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My boyfriend or ex boyfriend wants to start all over?
A guy I have been with on and off for a year told me that he wants to start all over in our relationship like when we were just talking and getting to know each other. and get back to the basics like with no drama, hostility etc and rekindle our romance. He informed me that he was not ready for a relationship right now due to him being busy in a fraternity, the fact that we are in different colleges, and he thinks we need to fix ourselves before we can be 100% together. Both of us have been wicked stressed with things and I think that has been causing a strain on our relationship. He said that he would like to keep in contact regularly and see where things retake us and he believes it is our best shot at fixing things. He told me to not worry about anyone else, because he is not looking for anyone else. Just wants to focus on himself. I don't know what this means
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
He clearly doesn't have time for a relationship in his life atm, and seems to need to figure some things out and get ahold of himself before committing, and you may need the same. He seems to really like you, and if this is what you want then you should go with it. It doesn't mean he doesn't want this, he just needs a little time.
Hope this helps~
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Hmm, well I thought he was pretty clear. He realizes that your current lives and schedules are not compatible with a serious committed relationship right now. Since the relationship has been on and off anyhow, there likely hasn't been enough time together to build your relationship solid enough. My guess is that he knew you both were approaching a cross-roads, either heading towards a serious/committed type of thing or waiting until the situation is more conducive for a relationship to grow.
Long distance is harsh on any relationship but even more so for any couples who weren't in a secure solid committed relationship already for quite some time before being apart distance wise. So it sounds like 'serious relationship' he is suggesting go on the back burner for now and you both just try to be friends. He says its not another girl and if he volunteered that information and you didn't have to ask, I am pretty positive you can believe that.
What you do need to keep in mind, is that even if his intentions are to get back together in the future with you and I'm sure you want to with him, life can have its twists and turns and so...just as it's possible for you to meet some wonderful guy while he's away and both fall for each other, the same could possibly happen to him.
So do not keep hopes up that its 100% for sure you get back together. Not because of what he said, but the possibilities of either of you meeting someone else, cus the lure of the body that is in front of you, available and interacting with you and thus taking care of your need for social interaction is more likely to have greater appeal than someone whom you'll not see for quite some time and not know if they will still be the same person when you see them again.
As to what he was talking about when he said you both need to work on fixing yourselves, if he didn't go into explaining what some of those things are, then I can see you not understanding him and having questions. What I wonder is why you didn't ask him right then to give you examples of what he's talking about. It could be real things you are aware of or things you didn't realize were an issue to him and that need working on. I will say that having a partner doesnt make you whole. That saying about someone being your better half would mean you were only 1/2 a person to begin with and needed them to make you whole. That doesn't work. Whether the partner is lacking somehow and needy and requiring someone to lean on all the time or a whole person, trying to "Be" someone's life is quite different from being in someones life and sharing and experiencing all of what life has to offer...together. Maybe this is what he is talking about? You'd have to ask. Each person needs to be mature, emotionally stable and a self confident person to even have a chance at a successful relationship. So in essence, he's saying both of you could do with some time to become stronger and more mature and self confidant. Although the stress of school and your schedules isn't likely to give either of you much time to focus on "Self improvemnt".
Is stress causing him to say all of this? Is stress the problem? Hon, you can't hide from stress, it comes and goes all your life long. I had stress in 1st marriage because it was a bad one. I am now with 2nd husband, and a good match. We are older, but not without stress in life, lets see, him breaking his leg before Christmas and us losing the apartment we were about to move into, basically homeless for what its worth. Thats stress. Is it hurting our relationship? Not one bit. You see, when stress comes, it's always another chance to grow more mature, to realize your partner is human, that we all make mistakes if something one of us did. But when the stress is from the outside, life circumstances that are hard or unexpected, a couple can either fight each other and break apart or draw closer together to find comfort with each other, in the love they share, the one thing that will always being steadfast, reliable and there. We can't predict what life will bring but we can rely on each other and finding joy in the 'eye of the storm'. Most people will never in their lifetime get to that level of 'being' as a couple. It isn't easy, no. But it is a self commitment to make choices that build up and support rather than tear down, this means a LOT of controlling ones emotions...not getting frustrated or angry at each other. There are good reasons to be angry if a partner is abusive of you is any way at all and then you shouldnt be with them in the first place...so keep in mind I am talking about knowing in the first place that the one you're in relationship with is the most perfect person for you, even with their shortcomings...and as for the shortcomings, we choose to not sweat the small stuff. All of this important as far as his talk of self improvement. So you really need to know what each of you need to be working on if thats the case. Hope this all helps some.
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