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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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23/f
I'm not really sure how to express myself right now I just want to vent to someone to listen. I come from a loving family and could get whatever I possibly wanted. But I sometimes feel so sad that I am going no where in life I always feel everything is my fault. I care about people before i care about myself. I would kill myself to save another person. Growing up I can remember this would happen and I think it is getting worse. Whenever I do something wrong and I make someone angry I start hurting myself when I get in a fight with my boyfriend I start punching myself and pinching my arm I slap myself across the face and I tell myself how useless I am and how my mother should have never had me. Is this normal? I don't know if I want to express my feelings to my family about this. I don't want to be put into a physc place and I feel like if I say something people are going to think I'm dramatic. I just needed someone to vent to about this. No one knows about these. I often think about cutting myself but I don't think I have the courage to take something and cut myself with it. What's wrong with me?
Hon, I have daughters in your age range and one daughter has severe depression and refuses to take medication so she's in bad shape. She hid from me when this started as a teen and wasn't obvious yet. Much later, after married with a kid did she confess what she was going through. I did not take it personally as being a bad parent. I know I was a good parent and that it's nothing I did wrong. I can't say if your mom would feel that same. But I'd like to believe that as common as mental health problems, depression and even learning disorders are these days, people would know it's not anyone's fault, including the person suffering from the disorder.
No, what you described is not 'normal' ,to use your word. However since the opposite would mean abnormal, I prefer not to use those words as you may tend to think of yourself as abnormal and hate and punish yourself even worse. What i would term it is whether you are Healthy or not. Some people are simply born with something out of balance mentally, emotionally or physically. It is no fault of your own. That is how I want you to look at your situation. From how you describe yourself, you seem to have some wonderful qualities and I am sure you are a wonderful person with the exception of what you struggle with. This is something you can't fix and bring into balance your self. That's why there are medical professionals, and mental health professionals. I can't explain what is causing you to be this way, and its best left to professionals to test and screen you and discover what it is. Simply venting to us is not going to make you feel better. I am go glad you wrote in dear. Since you are an adult, unless you're in college and still on parents health insurance, you will need to have your own insurance plan and Dr. to get things going in the right direction. If it's not offered through work if working, get on Obama care if you aren't already. Go see your medical Dr. and be honest and tell them everything you told us here. They won't think badly of you. This is what they are there for and they can get you hooked up with mental health care and possibly also a social worker to help. Do this for yourself, whether you tell your parents or not. Do not worry about being labeled crazy or locked up and put away. Movies of such situations are way long in the past and that is no longer done as the medical community has had much advances in knowledge and medication and they prefer to treat people to help them lead normal lives. Go get the help you deserve dear and enjoy your life for once.
I've never been close with my dad, ever. We've always argued. It's probably because we're so similar. I got my anxiety and depression from him, so I guess that's probably because I take my anger out on him aswell.
We argue literally every day. 98% of the time is something negative. I do admit that I call him stupid, annoying, etc. out of anger (I have anger issues). He'll always say that I'm rude, annoying, even sometimes say I'm a bitch (Or that I'm acting like one). It doesn't get physical obviously. Usually I just get mad, go to my room, and slam my door. I am in my room 99.8% of the time. He just makes me so mad. He has a short fuse too. Even asking him a question will make him burst into flames. It's ridiculous. If I ever try to talk about it or say "You need to stop that" or whatever, it just gets awkward and he gets annoyed over it and blames it on me. I always raise my voice and it just gets bad. I don't know how to stop this without getting help or talking to him. Should I go awhile not talking to him?
I believe you need to talk to someone. Your mom might be a good choice. However if his behavior is more than just the anger issue you see, perhaps a mental disorder of some sort, that could also cause him to be this way and likely its something passed on in the genes to you. While teen's can react in anger much too quickly simply out of immaturity and not having learned to control their temper and make good decisions yet, it also could be more than that with you.
Mom may have taken the path I did with an abusive husband, the path of least resistance to help keep peace between me and him. It kinda worked at times if I let him have his say and never responded to defend myself or to the contrary. But most times, logic didn't work and no matter what i did as time went on, he got worse as he has a mental health issue, so it was damned if I do and damned if I don't. Your Mom may be just deciding that putting up with it is the best way for her, but it isn't fair to you.
I would have a heart to heart talk with mom when dad isn't around to overhear as that is cause for him to blow up again, being discussed.
Let her know how this is bothering you and how much it affects the quality of your life and you don't want to have to put up with it any longer. If you are willing to get help for yourself, ask her to set you up with counseling. You could suggest she seriously suggest Dad go see a couselor as well for his anger issue. bUT Mom may not have the backbone to approach him. I know I certainly didn't when it came to realizing my ex needed mental health and an ex counselor husband or a couple we knew suggested I mention it to him. I actually burst into tears for fear of the angry outburst I'd get from him which would last in verbal assaults for days. So he was the one to approach him and tell him what he saw in my husband and suggested he get help or they would no longer remain friends with him as his abusive behavior spilled over onto them as he felt comfortable with them like family.
Dad may not take such a suggestion from Mom but may from an outsider. So no matter what Mom has to say if anything to you, It would be best to take this to your school counselors and don't hold back anything. I am glad you wrote in, it shows you realize you have a problem but yours may easily be a bad habit picked up from having him as a parent figure to copy plus still being young. You are not be trained at home how to hold your temper and finding other ways of thinking about things so that you don't get so angry in the first place. So I'll wager that since you are seeking advice, that you are not one with a mental issue, but there's a likelihood Dad has one, or at least he has had an anger issue all his life and was never taught how to deal with it. In either scenerio, he needs help from a professional and that may come if you get help for yourself. If your parents can't help you, its perfectly reasonable for a child wanting to improve themselves to look to professionals outside the family to better themselves. And once these professionals know whats going on at home, they may contact the parents and invite them in for counseling as well.
Should you not talk to him for a while? Obviously, he's going to be an angry person whether you talk to him or not, but your talking to him seems to add fuel to the fire, so for now, I'd try not to talk to him and avoid him as much as possible until you are seeing a counselor and they give you instructions to do otherwise, and how to if at all. I wish you the best dear. Good luck!
In summary, theres this guy in a few of my classes who ive liked for a few months and based on things he told me friends he liked me too a little, we would speak a lot on a off but never really hung out alone or adressed anything. fast forward a few months i was getting annoyed that he wasnt making a move or anything yet and ended up hooking up with one of his best friends whos a few years older. it wasnt neccisarily to get back at him but just didnt care to not do it for his sake since he wasnt making a move anyways. i didnt really think anything of the friend like we hooked up drunk at a club but eventually started hanging out more initially as good friends and then hooking up more. bottom line things ended terribly with the friend and i dont speak to him anymore but am still into the original guy. i know he told my friend that he was a little jelous about me and his friend but i assumed he would be happy when it ended. apparently now though he told someone he wouldnt date me anymore after everything that happened with the other guy.
what can i do to get him to not think of me as his friends sloppy seconds or anything like that?
That's not a 'little jealous', that's a major problem with him waiting to happen if you decide to force things and get into a relationship with him.
Some guys make a commitment to a girl, to be her boyfriend based on sight attraction to her only, and once getting to know her dump her because they find things in her personality they don't like or not enough in common, or they wanted to play the field rather.
However, I have found most males have no problem with a girl having dated anyone else before because, it's usually a given, that a guy will have dated other girls before and they don't expect You to have an issue with that. Why? They think differently and many view initial dating as a way to get to know a gal good enough to decide whether they want to make a commitment to her only as in becoming bf/gf. Girls tend to want the commitment right off the bat or assume that because she's been asked out, that a guy is committing to her. Girls may have a problem knowing this ahead of time but when guys are told the girl isn't making a commitment to any one person yet until she's sure which one, so she will date several at once, guys are fine with that. As long as you're up front and honest about that, something guys are afraid to tell girls upfront for fear of emotional reactions from her. If a male is perfectly okay with a girl dating several guys at once, no matter their friend or not, then your original guy who has obvious issues with it, is not the normal guy. That's a red flag right there. I'd give up on trying to convince him to date you as there's a good likihood that there is something lurking there that eventually you'll see later after your heart is in love and tied to him even though its a bad situation. He may just be immature, be then you'd have to be the mature one and wont have a guy to take equal running of the relationship, it could end up one sided with you getting nothing out of it emotionally or physically.
If not immaturity, he may simply have issues with cognitive abilitys, meaning he has problems with his thought processes, seeing things always in a negative vein. In some cases, training from a counselor can correct this, as long as the person is willing to go for help, seeing this as an issue they want to improve. There is a chance he had mental issues and needs a psychologist because theres a chemical imbalance in his brain and its not simply a habit of thinking negatively. He could have obsessive, compulsive disorder, be narcissistic, or a myriad of others. I know someone like that and he attempted to constantly control his wife to do as he wished based on refusing her, telling her he was right all the time and she was wrong and who was she to question him. So he manipulated her. I was her close friend and the idiot tried to control me when I was over seeing her. He wouldn't admit he had a mental problem, and in trying to avoid facing it, drank lots to forget where he fell short and died of liver failure. But sometimes, a warning from a friendly person will just go over a person's head and they have to learn the hard way by experiencing these problems for themselves.
SO while I say, don't pay him any attention and forget about him is best, you may learn better by actually going after him and saying anything to get him to accept you whether apologizing, saying you made a big mistake dating someone he knew(which is BS) and begging him to take you back. All that will signal to him that you may be easy to manipulate and he could easily get away with treating you rotten and you still be willing to stay. Most women would say, oh i'd never do something like that, but when your heart has feelings for a guy, a woman will put up with just about anything...I know because I've been there and lived with abuse with 1st husband.
so i recently have been on a few dates with this guy and things are going well so far, meanwhile a different guy (they slightly know eachother) started liking me and just asked me out knowing that i am dating the other guy. all this aside, theres a third guy who is close with both of them who i actually like a lot, i know based on things he has said to my friends that he would date me if it werent for his friends. i realize this makes me sound horrible but in the event that things dont pan out with the first guy, since it is very new, how do i get the 3rd guy to ask me out without feeling like hes being a bad friend?
Not all guys but lots of guys differ from females in their thinking when it comes to dating and bf/gf relationships. Many do not view the act of simply dating a girl to get to know her better as making a commitment to her. If no agreement has been made, such as asking the girl to become his girlfriend, then in his mind, he is free to date other girls at the same time. If done for the reason of determining whether you like a person enough to 'make the commitment' to become officially bf/gf, then it is fine and there's nothing wrong with it but even from school age on, I feel it is important to spell out what dating means to you and for what purposes you are doing it. There are some who date simply to collect a lot of girlfriends (usually all desperate for the attention) without any intention of looking for the right one to make a commitment to.
It is no problem if a young girl in school wants to use the same date a couple people all at once, to help her decide which guy she likes best and wants to become his girlfriend. At this point, you are merely a female friend of all three.
Will the guys have a problem? As long as you take care to explain to all three of them that you want to date them all first to decide which one you'd like to become the girlfriend of, providing the guy is ready to commit to date only you as well. (even better if you can get all 3 in same place same time to realize that each other guy heard the same thing)The only guy who might have a problem is one with low self esteem and acts jealous. If one does, he's not worth your time. Teen struggle with self confidence so keep in mind theres a chance such a guy can change in the future for the better, but generally, if they have these issues already in HS or college, they'll probably have them later in life too.
There is nothing wrong with you and you are not a bad friend to them. Of course its hard to decide just from what you know of a guy in public, what he might be like as a boyfriend. So if you want to have a chance to try out each guy, let them all know you're not making a decision yet but that you eventually will. You also might ask each guy to be honest with you and let you know if they are at the same time checking out other girls or ready to make a commitment to only date you. I promise, guys do understand that and I as a female did just this after a divorce when dating again and no one had a problem with that.
Ever since I was little(I'm 17 now), my parents haven't gotten along. I don't know why they haven't gotten a divorce. They can never get along. We can't spend one day or ever go out as a family without them getting into an argument. They had a fight a few days ago and I feel like they're gonna have another one soon. And even if they do start talking to each other again (which is almost never), they just end up fighting again. They don't even talk to each other like normal parents, my dad never wants to talk about me or my brother or my sister(who has a disability). He never wants to talk to my mom about our family. He comes come, cooks for himself, showers, watches tv, and goes to sleep. He doesn't care if any of us have eaten but he always makes sure that he has food for himself. He has never even once asked me or my siblings about our school,grades,or anything and my brother's in his 4th yr of college. He has never attended any of my school meetings or asked about where I applied to college or where I got accepted or where I even want to go. It's ALWAYS my mom that has to do everything for me and my siblings, buying food, clothes, making sure we go to school and come home, cleaning the house, cooking, everything. She struggles so much to provide for us and on top of that she works at night and comes home in the morning and she has health problems. She's diabetic and a few years she had surgery on one of her legs. Even during that time he never went to see how she was doing or did anything for her. It was always me and my brother who went to visit her in the hospital every day. A few years ago when my sister was in the hospital it was always me and my mom who went to visit her every single day at night. I am just so tired of them fighting over the same things, wouldn't it be much better for everyone if they just got a divorce or were living separately. A bunch of times he has even thrown out food that my mom has bought or spent hours cooking. He throws out stuff that she buys, saying its "garbage." Why should he throw out stuff that she spent money on? She never does that to anything he buys. He also doesn't even care about my sister. She has a mental disability and couldn't finish high school. he doesn't care if she doesn't eat or drink or even get up from her bed. Never once has he given her her medication that she has to take everyday.It's always me or my mom that does it. I don't know why he still stays if he doesn't care about my mom or any of us. I don't even talk to him anymore, it's been years. I feel so stupid when I do because I know that he doesn't give a shit about me(sorry for my language). My sister is also causing problems because she gives my mom soo much stress. She messes up the house and my mom is the one who has to tell her to clean up, take her medication, get up in the morning, go eat, everything. I also have really low self esteem and I barely even have any friends or anyone to talk about this, that's why I'm writing it here. I haven't let any of my problems at home affect my schoolwork, I do well academically.It's one of the things that I actually enjoy and my goal is to get a good job after college so I can finally buy my mom a house. I don't even know if that's gonna happen.
Oh hon, I feel so badly for your situation. It's really rotten but life isn't always fair. However I believe you have enough personal strength to not only survive through this but actually do well in life despite the hand you were dealt. I know because you have said you haven't let it affect your grades. You are still determined to make something of yourself.
About why they have stayed together? Several guesses but no matter why, it won't change things.
People are afraid of change, afraid of being single again after a divorce so its easier to stay with known situation, whether horrible or not. If your Mom were divorced, at any point in time, having had children, it's harder to find another mate. Even when the rest of you have families of your own, there will still be responsibility for your sister and that won't be an attractive situation to any prospective dates.
Another reason people stay together is purely financial. Maybe she isn't sure he'd pay child support or alimony even if a court says to. By his behavior, he already looks out only for himself. So in a divorce, she may not get enough to pay the mortgage and end up losing the house. Perhaps Dad for same reason realizes that he couldn't afford paying for his own place so this is just a place for him to crash and his family are to him more like roommates he doesn't have to pay attention to.
Ones family life can affect you personally such as the low self esteem. Even just being embarassed for anyone to know what your life is like at home. But I sense that with you, despite not getting the affirmations young girls need as they grow into women from the trusted male family member...Dad, that you are strong enough to over come what is bothering you, self esteem, low self confidence, or just feeling you are so different from other girls in what they have to deal with in life. I have run into, in my life, so many dysfunctional families that with their number increasing, they are beginning to unfortunately look like the normal. Other than the teen who complains at everything, I'll bet that there are others out there in very similar or equally bad situations as you who need some positive feedback and emotional support and caring as you do. I cant say how you'll find them but when you become a friend to someone like that you'll gain a friend back. They won't be part of any 'group' populars, or other and most likely if you look hard, you'll begin to notice those who always keep to themselves, are shy and never seem to have a friend around. Try for those people because at least you'll be able to understand where the other is coming from. As for needing to talk to any professional, I agree that talking to school counselors is a good way to go. You'll never know if there is something that can be done to help your mom, with managing her own health and being caretaker of your sister. I don't know if you qualify for any help but if the counselors know of the situation, perhaps they can at least offer some suggestions to mom but ultimately Mom must act upon them and seek any help that is offered through social services. You'll soon be at college and can't be looking out after Mom and your disabled sis although you can help now. But now is the time to encourage Mom to get things set up for when her other kids are gone. You should not have to feel obligated to stay at home and look after the house and give up on college and your own life, just because they are family. Mom has great odds to work against but she needs to know what her options really are and have some professional who can talk to her, explain it and help her along to becoming self sufficiant if the husband is a dead weight and not helping with anything but his income. He can do that from the other side of a divorce. But even so, Mom needs to look at the future, at what point is her health to a point she can't look after your sis or what happens to her someday after she dies? She needs to have that figured out ahead, some trust fund plus someone who legally is in charge to look after sis while she lives in an adult care home and gets disability from the state for her care. Mom is probably not in a good postion emotionally to even think about those sort of things but it is important. I'd ask a counselor how you could talk to mom about this if you haven't tried already. God bless and may the angels be working at your side to help bring some progress to this.
I want Shaylan, I want Josh, and I want Jay. I just don't know what to do! They all offer me things.. Shaylan is in love with me and I've liked him since 5th grade (I'm a freshman in Highschool).. Josh is the sweetest thing ever and is in love with me, plus we're like best friends... And Jay is so hot and is willing to wait for my decision.. :'( and I need to make a decision fast before I loose all of them.
Lightoftruth has great advice and I would like to add to it. Even as a freshman, it is not too early to take seriously the making of a commitment to date someone. You're just starting the process of learning what guys you like and what you don't like and so, often, you can end up in the situation you're in, liking each guy for several traits.
You mention too of them being in love with you. You do not mention having any feelings back. Love might be too strong at word for you at this point, but who is it you have both a friend attraction and a romantic attraction to? In any long lasting and healthy happy adult relationship, both are needed and now in your teens is the time to learn for yourself why it's so important. Do not be afraid to think of hanging out with all of them at once, I have gone out with adult men after a divorce, telling each one I was not deciding yet to make a commitment to date just him, but rather that I was in the information gathering stage and checking out to see which guy I had the most in common with. When a guy knows you are wanting a boyfriend but have several vying for the position, you are the one in control and they know they better treat you right to hopefully win you over. Guys have no problem with this as long as you make it clear to them. If one of them has a low self image, he may beg and plead for you to choose him or just get angry. I had an adult male beg me to choose him. He lost due to lack of confidence and acting too needy. So don't worry, you don't have to make a decision yet but do explain where you are coming from and no, you won't lose all of them. If you do it right, you may get a chance to spend time with each of them alone to get to know them better. If still confused and not one stands out over the other, write me from my column, asking for my instructions on how to have a list of criteria to help in picking out a guy. I did this after a divorce to find my second husband, and it sure helped lots. Good luck sweetie.
I've been counting calories on-and-off for probably 3 years now. I've always kind of thought I had anorexia, but I started counting calories again in September and still am. Here's the problem.
I don't know why, but I eat at planned times and such. Then I look forward to it. My mind is focused on food ALL THE TIME. For example; I eat a breakfast sometime in the morning, depending when I wake up. I eat lunch in the 12:00 hour. I may have a snack at 2 or 3PM. Then dinner at 5-6PM, and I usually binge on a snack later at night. Anyway, why do I always look forward to the times I get to eat? Could this be a binge eating disorder? That makes me feel even worse. I count calories (I'm an extreme master at it, honestly) every day. 1,000 is my absolute limit. On average, I eat between 600-800 calories. I get literally no exercise at all since I'm homeschooled and I have a lot of mental health problems (What a surprise..). Anyway, what is wrong with me? Is it maybe because this is really the only eventful thing of my day? I'm 5'2 or 5'3 and I weigh around 93 pounds.
I'd need more info to know if you had an eating disorder. There is a slight chance, that depending on what these meals consist of, that you may naturally have a fascination with the chemistry of well blended foods and seasoning that make a meal to die for, such as chefs would make. Do you have a great interest in being involved in the preparing of meals? If so, you may be destined to go to a culinary school and become a chef.
Otherwise, the greater chance is that you obsess on food over anything else in your life. The American diet is not good and there is too much approved on the market for consumption that is bad for our health in that the food comes with too much salt, sugar or fat. We are trained from todder-hood to like foods that have a lot of one or all of those ingrediants. Now because we are used to them, it's an addiction if we don't enjoy food that are low in fat sugar salt or free of them. It's addictive just like nicotine in cigarettes or street drugs and pain killers. We may not see it that way, and so we become unnaturally drawn to food. Since you volunteered having mental health problems, its likely connected to your thought processes. You are not taking in excess calories. You can probably still have more calories, teens are still growing and the body needs nutrition. But I would look more at the content of your food, not the calories. A good way to learn how to watch what you eat and why its important is to talk to a dietician, most family Drs. can refer you on to one. Also, if there are mental health issues and not seeing a mental health specialist, I would see the family Dr so they can refer you to one. Thats where I'd start dear.
I'm 17, I never even had a crush since i was born. I am completely normal. It is just I have never felt anything towards opposite sex or same sex. I can tell that a girl is pretty but no, I never had a chance to like anyone. I never even fall inlove. seriously I never even had crush. What should I do? what am I? am I normal or what? I'm worried I want to have gf.
With the desire to have a girlfriend, I'd have to say that you just haven't found someone yet worthy of your attention.
I am female and never had crushes or dated in high school. The guys were too immature for me, I was too practical and logical and couldn't be bothered with someone who wasn't willing to be a male best friend like my female friends. I was not going to respond to guys who left hints they were interested in my body only.
And I am normal also. These days where alternative sexuality has come out of the closet, we hear so much more about it than in my day in HS. I am not surprised that teens question what their sexuality is.
So I will make an important point, whether you are straight, gay, bi or transgender, you do not need to have a partner to make your sexuality valid. You can know what you are, without having any previous experience, such as a child of 8 knowing their body says they are one sex and but they feel like the other inside and gravitate towards that naturally. They don't need to have dated or have sex yet to know that.
I too notice male and female bodies that I find attractive looking too but I don't have the automative sexual response in my body, so I know I am not bi. I don't need to have sex with a girl to know that.
There are two needs a person has for a partner, one being the emotional needs met and the other the sexual needs met.
If by chance you have a low libido or perhaps are one type of Asexual, you may not easily find yourself attracted at a sexual level but still have a need for the emotional connection. Until you turn 18 and are the age of legal consent to have sex, I wouldn't even think about that part yet, you can experiment later there, for now find females who you admire for a friend, for the conversation, the sharing, caring, being there for each other to help support when needed, etc...the emotional bonds. If you don't see someone like that, don't worry, eventually you will find someone like that. You could spend some time online researching stories and videos on you tube of those who are bi, gay, transgender. There was no mention of bi or transgender when I was in school so I will at times go watch videos, watch past TV interviews or read articles about those who know they are transgender, to understand their plight and what can and can't be done at what time period for them. It's very educational to help you understand yourself and where you fit and also to be able to put yourself in someone elses shoes as to what they deal with in life being something other than heterosexual and yet life can be fulfilling, no matter what you are. You just have to understand it and not be afraid of it. Good luck.
I'm a senior in high school and I really don't have any friends. There are people that I say hi to once in a while when I see them but we're not very close. I do have one very close friend but we have no classes this year together and barely even talk anymore. I spend my free period and lunch in the library by myself doing work. Even in my classes I have no one to talk to and I feel really pathetic just sitting there. I'm a nice and friendly person but I can't seem to make any friends. I also have very low self esteem, which I know is causing me a lot of problems but I can't seem to change it. I'm always feeling like a loser. I do well academically but I can't even participate in my classes because I'm worried about others will think. I feel like no one wants me around and I feel useless and worthless. I just can't wait for this school year to end, I'm going to college this year and I really want to try to talk to people more and make some friends. I usually don't go up to someone and talk to them first because I feel like I'll be bothering them or they won't wanna talk to me. Anyways, I'm not really asking for advice, I just wanted to say this since I have no one else to really talk about it with. My life at home isn't really any better.
He's right, without self esteem, others won't think highly of you either. Its a tricky thing, you can be saying and doing all the right things even but its not as much your appearance or what you say and do that make a person respond positively or negatively to you, it's what they can't see. Its about what their senses pick up, those vibes emanating from you, like radio waves that they pick up on.
Try this for boosting your self confidence. Search for a celebrity whose confidence and personality has one or two features that remind you of you, her sense of humor maybe, or how she acted in a role, and you can think of someone who you share some kind of feature with, thin lips, heart shaped face, straight or curly hair, deep set eyes. What you will do is 'borrow' their confidence until you grow some of your own. It only takes a few times of getting the right reactions from people to have it really make a difference on your own self confidence.
I did an experiment once, picking my eyes as I felt they were my best feature, and researched for an actress whose eyes were similar to mine, who I liked. Then every time I left the house, I imagined myself to be her, with her eyes, and her confidence. I know it's going to sound unbelieveable but since I chose to focus on eyes, I got nothing but comments from strangers on my eyes for as long as I did this visualization, or even just letting the thought cross my mind. My eyes weren't any different, no makeup, and yet everyone was responding about my eyes. So it wasn't my eyes they picked up on, it was the vibes I sent out that I had eyes as pretty as those of an actress/model. It would be one thing if a friend commented but I got the comments from strangers who felt so compelled to say something because of how strongly they felt that vibe from me. You didn't go into what the issues are with your life at home and perhaps that may be the underlying issues causing you to feel as you do. But otherwise, its worth a try dear. If you want feedback, not even advice regarding your life at home, i suggest posting it for all of us with detail and good examples so we have a good grasp of what is occuring and tell let you know what we think, if it is normal or not, something to be concerned about or not.
Good luck dear and blessings!
Okay so me and my GF have been together for 4 years now and like i love her i really do and we have a beautiful 2 year old bout to be 3 next month that i love to death but the thing is for about a year now ive been thinking to myself bout some of my exes and how much fun we had together and the things we did and etc... and these thoughts wont go away at all they wud leave for a second but come back like i love my gf i hella lot but i dont think im happy happy i mean we have our great fantastic times but i dont know whats wrong and im looking for advice cause i just cant talk to her about this cause its gonna start a argument and thats another thing we argue a hell of alot already but like i said i cant shake these thoughts of what if i was still with them and blah blah.. i even thought about texting one of them
sometimes i just sit by myself get so depressed about it cause i miss them days. it gets to the point when i only wanna sleep because it happens in my dreams and im so happy when im there.
It's common to find things in a person that you like or admire whether a stranger or an ex. And common to think of those things. There is a purpose to this. However when it comes to dating and relationships, the majority of humans don't have a clue how to go about it, neither did I in my 20's. Now in my 50's, I have learned a lot in life and believe I might be able to help you sort our your confusion. If you still have questions after reading the next part, go to my column and write me from there with a brief description of your previous question so I know who you are. Here goes:
Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in one or both people that would harm the partner emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up. Dating in the beginning should be more of an investigative process, to learn about the other, not to become instant bf/gf and date socially until something breaks you up. The thing I discovered that was missing for me, was two-fold. first, I wasn't looking at the want for a partner as needing to understand myself really well, what my personality is, my life experiences so far and how that may jade my choices and also, what my specific needs are in a partner because of who I am. Example: I am very outgoing/talkative. So I am not a good match for a quiet, non talkative guy easily irritated by my chatter. You would think, that is quiet an obvious difference but I hear those complaints all the time about a partner who is too much an introvert and not good at communicating and conversing but has lots of other good qualities. So is it worth staying with such a person or not? No one knows for sure because they do not have a list of pros as in 'pros and cons' (which is one way to put it) in what you are looking for in a mate.
But I choose to call it a list of criteria for finding the right partner/mate. After a divorce when starting my search again, I believe my Angels gave me this idea, and it worked. I found it most helpful. You will make two lists. I choose to call it a list of criteria for finding the right partner/mate because that's exactly what it is. Here's how:
You will make two lists. The first most crucial one is a list of Must Haves. A 'must have' for you is something which if it doesn't apply to this other person, then that's a deal breaker, you don't date or get into relationship with them. Very important serious stuff here. So how do you know what to put on the list? Think of things that are very important to you in life, things that no one can sway your mind to a different viewpoint and importance in your life. Major issues seem to hinge on topics such as religion/beliefs, sexuality and children. Here's an example of what I am talking about. Even tho a person wanting to date isn't ready to have kids yet for 5-8 years, they know they do want children someday, their own or adopted is another concern. If one does not ever want kids and can't be swayed to change their mind, even if in love, then that is a deal breaker and must be on the list. Not to sound shallow, but the wanna be stay at home mom will never be happy if she must compromise that dream when the kids are little because the guy doesn't earn enough to support both. If she isn't flexible enough to be able to deal with reality and uncertainties of life, she could have emotional issues for being forced to work or he with her staying home and not able to meet the budget and fighting ensues. Why take a chance that something might go wrong in the future, long after your heart has fallen in love?
Finding ones best friend and sexual equal should be top priorities and whatever pertains to that in which you have specific requirements had better be on your list. You want a mate who likes to travel an incredible amount but she is a home body, no match. You may coax her on one vacation a year but more she'll be miserable, and it becomes a battle. You have a high libido. Spell out what you want. If its sex once a day, you better be sure before you even get to the point of being ready to try sex whether she also has a high libido or she thinks thats over kill and once a week or twice a month is reasonable. I hope you understand the importance of a list of Must haves. I had about 5-7 if I remember right.
Next list is a list of Wants, and a want is like the frosting on the cake, it is not a deal breaker, and you can live happily without it but here's where you might think about others who do meet this or admire others who do. That's okay. I have great memories of past guys who loved to dance as I do. It was on my list as was a guy with long hair and much more. I didnt get the dancer but I got long hair. You will only need to use the lists of wants if by some miracle you find two or even 3 people who meet all your criteria of must haves, and need something else to determine which one to choose, you go for the one who meets most of them. In my case, the man I married met all my 'must haves' but no one else did, however he met half of my wants list. So I am very happy and in my mind, I have sorted out that it is okay that he never will meet the other half of my list of wants.
A person who knows what they want, and won't back down under harrassment, won't settle for less and isn't afraid to tell others what they are looking for in a mate, is going to come across as confident to others and that is an attractive trait in people and will draw the right one to you. I didn't find my right one instantly though. Many sounded great because they lied or didn't understand their own needs and wants well and once I met them and got to know them better, saw they were not a match for me according to my criteria. Hope this helps you.
"I am from India "
My question is regarding diagnostic center , What are standard thinks should be in diagnostic center ?
how do things happen in clinics , does any precaution should take while we go in it?
regards,
Johnsonmon
If your doctor has ordered any tests or diagnostics done on you, you would have had to make an appointment with the diagnostic center. Once you did, you should have been given any instructions that were crucial for you to follow before coming in, depending on what you are having done. For some, your must drink a preparation they have given you that will help them to see whatever part of you inside they are scanning, you may need to be sure your intestines are empty, or a bladder must be as full as possible for other, and others, perhaps no eating before. Some require no special preparation at all. You need to call the center you are scheduled to go to and find out if there are special instructions to follow before coming in and what paperwork or ID they need from you.
And as fit as a Victoria's Secret model, like Oluchi or Candice. I started going to the gym and someone told me the elliptical and bicycle are just cardio, so I waste time doing them. I can't afford a trainer, so what can I do? I want to lose about 70 pounds in a year, to be my goal of 5'4" and ~105 pounds. I don't look as fat as I weigh, I used to do school sports, but I was never blessed with a great metabolism. Apparently it means I have more muscle but I felt I struggled the same with weights with my skinnier teammates. I can accept I'll never be my dream height of 5'8", I just want to be slim and feminine, no longer some awkward average bulkyness. I dont care much for curves, I just want skinny legs, arms, and to have a skinny stomach without sucking it in. My neck had this weird baby fat that never properly goes away, too. I eat generally healthy, and have cut back on my binging. For lent I gave up junk on every day but Sunday, and so far, this Sunday I didn't go crazy and get a pizza and eat a quart of icecream, I just had one fanta and ate healthy the rest of the time. My family is African so there's naturally a healthy diet, but any tips I'll take anyways, cause western food is probably my biggest temptation. When I visited Africa I lost tens of pounds without even trying, and I felt fresh. I'd just like tips and reassurance. I have the ballet beautiful tapes and I go to a gym. I used to be embarrassed about showing I was working out or improving myself in General, idk why, but now I'm an adult and I want to look good and set a foundation for a healthy and happy adult life. I wear mediums and larges and I'd love to wear small, even extra small. It would make vintage shopping easier, cause most good stuff is small, or looks good on a smaller frame. I'm not in danger of anorexia or anything, in countries out of America skinny people are normal. So there must be something I can do to be like that, too, and cut my risk for many diseases caused by obesity. Thanks for your time, in advance
You can be 5'4 and have varied degrees of bone structure, heftiness or slightness depending on genetics. Even with a little extra weight now being in 50's there are still signs of my slight fine bones. I still have pronounced skinny wrists with wrist bone sticking out and visual on elbows and collar bone. Alexa, i did not know but looking at her pic's, even though 5'8, she's one bone structure larger than me, while I'm petite, she appears to be small. That alone will give the appearance of being slender and willowy.
If you are trying to determine if you've reached that look by measuring weigh, well you'll never be happy. Inches can come off with diet and excercise but as you stated, muscles definitely weigh more than fat. It might be best to see your doctor and tell them that you've come to see them because you want to get healthy and lose weight. It is good for many of your bodys internal systems to be at the recommended weight for your body, frame and all. If your Dr. doesn't do this, they can refer you, perhaps an appointment with a dietician. I've recently seen mine, and found I was already eating healthy regarding salt fat and sugar amounts in food and types of food eaten. What articles you see in fashion magazines or hear of on TV are there just to help make money, the concern is not on what should be YOUR personal recipe to health and proper weight. By the way, models are not the healthiest people on the planet. Many have to starve themselves to look as they do, others don't even look as photos portray as most are now photo shopped to present whatever the current popular female image in todays time. Once upon a time, big boned and curvy was in, check out Marilyn Monroe in a swimsuit. Remember also that whether on one end of the scale or the other, tiny or big boned and extra weight, there are guys with varying degrees of what they are attracted to and many have no preference. Your Mr. Right might think you a Goddess just as you are now, without any change. Make sure, any change you do, is for your health as a purpose, not to match what the media says is in, or to catch a guy.
You didn't mention lacking self confidence, so if thats' an issue, do this at least, every time you leave the house, imagine that you look like Alexa when you leave the house. I did the same experiment just imagining that only my eyes looked like a certain actresses. I had no makeup on and all of a sudden, every day some stranger was commenting about how beautiful my eyes were. They didn't look any different, the only thing people were reacting to on a subconscious level is the vibes of self confidence emanating from me.
Eventually, you'll see that you no longer need to do the visualization, as you have confidence in yourself just as you are if at a healthy weight.
As for diets, America has too much junk food and pre made meals which contain too much salt fat and sugar. It is much better to eat lots of fruit and vegetable and make sure to get your recommended protein for the day, (the size of a deck of cards) and dairy. So it isn't much. If you aren't into eating veggies, buy a high end juicer, and put in a mix of veggies and fruits, add Yogurt or Kefir to it and a protein powder and you have a balanced intake of nutrition that will give you optimum health. Read articles online on health fitness guru Jack Lalanne who went on later in age to create a power juicer. I am saving up for one of my own. Good Luck dear.
So, I FULLY awoke to a woman's playfully evil laugh. In my head, I asked, "What the hell was that?!" And she said, "Why? Is it wrong?" And then I felt soft, delicate hands on my side, and you know when you were six years old and you had a friend try to playfully push you off the bed? That's what she did. Then she joked about shoelaces or something, but I can't remember.
Please don't tell me I was dreaming, because I know myself. I know when I'm fully awake.
How can I possibly communicate with her like that again? Please help! I felt so safe and loved with her.
I happen to believe that disembodied souls, those not ready to move on into the spiritual plane to live with their creator, can exist on our earthly plane. These spirits, are what we call ghosts.
As a rule, any harmless spirit form which can include souls of ancestors who come to visit, your guardian angels, spirit guides,
these do not engage in pranks, and playing games, anything that hints at evil, they do not tell you what to do, they do not interfere or intrude in your life, and any conversation always has purpose, no friendly chats for entertainment sake. Remember, we are talking spirits here, no longer in mortal bodies or never were mortal to begin with. So they have no need to play silly pranks, talk nonsense, tease, and interrupt your sleep, etc....
Any spirit form entity that approaches you is there only for very specific reasons dear, one, to protect your mortal form if it's not time for your soul to leave your body/die, or to gently make suggestions, give advice but leave choices up to you. It's about anything that pertains to your own personal spiritual growth while here on earth which is your classroom.
So, if I were you, I would not purposely try to bring back this spirit. It does not sound like one that you can trust to be on the level.
As mentioned, it could have been a realistic dream, but then, as you said, I also know when I am dreaming or awake and I have always been awake/daytime when I have spoken with Jesus, the Goddess who I see as the Holy Spirit, and my spirit guides. Like you, I see nothing but the conversation occurs in my mind. So I can personally vouch it's possible but too many people not knowing better, get involved with spirits of a darker nature, and they are very good at presenting themselves as harmless and don't need to sound evil or look scary.
Not very many people have their 'senses' awoken. I have clairevoyance and clairaudiance which mean able to see thing and hear thing not restricted to just the earthly plain. Instead of seeing and hearing with my real eyes and ears, I see with my mind, it's 'all in my head' LOL, I hear the thoughts and see the scenes in my mind. Driving home one day for example, Jesus speaks in my head interrupting me singing along on a song, and says, when you get home, tell your husband not to quit school. Well there had been no such talk about that, for all I knew, he liked it so I didnt want to say anything. So first I asked, "Hows school going." Hubby said, "I can't hack it, I think I'm going to just quit school." I then told him what I heard and he kept going to school and graduated. I have many examples where Jesus and Goddess worked with me to teach me that I indeed could hear from them. Just ask and I'll share. But you need to write to me from my column next, or I can't answer you.
If this spiritual encounter continues without you seeking it, I would go looking for professionals who can help. A good place to get leads is to look for the metaphysical bookstores in your area, these might be called Pagan or Wiccan too but often they will have sign ups for one on one help/meetups or hold classes where a gifted person is in attendance, they are most likely to have knowledge of such people who are local and can refer a name or two.
I have an adopted sister who does this kind of work, helping souls cross over, etc... in essense, working with ghosts. There are quacks just looking for money and there are those who actually have the gift to deal with spirits and ability to determine if harmless or malevolent. The person I mentioned always comments on my angels whom she can see hovering somewhere behind me. I wish you the best.
Hello! I wrote a question on this same question before entitled "My Brother's Friend" but I have new information to add. I know you can just add it to my other question but I didn't know if it would repost as new again. So, if you read my other question, you can just skip to the bottom where I added new stuff or just ignore me, whatever you prefer.
So anyway, long story short-my friend and I went to an apartment that belongs to my brother and his three friends to hang out two weekends ago. I am female and twenty and all of these guys are twenty as well, with my brother being twenty three. All of our friends are all of age and they go to the bar a lot so when that happens, we all hang out with each other since we're all underage.
I thought there was only three people in this apartment but there's was one other one that I didn't know about and that's who I am going to be talking about. His name is Joe.
All night long Joe has been catching my eye. I thought he was super cute and I really liked his personality but he was always around all of the other guys on the couch and my friend and I were sitting on the stairs. My brother got up to go outside and smoke a cigarette, he asked Joe to go and he said sure, so they went out and as they were outside, my friend told me that he was definitely watching me too. So when they came back in, I talked to him. He told me that he was just telling my brother that he thought we had a class together freshman year which I thought was cute that he remembered because we are both juniors now.
A few minutes after that, my brother got up to get a drink and Joe went upstairs to get his computer to play music for us all, so my friend and I moved to the couch and when they all came back, it somehow ended that Joe was next to me on the couch and his roommate that thought my friend was cute, was right next to her.
A few minutes of sitting with each other, him running his fingers up and down my arm or grabbing at my hand, elbowing me and talking about work and school and what we like to do for fun, he handed me his phone to put my number in and I did. My brother even asked him to go out for a cigarette again, he told my brother he was out but I knew he wasn't, when my brother went outside, Joe told me he had some, he just wanted to spend more time with me.
Around two in the morning, my brother started to get antsy and wanted to leave, since I drove him, my friend and I had to leave too. I lost track of Joe by this time and I didn't really want to keep my brother waiting so I just thought to send him a quick text when I got outside. So I texted him that I'd see him whenever my brother wanted to come back. Not to go into full detail, a few of his texts said that I didn't need my brother to go back, I was always welcome there, he's glad that we met that night since he usually goes to concerts on the weekends - he said he was happy he couldn't make it to the concert he was planning on going to that weekend because he was able to meet me, he told me I'm cute and I should swing over whenever. We even made plans for my friend and I to go over the next night to hang out. Well, the next night, he didn't even text me that he was home and that we could go over whenever. I even tried to give him an out by telling him that my brother left something there the night before and I could stop over to get it (which he did actually leave something) and he just never answered me.
The Thursday before the next weekend, I texted him and asked if he would be around that weekend and he said he would be at a concert tomorrow (Friday) but he'll be home Saturday and asked why. I told him that Friday, my brother, friend and I wanted to stop in but if the roommate that liked my friend and Joe wasn't going to be there that we wouldn't stop in and he said "you base your plans off of us?" and I told him that no, we don't, we had other places to go, we just wanted to stop in and hang out for a little and he replied "oh, I see." So, I joked back that not everything is about them and he didn't answer.
A few hours later, he texted me and asked what I was up to. I told him what I was doing and everything, we talked for a little and then he texted me goodnight so I joked with him that he's lame. He told me if I'm bored, he could come pick me up but it was snowy and cold, so I didn't want him to be out in that just for me and that's exactly what I told him and he didn't answer after that.
Now, just last night, my friend and I were talking about how we wanted to go to their place next weekend because it's the weekend before Spring Break and the roommate that she likes and Joe should be home. So, my friend texted the one roommate and asked if we could and he said most definitely. I texted Joe and told him that with the okay from the other roommate, my friend and I were going to visit next weekend and crash their party and that I hoped he was there. He didn't answer.
So, I guess I'm just still confused. He answers my texts and he's nice sometimes, I guess when he wants to be. But when I text him plans of mine, he doesn't answer. Like he completely ignored both texts that I sent him about stopping by. But he offered to pick me up one night when I was out doing something and he was at home hanging out with his roommates watching netflix.
I'm just lost as to why when he already has all of his friends over at his place, why he chooses to ignore my offer to stop by. But he answers me, when I tell him that I'm bored with my other friends, on a week night, that he can pick me up, when he has nobody over. Don't you think he would be okay with and even want me to stop by when he already has a small party? Plus I feel like when he doesn't answer my texts that I'm just annoying him and I don't want to do that. Any help is appreciated.
I remember you. That first night he sure made himself sound interested in getting to know you better and its okay if you come over without your brother. But you're giving him opportunity to take you up on meeting together and he's not responding. It's one thing if he's busy but there should be at least one time that works or he makes a counter offer of a time and date if he's really that interested in you. He may not have any interest in having a girlfriend, just a friend who is female, to talk to. Have you asked why he hasn't answered previous texts? You could try being very direct with him, but you need to be ready to handle any answer,even one you may not want to hear. Example: "Hey, when I met you at the apartment with my brother, you seemed to have some level of interest in me. Maybe I misread how interested you were. You did offer to stay in touch and that it was okay to meet with you sometimes. I have offered invites and you haven't responded. So I'd like to know if you are interested to pursue me, and if so, whether as just a friend, or a girl friend. I do not want to keep bothering you if you have changed your mind so please be honest with me." You should get an answer if the guy has any good manners. If not, you need to decide whether you want to keep chasing after something that may never come to be. If you do not like a guy who can't be consistant in interest level, can't be honest with you, is not communicative, all of which he may be, then it might be best not to settle for less and hange around keeping yourself available for him in case he wakes up and lose out on chances with other guys. Remember the things that you don't like and do like about a guy and when the next comes along, choose according to what you like and don't want. Hang out with a guy long enough to discover if he's someone you do or do not want to make a commiment to become his girlfriend. Good luck.
is that weird? is there etiquette for that? he didn't do it back to me, did i mess things up?!? or does it mean he's just shy? it was my gut reaction, but i'll stop doing it with guys if i have the etiquette all wrong.
When it's a group pic, and you have to get a lot of people viewable in the photo, they have to huddle close to begin with, and where do my arms go, they're either squashed against my sides or it's more comfortable to put my arms around someones waist, back or shoulders depending how tall they are, I'm short. LOL And it doesn't feel odd at all.
Even if you made have consciously had thoughts while making that move, its a fairly natural one that most I don't think would take wrong.
Just the other day, my husband and I were as McDonalds when a Mom with 3 teens came up to us explaining they were in a photo scavenger hunt and one of things on the list they had to get was a photo of them with strangers with the McDonalds sign in the background, would we be willing, Sure, we huddled close and my arms went around the perfect strangers for the photo and they were all smiles as we were good sports to help them. No one had a problem with that, You can tell, the body stiffens or they pull away.
So i'm 16 years old and my mom recently been asking me questions amif im still a virgin and stuff, could she actually take me to a doctor and could determine if i've been sexually active ? Even though I don't want to? Without my permission?
And added to the great advice of what the other advice givers said, I just want to mention something to be mentally prepared for. If you did go to a Dr. and your Mom by law was not told anything and you refuse to tell her yes or no, the very fact that she's been hounding you know, means its very likely she won't let up and will actually believe you to be sexually active simply because you won't tell her. You're in one of those spots of damned if you do and damned if you don't. Whether you are sexually active or not is not the issue but it's your mothers attitude. To say Yes I'm still a virgin, whether true or not, won't matter to mom if she's for some reason made up her mind that you are and I highly doubt saying so if you decided to would make her stop. If she continues to harass you like this is whether she gets you in to see the Dr or not, I'd talk to the school counselor and ask them what can be done. Mom's action can only harm in causing you stress, distracting from full focus on school work and grades could drop or you could even at worst become depressed over her actions and treatment of you. I am not sure what can be done if she keeps up harassing you, just state that even though you are her child that your sexuality and rights to keep it private are yours by state. Maybe you have a more understanding, progressive aunt you can talk to and she could have a talk with mom to get her to lay off. There were things that my daughter went to their aunt with rather than me during the time I was still church going and rather close-minded. That changed thankfully for me. Good luck dear.
F/13. Ummm, I have noticed that some parts of my body have dry skin and is darkre than other parts of my body. Like my stomach and under my breast have dry skin and is darker than my skin. Also, my bottom and lower back is darker than my body. Is there any products or remedies that can remove the dark skin or lighten it. Also, is there a way I can get rid of my dry skin because i have been using "SheaMoisture" soap and "Proclaim Olive Oil lotion". It softens it but does not get rid of it. Is there also remedies or products to get rid of dry skin. Thank you for reading and advice.
I doubt any of us on here are dermatologists, doctors of the skin. I will say this though, I had at time patches of dry skin and can't say they were darker, light actually. But I discovered they were all layers of dead skin stuck on like super glue. You just might need exfoliating, removing dead skin.
For the convenience, most of us end up just taking short showers once we reach teens years and rarely have a hot soaking bath that can loosen dry dead skin. So try this first and you'll know quickly if it was dead skin or not. The action of our clothing rubbing against skin can loosen some but not enough.
Once soaked long enough, I just rub hard different areas of my body, to loosen dead skin. Those puffy plastic bath scrubbers I have found do not really loosen dead skin which looks like dry patches. My worst was feet elbows and knees and lotion didn't help. That's like trying to apply lotion to the kitchen counter top because there's stuck on spills and food to make it look better, not realizing there's stuck on food. Water applied long enough to soften the dried food will loosen it. Same with the body. In summer when you're lathered with tanning oil, you might notice dead skin that comes off when you try to re apply tanning oil. This is part of a method for cleaning skin used in roman times. Oil the body first, then soak in a hot bath and afterwards use a Strigel to scrape off dead skin. For tough areas, I have used the gentlest of teflon pads for cleaning pans. These are harsh on the skin and I don't recommend using it unless very lightly skimmed over the skin or you can badly scratch and hurt your skin. But I love use of it for feet. Check out bath products made for exfoliating skin and try different ones that seem to have enough scratchiness to remove but not as harsh as teflon pads. If a good soak and rub does make those areas look any better, at least you have clean skin upon which to apply skin lightening products. Can't say what those might be, what works, but you can always ask a pharmacist at the drugstore what products on the shelf they recommend trying. If that doesnt work, and it bothers you this much, ask the parents to take you to the family Dr. and if they can't handle it, refer you to a dermatologist.
Good Luck.
My ex-boyfriend (Sammy) broke up with me on December 26th. He was older than me and after he broke up with me, I met Edward but we broke up today. Anyways, Sammy used to call me cutie and I loved it. Now, I don't let anyone else call me that. Today, I found out that he died because someone hit him with a car. I remember that the last thing I said to him was "look at the stars because we're both under the same sky and I'm sure we're looking at the same bright stars." Now that he's gone, I'm going crazy. I still love him and I have no idea of what I should do. I'm just too young to be going through this and I can't take it anymore. My life is too hard and sometimes I don't want it.
Loss, whether of a person a job or some other loss in life is never easy but it is an inevitable part of life. We all die eventually, just that some die early and young. It could have been just a classmate, not someone you loved, but either way, a loss like this means you will need to go through a grieving process which has many steps to it including anger and such things as you might think are wrong to experience but all Very Important to the healing process for you. If you are an adult, I suggest going for grief counseling, if not, ask your parents to help you get set up with grief counseling. If they won't do it, talk to school counselors, as it is something schools take very seriously. While my daughters went to school, there was a kid in grade school who died and the school called in grief counselors to speak to the whole student body/. When my kids grandma died, we were immediately offered to have a grief
counselor who specializes wo
I can't stress this enough for you to get grief counseling.
F\18 hey am highschool senior i am in love with z same boy 4 three yrs now, i knw he loved me n asked me to be his gf about 3 yrs ago but i said no, i don't knw hw he feels now but i knw mine.., we r on z same class but we don't talk like classmates wen we see eachother we act like we don' t even knw each other, but z amazing thing is zat we talk by Watsapp we even make fun of eachother. as many of my friends think zat we will endup together i also think z same, u knw zat chemistry ya we definetly have it, i can't stop imagining us together, i even go to school just with a tought zat i will find him at z gate and we will go together talking, coz its so awkward talking by watsapp n not talk by person but i never even once had a chance of finding him , n we both have a bad behaviour which is pride.. too much. am a serious kind of girl, zats how everybody knows me, like i don't like boys, i hate relationship n like zat but no one knows zat am like zis inside, zey make fun of me all z time n zey say zat i have feeling for him too but i always deny... say like" me with him never" but deep inside am just trying to hide my feelings, i don't like anybody knowing ,but lately i think its getting obvious coz my pretending skills are getting weaker, i don't even know how i act when i see him... i tried many things to forget him i even started to point out his bad features just to forget him but nooo his not easily forgoten person!! besides zat there are so many reasons i can't be with him now.. but i can't handle it, when he starts a conversation on WApp i just become so happy n excited but when he don't talk to me even if he is online i get so mad, n jelous, n he is a diffrent kind of guy i hve never heard even one guy like him, we have never talked about love or that kind of stuff we always talk about school, music, film but never about his feelings or mine, he is just different even when he asked me to be his gf he never faced me he told me by his bestfriend, at zat time we didn't speak for like 6 month but even after we made peace he never talked about a thing i don't know maybe he is just like me who hides feeling, but in g-10 his one friend called me n told me zat his friend loves me very much (z one who asked me to be his gf) n said zat he even cryies whenever zey talk abt zis kind of stuff n tell zem not to talk n he said zat he is telling me zis without him knowing n asked me to say yes to him but i still said no n told him zat we could be friends n zat he can call me but he didn't i don't know what kind of person he is..... but i just don't know wat to do with my life p/s any sugesstion???
If he's asking a friend to ask you, then he must be a very shy person, unsure of himself and scared to talk to girls. If he's 18 too, I would think he'd have had some practice talking to girls by now but perhaps not.
What ever his feelings for you, you are right it is not the place to start by immediately agreeing to become boyfriend/girlfriend. That is the way most young people do it and it doesn't last for long.
Since you are 18, you will most likely be wanting to find a guy who can become your long term partner, or life long partner, marriage or not.
You may not be ready to commit to marriage for many years yet, but nows a good time to narrow down what you like and don't like so you have to start somewhere AND most likely will need to experience several different relationships to have a best idea of what you are looking for.
The relationships I speak of require two important things to last, starting first with being compatible as friends, being able to be each others best friend and not every guy you meet is going to be able to become this for you but this is very important and this is when you find someone you will treat you like his Queen and have a deep real love for you cus friends treat friends with love and respect, they don't mistreat each other or you wouldn't be friends with them. Next importance is sexual compatibility. Some go for this first but are unable to become good friends. Its better to find the best friend first whom you both feel a romantic chemistry for each other.
That all said, it's up to you whether you want to pursue this guy or not but you've got to start somewhere to begin to gain experience, so why not start here if you are attracted to him as well.
Start with offering to 'hang out with him' doing stuff together, spend time together this is not a commitment to become partners/a couple but the preliminary part of dating to determine whether you truly have enough in common to become close friends and more. If what you find is not to your liking for what ever reasons. You tell him it won't work, there's not enough chemistry as friends or romantically. If you both discover you really get along well and develop deeper feelings, then is the point where you'd be willing to make the commitment to be his girlfriend. Commited couples can end up living together also, either married or unmarried but that commitment is there.
Present it to him this way and see if he goes for it on your terms, if not, he isn't worth your time but do start the dating process with someone you are attracted to.
Thanks for the advice but he literally just left me. He told me that he's in love with my best friend and that I'm annoying and I never give him space. Ive been with him ever since January 1st and we used to be happy. He just now told me that he stopped loving me at the end of that month because I loved someone else. He's totally wrong because I only have eyes for him. I guess that doesn't matter now because he's gone and he doesn't even care if I kill myself. I thought he was different.
I don't know who you wrote to before dear, but this time its in the general adivice for any advice giver to see.
I do have a comment though regarding Your words: He just now told me that he stopped loving me at the end of that month because I loved someone else.
If it is truly love that one person feels for another, it does not matter if that love is returned or that person loves someone else or they are mistaken about the persons love in return for them, none of those things will instantly kill a persons love.
So may I suggest that while he may have said he used to love you, used the love word, he truly did not have a good enough grip on his exact emotions for you and only called it love when it was actually something else, maybe just a like or attraction or lust. Guys easily confuse Lust with Love. Many guys can be attracted by just looks to a girl or surface level things they can witness just by observing her. But it doesnt go any deeper which is needed to truly fall in love.
More often, it is immaturity of the guy or perhaps the both of them that cause a partner to point the finger at you and list your faults as a reason not not getting along and wanting to break up.
But, in some cases, both due to naivety and inexperience in dating and relationship do's and don'ts, both partys could truly be doing something to irritate the other, however I do not think the irritance enough to be good grounds for an irrepairable relationship. More likely it's a lack of communication, accusations and finger pointing, and general inexperience and immaturity that make one or both partners give up.
With that all said, You cannot do anything to change his mind if he is determined to make this a final break and never come back. Do not go after him, beggining him to come back as that will make you look desperate, and usually is the behavior of someone with low self confidence, feeling that they won't be able to ever attract another guy once they get over the loss of the current one.
Dating and relationships can be painful. There is no way to protect yourself from the hurt of a breakup, or disappointments at the very least if checking out a new guy yields some character problems and you never become his girlfriend.
Just to be on the safe side, I suggest looking up counseling videos on you tube for women, dating do's and don'ts to make sure you are not inadvertently doing things that are a turn off to guys. Keep in mind that even if all else is perfect about a person, chemistry/romance is needed to make it work, if neither feels it or if you do and he does not, it is for the best, as it will not work out long term and the one not feeling chemistry may look elsewhere and cheat.
Relationships aren't easy, they are complicated to learn how to navigate and how to understand and handle the opposite sex. Relationships are not for the timid, the weak or those with self image issues. They are hard work but the rewards though are mind bending if you can get it right in choice of a guy. Instead of waiting for a guy to notice you and ask you out, (after you get over your hurt and depression over losing this one) I suggest making a list of what you are looking for in a guy, think of a famous actress you admire for looks, and imagine yourself as looking like her and attracting the kind of attention she does. I did that. It works like crazy. I focused on just my eyes to experiment imagining my eyes looking like a certain actress'es. I would review that same thought every time I left the house and I couldn't believe how many people starting commenting on how pretty my eyes were. I am not kidding, it works. It's a great way to 'borrow' the self confidence of a celebrity until you develop your own. Then self confidence with a list of what you're looking for in a guy, if you see someone you're attracted to, meet him and spend enough time only with him to discover if he meets your criteria, then you choose him to date. If you place yourself in the position of control, your chances are better at finding a good guy.
If I can help you in any other way on the same topic, let me know by writing to me from my column.