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I'm so lost.
I'm a 16 year old girl and I've been thinking about options out of life for almost three years now. I keep finding things to hold on to and I try to look for the little miracles in life but it's getting harder. I'm honestly so sick of living with who I am and things seem to only go downhill. Last year in high school I had to deal with a lot of sexual harassment and was beaten and had someone forcibly remove my clothes in the school. I've always felt sad and upset before that incident, but after the constant torment last year my self esteem has plummeted and I just want to die. My parents don't understand why I'm so upset (especially because I have a loving family) and they make me feel bad for feeling these emotions which only hurts me further. I'm at my last breaking point and I'm not sure where to go from here. I don't want to die, but it feels like the only way out. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Before I answer this question I need for you to answer a question for me.
You are a registered user which means we can look back and see past questions you have written to us. This is helpful in answering your questions as it gives us a form of chronology of events in your life.
You wrote this question just before midnight on March 18. Just 12 hours earlier you write about looking forward to going to the prom with this one boy and talking to another.
What happened in that 12 hours to make you so depressed as to write to us with the problems you told us about at almost midnight? I would really like to know as it would help me tell you what you need to do to put things right with the second question.
Suicide is not the answer, it is the wrong solution to a problem that punish only you and not the people causing you to feel this way. I want to properly punish them within the limits of the laws, which are on your side, and help you feel better about yourself.
You can write me in a private message if you wish. Just follow the instructions how to do so.
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Wow, you have reason to feel depressed. That sort of thing shouldn't be allowed in school. Have you talked to a school counselor? They are closer to knowing how bad kids can treat other kids. Your parents may not be taking you serious because nothing that outragous ever happened when they went to school and their minds can't get around it. If a school counselor after talking with you called a meeting to talk to them, they'd take this seriously. Either they pull you out, change schools or let you home school or on line.
With the trauma you've gone through, you will need to go through counseling to recover from it but no recovery will be able to proceed if you still feel insecure and afraid in your situation. Being still under 18 and in your parents care, you don't have control of your life to the point of being able to remove yourself from harmful situations and it's up to the parents. If you haven't give them the full horrifying examples like you did for us, then they need to know. Your parents are the key here to protecting you and need to take you seriously. They won't want to end up with a child who as an adult resents them for the mess they've become and blame them for not protecting them and become estranged from each other at the very worst.
Talk to a school counselor. talk to a relative who may be the more listening ear and supportive person, an aunt, grandma. Someone surely will see this as serious, especially if it makes you so depressed to the point that in your misery you decide to attempt to take your life.
If you think it will help, show what I've written to the parents. They cannot change the terrible kids out there so they will treat you nicely and with respect. But they do have control over how they protect you and if they are as loving and supportive as you say...you need to pretty much be in their faces about this until they 'get it' that this is going on for real.
In fact, I am wondering why charges weren't filed against the kids who put their hands on your person and forcefully removed your clothes. I would think there's a law in there somewhere that considers that a major offense.
Do not keep anything of this to yourself or give up. Keep talking to people about what has happened and continues to happen to you. If you even have a church pastor, I'd call and ask to talk to him about a problem you are having. Anyone dear...just don't be embarrassed, its' not your fault. there is nothing a person can do to warrant others treating them that way. I was bullied in school but never with kids layin a hand on me, just blocking the hallway as a group so I couldn't get to my class in time, to make me late and other stuff like that. I was picked on because I was more quiet and reserved and not self confidant.
Think of how your parents will feel if you did kill yourself over this. You know that they would finally realize too late that you weren't exaggerating and you really were bullied and it wasn't a small thing you could easily stop on your own by just logically saying the right thing to the others. I tried that, it doesn't work. Your parents may blame themselves for the rest of their lives, the stress of your loss could make them begin fighting each other, placing the blame on the other and splitting up.... you don't know how bad a parent can feel if they lose a child but when that child has asked for their protection and they didn't take the child seriously...just know it will totally mess up and ruin their lives. I'm not saying you have to endure such bullying so they won't ever have to experience the loss of you, but they need to realize what's at stake here. Lots of kids commit suicide every day over the same kind of stuff you're experiencing. On second thought, I strongly suggest you do show them my answers to you...as one parent to the next.
For your parents: I was a loving caring parent and talked to my daughters all the time and they knew they could discuss ANYTHING with me. I was shocked to find in later years that my oldest never told me she suffered from depression as a teen, not due to bullying, just from her body needing the help of medication. I felt terrible that I was robbed of a chance to help her back then simply because I didn't know. There were NO signs and I was up on what really went on in schools and what it was like to be a teen in her time. Not being informed, has me feeling the loss of being able to be there to support her the same way I know I'd feel if she committed suicide. You have a chance as her parents to do something to help her...the time is now! Feel free to write me from my column and refer to the situation a bit to remind me who I am talking to.
Blessing to you all! Dragonfly
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You seem very depressed, so I suggest you try getting help. Counseling could greatly help you, and especially getting medicine for this kind of thing. There are even all natural anti-depressants, like I take one called St. John's Wart, (not as weird as it sounds) which really helps with my depression. But you still should talk about this stuff with people. Try explaining to your family what is going on with you so that they can help and understand better. Trust me, it is So much better knowing you have support from the people around you. You can also talk to me whenever you need it, if you want. But please seal help. Death is never the only nor right option, and life can get better if you just stick with it and get help with these things. You don't have to go through this alone, and there are so many beautiful/amazing things to life worth seeing. Don't give up and just get some help.
Hope this helps~
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