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How to stop fighting w/ my dad?
I've never been close with my dad, ever. We've always argued. It's probably because we're so similar. I got my anxiety and depression from him, so I guess that's probably because I take my anger out on him aswell.
We argue literally every day. 98% of the time is something negative. I do admit that I call him stupid, annoying, etc. out of anger (I have anger issues). He'll always say that I'm rude, annoying, even sometimes say I'm a bitch (Or that I'm acting like one). It doesn't get physical obviously. Usually I just get mad, go to my room, and slam my door. I am in my room 99.8% of the time. He just makes me so mad. He has a short fuse too. Even asking him a question will make him burst into flames. It's ridiculous. If I ever try to talk about it or say "You need to stop that" or whatever, it just gets awkward and he gets annoyed over it and blames it on me. I always raise my voice and it just gets bad. I don't know how to stop this without getting help or talking to him. Should I go awhile not talking to him?
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I believe you need to talk to someone. Your mom might be a good choice. However if his behavior is more than just the anger issue you see, perhaps a mental disorder of some sort, that could also cause him to be this way and likely its something passed on in the genes to you. While teen's can react in anger much too quickly simply out of immaturity and not having learned to control their temper and make good decisions yet, it also could be more than that with you.
Mom may have taken the path I did with an abusive husband, the path of least resistance to help keep peace between me and him. It kinda worked at times if I let him have his say and never responded to defend myself or to the contrary. But most times, logic didn't work and no matter what i did as time went on, he got worse as he has a mental health issue, so it was damned if I do and damned if I don't. Your Mom may be just deciding that putting up with it is the best way for her, but it isn't fair to you.
I would have a heart to heart talk with mom when dad isn't around to overhear as that is cause for him to blow up again, being discussed.
Let her know how this is bothering you and how much it affects the quality of your life and you don't want to have to put up with it any longer. If you are willing to get help for yourself, ask her to set you up with counseling. You could suggest she seriously suggest Dad go see a couselor as well for his anger issue. bUT Mom may not have the backbone to approach him. I know I certainly didn't when it came to realizing my ex needed mental health and an ex counselor husband or a couple we knew suggested I mention it to him. I actually burst into tears for fear of the angry outburst I'd get from him which would last in verbal assaults for days. So he was the one to approach him and tell him what he saw in my husband and suggested he get help or they would no longer remain friends with him as his abusive behavior spilled over onto them as he felt comfortable with them like family.
Dad may not take such a suggestion from Mom but may from an outsider. So no matter what Mom has to say if anything to you, It would be best to take this to your school counselors and don't hold back anything. I am glad you wrote in, it shows you realize you have a problem but yours may easily be a bad habit picked up from having him as a parent figure to copy plus still being young. You are not be trained at home how to hold your temper and finding other ways of thinking about things so that you don't get so angry in the first place. So I'll wager that since you are seeking advice, that you are not one with a mental issue, but there's a likelihood Dad has one, or at least he has had an anger issue all his life and was never taught how to deal with it. In either scenerio, he needs help from a professional and that may come if you get help for yourself. If your parents can't help you, its perfectly reasonable for a child wanting to improve themselves to look to professionals outside the family to better themselves. And once these professionals know whats going on at home, they may contact the parents and invite them in for counseling as well.
Should you not talk to him for a while? Obviously, he's going to be an angry person whether you talk to him or not, but your talking to him seems to add fuel to the fire, so for now, I'd try not to talk to him and avoid him as much as possible until you are seeing a counselor and they give you instructions to do otherwise, and how to if at all. I wish you the best dear. Good luck!
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Hello,to stop fighting with your dad,first you must control your anxiety and depression.To do that,you have to go out from your house,like hangout with your friend or do a lot of outdoor activity.Also,you can go to the place, that make you feel better and not just think about your father.My advice isn't much,but if you do this everyday you will feel much better than sit in your room 99.8% of the time.
But,someday you will have to face your father and talk to him.Even, he call you rude,annoying and bitch,deep in his heart he loves you and so you.I also have anger issue and i always argue with my mother and my twin.But when i hangout with my friends a lot, do more outdoor activity and travel to place i want to go so much,my anger issue is become less cause i know if i don't get rid with it i will lose everything.I am sorry,if all of this hurt your feelings.
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Without knowing your age it will be hard for me to give you any advice. What I can tell you is I could have written this letter when I lived at home with my father. Like you the best I could do was avoid him as much as possible.
For reasons I didn't learn until I was much older he blamed me for many of his failures in life. I was always wrong and he was always right. It wasn't until I joined the Air Force that he saw me as a man and things got a bit better between us. But not for long, eventually after seeking help for depression and finding he was the root cause of my depression I broke all ties with him after my mother died. He died a broken lonely old man.
I know this doesn't help you but what I am attempting to show you is you're not alone. We don't get to chose our parents. Not all families are like the ones that use to be portrayed on television.
His constant yelling and screaming at you could be seen as mental abuse which would be seen as child abuse. You could talk with a trusted teacher or your school principal. IF they feel your home life is detrimental to your well being there are actions they must take to intercede.
My son and I have a much better relationship than I had with my father. When we do have a disagreement he reminds me he is the one who will be choosing my nursing home. I remind him I am the one spending his inheritance. Of course this is just away for us to joke between us. But you and any siblings you have will have that responsibility some day. My sister chose the Adult living center she put my father in which became his nursing home. It wasn't the best it was what he could afford as neither she or I felt obligated to pay for better. When you're older you might want to remind your father of this fact.
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