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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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i have been with my current bf now for just over 3 years, like every relationship we have our ups and downs. He is six months younger then me (22) and he can be very immature and frustrating at time. I have recently been to a party with my friends and i saw this really cute bloke we got talking and flirted a little and exchanged numbers. Its save to safe to say i have a major crush on/fancy this guy, he is 36 and recently divorced with 2 kids. I have just round out that he related to my current bf through his parents marriage. To say that i am confused about it all is an understatement.....please help me make sense of all this

So one parent had your bf and the other of that remarried couple had the 36 yr old...so they are step siblings or if the younger one came along from both of them, he's a half sibling to the older one. I don't see where there is anything more to make sense of. Both are adults. Just because they are related should make no difference in the world if one of the two is going to make the perfect life partner for you, long term or in marriage.

So the real issue here, is how do you know if you have found Mr. Right for you. Then you'll know what to do. Read on:

How to determine someone is a good match for you

Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in one or both people that would harm the partner emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up. Dating in the beginning should be more of an investigative process, to learn about the other, not to become instant bf/gf and date socially until something breaks you up.
After a divorce when starting my search again, I believe my Angels gave me the following idea, and it worked. I found it most helpful. You will make two lists. I choose to call it a list of criteria for finding the right partner/mate because that's exactly what it is. So here's the tool you use to help you in determining if someone is a good match for you.

You will make two lists. The first most crucial one is a list of Must Haves. A 'must have' for you is something which if it doesn't apply to this other person, then that's a deal breaker, you don't date or get into relationship with them. Very important serious stuff here. So how do you know what to put on the list? Think of things that are very important to you in life, things that no one can sway your mind to a different viewpoint and importance in your life. Major issues seem to hinge on topics such as religion/beliefs, sexuality and children. Here's an example of what I am talking about. Even tho a person wanting to date isn't ready to have kids yet for 5-8 years, they know they do want children someday, their own or adopted is another concern. If one does not ever want kids and can't be swayed to change their mind, even if in love, then that is a deal breaker and must be on the list. Not to sound shallow, but the wanna be stay at home mom will never be happy if she must compromise that dream when the kids are little because the guy doesn't earn enough to support both. If she isn't flexible enough to be able to deal with reality and uncertainties of life, she could have emotional issues for being forced to work or he with her staying home and not able to meet the budget and fighting ensues. Why take a chance that something might go wrong in the future, long after your heart has fallen in love?

Finding ones best friend and sexual equal should be top priorities and whatever pertains to that in which you have specific requirements had better be on your list. You want a mate who likes to travel an incredible amount but she is a home body, no match. You may coax her on one vacation a year but more she'll be miserable, and it becomes a battle. You have a high libido. Spell out what you want. If its sex once a day, you better be sure before you even get to the point of being ready to try sex whether she also has a high libido or she thinks thats over kill and once a week or twice a month is reasonable. I hope you understand the importance of a list of Must haves. I had about 5-7 if I remember right.

Next list is a list of Wants, and a want is like the frosting on the cake, it is not a deal breaker, and you can live happily without it but here's where you might think about others who do meet this or admire others who do. That's okay. I have great memories of past guys who loved to dance as I do. It was on my list as was a guy with long hair and much more. I didnt get the dancer but I got long hair. You will only need to use the lists of wants if by some miracle you find two or even 3 people who meet all your criteria of must haves, and need something else to determine which one to choose, you go for the one who meets most of them. In my case, the man I married met all my 'must haves' but no one else did, however he met half of my wants list. So I am very happy and in my mind, I have sorted out that it is okay that he never will meet the other half of my list of wants.
A person who knows what they want, and won't back down under harrassment, won't settle for less and isn't afraid to tell others what they are looking for in a mate, is going to come across as confident to others and that is an attractive trait in people and will draw the right one to you. I didn't find my right one instantly though. Many sounded great because they lied or didn't understand their own needs and wants well and once I met them and got to know them better, saw they were not a match for me according to my criteria. Hope this helps you.

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Okay , so I'm starting off by saying that i met this girl exactly six months ago and we started off as friends and we got close like i know her life she knows mine and we just care about each other soo much and we don't let people break up our friendship and keep in mind were friends and we never did anything never kissed (etc) but recently on thursday we kissed for the first time and we were just hanging out and then we started making out and then at random times we stopped and then ill be on my phone texting my friends and then she moves my chin to her lips and we started making out again and then after of an hour of making out and messing around we was leaving so i put on my shoes and she was on the bed just sitting and i had to check the bus app and i had my hand on her lap and i was sitting on a desk chair and then out of nowhere she pulled me back and started making out with me and then after that i went to go get my skateboard and leave she grabbed me back and then started making out with me. Then later on the phone she said us making out was "whatever" and mean while we were kissing we kept saying i love you and Promise you won't leave and stuff and later on she keeps saying its whatever and i think that she doesn't care we maked out does she like me or not or is she trying to hide her emotions ?

I don't know either of you or the conditions of that night so I can only guess. Perhaps she or you or both of you were a little under the influence of alcohol or drugs and thats why you did what you did.

I don't see how someone can have regrets if they chose to come back for more if they were sober at the time. If she was sober, then the first make out session would have been enough to tell her that the two of you have no sexual chemistry if that was the case. If there is no chemistry, then it's not going to be all that good and a person could regret doing it. Not her, she came back for more multiple times (I am talking about a sober person here) and that would indicate it was a good enough chemistry for her to want more.
Now lets say, it's been a long time since she's been romantic, made out or had sex and she's wanting it. If after checking you out with kisses, that should have told a sober person whether there was sexual chemistry or not.
She knows shes the one who made ,most the moves on you, not the other way around and fact being that you started as best friends, she could be afraid of losing your friendship over the incidents of that night. So instead of being truthful, she simply says "oh, it wasnt important, just whatever..." She could very easily be hiding her emotions for fear of losing your friendship if you don't feel the same or perhaps her fear is due to a bad experience with a past boyfriend.

Part of the issue here is whether you actually felt anything with her, is there chemistry for you too? If you are interested in pursuing the romantic and sexual side of your relationship while maintaining the friendship part, then you will need to say something to her.

Did you know that the most successful relationship are built on two things, 1.Being each others best friend and 2. having chemistry romantically/sexually.
You know you have the friendship part down. So its really a matter of having a talk regarding the other part.

If I were you, I'd say something like,
"You know the other day when we were making out, I realized something. I felt there was chemistry at least on my part. I treasure our friendship but its a known fact that most successful relationships are ones in which the two are best friends and have sexual chemistry.
I liked what I experienced enough to want to pursue the other part. So I need you to be honest because you won't lose me as a friend over this. However, if someday, either of us meets the right one who can meet both needs for friendship and sex, that person will get more of your or my time and we won't have as much for our friendship. I don't want to lose your friendship but realistically speaking, if you actually really felt anything for me, you owe it to yourself to be willing to work on that part with me. If you don't, you will have to live with thoughts of 'what if' for the rest of your life once you or I marry another.
Mind you, this is not coercing her into anything, it is just speaking the plain simple life facts of what will happen. If she is too chicken to admit she is attracted to you that way, then don't keep yourself from pursuing other girls to date. If she becomes jealous over you having another girl, then she's fallen for you but is denying herself for some reason. This happens often in friendships where one or both are afraid to admit they want more.

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I had been married for 28 years. I have two grown-up kids. I leave with my husband under the same roof, but we are no husband and wife for almost 10 years. I never been happy in my marriage and when it comes to sex, I always went through the motions as it is my duty. My husband never satisfied me sexually.
I always been a woman that men liked and wanted to be regardless I was married. I never cheated on my husband.
Recently there are three men who are attracted to me (colleagues). One was asking me, if I’m still with my husband, second one was talking to me and making sexual comments during the party and asking if I’m married and the 3rd one is calling me his girlfriend, every time he sees me, he hugs and kiss). All these men are married.
Every time they see me they have a long eye contact and smile and enjoy talking with me, but none was making a move or asking me out. O believe it because I’m married.
I don’t know what these signs mean from those men, but I think If I meet the right men who will give me all the things I missed in my married life, I’ll say yes.

Can anyone explain to me the signs and tell me what you will do in my position.

I was in your position until 7 1/2 years ago when I left my ex. Actually mine was even worse, as he also was verbally abusive the entire marriage. He never admitted he had no love for me til a friend who used to be a counselor came to know of my situation and asked him point blank if he was in love with me, and after dodging answering, finally admitted he'd never been in love with me. On top of that, we were not sexually matched at all. We experienced what is called new relationship energy which tricks many into believing there is sexual chemistry when its nothing more than the excitement of something new or someone new. So both he and I were disappointed in each other. It wasn't til late in marriage when he suggested we try out a swing club that I finally came to understand what was going on. I found plenty of chemistry with other guys sexually. It wasn't different techniques or knowledge or experience that the other men had, that part was all the same but the pheremone connection was missing. Our pheremones differed so much that we would never be sexually attracted ever and you can't change your hormones. Meanwhile, now that I knew what I was missing, I did not want to remain married. I had many guys who were crazy about me but they were all married. I would never be more than the fling on the side. Besides, mental illnes if he wasn't willing to admit he had the probjust humored me by seeing Dr. Dr said there wasn't any hope of his improving or any change for the better with or without treatment and I asked myself if I could face more of the same that I had on a day by day basis, when asking myself if I could do that another 10 years or more, I cried. Once divorced, I put up a dating site. Made it clear, no married men looking to cheat. They lied to meet me. Then told the truth that they were marriedd in of all things "A loveless marriage" like I had been. I suggested they leave then. Most men said, "I could never leave. I love her as she's my best friend. We just dont have a sex life." My answer, 'if she's okay with no sex rest of marriage, ask if she's okay with allowing you to have a sex partner on the side, get her permission like an open marriage, then its not cheating. They couldn't do it and I have my own principles I live by where I learned in swinging, you get the okay or permission from the spouse first, no permission of her knowledge of, then no sex. Its okay if anyone else wants to go that way. But I suggest you think hard on that. If these men have no sex whatsoever in their marriage and their wives are their best friends and they deeply love her, you will never get that emotional connection and friendship part with those kinds of men. If they are looking for just sex, then that's all you will be, their sex partner. I'm not saying you have to marry again if you leave hubby, but when single, just choose what types of men you see. Maybe at first, you'll overindulge in lots of sexual exploits to make up for what you missed. In the end, I found I still wanted a man who could be my best friend and my sexual equal. I did find that eventually. Been together 6 yrs this summer.

Your guess that you aren't being asked out by married men is due to you being currently married. If a guy is going to cheat on his wife, he'll do so with whomever he can convince, whether she's married or not. Guys are not 'selective' cheaters. Other than they have to find the other woman attractive sexually, thats the only selectiveness to the process.
If I were you, I wouldn't consider any of these men seriously. You have to work with them so if you did get involved and the wife found out and theres a big fight, you'd have to still work with him even if her can no longer be with you and thats gonna be way uncomfortable.
Look at it at least this way, the fact that these guys show an interest in you, you can take that as simply a sign to you from the fates that you are still a desireable woman and can easily find happiness and fulfillment with another guy wether you remain married, stay single or remarry. It's just a matter of what your own principles and conscience will allow you to do.

My motto is: It is better to find one man who can meet your needs for both best friend/emotional needs and for the sexual needs, instead of having relationships with two men so you can get both needs met. Good luck.

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I want to sex with my gf how to convince her?

This is not something regarding a matter of convincing. Think some guy could convince you to have anal sex with him? Or how about someone convincing you to pierce your nipples or penis? Ouch. Well, you are not going to want to do anything that you do not already want to do. Maybe you're gung ho ready for anal sex. Maybe you'd never let a guy even get near you while naked. Never in a million years.

You see, guys tend to be confronted by sexual desires all the time from a very overactive penis so when you want to take care of that itch or just experience sex with a girl, when you do the act, it's usually because of lust, not love. Females other than the 1% who are different, always want love first to be ready to have sex with her guy.
So guys will pretend, lie and say they love a girl, be so very nice until they get the sex they want. Then they leave behind a girl who is upset because now he wants nothing to do with her or if he does hang around, he isn't treating her like he loves her anymore and they finally get the message that it was all about lust and not love as they hoped. Yeah, maybe its not the kind of love we have when we want to marry, but love and caring about the other person to the point you wouldn't do anything to hurt them or force them is still important no matter what your age.
The girl who has been lied to by a guy and lost her virginity to him or given him sex under falsehoods from a guy are going to be sure to spread the word and any other girls you've done the same to. What could be worse than not having sex right now and having to wait until you meet a girl you really care for who actually wants it too? Having a bad reputation that goes before you, spread by females upset with you so that you no longer have a chance with any decent girl.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but understand as a female myself, I have heard the grapevine of which guys to avoid cus they were players who took advantage of you.
And I've had the guys who try to "convince" me to have sex to no avail. If it's something that I didn't want, there was no way they could convince me. Young teen girls might fall for lines like, prove that you love me by having sex, but the smart ones like I was, never did. The few who do, get passed around to all the guys cus she's easy to trick into giving it up. You don't want to cause that kind of bad karma to be following you around.
Sex is not something that proves you love a person. Plenty of men and women have sex purely for a recreational reason, no love. But sex is the best way you have to show a girl that you love her, it's a gift to her, not something you take from her. I hope you understand what I am saying cus I don't want you to end up on the wrong path. Plus, if the sex if with someone you love, it's way hell more exciting and special and mind blowing than just sex to curb ones itch.

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So I was talking to my boyfriend in the dream, and he started talking to my friend from school on text. He was saying some shit to him, and my friend got really pissed. When I came back to school in the dream, he demanded me to break up with my boyfriend.

Then I went home, and I went in my backyard. There was a huge television screen. And the same guy that I've NEVER met or seen in my life had made a video. He was talking about how I have saved his life and gave him the happiness he hasn't experienced in so damn long.

What does this mean?

Before I even guess at it as dreams are best interpreted by their owner, I'd like to mention that when we dream, it's not our conscious mind with its logic and real things in life that made sense that is in control. When you sleep, your subconscious mind reigns supreme and the subconscious is where all our emotions are stored and come from. So it stands to reason that when we dream, it's very likely that at times our dreams will reflect anything that is significant to us to the point our emotions are involved. That's why after watching an emotionally moving movie, you can fall asleep to dream yourself in a scene from the same movie. Its also a time when what is important to you, what you wish and hope for is dreamed about, things that make you happy.
Then,that which is currently making you worried, anxious, concerned, really sad or depressed or angry is also dreamed about since it weighs heavy on your mind.

I don't know you or your boyfriends personalitys or lives so remember these are just guesses. Once you really look at it from the viewpoint I just mentioned, some of it will already make more sense to you.
Dreaming about a boyfriend is simply because he is important to you. Perhaps you see no faults in him, or you do but overlook them as not significant. Perhaps he is a person who in real life has difficulty controlling his impulses and says and does things that upset other people. So you dream of someone getting upset enough with him to suggest you leave him. Maybe he doesnt upset or step on toes of other people and its only with you he's comfortable to do a lot of little things that you don't like. By day, you figure you can deal with it. But at night, your subconscious mind, like the other half of you, is trying to tell you that you are starting to wonder if he's really worth staying with because these lots of little things add up to one big issue that doesn't bring you peace.

Now on the other hand, lets say there are no problems with him at all, in fact he is so unlike most the immature guys his age that you wonder if he's for real. Yes, some are but there aren't many. It could be that in the back of your mind, you are wondering if he can really be all that perfect and doubt what you are seeing, expecting that one day when he thinks he's caught you for good, he'll show his true self.

Or you've decided, you never want to date another guy ever again, he's the one for you for life and yet you see others go through relationships, like they go through socks and underwear, every changing. So your emotions are ones of fear of losing him someday, either something in life happening to force you both apart against your wishes as in the friend demanding you break up with him or another equally great guy, (unknown to you because he doesn't exist in real life and only represents your fears) shows up to try to tempt you away from your boyfriend, and you are afraid you don't have enough loyalty to stay with your guy and that you could easily be lured away by another who claims to be in love with you or some such thing.

Does the backyard represent anything to you? For me, being outdoors is where I'm able to calm myself. I don't know what it means to you but the first thing that pops into your mind is probably going to be correct, even its it a memory of the one thing long ago Mom had a backyard birthday party for you and it was such a perfect day that it made you so very happy. Then to you the backyard would represent happiness whenever you see it in a dream, it won't mean the same to any other.
As for a TV in the backyard...dreams don't have to make sense compared to the real world. I'm sure very few people actually have a TV set in their yard. The only reason you saw one there is again because it represents something to you that only you can know. To give you an idea, I'll use myself again. To me, a TV represents two things, a venue from which I can be entertained or obtain real life news and documentarys and such. the rest is not for real, just stories made up for sitcoms and movies for the purpose of entertainment. So its where I view that which is real and that which is not real or make believe.
So if I saw a TV in my dream, it would mean that I was wondering if something in my real life was for real or not, could I trust it, or can I trust my ability to figure it out on my own.

That is the best I can do dear. You can't bend the meaning of your dream to reflect the things that are important to your conscious mind when awake. You can only use the interpreting of your dream to discover what is important to that
'inner you' represented by your subconscious. I believe in myself it represents my 'inner child' if you've ever heard that mentioned before. It is best to learn to acknowledge that inner self, your subconscious as one of two identitys that make up you as a whole, you can't have one without the other. So the best thing is to acknowledge the needs and concerns of this inner part of you and allow it to have it's voice and learn to really listen to it. Most times, it clues me in to things I didn't see otherwise, but on occasion, like a child, it can come to childish idea's and conclusions and needs the balance that my rational mature awake mind can bring to it.
Good luck.

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Why does basketball is the best sports to make body fit and fine. so should we get Basketball Training?

I've never heard that basketball is the best way to be fit. Each sport or physical activity uses a certain set of muscles more than others. As far as good for your heart, any physical activity that keeps your heart rate up for 30 minutes straight is a good thing for your heart. But as for overall toned muscles, you may find that strictly one activity like basketball may only tone certain muscles. I found this out when I was younger and used to play on a woman's local soccer team. I felt I was really fit. then after the season ended, I went to doing some other things, among them, aerobic dance and with the pre dance toning stretches plus the actual dance, I found myself having all sort of sore muscles after wards that apparently weren't used in soccer. The same happened with other physical activities. So do a variety of things you like for exercise. That way you don't get bored with one, it's more fun and you get an overall better workout of more muscles.

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I feel like I'm bothering everyone right now and every night I would walk around aimlessly, no specific destination. I just walk around alone. I feel like absolute scum and I really feel like downing my depression pills. I feel like I bother everyone that comes my way. I can feel an end coming, darkness has come already. how can i ever explain that to my friends. the ones who only ever cared about me more than my own family

Well if you've been prescribed meds for depression, they obviously aren't working for you. You are going to need to see your Dr. and let him/her know and get a different prescription.

You may also need to try something else on top of that. Some people end up depressed because they have a habit of letting their thoughts run away on a negative track without trying to control it. So you get the snowball effect when traveling down hill, the snowball gathers more snow and gets bigger and bigger. Medication can help if you also get checked out to see if perhaps you have cognitive behavior issues, meaning your thought processes are in a habit of being negative and each negative thought builds upon the last until you are overwhelmed and then become depressed. Even the average person tends to get negative thoughts before they get positive ones. The difference is they stop themselves in the middle of entertaining something negative and replace it with a positive thought so that it cant snowball out of control. Ask your Dr. if perhaps Cognitive Behavioral Therapy might help you. I have no other ideas as to what else to check on as I am no mental health professional but I know a few people who benefited from this therapy so I know of it. good luck.

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My boyfriend said he wanted to take a break because he knows himself and knows that he might hurt me. He says he isn't ready to be exclusive right now. He said he hella likes me, that he likes me too much to hurt me. He said he liked me too much and that's why he was doing this. He called me over the phone to tell me this but we agreed to talk about it in person soon. What does this mean? Is it just bs and he doesn't like me? He's cheated on his girlfriends in the past is he not the type to commit or just not to me? Is this the end? He said he didn't want to lose me forever and still wanted to be cool with me he said he was always here for me. Is this a breakup or just a break. He offered an open relationship. He said later on wed probably be exclusive but he's not ready yet when I asked. He said he definitely still wanted me in his life. Any advice, be completely honest.

Some people simply aren't wired to be monogamous just like some people are gay or transgender for a couple examples. You don't choose it, its part of who you are. Young people often are still trying to figure out who they really are and learn to not fight against it.
He offered an open relationship. There is such a thing as open relationships but usually that means two people are already committed to each other for long term like marriage and then both the guy and gal have other relationships outside theirs, outside the marriage but still maintain the core relationship with each other. Maybe this is who he is and he hasn't realized it yet. In that case he would need to find a gal that he can fall in love with and commit to for life and later on in the relationship, both seek extra partners outside the marriage. Some dedicated couples go into Swinging but still there is the core relationship. He may be afraid to commit to any one girl because he thinks it's a matter of him not having grown up yet or got it out of his system. In arrangments such as open relationships, swinging, or polyamory, more often than not, it is actually the female who brought up the subject and convinced her guy to try it with her and not the guy doing it as a way to get away with something. I would know as my ex and I spent time in a swing club and being naturally curious, I asked every couple I met how they came to begin attending such a place. Its not just the average person who finds they desire the extra activity on the side but many of those who were members were Cops, DA's, Judges, Presidents of companys, teachers, and the list goes on. Singles were not able to get in, it was for couples.

You could sit him down and say you have some questions and tell him you won't go crazy on him, you just want to know if maybe he wasn't born to be monogamous. But that it doesnt mean you can't be married or committed long term to one person. It is mostly couples who are committed who have open relationships, etc...and ask him if he thinks that maybe this is who he is, not intentionally cheating and not caring about one main lady in his life. Then you need to decide if you are willing to be with him under those terms or tell him perhaps he needs to look specifically for women who understand those concepts and welcome them. There are plenty of singles having trouble finding partners because of being this way. I don't recommend though starting a new relationship with the premise of being 'open'. It takes time to establish a solid relationship together. Perhaps some people can do that in 2 years time and then move on to the open concept. But in all of this, he'd have to be committed to not seek to please himself only, but be tuned in to his partner and their needs and if his partner needs his full attention for a couple weeks, then so be it cus she's his first commitment and always comes first. This is too much for most young people to handle. Young guys who haven't figured out who they are, will struggle with this...its way more complicated than working on just the one relationship.

Then again, he may just be a player and not willing to give it up. If he says he's that in to you and cares enough about not wanting to hurt you, then he's got a conscience, sounds like a good guy, not a player, and needs to work through his feelings and concerns with someone who is willing to talk to him without any placing of blame or accusations. Its only because of how you described him and what he said that I went this road of explanation. I wouldn't normally even bring it up but I feel it just may be the situation here and he's just not aware of that.

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Hey so my girlfriend hasn't talked to me in a day or two, and she hasn't been on Instagram or snapchat, I don't think she's talking to anyone. Now I know about her past, and it might be something to with something she's done before, but is she okay? Is there any way I could talk to her about this or should I like let her do her thing or??? Girls please help. I'm 14 so preferably a girl my age :(

Well, its been a long time since I've been your age but I DO remember clearly what its like to be 14 and I had 3 daughters, now in their 20's, so I got to experience that age all over again.

First off, I'll say that not talking to you for two days is nothing serious. She could be ill, or busy with something the family is doing, or preoccupied with worry about problems at home or maybe a loved one in the hospital or some such thing that drags her attention away from chatting for a few days. If it continues long term, then there may be serious issues and I will cover that.

I don't know if you are female or male. If female, surely you must know by now that since puberty hit, some things are different for most girls as far as their feelings go. The extra hormones now going through the female body makes their emotions go haywire for a while. In some, they've also picked up too much estrogen from the world we live in, so polluted...and when the extra hormones of puberty hit, its not just some tendency to cry at the drop of a hat or to become easily irritated with others for no reason but goes to full blown depression from overwhelming sadness or a nasty anger streak. This and the more common thing for both guys and gals is a self esteem issue and wanting to be liked by all but finding themselves lacking in some way in their own eyes.
You didn't say what she's done before that has you so concerned, so I'm in the dark here. If you think she's suicidal, it doesn't matter if she gets angry with you for telling, you need to tell someone. In case hormones are a problem medication from a Dr. can stabilize that, if its her self esteem or depression, a professional counselor could help with that.

It is good that you are a concerned friend. If you're a guy and just don't understand her, it's a good idea to try to ask her to help you understand girls so you can be a better supportive friend as a male to her and/or them. Then just say you were concerned from not hearing in two days and understand there could be a good reason but since it's so unlike what she is like normally, it made you wonder if she is okay. Thats a supportive way to check on her. If she's got something on her mind, she might confide in you, and if there's nothing, she might take the chance to say so and then you won't have to worry anymore.

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My wife and I have been married for 2 years. I have recently noticed 3 red flags and don't know how to approach the subject without accusing her of anything.

1) She has become very protective of her phone. She brings it everywhere (when she used to leave it everywhere), and even flips the screen away from me if it's sitting on the table. She is texting somebody (I know it's a much older coworker), and will angle the phone away from me so I can't see anything.

2) She turned off "Find my Friends." We used it moreso so I don't text her "where are you" if I can see she's on her way home from work.

3) She's been having ever-frequent work happy hours. She used to have about 1 per month, but she has had a total of 8 this month and they usually go later than normal.

My problem with everything is nothing has changed at home. She's still very friendly to me, initiate's kisses or "I Love You's," and other things. My feeling is that if something were going on, she wouldn't be acting normal at home.

I want to bring it up with her, but don't know how without making her mad or think I don't trust her. However I've been losing sleep over it and am terrified that this is a major issue. Any help would be great.

I think a good way to approach this is by having a talk in which you ask her to let you say what you need to say before she speaks. Then tell her that you have noticed some different behavior from her as of lately that wasn't there before and so it has you wondering what's going on. Dont mention the three points you are wondering as what she is doing. Turn it around and ask her what if you were doing it. Ask her to tell you how she'd feel and what she'd be thinking and imagining if she put herself in your shoes. And now I will list the things. You see me become very protective over my cell. I no longer leave it laying about. When I am using it in a room with you, I make sure you can't see the screen, I am spending more happy hours with work buddies that grow longer, etc.... what would those things make you think about or how would you feel?

If she can answer that its normal and wouldn't bother her, its pretty for sure that she's lying as women are territorial and get jealous very easily if they even imagine their guy hiding something from her whether theres truth to it or not. You did say 'acting normal' and the problem there is the word acting...which implies that there's a chance its' just for show, like watching a movie or a show, its just an acting job and not for real. So the question then becomes, why would a woman want to 'Act" as if all was okay when its not for her? Well a big one is security. When I dated before meeting my 2nd husband, I met guys on dating sites who claimed to be single but once with me said they had wives and just wanted the sex or the best friend part of a relationship that they weren't getting from the wife. They had one part of it, usually the best friend part but not sexually compatible. I wouldn't become the other woman, goes against my own personal conscience. I know there are some situations in which it is understandable and wouldn't condemn others. But when asked, what if you just came out in the open, asked for a open marriage to pursue me or someone else, once it's out in the open and you have her approval, if it means you'll still be there for her, then its no longer cheating but you have her permission. Every single guy said he still loved his wife and wouldn't do anything that might threaten her leaving and asking him for a divorce. No one jumped at the chance to come out in the open about it. So I am saying, its quite possible in reverse if thats truly whats happening cus you and I don't know. But if you do ever discover something, realize that there is a possibility that she can still love you but also have a need for some other guy. This is covered in polyamorous relationships. Some are relationships with sex, some without but the thing with these, is like open marriages, its all in the open and people are secure with their core relationship, like a marriage but each are okay with and neither gets jealous or feels threatened by the attention and love or even sex given to another as they realize there are some things that they cannot fulfill for their partner, they come close but it's enjoyable to experience those things you might not ever otherwise. You could write her a long letter explaining how you are feeling and asking how she'd feel in return. Then be bold and ask a what if question, in case your'e okay with it, what if you met someone else but still loved me and didn't want to lose me or the marriage. Would you want to have an open marriage? You have a relationship on the side as we're giving each other permission so its not cheating, and you also allow me the same, and do not feel your status with me threatened so you don't have any jealousy issues. Can you imagine something like that working for us. No, there is no other woman I've met. I'm just thinking of you right now, a what if, because I love you so much, I'd be willing to explore this with you. Then there's always swinging by meeting other couples on line and swapping partners for some fun. Since you're likely both young and only 2 years married, I do not recommend this at all unless the two of you are seriously at a crossroads of wanting to stay together but she is needing something fulfilled she doesn't get from you.

Its up to you, you can try the 'what if" and imagine this" game with her without first bringing up what you are seeing. You know her best. It could be that she actually has friends from work, females who fill a need of best friend that you dont, there may be no other guy. HOpe this helps a bit.

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i will just clarify that i am 20 year old female and go to college. i have been with my soulmate since the age of 15 years old. we always have so much fun together.. i can be my 100% self around him and i know he loves me for it. we have a super healthy relationship. so healthy, that i will tell him anything even if it means hurting him.. you see, there's this pretty boy i've always looked at but kept it secret, lets call him "B." turns out B and i have a mutual bestfriend and we will call him "K.". K told me last week that "B" said I'm cute and he is interested in me. once i heard this, i instantaneously wanted to hook up with him. therefore, that weekend i invited my boyfriend over to confirm that i wanted to go on a break (because i am not a cheater & i knew how badly i wanted to hook up with this guy). my boyfriend did not handle the news well at all, and i felt selfish for taking a break for that reason, but after all of these years, i really wanted to experiment with someone else and get it out of my system now and NOT when i'm married. so all week while I was on a break,i hooked up with B 3 times and we did everything except sex. it has been so fun. it felt great to know what it feels like to do those things with someone other than my boyfriend. although neither B or me are looking for relationships, i really find joy in hooking up with him. not that it makes me happy like doing it with my boyfriend does, but its really exciting because its new and we barely know each other. we are just physically/ sexually attracted to each other. i am going to continue being on a break with my man next week and by break i mean we are broken up until i am finished feeling the way i feel right now. my question is, why do i want to keep hooking up with this guy? is it because its new?is it because I'm not bored yet? is it because i find him way more attractive than my bf of 5 years? I'm trying to find the reason because I KNOW i don't like him. he's just very very sexy like a christian grey kinda sexy. my boyfriend is very sensitive looking, and would take a bullet for me any second of the day. B is very about himself and works very very hard in school. he is known for not giving full attention to his previous girlfriends of the past and this is the very reason i know i would not want to be with him! all of the girls at school want him and he has hooked up with a handful of girls but B is certainly a good person inside and out. what i'm trying to say is that i don't know what it means if i want to keep hooking up with him when i am so in love with my man of 5 years. and i'm not forcing myself to say that, i truly mean it. and i will always love him. i know he IS in fact my soulmate. when i spoke to my man last night i told him I'm going to come back to him but i just needed several weeks to be unrestricted and pursue things i always wanted to do. i referred to this as "a mid-relationship crisis." meaning, (in my books), right now we are halfway to marriage. we have been dating 5 years and we will probably be dating 5 more years till we get married. because i started dating him so young, all i ever had was him- NOBODY else and i mean that.


another question i have is, what do i do if this guy doesn't wanna hook up with me again? I'm really into hooking up with him but i feel like if he told me he didn't want to anymore i'd be disappointed to some extent. this man is gorgeous and he can honestly get any girl he wants. i would be jealous not because I'm "into him"( because I'm not!) but i would be jealous because i know how good he is at hooking up and i'd be jealous of the girl he is hooking up with and getting pleased. not because i want him to be mine. does that make sense? what should i do if he stops wanting to hook up? i'd really miss it haha....ah all of these questions.. anyone who gives me an answer of any kind to what i've asked on here, i will love you.

sincerely,
mentally fucking confused :/

I am sure you will get plenty of response from others on this, both supporting you and not.

I will try for both. On the support side, kind of, when we are young, it's not about how long we can hold on to one relationship but how many different people we can experience relationships with for the purpose of figuring out what we really want and need in the opposite sex. Once we can recognize who Mr. Right is for us, then it's a matter of making that lifelong commitment to just that one person, with marriage contract or not. This investigative and learning period of several relationships until you learn what it is you're looking for so that when you find it, you'll recognize it and have no thoughts what so ever of what you're missing with others because the one is so right for you. That is a normal process.

From what you are saying though, you seem to be one of the few who met the right guy (accidently) from the start. I say accidently because you were not consciously trying to learn what it is you need and want from a guy. So now that you have your guy, you aren't fully able to delight in him because he just kinda fell into your lap without you having to work to find him. However in your need to satisfy the curiousity of what its like to be with other attractive men and wanted sexually by them, you chance losing the right guy over the slaking of your curiousity.

You say you'd feel jealous if Mr. B no longer wants you, hooking up or for sex. Meeting exclusively with him to experience or fill a need of yours (sex or not) You knew that would be cheating. So of course, you broke up with your boyfriend with the intent of going back to him after you got your fill of this other guy. So now, I ask you, put yourself in boyfriends shoes. Imagine instead that he has asked to break up with you and you discover he is wanting to experience a fling with another girl before coming back to you. Would you consider his thinking to be solid and rational and make total sense? Get it out of your system now...like the engaged guy who beds as many women as he can as the wedding approaches because afterwards he can't cus he's married? You know you wouldn't stand for that, no woman would, so he shouldn't have to either. A commitment of words to a person or piece of paper (marriage license) does not change the chemistry between two people or the love and commitment. Many who are in committed relationships and marriage cheat.
I am not trying to say you are a terrible person dear but I want you to ask yourself if perhaps, you deep down inside know, that what you were contemplating doing and are now doing was wrong and you just tried to come up with a line of reasoning in your mind that you can easily rationalize as being okay so you don't have to deal with guilt. Let's say this, if boyfriend knew the reason why you broke up with him, so you could have a fling 'guilt free' and come back to him once you're ready to, Do you think he'd even take you back? Do you believe he could ever fully trust you again? Do you think his heart would not be terribly hurt?
It is was the other way around, you might seriously consider not taking him back.

A bit about me so I can explain better how I know what a Mr. Right is and Mr. Wrong is. At 20 I married a Christian man I met in church. So your age. I know now I was so naive and really knew nothing about how to look for signs to confirm I've got the right guy or what signs would say I don't have the right guy. Its a matter of no experience with others to be able to compare and learn. He was my 1st too. But we knew each other a year before marrying. Soon after marrying he began to mistreat me, verbal abuse. I found in the end, 30 yrs later that he never was in love with me, I was just filling an insecurity in him to have someone around, and we also were not sexually compatible. The excitement of sex at first was only due to New Relationship energy, a phenomenom we all experience in other areas, like wanting a certain toy so badly for Christmas. Once we get it, we play with it daily until a point when it loses that special interest we 1st had and we can't see why we ever wanted it so badly in the first place. The energy of newness wore off and he was sexually frustrated and I totally unfulfilled or experienced in sex, Found no joy in it, no orgasms, no romance. The abuse got worse and killed any last bit of respect I had for him. After leaving and divorcing I started dating again and finally as an adult began to learn what it was I really needed and wanted in a man. (I have an instructional on how to determine someone is a good match for you-If interested in it let me know as it is just as long as what I'm writing now)

Now, I learned from experiencing life in early twenties to what I was like in late 20's that there was a world of difference in how my mind was able to view and sort things out. I didn't think to ask for advice as you're doing so you're one up on me. But realize that your brain isn't fully complete growing and scientific studies have proven the pre frontal cortex doesn't become fully mature, done growing until mid twenties or beyond. So in a way, all your decision making stuff of life is going to be handicapped in a way until your brain has fully matured.

I am trying to give you lots of different viewpoints of how to look at your situation without condemning you as I've been there. I think the majority of people mostly learn by mistakes when it comes to dating and relationships, so you're not odd for finding yourself confused dear.
Now lets consider another thing, how do you really know that BF, is really the perfect guy, your soul mate as you say? Without much dating experience or world experience behind you, due to your age, would you agree that you could be unintentionally missing clues that perhaps on a scale of 1-10 that he is not a 9 or 10 for you? What if he rates 6, 7,8, is that enough to keep you happy? Heres something else from my perspective, I have found the most wonderful man for my 2nd husband. I can truly say we are soul mates. We are so deeply in love still after almost 6 years marriage so I'd like to share what I believe is existent in the relationship that show how much we love each other. A soul mate is someone you love so deeply that you don't care what it is you're doing together, running chores, cooking, cleaning, or fun stuff, it is all so much better just for having each other at our sides to experience all of life together. Neither of us likes running off to do a chore on our own, but will do so if need be. Another thing we find is that we can't stand the thought of or seeing of the other hurting or in pain, either due to sickness, something else in life that happened or something I did that was unintentional. We never raise our voice to each other, we don't sweat the small stuff, and choose our words and actions wisely, not doing anything that could hurt his heart, only wanting to love each other fully. And this is where I bring it back to you dear. In truth, were you even thinking of his heart in all this, how hurt he would be to know? Perhaps what you believe to be 100% In Love with him, is not actually that strong if you are able to risk hurting him. Even if you never tell, all it takes is a mutual friend seeing you with the other guy and telling him and then there's trouble. Can he get past the hurt? Maybe. Maybe not...and that's where you are taking risks at life happiness with him, because like a house of cards, it could all come crashing down too easily.

Here's another thing to think about, since all good solid relationships are built on a two fold foundation of 1. Being each others best friend and 2. being each others sexual equal. Could it be that Boyfriend is your best friend but you have chosen to ignore that facts that he's not a 10 as far as being also perfect as a sex partner for you. Is the chemistry fully there? In my case, I and hubby can appreciate the good looks of another of the opposite sex but have no desire to have sexual attention of any sort nor have we desire for the actual looks of the other. We have found that looks do not make a great sex partner, its much more. But looks are important enough to an extent. You can't get turned on if nothing about the person visually doesn't turn you on. My hubby still has weight to lose by there are many things I still find handsome and attractive about him and apparantly so do other women cus they've been caught looking at him as well as guys looking at me. My husband says as a little boy he looked at the shapes of all the mommys and decided the exact figure that he was interested in wanting to have for a wife some day. His ideas and desire never changed. He had plenty of girlfriends and a wife before me. Some came close in one area, but he claims I am the first female he's met that is exactly the body he envisioned as a child as being the ultimate best catch and he's in love with my personality as well. He finds he just can't be turned on by other beautiful women out there because he's so in love with me. I feel the same way, I don't want any other guy for attention, admiration, sexual attraction and attention or even sex. I get that all from my man. Why am I telling you this? Because maybe there's a chance you don't realize yet that you and he are only a good match as the 'best friends' part, but not a perfect match as sexual partners. You need both to make a relationship work. Just something for you to think on and figure out. From what you say, you already realize that B is not a guy who would make good relationship material. Don't fall into the trap of holding on to boyfriend for the other part of a relationship and running to other men for the romance and sex part of it. You will lose.
Look for the guy who is right for you in both area's. Obviously according to you, B is not perfect for you in both areas. You just need to realize whether boyfriend also is not perfect and stop relationship with either guy forever and go looking for the right one. And if boyfriend is right in both areas, drop the Mr. B and go back to your man if you can truly be with him and never wonder or wander again. I hope this all gives you something to think about and write me from my column if you want the instructional on how to find Mr. Right. I wish you the best dear.



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Do I use ma virginity wen I use ma finger

What most people consider losing their virginity is when a penis enters the vagina for the first time. Otherwise, use of a tampon, fingers, or sex toy would mean loss of virginity. Virginity is an antiquated term and idea. A better way to look at ones own sexual situation once the hormones started in puberty is seeing it rather as continual exploration of ones sexuality, little by little.

What if it's two pussy or two penis's? If loss of virginity is really what most people consider it to be, then gay couples remain virgins for life and yet have sex all the time and healthy sex lives? See, it's quite antiquated. Enjoy your sexuality and don't be so concerned about labeling it.

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Hey! I'm a biologically female 15 year old. I've been really confused and twisted on my gender of late and I was hoping you could help me untangle the mess. So I'm a biological girl, and I'm okay with that most of the time. But I dress like a boy and have sudden impulses to cut off all of my hair. I just cut the hair off of old barbies instead because I tell myself that I'll regret cutting my hair. The impulses I feel to cut off my hair can last anywhere from half an hour to a month. I walk around the boys clothes section at stores, wishing I could pull off the guy clothes better. I'm okay with being a girl like I said, but I long to be a boy when I think about both my near and distant future. Let me explain that. I want to start a YouTube channel sometime this year, but I want to be a boy on YouTube and want my followers to see a boy. When I think about being a biologist when I'm older, I think about being a male. When I think about boys that I like, I really only enjoy thinking about being intimate if I think of myself as a boy. It's weird. I feel like if I stayed a girl I'd regret it, but if I transferred to male, I'd regret that too.

Sounds like what I've heard called "Being gender fluid" meaning switching back and forth to both genders. If thats the way you're made, don't fight. Learn to enjoy it.

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I'm a 16 year old girl and I've been thinking about options out of life for almost three years now. I keep finding things to hold on to and I try to look for the little miracles in life but it's getting harder. I'm honestly so sick of living with who I am and things seem to only go downhill. Last year in high school I had to deal with a lot of sexual harassment and was beaten and had someone forcibly remove my clothes in the school. I've always felt sad and upset before that incident, but after the constant torment last year my self esteem has plummeted and I just want to die. My parents don't understand why I'm so upset (especially because I have a loving family) and they make me feel bad for feeling these emotions which only hurts me further. I'm at my last breaking point and I'm not sure where to go from here. I don't want to die, but it feels like the only way out. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Wow, you have reason to feel depressed. That sort of thing shouldn't be allowed in school. Have you talked to a school counselor? They are closer to knowing how bad kids can treat other kids. Your parents may not be taking you serious because nothing that outragous ever happened when they went to school and their minds can't get around it. If a school counselor after talking with you called a meeting to talk to them, they'd take this seriously. Either they pull you out, change schools or let you home school or on line.
With the trauma you've gone through, you will need to go through counseling to recover from it but no recovery will be able to proceed if you still feel insecure and afraid in your situation. Being still under 18 and in your parents care, you don't have control of your life to the point of being able to remove yourself from harmful situations and it's up to the parents. If you haven't give them the full horrifying examples like you did for us, then they need to know. Your parents are the key here to protecting you and need to take you seriously. They won't want to end up with a child who as an adult resents them for the mess they've become and blame them for not protecting them and become estranged from each other at the very worst.
Talk to a school counselor. talk to a relative who may be the more listening ear and supportive person, an aunt, grandma. Someone surely will see this as serious, especially if it makes you so depressed to the point that in your misery you decide to attempt to take your life.

If you think it will help, show what I've written to the parents. They cannot change the terrible kids out there so they will treat you nicely and with respect. But they do have control over how they protect you and if they are as loving and supportive as you say...you need to pretty much be in their faces about this until they 'get it' that this is going on for real.
In fact, I am wondering why charges weren't filed against the kids who put their hands on your person and forcefully removed your clothes. I would think there's a law in there somewhere that considers that a major offense.
Do not keep anything of this to yourself or give up. Keep talking to people about what has happened and continues to happen to you. If you even have a church pastor, I'd call and ask to talk to him about a problem you are having. Anyone dear...just don't be embarrassed, its' not your fault. there is nothing a person can do to warrant others treating them that way. I was bullied in school but never with kids layin a hand on me, just blocking the hallway as a group so I couldn't get to my class in time, to make me late and other stuff like that. I was picked on because I was more quiet and reserved and not self confidant.
Think of how your parents will feel if you did kill yourself over this. You know that they would finally realize too late that you weren't exaggerating and you really were bullied and it wasn't a small thing you could easily stop on your own by just logically saying the right thing to the others. I tried that, it doesn't work. Your parents may blame themselves for the rest of their lives, the stress of your loss could make them begin fighting each other, placing the blame on the other and splitting up.... you don't know how bad a parent can feel if they lose a child but when that child has asked for their protection and they didn't take the child seriously...just know it will totally mess up and ruin their lives. I'm not saying you have to endure such bullying so they won't ever have to experience the loss of you, but they need to realize what's at stake here. Lots of kids commit suicide every day over the same kind of stuff you're experiencing. On second thought, I strongly suggest you do show them my answers to you...as one parent to the next.

For your parents: I was a loving caring parent and talked to my daughters all the time and they knew they could discuss ANYTHING with me. I was shocked to find in later years that my oldest never told me she suffered from depression as a teen, not due to bullying, just from her body needing the help of medication. I felt terrible that I was robbed of a chance to help her back then simply because I didn't know. There were NO signs and I was up on what really went on in schools and what it was like to be a teen in her time. Not being informed, has me feeling the loss of being able to be there to support her the same way I know I'd feel if she committed suicide. You have a chance as her parents to do something to help her...the time is now! Feel free to write me from my column and refer to the situation a bit to remind me who I am talking to.
Blessing to you all! Dragonfly

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I have long, frizzy, curly, thick hair. I also have a few split ends. How many times should my hair be conditioned with my hair type?

My husband has had long hair all his life, frizzy, curly thick. I have observed what he does and questioned him why he didn't wash it every day. He says it strips away too much of the natural oils and makes his hair drier, more prone to breakage. When he's in the shower, he won't always use shampoo first. Water is enough to rinse off dirt and polution and he applies only conditioner and lets it sit a while before rinsing off.

He also always lets it dry on it's own, not using hair driers. He also doesn't brush it out often as that just brings out the frizz. What he does is brush his hair to remove tangles and any loose hair BEFORE showering, then after, gently towels it dry to point it isn't dripping but damp and it dries into the most beautiful waves, curls and ringlets, yes, he gets ringlets and it looks good on him.

I have read somewhere that once in a while, using beer to rinse hair with before showering out or even better, raw egg beaten up and applied to the hair and left on a while before showering out will add much needed protein for the hair. I think it was once a month to do that special type of conditioning.
In the end, the less you handle your hair, the better it will be and look.

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is it wrong to want to fuck my man in his ass

When it comes to adult partners, and what they do behind closed doors, there is nothing wrong with whatever you want to do as long as both of you mutually can agree upon it. If he doesnt want that, then don't do it. Some men love a partner fingering them, massaging their prostrate can be a very sexually heightened experience, especially if she is doing it when he is close to cumming, it can make it all that much stronger. Not all men find it comfortable or get sexual pleasure from it,the same as women getting anal. Everyone is built a little different as far as amount of nerve endings to feel in certain areas. Some women get better orgasms with anal than vaginally. Then there are guys who are just squeamish about anyone, even their partner putting anything up there. It's a personal taste.

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A guy I have been with on and off for a year told me that he wants to start all over in our relationship like when we were just talking and getting to know each other. and get back to the basics like with no drama, hostility etc and rekindle our romance. He informed me that he was not ready for a relationship right now due to him being busy in a fraternity, the fact that we are in different colleges, and he thinks we need to fix ourselves before we can be 100% together. Both of us have been wicked stressed with things and I think that has been causing a strain on our relationship. He said that he would like to keep in contact regularly and see where things retake us and he believes it is our best shot at fixing things. He told me to not worry about anyone else, because he is not looking for anyone else. Just wants to focus on himself. I don't know what this means

Hmm, well I thought he was pretty clear. He realizes that your current lives and schedules are not compatible with a serious committed relationship right now. Since the relationship has been on and off anyhow, there likely hasn't been enough time together to build your relationship solid enough. My guess is that he knew you both were approaching a cross-roads, either heading towards a serious/committed type of thing or waiting until the situation is more conducive for a relationship to grow.

Long distance is harsh on any relationship but even more so for any couples who weren't in a secure solid committed relationship already for quite some time before being apart distance wise. So it sounds like 'serious relationship' he is suggesting go on the back burner for now and you both just try to be friends. He says its not another girl and if he volunteered that information and you didn't have to ask, I am pretty positive you can believe that.

What you do need to keep in mind, is that even if his intentions are to get back together in the future with you and I'm sure you want to with him, life can have its twists and turns and so...just as it's possible for you to meet some wonderful guy while he's away and both fall for each other, the same could possibly happen to him.
So do not keep hopes up that its 100% for sure you get back together. Not because of what he said, but the possibilities of either of you meeting someone else, cus the lure of the body that is in front of you, available and interacting with you and thus taking care of your need for social interaction is more likely to have greater appeal than someone whom you'll not see for quite some time and not know if they will still be the same person when you see them again.

As to what he was talking about when he said you both need to work on fixing yourselves, if he didn't go into explaining what some of those things are, then I can see you not understanding him and having questions. What I wonder is why you didn't ask him right then to give you examples of what he's talking about. It could be real things you are aware of or things you didn't realize were an issue to him and that need working on. I will say that having a partner doesnt make you whole. That saying about someone being your better half would mean you were only 1/2 a person to begin with and needed them to make you whole. That doesn't work. Whether the partner is lacking somehow and needy and requiring someone to lean on all the time or a whole person, trying to "Be" someone's life is quite different from being in someones life and sharing and experiencing all of what life has to offer...together. Maybe this is what he is talking about? You'd have to ask. Each person needs to be mature, emotionally stable and a self confident person to even have a chance at a successful relationship. So in essence, he's saying both of you could do with some time to become stronger and more mature and self confidant. Although the stress of school and your schedules isn't likely to give either of you much time to focus on "Self improvemnt".

Is stress causing him to say all of this? Is stress the problem? Hon, you can't hide from stress, it comes and goes all your life long. I had stress in 1st marriage because it was a bad one. I am now with 2nd husband, and a good match. We are older, but not without stress in life, lets see, him breaking his leg before Christmas and us losing the apartment we were about to move into, basically homeless for what its worth. Thats stress. Is it hurting our relationship? Not one bit. You see, when stress comes, it's always another chance to grow more mature, to realize your partner is human, that we all make mistakes if something one of us did. But when the stress is from the outside, life circumstances that are hard or unexpected, a couple can either fight each other and break apart or draw closer together to find comfort with each other, in the love they share, the one thing that will always being steadfast, reliable and there. We can't predict what life will bring but we can rely on each other and finding joy in the 'eye of the storm'. Most people will never in their lifetime get to that level of 'being' as a couple. It isn't easy, no. But it is a self commitment to make choices that build up and support rather than tear down, this means a LOT of controlling ones emotions...not getting frustrated or angry at each other. There are good reasons to be angry if a partner is abusive of you is any way at all and then you shouldnt be with them in the first place...so keep in mind I am talking about knowing in the first place that the one you're in relationship with is the most perfect person for you, even with their shortcomings...and as for the shortcomings, we choose to not sweat the small stuff. All of this important as far as his talk of self improvement. So you really need to know what each of you need to be working on if thats the case. Hope this all helps some.

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I don't want to hear about 'there's always a chance'. I know that already. My question needs a simple Yes or No answer.
Question- If the condom has no breakage, no holes, no leaks, no slip, no nothing and correct usage; Is it possible to get pregnant?

Yes. Thats the short answer. Why I say yes is another story. You'd have to ask another question to get that answer.

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I have known this guy for 3 months now.We started with friendship. He has been dating for a while. I have been single recently so have not really dated. He looks very easu going. Earlier he was so much interested - msgd daily till we kissed and got intimate.Its been a week - I believe in equal relationship so I really did nt care who is asking whom. Earlier he used to ask ...now I stared asking. I asked him once - his reply was already plans to night...next day he has some plans so he said how about weekend. I did nt reply. Friday he went to city and next noon msgs me what are you upto. EVening he asked the same questions. What does he mean? After all this, I dnt even see him as a friend...because I feel its all when he is available he asks him...he never makes plans he used to do. Like in noon he could have said lets do something in evening. WHen I asked him in the evening...he said he is with a friend. I am confused...where is this going?

I could be wrong but if you mean by intimate, you became sex partners, then the attractions to you might be over. For lots of guys, it's all about the hunt and once they've caught their prey, even tho you were willing, the challange that made it exciting to continue, is now gone. They will 'woo' the girl. see defintion here:
http://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/woo

Usually its meant to pursue someone to win over their affection or support but the definition explains that it doesn't mean strictly pursuit based on love and that's what I am hinting at.

Another possibility? I don't know him. Maybe this is his true character you're seeing now and the one he showed you was a pretend front to impress you and win you over...it worked. Once people get comfortable feeling they've caught the other person, then they relax, letting the false front slip and become more themselves. If at any point you don't like what you see now, you need to talk and let him know what you are feeling. Find out if this is his real true character because if he's just being himself which could be focusing more on his needs than giving you what you need, then there's a problem.
I knew a guy once who did the same thing every time he was horny, it didn't take long to put 2 and 2 together. What are you up to right now or What are you doing tonight. He only asked those questions when he wanted sex. If I said it was okay to come over, the minute he got in the door, it wasn't about friendship and just hanging together, he found a way to get to sex asap.
Since he asked "how about the weekend" and you gave him no answer, he probably made other plans to hang out with friends, with the gang. But if he is really all that 'into' you, he would have asked if he or they didn't mind him asking you to join them. Or he might have told them he had to leave early and then come to see you. There is always the possibility that if he is a player, and he didn't have a definite promise from you, that he filling the evening by going to see another girl and has several he rotates through. You can't know this all for sure. He may be innocent of such things as pursuing you just for sex, he may really have been with a male friend shooting pool or some such thing. On your part, you waiting until evening to ask what he's doing instead of giving him the same courtesy of asking ahead like around noon so he truly may have committed to something or someone else. If he's a good friend and notin character for him to stick with his appointment or plans with friends.
I think the best thing is to sit and tell him how you are feeling but be careful to own your feelings and not blame him for making you feel this way. We choose how to feel or react. So a possible thing to say, in your own words might go like: Chad I need to talk to you a minute and need your full attention. I know we havent known each other wrong so perhaps I dont know you as well as possible to feel really secure and comfortable but I am struggling with some feelings and would like to tell you about them to get it off my chest. I may be wrong, as its just how I am feeling but I 'feel' that in the 3 months til now, that there has been a big enough difference in how we interreact that it is bothering me. Do not use words like You are making me feel unimportant since you don't message me as often as you did before. That accuses him right from the bat as being at fault and no one likes another throwing their faults, even if true, in their face. They will close down and shutter you out instead of remaining open minded and wanting to help make things better. This gives you both a chance to talk things out without becoming automatically defensive. Hope this helps.

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I've been in a relationship with a guy for 2 months; known him for 2 years as a close friend. He's done a lot for me and generally has a good heart. I can tell he really likes me and we get along great together. I get along with all of his friends and he does with mine. I thought everything was going great but I found out some news from his best friends girl. He told me not to trust her because she was a friend of his ex and that she was crazy etc. We ended up talking and she told me everything. She isn't friends with his ex anymore because of a falling out and she let me know that he was talking to other women. She said she didn't even know we were exclusive (even though he introduces me as his girlfriend to everyone he knows) She also told me that he doesn't like us talking which I already knew. She even said he would cheat a lot on his ex too which he said he didn't (although he told me he cheated on his other ex) I dont know what to believe anymore. Was she lying? I'm very confused. She did however say that he really likes me and she heard that from him and his best friend. But if this is all true this is a major deal breaker. I've asked if he was cheating and he denied it although admitted to having dating profiles that were inactive. I don't know what to do anymore. Some advice would be great.

In 2 months, you don't have a long enough track record of watching, observing his actions, and personality to know if he is being consistant in claiming who he is today as a male. It won't be until you've spent more time around him that you will see for yourself.
While I don't usually take what other people say as the truth, I will take what I hear and go digging to turn up the truth for myself.

What I am curious about is the conversation in which he happened to bring up the fact this girlfriend of his most recent ex, can't be trusted. Thats not something one just blurts out, out of the blue. There had to be a reason he said something. I have several ideas but until proven guilty, all it is, is speculation. He could be cheating and someone threatened him with telling you about him if he didn't shape up or simply to get back at him for cheating on her best friend.
A more obvious one being the fact she doesn't like you talking to him and him showing interest in him, is that he choose her friend over her and never had interest in her so she's still wanting him for herself and will try to mess up his chances with others, OR if his cheating IS true, she could be so pissed that he wasn't the dream guy she thought she wanted and has made it her goal to warn all other girls that he shows an interest in knowing for sure that he is a cheater.

You have an admission by his own tongue that he cheated several times on another ex further back. Does that make him a guy you can trust because he practices 'selective cheating' and doesn't cheat with all girls he dates? Or have the other ones just never been discovered yet?
I say if he's going around calling you his girlfriend, then you have a right to sit him down and discuss Your rules and boundaries for the relationship. this is important to set at the beginning. I didnt do with with 1st husband and he ended up a disaster. I did this when looking for love the 2nd time and got exactly what I wanted. You have to make sure you are willing to follow through with any consequeunces you set out for him if he agrees to follow your rules and breaks them. Spell it out. I told guys what my rules were. The moment they break one, I break up with them. I dated one guy who after several dates and getting comfortable around me, he began to let down the showing of his best side, or false personality, and showed me his real self. He claimed his place was messy, which it wasn't, but due to a pitiful excuse of a maid who...and here he used all sorts of foul words to describe her including racial slurs. that was my warning sign. I dropped him like a hot rock. You see, I've lived through a lot of my own mistakes and learned from them. the last husband was verbally abusive to me. He wasn't in the beginning when he dated me. It wasn't until after we married he slowly began the abuse. And it got progressively worse. Trust me when I say, if you get 'just a glimpse' of insight into the character of a guy from something he says or does or lets slip out in conversation, that glimpse almost always is a sign that more of that type of character lies hidden below the surface, it is part of who he is at core, his choices or his weaknesses. Things like that don't change hardly ever. It takes a person realizing that they have an area in their life that needs serious improving and a want/desire to follow through on self improvement. Just saying the words that they won't do it again is not enough. How many people break their own vows to themselves and others every day? You can tell a guys character a lot by his actions. If I were dating him, the moment he confessed to cheating in the past, I would have nicely just said, 'Hey, it's not working out for me, not enough chemistry between us' and dropped this guy. But thats just me. Some people have to go through actually catching the guy with another woman and all the pain and hurt before they will drop him. It's up to you whether you want to give him any more chances to 'hang himself' so to speak where you are concerned.

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