Question Posted Wednesday February 25 2015, 6:46 pm
so i recently have been on a few dates with this guy and things are going well so far, meanwhile a different guy (they slightly know eachother) started liking me and just asked me out knowing that i am dating the other guy. all this aside, theres a third guy who is close with both of them who i actually like a lot, i know based on things he has said to my friends that he would date me if it werent for his friends. i realize this makes me sound horrible but in the event that things dont pan out with the first guy, since it is very new, how do i get the 3rd guy to ask me out without feeling like hes being a bad friend?
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? Lilyadvice answered Monday March 2 2015, 2:06 pm: His friends are obviously the cause for this, so try to befriend them. They may not like you, or know you, and that can affect their decision. If you try to be their friend, maybe they will like you, and let you date him. They may just want what's best for him. A lot of people are like that, myself included. I don't want people taking advantage of my friends, and maybe they feel the same way and that's the cause for their actions. Best thing to do to keep him from losing his friends, and still be able to date you, is do what you can to be their friend first, so they will approve of you two [ Lilyadvice's advice column | Ask Lilyadvice A Question ]
Dragonflymagic answered Thursday February 26 2015, 2:23 pm: Not all guys but lots of guys differ from females in their thinking when it comes to dating and bf/gf relationships. Many do not view the act of simply dating a girl to get to know her better as making a commitment to her. If no agreement has been made, such as asking the girl to become his girlfriend, then in his mind, he is free to date other girls at the same time. If done for the reason of determining whether you like a person enough to 'make the commitment' to become officially bf/gf, then it is fine and there's nothing wrong with it but even from school age on, I feel it is important to spell out what dating means to you and for what purposes you are doing it. There are some who date simply to collect a lot of girlfriends (usually all desperate for the attention) without any intention of looking for the right one to make a commitment to.
It is no problem if a young girl in school wants to use the same date a couple people all at once, to help her decide which guy she likes best and wants to become his girlfriend. At this point, you are merely a female friend of all three.
Will the guys have a problem? As long as you take care to explain to all three of them that you want to date them all first to decide which one you'd like to become the girlfriend of, providing the guy is ready to commit to date only you as well. (even better if you can get all 3 in same place same time to realize that each other guy heard the same thing)The only guy who might have a problem is one with low self esteem and acts jealous. If one does, he's not worth your time. Teen struggle with self confidence so keep in mind theres a chance such a guy can change in the future for the better, but generally, if they have these issues already in HS or college, they'll probably have them later in life too.
There is nothing wrong with you and you are not a bad friend to them. Of course its hard to decide just from what you know of a guy in public, what he might be like as a boyfriend. So if you want to have a chance to try out each guy, let them all know you're not making a decision yet but that you eventually will. You also might ask each guy to be honest with you and let you know if they are at the same time checking out other girls or ready to make a commitment to only date you. I promise, guys do understand that and I as a female did just this after a divorce when dating again and no one had a problem with that. [ Dragonflymagic's advice column | Ask Dragonflymagic A Question ]
springtime answered Thursday February 26 2015, 12:25 am: Uggh. It's just a limbo situation. You're not horrible. You can't help who likes you.
I guess, what I'm hearing is that basically, you want the third guy to be your backup in case things don't work out with the first. Or, you just like the third guy more than both of them?
I guess, you either have to choose the one you want the most or don't choose. It doesn't seem like these guys are going to make you choose any time soon. However, if another girl pops up at any given time that's just as attractive as you, you will lose one or two of them, the ones you're not with, so keep that in mind. [ springtime's advice column | Ask springtime A Question ]
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