to say I will just have to tolerate them from a distance and there are times when you say enough is enough and put them out of your life.
My advice is that while your still in school that you visit the health center and take advantage of counseling sessions that are available to you. I believe having the opportunity to talk with a psychologist and actually verbalize how you are feeling will do you more good then we can do for you here.
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Honey i hate to say it but your parents sound like insensitive ass holes. If no one else tells you, you have a bad attitude and teachers and peers seem to have no problem with you, most likely you don't have a bad attitude your parents are just ass holes. What your mom said about your acne is just cruel and unnecessary.
First of all get support, you seem like a sweet heart and you need to be around people that appreciate you and support you. Second of all tell mom and dad that their lack of support is driving you away from them. Tell them you would like to have more support and less criticism from them. If they continue to be rude and not listen then work on getting out of that situation!
So it seems like you are almost out of school where you can be in position to support yourself right? This is what i suggest, I suggest you try to level with them. If it doesn't work get a job, and start saving! Get out of there as fast as you can!!!!!! There are good people in the world that will love and appreciate you. Get to a point of financially supporting yourself and get away from your ass hole parents as fast as you can.
Your dad sounds like a narcissist and your mom doesn't sound much better so leave them alone with so they can tear each other down. You don't deserve this. Maybe after they have scared you out of their lives they will come to their senses and stop behaving like this.
I'm so sorry and i wish you the best of luck. Stay strong and don't let them make you feel bad about yourself. Work hard and make your life good. You can't control what they do. IF they want to be unhappy rude bigots fine you make the decision not to live like that. You decide to be a bigger better person. Stay strong and get support when you need it. It's out there, good people are everywhere.
Best wishes :)
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Dear you are not alone to face that kind of problem ,every parents want to do best from his children ,i want to told you my story ,i done master in economics but could not found job till 1 year so my mother daily insulting me and compare me my uncles children and said me i am not able to do any work and said my cousin is well settled ,am not, to hearing this really i was very depressed but my father never compare me with any one he said no problem if i could not found any job .i suggest you do your natural work which you want if you want to go according your parents ,never success in your life,and do not care your father and mom .do which you like if you parrot and do as which is not according your habit you always make mistake as you done when your father that time with you you know if we done work any work with pressure we make always mistake so at the time of that situation do not mind ,your father with you and think nobody is not seeing me ,am alone here try to win their conffidence and tell him your problem when they understand you they treat you well, here no problem with you nothing wrongs with .your main problem is communication gap with you and your parents .try to make happiness and do yoga .best of luck dear.i hope you think better now
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