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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

hi hope you can help me i'm a 15 year old male i'm a devout christian i love god with all my heart and i wanna be a better christian and devote my life to god i want to help people to get closer to god i wantto start to spread god's word i'm a bit nervous not sure where to start but i want to start talkinhg to people about god maybe start with people that i know not sure how do i go about it?

I remember the name of an organized group worldwide, its called YWAM or Youth With A Mission.
http://www.ywam.org/about-us/

You can find them at this link but you'd have to search for the local chapter in your area. They organize some short term, one week up to 2 yr involvements based in your own community, another state or even in other countries. You dont need another country to see all the needs out there.
Much of it is based on doing as Jesus did, meet peoples needs first. Then they may be more open to asking you about your faith. Don't try to be the one who gets into the practice of behaving like a head hunter to increase the number of bodies present in church. Thats a turn off to people.
Lastly ask your pastor or Youth pastor. Good luck.

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20/f

So I'm starting to develop a crush on one of my co workers.

I'm not sure how to go about it. We talk on facebook almost every day, he usually initiates it which I think is a good sign.

I don't hang out with him outside of work. I did invite him to my party tomorrow and he said he'll probably be able to come.

We're pretty cool, we talk normal, tease each other at work and online.

My friends/coworkers all say he likes me. I haven't said anything about me liking him. They said because he messages me often and he doesn't message them.

He hasn't given any hints if he likes me or not. Usually a guy will start calling me pretty and talk about hanging out and all that if they're interested in me. He hasn't done anything like that. I'll tell him about the dates I've had in the past and he'll bring it up later and ask how they went.

The only thing I've tried is asking if he had a girlfriend, and he said no. He asked what is considered a date and then he said he hung out with a girl but it wasn't a date. I asked if he liked her and he said no. I asked if he liked anyone and he said his mom...so he avoided the subject and I let it go.

I don't want to straight up tell him I like him. Mostly because if he doesn't like me, it'll be weird when I work with him.

So is there any other ideas?

After a divorce in my late 40's I was dating again and if a guy's first words to me were, You're really hot looking, I tended to avoid them. I have learned that not all men come on that strong, but a good majority do, and I learned the hard way the first couple times that the ones who said that wanted sex, not a relationship with sex as the icing on the cake. They couldnt care less about who I was. So you can't use the talk of you being pretty and hanging out as an indication of their intentions deep down. BTW, the man who did not complicate my looks but had a normal convo is the one I married. At the end he did say I was fair on the eyes, but as important as that was, he was really attracted to my personality and other things about me.
So, since you do not hear the same from him, you haven't a clue if he likes you? Lets turn the tables so you will figure out the answer for yourself.
Let's say there's a guy at work that you find unattractive and his personality disgusting, nothing to draw your attention to him, could you bring yourself to the point of daily keeping in touch with him on facebook and always making the first move to chat? I am pretty sure your answer is no. And why? I know for me that I wouldn't be drawn to want to spend time with them and I would be afraid of him misunderstanding the fact that i seek him out on facebook for having a genuine interest in him and him then asking me out on a date. Humans are humans when it comes to this. We do not make any friendly moves toward some people for a reason, perhaps the vibes we pick up, they are needy, too shy, low self confidence, their looks, habits or mannerisms, etc. the list goes on. We do this in grade school with making friends. Some we are not drawn to, but did you ever go after someone for a friend in school that you didn't even like?
Now you have your answer. There is no question that he likes you. But does he like you enough to want to invest more time in knowing you better to see if the initial likes can grow to something more like love? Thats the question. I guess you'll have a chance to find out at your party.

Just an aside, many businesses enforce the sexual harassment rules and I know of a couple guys where the guy only smiled and talked to a particular girl at work he was interested in. Hadn't asked on a date. Many Guys are afraid to pursue a girl or even date her away from work for fear that management may harass him for doing so.
Or he may be one to move slowly until he has some sign the girl likes him in return. If he's not dense, he'll realize, that your invitation means you have a return interest in him. But theres nothing like the actual words to confirm it. So say something to him, pay a compliment to him. Tell him something you like about him. Guys need to feel appreciated and needed. Thats it. Pretty simple. Make sure to tell him when he arrives how happy you are that he came. You can say teasing stuff but telling the truth at same time. Like, "Well, I know I am going to have a really good time tonight because you made it." If he asks why that is, or you want to volunteer it, just say the truth. I enjoy your friendship and look forward to the times we spend talking.

Ask him to help you with something at work or at your party is better. Maybe have a jar that isn't opened yet of something you're setting out for snacks and ask him to help open it. If he's early enough, ask him if he wouldn't mind helping you set out snacks. Invent an issue that needs his help. Or even just mention a problem at home that needs fixing. "I just hate that dripping kitchen faucet. It drives me nuts. Wish I knew how to fix it on my own. You set up the opportunity for him to volunteer to help you without having to ask. Think along those lines and you'll come up with something. Be sure to praise his strength, skills or just his willingness to help.
Somewhere along the line, if not at the party but near future, pose this question in your own words, "We get along so well as friends from work, it makes me wonder if theres a chance for anything more than friendship. What do you think? I'd be willing to give it a try if you are."

You've just stated where you're both at and where you're willing to go but leaving it up to him as an indirect question, not to the point like 'would you like to date me."
This way if there's any reason why he can't do that, he'll say he doesnt think it would work as he's not attracted to you as anything more than a friend. Do not get your hopes up until he's shown an interest to date you, otherwise if he only likes you as a friend, you will have a hard time emotionally. Good luck

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My brother is getting serious about a woman who was recently divorced and I just saw on Facebook she still was in a 9 year marriage when they started dating 2 years ago. She and her ex had many young kids; this affair broke up their family. I asked if the ex husband did anything wrong and my brother said no, and the kids love and miss their dad and are clearly hurting.

Before I saw that on the timeline, I already butted in and said something about the fact that 67% of stepfamilies divorce and how our stepdad and mom were in the 33% who stayed married and it was even more miserable than if they had quit. I wanted him to be prepared for a difficult journey.

She does not seem equipped for difficulty. She's obsessed with romance and out of touch with reality. She claims to be deeply religious, as her ex husband was also, but my brother is agnostic. They've been dating long distance. She has no job or money and she dresses her kids in designer clothes. She encouraged me and my husband that having a second baby right after we had our son would be "easy because of [our] strong marriage." The newborn stage is never *easy*, and her expectation that it should be struck me as fairy tale nonsense. You can't expect your marriage to fulfill everything for you and not a single one of her choices seems rational. She just quit when she had stronger feelings for my brother.

I love my marriage, but I see the happiness I get as a gift, not something I'm entitled to every moment, and I think what I put into it is what matters more than what I get out. I don't like to spend time with someone who would quit so easily, because I want to surround myself with people who value commitment over horny teenage-style impulses. The kids are going to suffer further when they move to where they can't see their dad where my brother lives, and I've already voiced my opinion, so it's too late to keep it from being awkward. I know family events are going to be strained because she knows I judge her, and I don't know how to make things better for me because I can't see past them being selfish idiots who cause these kids so much pain.

I know how much it hurts to see a loved one making bad life decisions, ones harmful not just to themselves but actions that affect others.
I have a family member is such a position. All family have had their say to warn this person and this family member continues to make this very serious bad practice and choices and has now cut off communication with everyone. Changed phone numbers, moved and canceled any social networks they were on via computer. You can still talk to your brother, even if your advice/warning isn't being heeded. try to keep the communicatine lines open instead of saying too much and him cutting you off. You may feel thats meaning-less but not knowing at all if this family member is still alive is killing a part of all of us inside. All you can do is love him unconditionally and watch him make any and all of his mistakes and try to act the unjudgemental person, unbiased and loving no matter your choices. Asking if he's like your take on it or your advice is better than you giving it when he's not ready to hear it. Remember, even Jesus asked people if they truly wanted his help regarding healing. Yes, I am sure he had to as a person not open or willing to receive or even believe, even his powers could not help a person who was being resistant instead of open and wanting. I wouldn't say you are obsessive, you can't have a loving caring heart and not feel so emotionally tied up in knots. Now you have a sliver of knowing what our Creator must feel like, having given us each our own will and now watching so many make great errors, without waking up and seeing the errors of our way. Or those who continuously choose the wrong path on purpose for whatever reasons. All you are left with in this case is to pray. Pray for protection of all innocents involved and pray for God to eventually get through to your brother and change his decisions and mind. He may not know his change in behavior is due to Gods influence on him but he will eventually make changes. I used to be a religious extremist and my younger sister who prayed for me to see the light, was some I thought was wrong back then due to the viewpoints I had that I had chosen, Church views that labeled much of what she believed as evil, of the Devil, practices to be avoided. I was ignorant but eventually God did get through to me gently and in a way that I could accept and be open to. Now I have far surpassed my own sister in what she believes and am actually sharing with and teaching her of things she didn't know. I know its possible for a person to change but she had to wait for decades to see her prayers for me answered and of course there were the things along the way that weren't quite the best for me, my kids, etc.
You'll be tested for the greatest patience you've ever known that you have. Its not easy to want to give up. But I can tell you, I'm glad my sister didn't give up. Even if no one is praying for him, your brother has his angels and god working on him and its slow process you cant see right now and may not happen until some damage has been done.

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I'm a 16 y/o, homeschooled, Female from small town USA.

This will hold a lot of info, but I could use some advice.

Basically, I've never had an official 'boyfriend'. I had a guy I talked to and was somewhat 'with' in that regard, but it didn't last very long at all and didn't end the greatest either. Other than that(which was about 2 months or so ago), I had barely ever talked to a guy before (with the exception of my best friend Mia's boyfriends or some people from church that I barely know) never had a crush or anything. Let alone been romantically involved since I'm so shy and don't know many people.

Anyway, a little while after I stopped talking to the other guy, Mia, her boyfriend Dan and his bestfriend Chris(whom I'd met a few times over the last 6 months or so at the time), started to hang out a lot because Mia, Dan and I were on break from school(Chris is graduated). At first it was kinda awkward since the four of us would always squeeze into a 3 person truck and I'm so shy.

But after the second day of us all hanging out we were dropping Chris off and Mia and Dan asked me to give him a hug since he was upset earlier that day, I wouldn't at first but eventually I relented and got out of the truck, went up to him and gave him one.(since then I would/do hug him every time I see him.)

After that I slowly stopped being as shy and one night a few days later we went to see a movie and about halfway through he put his arm around me(after he texted Mia asking if he should because he was nervous, which I thought was adorable, since Mia takes the 'protective older sister' role in my life).

Then it was just plain friends having fun for a few days,(sometime in this he got my number and we would text all the time,and he told me he liked me and I told him I did too). Until around a week or so into this Mia and I got really drunk before seeing them. And while I don't remember much, I remember him having his arm around me and me holding his hand half asleep in Dans truck[which this is slightly unrelated but I also remember Mia having an extremely bad asthma attack and she didn't have a inhaler and Chris helped her and even gave her mouth-to-mouth until we got her one, which immediately made me respect him more]. Then we got to Dans house and after a while we ended up kissing. Nothing more than that though...(though I think it's pretty obvious I'm a virgin and don't plan on loosing it anytime soon) And after that we did one other time a day or so later and since then only maybe a peck on the lips here and there.

But we hung out a bit(never without Mia and Dan close by though, I'll explain why in a bit) and talked still after break was over, at least until I got grounded for two weeks(I got caught drinking, which yes I know I'm a dumbass). Then we stopped texting because my phone was taken away.

We'd snapchat at least a couple times a day though when I could, but I didn't get to see him until I wasn't grounded anymore. And I've notice, the last few weeks, we've been talking less and less, at least, compared to how we used to. We used to snapchat everyday, a lot of the time he'd message me first. But now we do maybe once every few days and I'm usually the only one initiating contact and even then it's just a "hey what's up?" "nothing much" "oh same" type of thing, or like 4 messages total. And haven't texted since I was grounded, which I don't mind not talking everyday, but since I'm so inexperienced with this stuff I keep thinking "what ifs" if you know what I mean. The few times I've seen him it's seemed normal, but it's usually brief and not too often(maybe once a week, if that). So I was hoping someone could help me with what I should do about that...should I keep trying to talk to him? Or just leave it and see if he talks to me? I don't want to bother him, or come off as annoying or anything but I also still want to talk to him...

I guess, I don't know and there are other issues about it though if I do still talk to him. Let's start with, he has gotten charged for sexual relations with a minor(which I don't know the full story but I know that it's more of a misunderstanding type thing, not rape or anything like that and Dan[whom I've known for years and know is a good guy, constantly says Chris is one of the best guys out there he just has had a shitty life]) So because of that I'm not allowed to be alone with him(let alone date him) So if I did, it'd have to be in secret. Which would be hard since my mom's been super suspicious of everything I do and hasn't let me leave as much since I got into trouble.

That along with a few other things(which aren't as serious) and the fact if him and I, or if Mia and Dan broke up it might cause a ton of drama. And with these issues I don't know if I should pursue a relationship with him(right now I don't know if it ever would get to that point) But I don't want to stop talking to him either. He is a really good guy and I do care for him, but I don't know what to do...any advice is greatly appreciated

I'm with Suzanne on the advice. It may be hard for you to see Chris as just one little fish in the pond and that you'll meet others. But you've got to remember that you've grown up with a pretty sheltered life being home schooled, in that you dont get to experience lots of things that kids who attend HS do. So you're not around many guys on a regular basis and that's enough fuel to get you to want to try first getting beyond your shyness and actually meeting guys so you have a chance for the right one to be interested in return. I can see that. But now Mom catching you drunk has enough reason to watch over you even more closely.
I can't say you wouldn't have taken this path if just a regular High schooler, but kids deprived in some way tend to go whole hog crazy and want a chance to experience everthing they missed so not knowing any cautions from having lived in that alternative type of teen life, they give no thought to if its a good decision or not and just go for whatever appeals to them at the moment. that is not the wisest thing to do.

I'll get to what you are asking in a moment. There is a drinking age set for a reason. Mom may have her own reason. But scientifically, its proven the frontal lobe of the brain doesnt become mature and done growing until age 25 and thats why in most cases one has to wait until 21 to drink. Drugs and alcohol can have effects on the finishing development of the brain and could seriously prevent it from maturing any further. Imagine being a forty yr old with the mentality of a teen. So Mom is right to watch you so close. If you add sneaking behind her back, she'll be hurt as shes trying to protect you as a parent who loved you but under the influence of alcohol, you increase your chances of really f@#king up your life.
Now as to what may be going on with Chris. My educated guess is that whether he really is guilty or not of sexual relations with a minor, he knows seriously what the consequences are were he to try, having experienced them already. It's more than just penis in vagina sex, as far as I've read. If what I have read is correct, anything of a sexual nature, that can lead up to intercourse is also prohibited, so kissing, and touching, mutual masturbation and blow jobs would all count as well. You can still be a virgin and the guy guilty of sexual 'contact' with you the minor.
Chris was likely just riding that intoxicating wave of New relationship energy, its addicting like a drug, it's an overly excited feeling about something new in your life, and pertains to people but also other things one has wanted so badly, toys etc...and once you've gotton so used to, the excitment and newness wears off eventually.
With Chris, he may have felt this addictive, energy and couldn't get enough of you. He knew he was in dangerousy territory to even kiss you. then with the forced break of Moms restrictions, he didn't get to see you enough to keep that energy level going. Time is what will tell if what a person fist felt was the real thing or just an emotional feeling (very drug like) which when it wears off, leave you with nothing. My guess is since things changed after your restrictions, one of two things occurred. He lost his initial interest when the excitement got a chance to die down. trust me hon as someone older who's gone thru this plenty, Even if two people are madly in love, what they feel when the energy dies down is kind of like a let down. The love and excitement you feel later feels some what like a let down compared to the Relating to something New energy. In fact, this is so addicting, this heightened feeling that some people end up dating only until the energy wears off and move on to a new person to get their next "Fix". If that wasn't what is keeping him away, then likely the fact that your mother watches over you this closely means he is more scared of what your mom might dig up on him and being that proactive in your life, could learn easily of what he is doing with you, his interet in you. A kiss is dangerous enough territory for him. So if he's a smart man, he'll avoid you. Problem is, he's not smart enough to communicate to you why he's staying away. If you want him to remain the good guy you say he is, then the most loving thing you could do is let him go for another 2 years until you turn 18, if you both discover you're still single and still interested, you can have an all nighter with him the day you turn 18. For you to insist on pursueing him if he has a true attraction and interest in you for you alone, not just sex, then to tempt him by constantly chasing him is unfair to him. You could ultimately be the reason he ends up spending time in jail. A previous conviction, even if false, is very condemning if he is found to have any sexual contact with you which in two years time until you turn 18, is a very great probability.
My opinion, is you shouldn't pursue a relationship with him. I know it sounds unfair, reason being that plenty of teens are having sex, but in lots of cases, they are both under 18 so there is no one 18 who can go to jail for having sex. Some states do have laws where an underage teen if parents take it to court, can face misdemeanor charges but not get a jail sentence.

Basically, you're in a very odd position of Mia and Dan being your closest if only friends and the fact that Chris hangs with them, means it would be hard to avoid him without avoiding the others. And I already know you won't consider not seeing any of your friends if you have no other social contact. So I guess you'll just have to be on best behavior and treat Chris only as a mutual friend and forgot the fact that there was a romantic attraction between you and do nothing to entice him. Let him decide what he needs to keep the boundaries on his end and honor them, even if it means less to no contact via chat, text, phone, or in person.

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My boyfriend of 3 months and I both decided to lose our virginity..were only teenagers but dont think that matters since we love each other. The only problem is that when we tried...it wouldn't go in..it was very embarrassing for me and I don't know why it didn't work..i wasn't nervous or anything and neither was he so I don't know why it didn't work out and would like some advice so that this doesn't happen next time..thanks

I understand wanting to have advice to avoid this happening again as it wouldn't be just embarrassing but real frustrating if this special way to show you love some one isn't working. I will give a few reasons why it might not work and all are physical related issues.
The woman doesn't have enough lubrication or his precum isn't enough to lubricate so it will slide in. You would think he could just force it in. I am getting older so that men I've been with before my husband were all experiencing occasional problems with erectile dysfunction. Same for my hubby now sometimes, so I understand wanting to avoid this again.
So I can tell you that as a seasoned experieenced sexual person, there can be days where lubrication is the issue however we are eventually able to overcome but just applying more than we originally did. If for some reason you don't produce enough liquid to lubricate, you're not odd, many women have that issue, even if fully aroused.

Along with dryness, add in the male being hard enough to look erect but not hard enough to slide in. I know its something that young men are not supposed to have a problem with but I have a feeling young people are too embarassed to say anything if it occurs with them. I hear of males who more and more often have zero sex drive. My husbands daughter for example told him she was running into nothing but guys who had no interest in sex what so ever, every single one. And she had a high healthy sex drive. Add to that more people being born with more variations of gender identification than ever existed in the past and scientists finding in some animal species, the latest being fish, a great number born with both sets of genetalia. This is a toxic world and its having its effect on us slowly.
So it IS entirely possible the male has an issue. I dont know, I wasn't there to see how hard he got, you really need as hard as a rock or stick, one reason it may be called a woody.
I know of a couple men who confessed at mid twenties to thirty admitting they had a problem and went to Dr. got their hormones checked and it was way too low so the solution is taking testosterone pills for rest of their life. I am going over this in detail as it is a possible realistic issue even tho it may not apply to you two.

Another issue, one I only learned of recently but there's plenty info on the net is the female having what's called a septate hymen. This means that the extra circle of membrane that usually surrounds the circumferance of the vagina, is a tough strip of membrane going down the center which now creates two much smaller openings. Enoug for period fluids to go in, maybe a tight squeese to get tampons in but a penis...no way, not unless it caused lots of discomfort and pain and he succeeded in tearing that membrane which most young girls who've written who had the same issue, he cant get in, it was a septate hymen. Seeing a gynecologist will fix that, they do a simple procedure of snipping that membrane away after local anesthesia. If parents don't know, you're sexually active and this is the issue, it is too awkward to bring up but you can go to a free womans clinic for help or check with Planned Parenthood. They will see teens and anything having to do with their reproductive health will remain confidentila, not even parents will know...thats the law.

As odd the possibility, these are the reasons why it wouldn't work. So have a heart to heart talk and discuss the issues I brought up to see if any applies to you two. hE may be visually able to look and see if you have a septate hymen. See photos on the net of what it looks like to be able to identify. If its not a physical issue on your part or his, then it will be a matter of experience, even if not scared or nervous. Honey, trust me, that for those who remain sexually active all their life into old age, you will find theres the possibility to continue to experience new things with your lover, not the basic functions but new ways your bodies react to each other. So give it time otherwise and your bodies will tune into each other and soon you should have success. It means pleasing each other in other ways if it not working for him to enter you. If neither of you have talked, get over your embarrassment and talk about it. It is vital in having a good sexual relationship to have the most excellent communication, your partner is not a mind reader so each must say, more or can you change and go slower, faster, harder, or that was good but lets try this, and show what you want. I have a feeling that if you can talk, that may end up the biggest thing to help you both thru it all.

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there is always ways of asking a lady without being direct being direct to a lady weather they are single or not gives them the power its like giving the store for free with this her action wether she's single tells me that she is bc on her action say if she is single you would know base on her action how you talk to them ladys have studied us since they were little there always a head of us they say women don't lie us guys we just don't listen which i do believe its true her action that when i talk to her everything tells me that she is a girl that isn't single she will tell without hurting your feeling with her nothing zero but that Facebook that she's in a relationship is there i google it it says its a complicated issue why they put it there

So your question is why does Google even put "In a relationship but it's complicated", well your guess is as good as mine. If logic can be applied to make an educated guess, I'd say that enough people asked Google to give them such an option.
Why do we even broadcast our own personal info to the public at general, is the better question perhaps. Maybe you could look at facebook as a gauge to tell where society on a whole is at and where we're likely headed. Not related to your question but just from observation, I see another trend as an older person who can remember how things used to be. People are becoming dumbed down in general. Even I make stupid mistakes in my spelling and when I proof read before sending my answers here, I catch errors but still not all. Its frustrating to a person who knows it didn't used to be this bad/ today, I catch big typo errors on bus billboards, on the net, in books and magazines. Proof readers are not catching it anymore. And thats a heck of a lot scarier than what a person lists for relationship status including their reason why. If you dont like that option being one on Google, why not complain to them? If enough people protest, they will make changes to please them, the majority gets the listening ear and the action.

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Im looking for suggestions on what to call someone special. I have my birth mother, we have always had a rocky relationship. I have another mother figure in my life whom I adore. I'm very close with her. I need a special name for her as I don't feel calling her by her first name is appropriate, but calling her mom doesn't do it for me. She is like a mom. But more special than that. Any suggestions on a special name to call her?

There is no higher calling than Mom unless you want to look at revered people like a princess or Queen, maybe Angel, or God but in this case Goddess.

There is such a thing as people having a parent figure in their life who is adopted by heart, as family to them. Not raised by or birth parent. Goes same if person is sibling age or such.

I have a gal whom I call by her first name half the time, and the other half I call her sis.

If Mom feels uncomfortable or inappropriate to you, may I suggest it might feel less awkward once it becomes a habit. I did so with my mother in law. So many call their by their first name as my ex did with my parents. I chose to call his Mom and Dad as a way to honor them for that status and within months it felt normal and I couldn't even dream of using their first names. Calling her mom I would say didn't do anything for me either at least in the beginning, but it sure did something for her. She had all boys and the others never married, so I was her only daughter of sorts.

I would suggest having this talk with the lady in question, letting her know how special she is to you and how you see her as a mother figure to you and care about her that way. You can't bring yourself to call her by her first name as in your case it feels inappropriate and you want to honor her for who she is to you. What would she feel if you were to call her Mom or another version of it.

Other choices are Mommy, Mother, Ma, Mama, Mum, Mumsy or any other such thing you can come up with. or a nickname based on something of her character. Maybe she's so sweet a personality you tell her you're thinking of calling her Angel. If she has a particular cultural origin, Japanese, French, German, use that work for Mom or Mother. Mine background is German, that word is Mutti, Mut said like Put and ti like tea. Just this convo with her will bestow the honor on her and touch her heart. You may want kleenex handy in case she cries.

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I work with this lady i am really interested on her but just that one thing thats keeping me away from her is that Facebook status it say in a relationship when i work with her her action doest indicate that she's in a relationship all the go signal that i can think of is there i know when your in a relationship you would know just base on her action i know ladys would mention it you would just know with her none body language everything a go signal one time i showed that one of the parts of my surfboard i surf you know one time i said one of the hostess wants to learn how to surf so then when i said that its like a beam of light came out of nowhere i don't know bc she was jealous or that i didn't ask her first or she just want to learn how to surf i don't know anyways she automaticly ask me to teach her how to surf then when she was walking away she then said your gonna take me how to surf i that point when i was talking to her she was loughing when i know its not even funny the other time is when i showed her a picture of my friends we were having a party she then goes wow!!!that look so fun she then goes why was i not invited!!!!all i buying signal right but that Frekken Facebook status what is that all about

If she gave you her Facebook address then its not like you're secretly doing any investigative work on her. Just tell her you noticed on her FB page that she was in a relationship. Ask about it. Maybe she recently broke up and forgot to change it.
You won't know until you ask.

Now if she didn't agree to take u on as a Facebook friend and you just looked up her name, found her page and the info wasn't restricted but open to public, then you might not want her to know you were checking up on her because some people can get pretty creeped out by that.
To ask your question, you'd have to make up a story as to how you came across her page. Perhaps looking to see if you could find all the kids from a group you hung out with in high school and the girl has same first name as her and same first two letters of last name and in going through list you saw her profile and looked at it. You saw she was in a relationship but had no idea as she doesnt speak of a boyfriend.
Then wait a moment as if the thought just came to you. 'In fact, this makes me wonder why you have wanted to be invited and didn't mention a boyfriend to bring along. Are you really in a relationship?

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Ok I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 years now but we constantly fight and barely get along anymore. I feel like we both have changed and don't know what to do. I recently moved out because I'm tired of the fighting. I love him but I can't handle the fighting anymore. Do I let go of the relationship after 4 years or do I stay in the relationship and try to work it out one more time? I am 20 years old and female and the guy I have been dating as been my high school crush.

I can't make that decision for you but hopefully can share some things that help you make the decision to stay or go.

First, I am not sure I interpret your statement correctly: quoting "I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 years now but we constantly fight and barely get along anymore."
This could be interpreted a couple ways.
1. That in the past you didn't fight and got along and the fighting is only a recent change.

2. That the two of you have fought from the beginning, all 4 years but at least still got along despite that, and only recently are not getting along.

If it's number one, something may have changed or occured in either his or your life that causes you to feel stressed and when stressed, a person isn't able to really 'be there' in the relationship. In a really good strong relationship, when this happens, usually one is weak at the moment and the other is feeling strong and both take turns in life holding the other up, cheering them up and we want to turn to our mate for comfort instead of using them as our dumping ground for our stresses as people often do. So either, there needs to be changes to get rid of whatever is causing the stress, or both of you learning how not to attack the other.

It takes two to have a fight. One can throw their fit but if the other doesnt respond to add fuel to the fire, it doesnt go far. However if it has become a daily thing, it may be more than stress but the onset of mental illness for one thing. And that, you can't win a battle against and I would advise not being in relationship with someone who has mental illness. I was married 30 yrs to someone undiagnosed until the end but by then the damage had been done and I left him. He's still getting worse and can't hold onto a girlfriend due to his behavior. Don't leave due to assumptions of such a thing, only if he does have mental illness.

2. If the both of you have fought from the beginning, I don't mean to be mean, just a reality here...either both of you are just a bit too immature yet mentally to handle a relationship as best as is needed, or the two of you just are wrong for each other.
I mean no slur against you, if immaturity I am talking of scientific proof that the frontal lobe of the brain isn't done maturing to its adult state until we hit our mid 20's for most or even later for some. Every human goes thru this. Without a completely mature mind, one can not easily handle their own life and decisions well let alone interacting with another human in the best manner. So this may be the issue. Only you would know deep down if this is the case. Time may change that but its at least 5 yrs or more before both of you get there and many relationships people have before their mid to late twenties are doomed over this one issue and though damages in some case can be undone by use of counseling for couples, often the damage is bad enough that each person needs to start over with someone else. Yes, you can love someone who isn't right for you. I was there, so I know. But in the time, I had to think about the toll it had taken on my physical health, the stress of it and knew I was shortening my life by continueing to stay with my ex, so I left. I actually had a day vision from God, that if I didn't leave him, I'd be dead from the stress by 4 years from then. I left but not after trying counseling only to find out the extent of his mental illness.

Its really up to you to look at this closely and have a good talk with him. Is he the one you want to grow old with together and have children with. Would he make a good father or even want to be one? Having a list of deal breakers for a relationship is a must. I made such a list when searching for a 2nd mate. A deal breaker is something that you must have in the partner or if he doesn't fit the bill, you don't consider a relationship with him or continueing one with him. If you have lets say 6 items on your list of must haves and he doesn't meet one or two, well it won't be perfect but you can make it work. If he doesn't meet 3 or 4, it will be rocky but with determine from both, you can make it work but may be miserable more often than happy. If he doesn't
meet 5 or 6 or your 'must have' deal breakers, then he's totally wrong for you.

Hope this is helpful in you making a decision.

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I've been trying to get somewhere in life. I come from a poor family and it always made me feel jealous seeing all my friends happy with what their parents can give them. It never bothered me at first, my parents always gave us what we needed, we were happy no matter the circumstances, but I've seen where I want to be in life, I don't want to worry like my parents do, I want to be financially happy, I want to show off with what I've done with my life, but it isn't easy, it is quite hard to get somewhere here in South Africa, things have been getting harder and harder since I graduated from school. Any advice on what to do or how I can change the situation that I'm in?

Looks like no one answered you so I will give a response but I have no real answers. Even here in the US, the middle class in wealth has almost disappeared. I used to be in it and know what it feels like. Now there's only the wealthy and the poor. I fall into the poor bracket. If I allowed my circumstances to have direct impact on how I feel, then I would be miserable. As it stands currently, I write to you from a library, using their internet on my 6 yr old computer that hubby keeps having to fix. We lived in an apt but lost it when hubby who was the only one working broke his leg before Christmas in December and is still healing and unable to work so we live out of our van. Have the government food stamps and health care but must scrounge for money for other needs that food stamps dont cover. I am still the most cheerful, humorous, laughing upbeat person you could ever meet, and the reason is, I know we are doing our best. there is no way to avoid this and I am determined to not let my circumstances dictate how I feel. Now I realize that perhaps, I still may have way more than you have in wealth being where you live, but the culture shock of difference in my living conditions is merely another challenge in life that living on this planet throws at us. Life was never meant to be easy, it is more often harsh, cruel, unfair and roadblocks keep showing up in our path. But remember that the most precious jewel on earth, the diamond is formed by forces in the earth more extreme than any other jewel, and so, like the diamond, we are being forced by lifes harsh unfair realities to have a choice to become shaped into a jewel of a person or crushed instead. I choose to become a jewel. How about you?

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I have really bad anxiety. I self harm partly because of it. My mom is thinking about homeschooling me or doing half days. Do you think this is a good idea?

I'm with Suzanne, homeschooling won't make you better. It enables you to continue to hide.
What you did not say was that you wanted to learn how to get rid of your anxiety and ask us how.

Just in case that also is a question on your mind, I again have to agree, Suzanne shared some good ideas.
Before I go on, in some cases, anxiety is merely a person's mind needing to be retrained to do more positive thinking. And its more bad habits than a chemical deficiency in your bodys makeup, in your brain. There are medications for anxiety today that work well for many. However, if it's not a life threatening immediate issues, I am always one for trying first other ways to solve an issue on my own before running to the doctor. However if you give it a shot and try what was suggested here and it doesnt work, you may need counseling from someone to help diagnos if its a cognitive disorder than counseling can help you break in cognitive behavioral therapy or whether you'll need to be on medication. It's not just a teen thing. I know of a few adults who are on anxiety medicine.

So, along the lines of self help first, and retraining your brain, every time an anxious negative thought comes into your mind, I want you to acknowledge it but tell yourself that since you are not a psychic that see's the future, your thoughts are not something to worry about in the future, immediate or not, and replace it with a positive thought, something that makes you happy, maybe imagining yourself on a trip to Hawaii, or whatever works for you. At first, you'll be astounded at how often these negative anxious thoughts come. I had some therapy after leaving an abusive husband. Verbal abuse. So my thinking was pretty convoluted and needed some straightening out and this is what I was taught, to capture each negative thought. Man was it exhausting. At first, you'll find that you have negative thoughts return at a rate of about two per minute. Yep...that extreme and yet you don't realize it's that extreme until you start taking a count. Then maybe you can go 5 minutes without a negative thought and boom it sneaks in again. But the end of a day, I was mentally exhausted from doing this and it was a drag to greet each new day, knowing i'd have to face more of the same exhausting mind work. But it does pay off dear if you are someone who doesn't actually require Drs diagnosis and prescription.
After a couple weeks I could look back and see I had made progress, I was faster to recognize the presence of a negative thought instead of getting tricked into dwelling on it. I had to get better or this was going to affect any future relationship and in the end, ultimately my life. I am sure you feel the same.

Along the lines of saying personal mantras, I have a link to share, while not quite speaking mantra's it does help you learn to speak to yourself positively and it is called tapping. You may want to give it a try and see if it helps you. I have a favorite guy on line who does this. I'll give a link to his youtube blog and you can watch any of the videos you think might apply, repeat the tapping actions of your body which may seem silly but I swear it works. and repeat the things he says. First is an instructional:
http://www.bradyates.net/eft.html

And here is his youtube page. Try the first listed video that plays and then try more. Even tho I am in a great 2nd marriage, life has stresses and we all still make mistakes or judgement errors and that stress all adds up. I still like to use these at times. But in the beginning, use it daily if not twice a day, first thing in morning and again before going to bed. In fact, Brad Yates has one specifically for morning and evening. Here's that link:
https://www.youtube.com/user/eftwizard

Lastly, how long is enough time to break a bad habit if this is all you're dealing with? It took me a good 2 months of daily steady work at it before my new habit become the new automatic response and yet some places say it can be 21 days as in this link:
http://www.appforhealth.com/2014/01/long-to-form-new-habit/

If after giving this all some time to work, 2 months for sure, and you have no difference in your level of anxiety, then talk to the parents about taking you to see the doctor.Good luck dear...and stick with it. The results are worth it

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I'm obsessed with these two girls Jasmyn and Jasmine kinda hard to choose Jasmyn is kind, loving, good to talk to and loves me like a brother. Jasmine is wild, nice to talk to, I drool over her and she's no angel.im 13 and stuck.im also scared of being denied,because what if the word gets out the she denied me and I'm left in internal sorrow 💔 and won't take the chance to ask someone else. I need a girls advice to tell me what a girl wants and how to ask. Boys tell me how to man up. Plz and thnx!!!

What does a girl want?
Young girls starting out dating may not be too sure yet of what they want but they will sure have an idea of what they don't want. And this is the same for females of any age.
A girl wants a guy to find her attractive and be drawn to her by it, but only to want to learn more about her and become her best friend at first rather than only coming after her to convince her to have sex. A girl doesn't usually think in terms of lust as a boy does but wanting love instead and a female won't feel loved until someone is treating her like their very best friend. Think of what a best friend is like to you, yeah, a guy. Guys have the same basic needs in a best friend as girls do. They are there for each other, encourage each other, support their dreams, tease and laugh together, enjoy doing some things they have in common together, have long conversations about anything and everything. They get to know you really well inside and out so by a glance at your face can tell if you're upset about something or not feeling well even if you're trying to hide it. I could say more but I'm sure you get the picture. A girl wants all that from a guy,and yes, people can have more than one best friend, so she can have a girlfriend best friend and a boyfriend best friend. So whats the difference between her having girlfriends and a boyfriend who is a best friend? Well, when the hormones of puberty hit, boys and girls are hit with hormones that make them aware of the opposite sex in a totally different way. Instead of 'yuck' its a yearning to be noticed and cared about by the other, spend time with, and to become very very special to them. You discover they like some different things, have a different way of thinking and saying, have many things a guy might consider girly but are important to her but need him to acknowledge what is important to her so you would bring up those subjects in conversation.
Both of course will feel things not felt before, nervousness about making a good impression on the other, feeling crushed if the other isn't interested in return, feeling an excitement and maybe a sizzling awareness of their nearness and wanting to find reasons to stand near, sit by and touch them in innocent ways until the point when if two really match well, they want to hold hands and kiss. And then comes the romance part of what is the big main difference between two heterosexual people. If two boys or two girls, they'd feel this way about the same sex.

The problem with any LDRs, long distance relationships via computer, is that a relationship will always be lopsided, there being only the ability to work on the emotional part of it, not the romantic part of it. Saying I love you on computer is not as rewarding to people as having the flesh and blood person standing before them in real life. Nothing via computer can compare. There are many games that have use of avatars to live a cyber life or second life as one such sim is called. Adults are in this as much as kids or teens and the sims depend on the age but still, I know of adults who get so emotionally wrapped up in whats going on in the sim that they react in the same way as if it is happening to them in real life. I know an eldery woman who sang in clubs in a sim, and one day her avi was being stalked by another, a male avi who followed her from place to place and she was actually in real life very terrified and called me over because she couldn't shake her fear, it was that extreme.
You need to understand something about psychology and the human mind to understand whats happening in sim or in LDR's. All our emotions live in our subconscious mind. Think of a movie you and family members have watched. A female might cry at sad parts, both will laugh at funny ones and you can get really pissed with someone who is portrayed as a mean character and want to punch their lights out....guess what?! Your emotions just got sucked into and involved with the movie the same way you react to real situations in your life. Your conscious mind knows it's just some silly movie but your subconscious mind doesn't. To it, this is for real and therefore your emotions feel REAL and we can get tricked into believing we have something that in fact does not exist. The best scenerio is a person who uses the pc as merely a tool to learn of the others existance and then start hanging out in real life,
because our minds are going to begin to try to fill in the missing pieces of things you can't really know or have with an LDR. I used internet dating to meet with guys and found my second husband that way, and I know what I am talking about from experience so this isn't any crap I am throwing at you just to burst your bubble for fun.
I got pretty involved in chatting with guys for a week on line and in just that short time I'd already found my emotions hooked, thinking that finally I've met the right guy, he sounded wonderful and I already loved lots of things about the person I chatted with online or even by phone with. Then we met and it all feel apart. I won't go into all the reasons but if interested you can write to my column and ask me from there and referance a bit of this convo so I remember who you are. So trust me, that LDR's are great short term, used as a tool to find someone and then start an in-person relationship with them.

Right now, you're at an age when it IS very important to learn how to talk to girls and relate to them, learn what their minds are like, etc. all the emotional parts of a friendship. And as long as you don't place too high hopes on it and believe you can have a 'real' relationship with someone, you'll be fine. Remember, emotions can lead you astray here. It is very likely that what you say you feel is love, is in fact a kind of love. A first love but it is not one you can fully experience. Use the net to learn how to talk to girls.
You want to know how to ask a girl as you stated "tell me what a girl wants and how to ask"

I've told you want a girl wants and it is something that an internet relationship can't deliver all of it. If you mean how to ask her what she wants, why ask me then? Just ask her. If you meant, how do I ask her to be my girlfriend, just ask, but remember, she is female and a friend so she is a girl friend but a girlfriend one goes out on dates with and such, it likely wont ever happen. You can ask her though. Will you be my girlfriend on line? At some point in life, when a guy in her immediate life, at school or where ever, meets her and catches her eye and attention, she will be tempted to have a real relationship with him, no matter how much she cares about you as her internet friend or boyfriend. The same would go for you. An in person relationship has more pull on a person than an internet one and the love in an internet relationship will only help so far and then it all falls apart when someone in real life comes along. I hope this helps you understand your situation better.
Perhaps your situation is more of having a fear of being rejected by a girl and so you'd have to submit a question again that asks only that if you wish to know what to do about that


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Girl, Year7

So my bestfriend (lets call her A) isnt in the same class as me since 6th grade. In 6th grade, A and i werent as close but because i have other friends in my class its not very bad for me., one of my bestfriend in class in C. A and i still talk back then but not as close as now. So anyways, this year started to get worse. A was more social with C and i have a feeling shes trying to replace me but i kept telling myself no, shes just trying to have more friends becasue she said she was gonna ask to change to my class next year. I also wanted her to be in my class, so that it would be easier for our friendship, but im also afraid she'll steal most of my classmates.

All that brings to today. She told be that she was gonna write an email to he teacher saying that its unfair and she wants to change to my class. I reminded her to say "want to be in the same class in me" so that the teachers won't switch me to her class so she can come to my class. If they really did that, I would be so sad since I dont know much people in her existing class now. So the problem is that, im afraid the teachers would forget and swap me and her, ends up with A in the better class while I'll have to make new friends again, and lose touch with all the cool friends i have now in my class. Should I also send an email to my teacher saying that I want to be in the same class with A so that at least we wont be separated?
Part of me doesnt want her to come. Well i think 70% of me want A to stay in her own class. Im just really stressed out to think that I might be swapped to another class while A can steal friends in my class. Really hurts my heart xd thanks

By year 7, I assume you mean 7th grade level in school which would mean middle school, the schooling just before high school. Since you used a different term, i will assume that you don't live in the U.S. where as far as I know, most middle schools are set up like high school where the kids have to move from class to class during the day and have more than one teacher. My kids all had several classes and so, several teachers during middle schools as a way to prepare them for H.S.
If you meant that you are 7 years of age, thats 1st or 2nd grade depending on when you started school and the same things I say now apply.

If you are in just one class, one teacher the entire day, I can see missing your friend A and missing the time seeing her. However, in class when one should be paying attention, learning and studying, just sitting next to a friend but not being able to talk and visit and do stuff together is not the best way to spend time with a friend. In fact, if that's the only time you see her, that is not much of a friendship at all, no time to actually work on just hanging out together as friends. Just because you know her and her presence is in the same room, is a poor substitute for a relationship and I wouldn't call it one at all. If you only ever see her at school and never spend time together at lunch or after school or on weekends, in my eyes, that is NOT a friendship, she's just an aquaintence at school, a person you know. My solution to your situation is for you to find time to spend with your friend outside of school. It is possible even if you don't live all that close, the parents can take turns driving you over on weekends and you can chat via phone or computer during the week.

I will tell you now that school staff usually do not move children around to other classes for a good reason. Kids in 7th grade are still a bit insecure and have a great need to feel they belong and are liked and have friends and in their minds this takes a higher importance than anything. Whereas teachers highest goal is that you learn the subject well and pass with high grades and from history, having your friend in a class didn't factor in to a kid getting higher grades. And so they will not see this as an issue to make a change. What if there are 30 kids in each class and ten in yours including you wanting to go to the other class? If the school officials allowed it, one teacher would have it easy with just 20 kids while the other is burdened with 40.

Lastly, I would like to get across the message that you fear stealing of friends. Unless she is your slave and you "own" her, she can't be stolen from you. People and 'friends' are not property and therefore you have no claim to owning them. I understand your fear and why you used that word, but hon, the more you think that word, write it and say it, your sub conscious mind hears it and thinks this is terrible and wants to change it so you're happy again. But this is real life, and life doesnt always go the way we want and if you don't learn that now, you will be miserable until you do learn it in your teen years or as an adult. If plan A in your mind is the "Only" way things can pan out in your life, you're setting yourself up mentally for a very miserable life. You need to come up with a plan B for things like this that in most cases can't be changed.
I say, learn to enjoy the friends you've made in class the little you can. And spend time with A outside of class. Yeah, you have to work harder to be a friend and see A now, but guess what, most adults do not work with their best friends and so don't see them during the day either and have to see them in the evenings, after work or on the weekends, or chat on phone, text, skype, just as I am suggesting to you.
Good Luck.

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There is this boy at my school who is a heartless son of a gun. He makes fun of kids because he is spoiled to the core. I go to the boys and girls club after school and some homeless kids go there and he makes fun of them or other people just because the don't have nikes or Jordan's. When ever he bullies someone I stop it then he wants me to laugh with him and i tell him it's not right but he says "I don't give a f---." And moves on. He also bullies me he calls me gay he punches me puts me in submission holds and the teachers do nothing in sick of it please tell me what I should do. I literally had dreams of killing him tell me what to do.one more thing in in 8th grade and going in to high school a different one than him but I want him to learn a lesson before I leave

I assume the club is connected to your school, if not, you have 2 different authorities to complain to. For any mistreatment at school, you need to go to the principal. Until they have a pattern of complaints filed, or they catch him doing it, its just one persons word for the other. However when several different kids abused by him bring up the same issue, action will be taken. You can make a start.
Here's the grounds you have for legally complaining. The verbal taunts and such are definitely 'bullying' which from what i've heard thru media, most schools no longer tolerate.
However this kid takess it further with 'physical assault which in the eyes of the law (police and courts) not school rules, is an offense he can be held responsible for and will go on a record of him. If you see him bully others or punch or grab them, its not okay so talk to them and tell them you'll go with them as a witness to file a complaint in the office.

The big problem is, sometimes adults don't listen to children when they complain as you've found out with teachers who witness this. Basically, they have no clue. And school staff and board are very afraid of pissing off parents, probably even his and so they do nothing. But getting your parents involved is critical if you want to get somewhere, and the parents of the other kids too. Don't think you can't head up a big change like this, people are always looking for someone else to follow, someone else who had a plan and will lead and take charge to get the ball rolling. End result is this kid may end up expelled from school which wont teach him a lesson. He's beyond that and only a medical proffessional can really begin to help him. But you and others would be free of his menacing presense and that is a good goal to work towards.

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MY best friend is very rude to me. At school he mocks me. And he gangs up on me with other people. His brother and Mother think he is a metally sick. When I went over to his house to hang out he was very angry at me. I brought him on trips before and he hates them and is rude on them. Back at school I am nice to him and he yells at me. He also thinks he is better than me. He also gets anything he wants. He is a spoiled brat. He fights with me a lot.

If this guy is your best friend, and treats you that badly, I'd hate to see what your enemy looks like cus just the description you gave of him has no qualities what so ever that resemble those of a best friend.
I am guessing more that you have an underlying passion to be of help to people and look out for the underdog, so that you've chosen to be a friend to him in hopes that helps him but he is still not figuring out how to be a friend in return. If he is mentall ill, he needs to be seen and diagnosed by a professional and put on medication if that is so. Just having an opinion that he might be such, isnt going to help him. So basically, untreated, you can only expect more of the same from him in the future.
The danger to you if you subconsciously just tend to 'be of service' is forgetting about seeing your own needs met and putting all energy towards helping those that can't give anything back.
If yu want to continue to work with this guy, do so, but know that you still have needs for a real best friend as well and you might keep your eyes open for one, where both of you are giving and really there for each other. This helps you stay re-fueled energy wise and able to handle dealing with a rude friend. Doing otherwise means you end up drained and burnt out and probably why you wrote in here in the first place. Its fine to help this guy and be a friendly support to him, but he is not acting the best friend.
Just because you find a mouse in a cookie jar, he doesnt get to be called a cookie, he's a mouse.
Same with the one you've given the label of best friend. The label won't make him automatically act the part of a best friend.

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We're both boys, age 14. Both of us are straight

We act like we're not bestfriends. Everytime we take a bus, I sleep on his shoulder. Everytime we sleep together we hug each other tightly. We also habittualy say I love you, but most of all, we kiss. I've no idea why we do it. I'm not disturbed by this at all, its fine with me, but it just sounds pretty wrong? When I do it, I feel like the trust between us increases and it feels really good. We both like it and we both understand that it's not a boyfriend kiss.

Do you think it's weird?

And Im really sure we're straight, not bi, but if we're going to end up together, I wont mind, he's fun to be with

At your age, you may know in your heart you are not bisexual, but through life experiences, if you do end up finding one male love but otherwise only prefer girls, thats fine. I've known bi sexual woman who prefered only women and thought they were gay until just one right man came along and they married and the husband knew she loved women and he was okay with that.
So it can really end up in any combination.
Also, I have learned in life that theres two kinds of needs people get fulfilled from a partner, the emotional needs, the kind you get from a best friend, and the sexual ones one gets from a lover. Too many find only one or the other in who they marry. Some find the one need taken care of by one person, and the other by another. It would seem the love you feel and connection you both have is more the emotional one. Not many people can understand this, mainly cus its different from the majority of what they've seen and known in their live and people still do become critical of anyone different from themselves, out of the bounds of what they consider their personal norms.

So yu dont have to worry or feel guilty for doing something wrong. In America, its odd for men to kiss while in other countries its still a traditional way to greet others, with a kiss on each cheek or the quick peck on the lips. there's more stigma with men kissing in America tho we are slowly making progress towards educating the public that there is nothing wrong with a person having a different sexuality or gender ID from the majority. Different doesnt make something abnormal, just different.
So hate to burst your bubble but I wouldn't consider you and he kissing to be naughty. It still gets me how some people still consider Naughty any sexual thing between two consenting adults. Naughty nows means "something forbidden" in society when used, but when I grew up, naughty still meant that you were bad, had disobeyed or broken the rules the parents laid out for you. You are not bad, disobeying or breaking any written rule I know of.

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so my cousin blake was adopted and we really like each other and he asked me out I don't know what to do he is really sweet and he cares for mw and I care for him he is always there for me when I need a person and once he kissed me and the sparks flew. What do I do I really like him is it wrong?
I am female 13 I am from America

No there's nothing wrong with him being your adopted cousin and it things work out to date...thats fine.
It might twist some family members brains around but nothing ethically wrong.

Heres an explanation as to why some people will say it's wrong. Long ago in ancient past, people married into closely related family and with todays studies, the concern is the possibility of medical problems due to inbreeding in children from two related by blood and genes people.
Why inbreeding is an issue:
We do inbreeding all the time to have show dogs, pedigree animals and it is all us humans inbreeding animals to get hopefully the best of their traits and markings. Unfortunately, that practice also brings out the worst of the flaws in the children. As a result, the dogs of today in some cases no longer resemble their breed 0f 30 years ago. And the expensive breeds of today all have tendencies to physical problems that come with inbreeding. Soo, long story short, thats the major concern. They've figured its safe enough for 2nd cousins to have children together and not likely have problems.

In your case, he's not blood related at all, so you're fine. It's not like you're going to be marrying tomorrow anyhow and that gives relatives some time to get used to the idea if this relationship is one that lasts into the future.

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My sister and I, as siblings, we normally fight, then earlier I joked around with my sis by squeezing her cheeks then running away, then she chased after me and she hit me with her book. My mom caught us and she scolded us, telling us not to fight. Then my dad came in and suddenly shouted at us. It was a series of insults from bad to horrible. He called us stupid and shouted at us. He asked me if what i did was on purpose and I nervously replied yes, then he hit me with a wooden plank over and over again, and my sister. It's not the physical pain that really laid an impact, it was the fact that he was capable of doing such things caused by such a small reason. Im only 14, my sis is 10.

The statement that most struck me was this, "People like you should be murdered! Even if you were God, I'd kill you!" He's a faithful Christian who attends church every Sunday.

If it would help, my dad's also jobless and only helps at chores at home.

I feel so unsafe right now, I cant even sleep... Please help...

I used to be married to a man who was like that, making similar threats to our kids and yet they were good kids and he was a supposed Christian. We attended and were very active in Church regularly. He tended to verbally abuse me every day and it didnt change if he lost his job which happened several times, or whether he was employed so it really depends on whether he's always been like this or only now since loss of job. talk to Mom and let her know how you feel Dads treatment of you and sis is extreme and the words he uses are also, more like verbal abuse with a threat of harm. If Mom is too afraid or doesnt want to rock the boat, you'll have to reach out to your Pastor and talk to him and ask him to talk to your Dad. If things dont improve with that, mention this to school counselors. The world watches closely now for how parents discipline their kids and if its extreme like this, the authorities will get involved. Your Dad needs help and counseling likely for whatever reason is behind all this, even if just the jobless situation but he needs as an adult to have self control even is major stressed. People can't use the excuse of stress for mugging an old lady on the street, or hitting their children. And yes, there are people who attend church who can have major issues like mental illness. We discovered that later with my ex. He has mental illness. Don't worry about him being in 'trouble'. This step of you reaching out for help is important, first giving mom a chance to take action and then talking to a pastor or school counselor. Kids are afraid to tell on parents becuase they love them still and don't want them to go to jail. Jail is the last possible extreme case scenerio when all else has failed. Your saying something to other adults and asking for help is a fist step to Dads situation and whatever his needs are to be made known so that he can get the help he needs to become less stressed, learn better ways to handle frustration and anger and he will never get that if you remain silent. You should not have to live in fear. CPS does want to help protect child if a parent doesnt treat them right. I even had some unknown relative hear something my two year old babbled about and misunderstood it to mean she was abused in some way and called CPS. They paid us a surprise visit to check on us. They have to actually catch witnessing a bad situation in order to so something. SO if you're badly bruised from this beating, some else needs to see this, so either show it to the school nurse in a photo or ask about how to go about giving them proof of the beating you got. I always disciplined my children but if sent to their room and repeatly came out no matter how many more restrictions I gave and they didnt care, sometimes, it took a spank with the hand as a last resort to get their attention. And I'd slap my thigh several times to get the intensity right, enough to sting before transfering the hand to a slap on their behind. So they knew what was coming when they saw me begin slapping myself about 4 times to get it consistent and put the same energy into what i delivered to them. It always worked and they knew I meant business but they never now as adults feel that was abusive. What they still complain about was their fathers verbal abuse. I wouldn't allow him to discipline at all because I didnt trust him to not get out of control, I would have called police if he raised a hand to them or me. I was a young mom and didn't understand then that verbal abuse is just as serious as physical abuse. You got both. And Dad needs help from other adults. So the best thing you can do out of love for him is to do whatever it takes to restore your relationship with Dadd so you no longer fear him and he gets the help and counseling he needs.

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What do you do when your dad, who is a crazy, ridiculous control freak tries to dictate who you marry? My dad is insane (I know that's disrespectful to say about your dad and I'm sorry), but he just doesn't want me to be able to run my own life. I've looked up the signs of an overly controlling parent on the internet and he has almost all of them.

I'm an adult (I'm 27) and he tries to control what I eat, what kind of car I drive, who I have as my friends, where and when I go to church, and other such things. Most irritatingly, he tried to control where I went to college, what classes I took, when I moved out of his and my mom's house, and what career path I chose. When I refuse to do as he says, he can have a giant fit and gets C-R-A-Z-Y. He makes me feel smothered and it's extremely unpleasant to be around him.

Now, what would you do if you had a father like this? What would you do if your boyfriend, who you love more than life, asked your father for your hand in marriage and your dad said no. He honestly believes he can stop me from marrying who I want to and I'm afraid of what will happen to our relationship when I go against his wishes.

If your dad just hated your boyfriend and insists that you two won't get married and knows you two are planning to get married against his will. He's threatened to put a stop to it, which he can't, but it's annoying that he thinks he can. It's also scary because he's the kind of guy who'd pull something like ruin the wedding IF he showed up at all. What would you do?

Is there a Mom? What does she have to say of his behavior? There's so much you said but I still dont know. Has he been this way the entire time of raising you or did it change when you became a teen and starting dating or when you became an adult. Do you still live at home with parents? Some people have a mental illness that causes them to be that way and you can not ever expect them to act differently Ever, unless they were diagnosed and got proper treatment. Others are just plain mean, and bitter people who enjoy making others miserable.
If this is the case, he will continue to treat you this way only if it works. Its like when growing up, the kids who tease and taunt you only continue to do so if they get the wanted response, your tears. With him, he must be still getting something out of it, he can sense or smell your fear of him maybe and thats enough reward to keep doing so, or somewhere in the past you've caved in to him too many times that you
have only enabled him to continue treating you this way because of the pay off. We cant choose our parents and we can get ones who are very flawed like this. The problem with an adult child taking control of a situation like this and taking the 'parenting role ' when the parent is unreasonable or even just elderly, is that it feels awkward, almost wrong for the child to have to be the "Adult" and tell the parent hows its going to be and set down the guidelines. But it has to be done dear, and it may sound harsh to you and ridiculous to an insult for him, but this is part of what being an adult is, having to handle sticky situations in relating to other people in your life, even a parent. I'm sure you want his approval but since thats not going to happen, you can ask for his respect or just stop associating with him.
It was a nice gesture for your intended fiancee to ask for your Fathers permission as a formality but in todays world, as you know, its just a formal cultural thing people do and real permission or ones blessing is not necessary. You want a husband though who will now have the same role you do, caring for each other to the point yu do whatever is needed to make sure your mate is happy. And if your Dad in the future mistreats you, your husband will need to stand up to him with you and also let him know that he doesnt appreciate Dad treating his wife like this and is he persists, then he's not welcome to see you or call or anything. Right now, thats what you need to do yourself. Set the boundary and if he crosses it as bratty children will do, there needs to be a consequence as parent usually have, like go to your room, no TV no dessert. You can't discipline Dad but you d have control of your life unless you give it to Dad. So take control and choose to not talk to him or be around him. If some day he has a a change of heart and wants to see you, give him a chance. people can change tho often dont. If he is a changed man, let him back into yuor life.
So if I were you, I'd go ahead with the wedding plans. If you want to take the chance of having Dad walk you down the aisle, ask him if he'd like to do that. If he says no, ask someone else you respect to do so, maybe another fatherly figure, an uncle, grandpa or even your father in law to be. Let Dad know that you will not have him ruining your wedding by being anything other than pleasant and smiling at your wedding. Let him know that the moment you or anyone else hear a derogatory comment or snide remark come from him that you have an emergency step in person to walk you down the aisle and have appointed two strong men to physically remove him from the church and call police if he doesn't leave the vicinity of the church. If he yells and curses from outside the church, it could still be disruptive to those inside. This is your ultimatum, much needed and you need to be prepared to carry through on it. If you don't then you are still setting the pattern of "I can mistreat and try to controll my daughter and never have to face consequences for it." And you dont want that to continue. When you have children, He can see the grandchildren only if you or hubby are there to monitor the situation and make sure he doesnt mistreat them verbally. The moment you dont approve of his behaviour or comments toward a child, it's time to tell him to leave or you leave depending where you are. Always have those ultimatums for him in each situation where you come face to face, birthdays, holidays, other family gatherings.
If Christmas is at parents home and he acts up, you'll be torn between wanting to enjoy the presense of everyone else and you'd be tempted to put up with controliing talk and then stay just that once. Unfortunately, to Dad, it will show him he has control if Holidays are at his house cus you can't ask him to leave his own house. So you have to be smart for the rest of your life and think it out, every gathering he's invited to, if at all, and make sure some Christmas's are held at your house where you can ask him to leave and if he doesn't, call police to remove him. Sounds extreme? Yeah, but if any other neighbor came to your house and began acting up and ruining the party for you and others, you'd ask them to leave and if they didn't, call the police to make them leave. Sorry you have to think every little detail out like this but I have past experience in my life with family like this so I know what must be done.



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My mom was making some food for our pet and she poked a hole in the cup, she told me to throw it away so I did. She then starts screaming at me that I put it in the wrong trash can. I said how was I supposed to know. She then started screaming at me about how I never do things. I really can't take it anymore. She really embarrasses me to because we have a screen door and everybody could here us that was outside. She always does this, and it's starting to get ridiculous. Please help, I really don't know what to do.

Advice man is right. We dont know enough to know if shes always been verbally abusive, and thats who she is or if this is due t some recent change in her life, stress at work, loss of a mate, etc, or a change in or new medication with a side effect of becoming irritable.

In the long run, either if she's been like this all along and its just more obvious now, verbal abuse is a serious thing, it affects the people around the one who does it and someone like that needs to recognize first that they have a problem and then want to see a professional counselor to learn how to overcome this, whether its just with therapy or medications as well.
If it's stress causing this or even taking a medication that gives this kind of side effect, in the end, it all boils down to the same thing, her reaching out for help from a professional.

And there's nothing you really can say that will get her to want to talk to a professional.
What you can do is keep your responses calm and let Mom know that you don't like it when she yells and verbally cuts yu down. It's degrading, embarrassing and not necessary. You'd like her to treat you with the same respect you give her as a person, especially as your mom. But it is really beginning to bother you and your also worried about her, wondering what might be going ooon personally inside her, in her life that is causing her to act like this towards you. You can understand her being stressed over something in life, but you would a ppreciate if she didnt let those frustration out using you as a verbal punching bag.

See what response that gets. If she trys to turn the blame all back on you, thats a defense mechanism, she probably IS aware that something is wrong in her, in her life and would rather continue to ignore and pretend its not there.
If she won't go for help or reach out on her own, then you'll need to make the situation know to other adults in her life so that they can talk to her.

You didnt mention a Dad. Even if divorced, you should talk to him and let him know whats going on. You may need to talk to a school counselor ( after talking to Mom first). Or perhaps you go to church and can tell the pastor. Tell grandma,

However, before you start down the road of Mom having the actual issue, if your a teen girl going through puberty, teen girls can become very combative, angry, easily irritated and lash out first at usually the females in their life, either Mom, sisters or best friends. And this can also be a reason for Mom being more irritable with yoou in return.

Good luck.

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