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stay or move on, making sense of it all
i have been with my current bf now for just over 3 years, like every relationship we have our ups and downs. He is six months younger then me (22) and he can be very immature and frustrating at time. I have recently been to a party with my friends and i saw this really cute bloke we got talking and flirted a little and exchanged numbers. Its save to safe to say i have a major crush on/fancy this guy, he is 36 and recently divorced with 2 kids. I have just round out that he related to my current bf through his parents marriage. To say that i am confused about it all is an understatement.....please help me make sense of all this
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First a male at 22 is going to be less mature than a female of the same age so take that into consideration when choosing which guy you want to be with. There is a 14 year difference between you and the guy you fancy. Once again there is a big difference in maturity levels as well as age. He is going to be far more settled in his ways. He has already done the nightlife things that you are just now experiencing and will be far more comfortable sitting at home reading or watching a game on TV. There is also the fact of his two children that he will want to make time for. Time which you may want from him.
The fact that he is related to your current boyfriend through his parents marriage may not be a real issue. It depends how far down the family tree the relationship goes. I believe we all have cousins through our parents we never see or speak too as we travel in different circles or they are second, third or fourth cousins. I have a first cousin who never sees his first cousins on his mothers side of the family and they live less than an hour apart. They just have nothing in common. I don't see the relationship of BF 1 to BF 2 being an issue.
While we cannot and should not tell you what to do what I think is best given the ages involved is to try and mature your current boyfriend. I think in the end you will either be happier or you will move on to another guy closed to your own age. The 14 years difference in ages between you can be just a number. More often than not it becomes an issue at some point in the future when you still young enough to want to go out and enjoy things and he is older and wants to stay in and relax.
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So one parent had your bf and the other of that remarried couple had the 36 yr old...so they are step siblings or if the younger one came along from both of them, he's a half sibling to the older one. I don't see where there is anything more to make sense of. Both are adults. Just because they are related should make no difference in the world if one of the two is going to make the perfect life partner for you, long term or in marriage.
So the real issue here, is how do you know if you have found Mr. Right for you. Then you'll know what to do. Read on:
How to determine someone is a good match for you
Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in one or both people that would harm the partner emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up. Dating in the beginning should be more of an investigative process, to learn about the other, not to become instant bf/gf and date socially until something breaks you up.
After a divorce when starting my search again, I believe my Angels gave me the following idea, and it worked. I found it most helpful. You will make two lists. I choose to call it a list of criteria for finding the right partner/mate because that's exactly what it is. So here's the tool you use to help you in determining if someone is a good match for you.
You will make two lists. The first most crucial one is a list of Must Haves. A 'must have' for you is something which if it doesn't apply to this other person, then that's a deal breaker, you don't date or get into relationship with them. Very important serious stuff here. So how do you know what to put on the list? Think of things that are very important to you in life, things that no one can sway your mind to a different viewpoint and importance in your life. Major issues seem to hinge on topics such as religion/beliefs, sexuality and children. Here's an example of what I am talking about. Even tho a person wanting to date isn't ready to have kids yet for 5-8 years, they know they do want children someday, their own or adopted is another concern. If one does not ever want kids and can't be swayed to change their mind, even if in love, then that is a deal breaker and must be on the list. Not to sound shallow, but the wanna be stay at home mom will never be happy if she must compromise that dream when the kids are little because the guy doesn't earn enough to support both. If she isn't flexible enough to be able to deal with reality and uncertainties of life, she could have emotional issues for being forced to work or he with her staying home and not able to meet the budget and fighting ensues. Why take a chance that something might go wrong in the future, long after your heart has fallen in love?
Finding ones best friend and sexual equal should be top priorities and whatever pertains to that in which you have specific requirements had better be on your list. You want a mate who likes to travel an incredible amount but she is a home body, no match. You may coax her on one vacation a year but more she'll be miserable, and it becomes a battle. You have a high libido. Spell out what you want. If its sex once a day, you better be sure before you even get to the point of being ready to try sex whether she also has a high libido or she thinks thats over kill and once a week or twice a month is reasonable. I hope you understand the importance of a list of Must haves. I had about 5-7 if I remember right.
Next list is a list of Wants, and a want is like the frosting on the cake, it is not a deal breaker, and you can live happily without it but here's where you might think about others who do meet this or admire others who do. That's okay. I have great memories of past guys who loved to dance as I do. It was on my list as was a guy with long hair and much more. I didnt get the dancer but I got long hair. You will only need to use the lists of wants if by some miracle you find two or even 3 people who meet all your criteria of must haves, and need something else to determine which one to choose, you go for the one who meets most of them. In my case, the man I married met all my 'must haves' but no one else did, however he met half of my wants list. So I am very happy and in my mind, I have sorted out that it is okay that he never will meet the other half of my list of wants.
A person who knows what they want, and won't back down under harrassment, won't settle for less and isn't afraid to tell others what they are looking for in a mate, is going to come across as confident to others and that is an attractive trait in people and will draw the right one to you. I didn't find my right one instantly though. Many sounded great because they lied or didn't understand their own needs and wants well and once I met them and got to know them better, saw they were not a match for me according to my criteria. Hope this helps you.
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