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hooked up with a guy a likes best friend
In summary, theres this guy in a few of my classes who ive liked for a few months and based on things he told me friends he liked me too a little, we would speak a lot on a off but never really hung out alone or adressed anything. fast forward a few months i was getting annoyed that he wasnt making a move or anything yet and ended up hooking up with one of his best friends whos a few years older. it wasnt neccisarily to get back at him but just didnt care to not do it for his sake since he wasnt making a move anyways. i didnt really think anything of the friend like we hooked up drunk at a club but eventually started hanging out more initially as good friends and then hooking up more. bottom line things ended terribly with the friend and i dont speak to him anymore but am still into the original guy. i know he told my friend that he was a little jelous about me and his friend but i assumed he would be happy when it ended. apparently now though he told someone he wouldnt date me anymore after everything that happened with the other guy.
what can i do to get him to not think of me as his friends sloppy seconds or anything like that?
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That's not a 'little jealous', that's a major problem with him waiting to happen if you decide to force things and get into a relationship with him.
Some guys make a commitment to a girl, to be her boyfriend based on sight attraction to her only, and once getting to know her dump her because they find things in her personality they don't like or not enough in common, or they wanted to play the field rather.
However, I have found most males have no problem with a girl having dated anyone else before because, it's usually a given, that a guy will have dated other girls before and they don't expect You to have an issue with that. Why? They think differently and many view initial dating as a way to get to know a gal good enough to decide whether they want to make a commitment to her only as in becoming bf/gf. Girls tend to want the commitment right off the bat or assume that because she's been asked out, that a guy is committing to her. Girls may have a problem knowing this ahead of time but when guys are told the girl isn't making a commitment to any one person yet until she's sure which one, so she will date several at once, guys are fine with that. As long as you're up front and honest about that, something guys are afraid to tell girls upfront for fear of emotional reactions from her. If a male is perfectly okay with a girl dating several guys at once, no matter their friend or not, then your original guy who has obvious issues with it, is not the normal guy. That's a red flag right there. I'd give up on trying to convince him to date you as there's a good likihood that there is something lurking there that eventually you'll see later after your heart is in love and tied to him even though its a bad situation. He may just be immature, be then you'd have to be the mature one and wont have a guy to take equal running of the relationship, it could end up one sided with you getting nothing out of it emotionally or physically.
If not immaturity, he may simply have issues with cognitive abilitys, meaning he has problems with his thought processes, seeing things always in a negative vein. In some cases, training from a counselor can correct this, as long as the person is willing to go for help, seeing this as an issue they want to improve. There is a chance he had mental issues and needs a psychologist because theres a chemical imbalance in his brain and its not simply a habit of thinking negatively. He could have obsessive, compulsive disorder, be narcissistic, or a myriad of others. I know someone like that and he attempted to constantly control his wife to do as he wished based on refusing her, telling her he was right all the time and she was wrong and who was she to question him. So he manipulated her. I was her close friend and the idiot tried to control me when I was over seeing her. He wouldn't admit he had a mental problem, and in trying to avoid facing it, drank lots to forget where he fell short and died of liver failure. But sometimes, a warning from a friendly person will just go over a person's head and they have to learn the hard way by experiencing these problems for themselves.
SO while I say, don't pay him any attention and forget about him is best, you may learn better by actually going after him and saying anything to get him to accept you whether apologizing, saying you made a big mistake dating someone he knew(which is BS) and begging him to take you back. All that will signal to him that you may be easy to manipulate and he could easily get away with treating you rotten and you still be willing to stay. Most women would say, oh i'd never do something like that, but when your heart has feelings for a guy, a woman will put up with just about anything...I know because I've been there and lived with abuse with 1st husband.
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