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Crushes
20/f
So I'm starting to develop a crush on one of my co workers.
I'm not sure how to go about it. We talk on facebook almost every day, he usually initiates it which I think is a good sign.
I don't hang out with him outside of work. I did invite him to my party tomorrow and he said he'll probably be able to come.
We're pretty cool, we talk normal, tease each other at work and online.
My friends/coworkers all say he likes me. I haven't said anything about me liking him. They said because he messages me often and he doesn't message them.
He hasn't given any hints if he likes me or not. Usually a guy will start calling me pretty and talk about hanging out and all that if they're interested in me. He hasn't done anything like that. I'll tell him about the dates I've had in the past and he'll bring it up later and ask how they went.
The only thing I've tried is asking if he had a girlfriend, and he said no. He asked what is considered a date and then he said he hung out with a girl but it wasn't a date. I asked if he liked her and he said no. I asked if he liked anyone and he said his mom...so he avoided the subject and I let it go.
I don't want to straight up tell him I like him. Mostly because if he doesn't like me, it'll be weird when I work with him.
So is there any other ideas?
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Hi.
This is a bit of a challenge, my friend. Because if ever you and he get together? It will affect your work.
But nevermind that, let's focus on the now.
I suggest that you make him your best friend first. Trust should be one and first of the elements of a relationship because you should know him first from head to toe. Be more open to him but, be careful and don't be too vulnerable.
2nd, keep your feelings to yourself and prevent others from knowing your feelings towards your co worker. believe me, news spreads like wild fire when it gets out. It will affect you and whatever relationship you have with you friend.
lastly, if ever you have the time to be with your friend and you know he likes you. talk with him about this and just enjoy his company. Outside of work that is. prevent places where you know your coworkers hang out.
Hope this helps =)
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I think you should figure out your feelings for him first before making any moves or before giving any hints. And I'm advising you to not assume anything out from what your co-workers or your friends tell you. It's better if he's the one who'll tell you that he does like you. But also don't put away what your friends or co-workers say. I'm just suggesting that for now, just let yourself feel happy about the things he does for you and for all the butterflies he let you feel. I believe that if a guy truly likes a girl, then he'll straight-up tell you and let you know what he feels for you. You'll figure out everything soon.
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After a divorce in my late 40's I was dating again and if a guy's first words to me were, You're really hot looking, I tended to avoid them. I have learned that not all men come on that strong, but a good majority do, and I learned the hard way the first couple times that the ones who said that wanted sex, not a relationship with sex as the icing on the cake. They couldnt care less about who I was. So you can't use the talk of you being pretty and hanging out as an indication of their intentions deep down. BTW, the man who did not complicate my looks but had a normal convo is the one I married. At the end he did say I was fair on the eyes, but as important as that was, he was really attracted to my personality and other things about me.
So, since you do not hear the same from him, you haven't a clue if he likes you? Lets turn the tables so you will figure out the answer for yourself.
Let's say there's a guy at work that you find unattractive and his personality disgusting, nothing to draw your attention to him, could you bring yourself to the point of daily keeping in touch with him on facebook and always making the first move to chat? I am pretty sure your answer is no. And why? I know for me that I wouldn't be drawn to want to spend time with them and I would be afraid of him misunderstanding the fact that i seek him out on facebook for having a genuine interest in him and him then asking me out on a date. Humans are humans when it comes to this. We do not make any friendly moves toward some people for a reason, perhaps the vibes we pick up, they are needy, too shy, low self confidence, their looks, habits or mannerisms, etc. the list goes on. We do this in grade school with making friends. Some we are not drawn to, but did you ever go after someone for a friend in school that you didn't even like?
Now you have your answer. There is no question that he likes you. But does he like you enough to want to invest more time in knowing you better to see if the initial likes can grow to something more like love? Thats the question. I guess you'll have a chance to find out at your party.
Just an aside, many businesses enforce the sexual harassment rules and I know of a couple guys where the guy only smiled and talked to a particular girl at work he was interested in. Hadn't asked on a date. Many Guys are afraid to pursue a girl or even date her away from work for fear that management may harass him for doing so.
Or he may be one to move slowly until he has some sign the girl likes him in return. If he's not dense, he'll realize, that your invitation means you have a return interest in him. But theres nothing like the actual words to confirm it. So say something to him, pay a compliment to him. Tell him something you like about him. Guys need to feel appreciated and needed. Thats it. Pretty simple. Make sure to tell him when he arrives how happy you are that he came. You can say teasing stuff but telling the truth at same time. Like, "Well, I know I am going to have a really good time tonight because you made it." If he asks why that is, or you want to volunteer it, just say the truth. I enjoy your friendship and look forward to the times we spend talking.
Ask him to help you with something at work or at your party is better. Maybe have a jar that isn't opened yet of something you're setting out for snacks and ask him to help open it. If he's early enough, ask him if he wouldn't mind helping you set out snacks. Invent an issue that needs his help. Or even just mention a problem at home that needs fixing. "I just hate that dripping kitchen faucet. It drives me nuts. Wish I knew how to fix it on my own. You set up the opportunity for him to volunteer to help you without having to ask. Think along those lines and you'll come up with something. Be sure to praise his strength, skills or just his willingness to help.
Somewhere along the line, if not at the party but near future, pose this question in your own words, "We get along so well as friends from work, it makes me wonder if theres a chance for anything more than friendship. What do you think? I'd be willing to give it a try if you are."
You've just stated where you're both at and where you're willing to go but leaving it up to him as an indirect question, not to the point like 'would you like to date me."
This way if there's any reason why he can't do that, he'll say he doesnt think it would work as he's not attracted to you as anything more than a friend. Do not get your hopes up until he's shown an interest to date you, otherwise if he only likes you as a friend, you will have a hard time emotionally. Good luck
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Heres the thing, not all guys are the same as the ones youve experienced in the past. their not ALL gonna come on to you as strongly, so theres going to be times where youll have to put yourself out there a little.
If he talks to YOU first everyday then hes clearly interested in something about you.
If he asks you how dates went that you went on afterwards then hes probably feeling you out to see if your still single and up for grabs.
if he hasnt invited you to anything but you just now invited him to your party then you pretty much just did it FIRST! ; )
and depending on HOW he said back to you that he liked his MOM, then that depending on the WAY he said it back that might have been his way of saying that there are not other girls in his life (other then you) that he likes right now. see? he sounds like hes playing it safe and is acting logical so try not to read into things too much.
me might have also been trying to make a joke with the mom liking thing. just try to think about HOW he said it. If your sure hes not gay and just trying to be girlfriends with you, then he might actually really like you. He just might not be sure yet how to go about it either.
See im a different person, i dont have a problem letting someone know they look good and i do it in a joking kind of way (but i ALSO do that with many other things in my life) so maybe if you try putting your feelings out there more and making jokes and keeping things light then it might get him comfortable enough with you to let some feelings out.
; ) good luck
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