Gender:
MaleMember Since:
June 18, 2009Answers:
8136Last Update:
May 26, 2019Visitors:
140805Favorite Columnists
karenR
AyyItsKristen
Erinn_the_bamf
Xui
storageanddisposal
lvr
Smartone
bewise
GradingCurve
anonymous99
HildaJrCarter
more...
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Abusive Relationships
Cooking
View All
about
My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
Hi again. I'm the girl who asked for advice about her honors chemistry grade. I want you to know that though I'm suicidal I won't be taking my life ever. I have a friend who feels the same and we make sure to check up on one another and talk about things that stress us out before they get too hectic. Neither one of us would let the other give up on life and we both know many suicide hotlines that we can call in case of emergency. As for my grades, I have time this quarter to bring up my chemistry grade and I intend to do so. When I say that I don't take Chemistry by choice I mean that my school placed me there because I'm in the honors program. Once you've taken a class you can't change the difficulty level or join a new one until the next school year at which point the only place that you can really go is up. My mom kind of has this idea that unless there is some sign of a struggle early on that I will never have trouble and can totally handle everything. This has happened before. I had made okay grades in a class but when my grades dropped she got upset and disappointed because she thought that I could manage in my own. What I'm wondering is how to give her my report card. They're supposed to be mailed this week which means that I would have typically gotten it next week but they were early. I have the rest of this week to find a way to break the news and I'm terrified.
I'm glad to hear that you and your friend are watching out for each other, this is good news. Lets first put things in the proper perspective.
You may have failed the quarter not the year, so this is not catastrophic. Yet you still fear telling your mom. This is what bothers me. My wife and I had a much different relationship with our son when he was in school. It was our feeling he should never fear coming to us with anything. IF it was bad news we would deal with it and help make it right, if it was good news we would of course celebrate with him and if appropriate reward him.
Our job as parents is to help our children prepare to be adults not to have then fear us. This is where I am having trouble with what you are dealing with. This is why you in my opinion are feeling suicidal. This is why I would like you to call the hotlines I suggested because they can help you by finding people that can make things better for you in this area by talking with you and mom. Then of course they can talk with you to help with the depression that is causing the suicidal thoughts.
Your answer to the problem is to take on even more work this semester by doing extra credit in Chemistry. I assume this is so you can not only bring up your grade but avoid summer school in order to bring up your grade. If I remember correctly you are 14 this means you should have 2 to 3 years more of high school ahead of you. My thoughts would be to work in Chemistry as you have in the past to get the grades you received in the first two quarters. Yes the failing grade will mean a big hit on the final grade though doing your best on the final test will benefit you. As long as you pass for the year is what I feel counts. You take the summer to rest and recuperate and be ready to hit the ground running next year.
Now as to how to tell mom: The best way I know of is to hit things straight on. You might say something like; "Mom I have to tell you I really struggled with Chemistry this semester and I haven't done well. I may have even failed the semester." I would call this approach preparing mom for what she will see on your report card. You’re not lying to her even if think you’re sure you have failed. Until the teacher marks the report card they can change your grade so you haven't failed until you see your grade on the report card.
The other way is to just come right out and say; "Mom my Chemistry teacher has told me I flunked Chemistry this semester." I prefer the first way as it gives mom some time to prepare herself for what she may see and maybe she won't be as upset when she sees the grade as she would be if she didn't know beforehand.
Whatever you decide to tell her please ask for help with the suicidal thoughts. Yes having a friend watch out for you is great. Having a doctor help you remove the problem causing these thoughts is better.
For this I speak from experience. I'm just barely old enough to be retired though I have been medically retired as a result of an auto accident I was in for the past 10 years. It was a three car accident. I was the only innocent of the three cars and the only one injured. My injuries left me disabled and unable to work. Having to deal with the lawyers and workers compensation as well as the fact my life was now 180 degrees different from what it was put me in a tail spin. I was no longer able to do a job I loved as well as being a volunteer fire fighter something else that for me made life worth living.
I had the same thoughts you now have. Fortunately my wife works in the mental health field and one of her coworkers talked me in to seeing a psychologist. My psychologist helped me put things in the proper prospective and identify those that were truly upsetting me. We then worked to correct those problems.
This is what I believe you need to do along with learning proper time management skills once you have identified what is causing your suicidal thoughts and addressed them. Like you I never gave suicide any serious thought. The problem is if you’re thinking that way you never know when things get so dark that it could become a real thought.
So please call the hotlines and let them help you.
16/F
So I am a sophomore in highschool and I take honors chemistry (not by choice) and I made B's for the first two quarters and had a B average for the semester. The quarter that just passed I failed honors chemistry by two points, but I had shifted all of my focus to bringing up my honors algebra grade which has been a C all year. I made a high B in algebra, but at the expense of chemistry and now the school wants my mom to meet with my chemistry teacher.... I don't know what to do. My mom is gonna be really mad at me and I've already been really depressed lately (before failing chemistry) and having her scream in my face won't help me I'm already suicidal (again before failing chemistry. My mom doesn't know). I am also a girlscout and selling cookies after school made it impossible to get after school help because some nights I wouldn't get home until ten thirty with school the next day. What should I do?
Three things pop out at me right away. In order of importance they are, Suicidal, not by choice and not getting home some nights until 10:30.
A quick look tells me you have over loaded or are over loaded. That you have taken on or have had put upon you more than you can handle. IF this has been put upon you by your parent(s) it is unfortunate as it is not right.
As parents we think we know what our children are capable off. In reality it is more of what we want our children to be capable of and we believe we can push or drive them beyond what our child or children believe they are capable off. Sometimes this is true as some children are lazy. Most of the time this is false that we can and do over load our children, especially children that desire to have or can only get their parents approval be succeeding at all levels. If this sounds like you then you need help in talking to you parent(s).
First we need to address your being suicidal. Failing at school is no reason for suicide especially over honors classes. The fact that you said "not by choice" leads me to believe you are in some honors class because teachers and or mom believe this is where you should be.
If this is the underlying reason for how you are feeling then you need to say something to someone. Will mom believe you or will she think you are making an excuse? I can't say so what I would like you to do is one or both of the following two suggestions":
1. Talk to a trusted teacher or your school principal about how you feel and why you are feeling this way. They have to listen to you and take the appropriate action to protect you.
2. I'm going to give you two hot lines to call. The first is "Kids help phone." They specialize in problems teenagers face including teen suicide. If you're feeling suicidal call 911. Otherwise you can also call Kids Help Phone to speak to a counselor: 1-800-668-6868. They can help you. You don’t have to handle this on your own.
The next hotline is the National Suicide prevention hotline. That number is: 1-800-273-8255. No matter what problems you are dealing with, they want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
Both hotlines are open 24/7
The other problem you have is time management. For the moment we need to let this go. The bigger problem is getting the depression which is causing you to be suicidal under control. It is my believe that dropping one or more honors class may go a long way in helping lift the depression you are in. Call the hotlines and ask for help. IF you can't talk with your parents they will help you find someone can and will.
Then when you’re feeling better write back to me in a private message and I will help you with a way to manage time rather than have time mange you.
19 / f
So me and my bf are wanting to have sex. We've tried plenty of times using a condom but failed-both of us struggle to put it on.
So I suggested instead of using a condom to use other methods of birth control such as pills.
I live in the UK, and I wanted to know what options are available for me and how can I access pills? Or is the onky solution to visit a doctor?
The only way, the proper way to get birth control pills is in consultation with either your GP or GYN. The doctor will examine you, make sure your not pregnant and review your medical history. After the examination is concluded the doctor can make the proper decision on which of the different varieties of birth control medications is right for you.
I would also suggest the while you're with your doctor that you ask to be shown how to put a condom on properly as well as how is best to select the proper condom. Even though you will be on birth control it is best that the male continue to use a condom as the condom is the best defense against many of the STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus.
I can't say if this partner will be your first and only sex partner. But until you are in a long term monogamous relationship with someone as in living together or married, your partner should always wear a condom. It is for his and your protection.
Remember anytime you have unprotected sex with someone you are both having sex with all the partners you and he have had unprotected sex with. In fact while you're with your doctor your should be tested for STDS and you should ask your boyfriend to be tested too.
Safe sex is the best sex.
So, I'm a 14 year old girl and I'm pretty sure this isn't normal. It's usually every morning I wake up with soaked underwear, it doesn't smell that nice either. During the day it's nit so bad but it's still happening, it's very uncomftable. I find that whenever I need to pee I all of a sudden become very desperate to go and I can't hold it in for that long and if I don't go I can't hold it in. I don't want to have to wear a panty liner or something like that, any ideas on what this could be?
I'm too scared to tell my parents about it as I would be embarrassed and I really don't want to have to go and see a doctor unless I really have to.
Thanks.
How about some advice from someone old enough to be your grandfather.
First of all I cannot tell you what is wrong as I am not a doctor, none of us are. Given your age it could be a number of different things. You could be having the female version of a wet dream and what you see in your panties is not urine but the vaginal secretions your vagina makes when you are sexually excited. Urine has a distinct odor, if what is in your panties does not smell like urine then it is something else.
You could have a bladder infection as well. Then there is also the possibility of a weak bladder though I doubt it by your description of the smell. I could be right or wrong in what I'm thinking of. What I do know is you need to see a doctor if you want it to stop. Both of the first two items can be handled with medication.
Let me ask you a question: Which would be more embarrassing? Telling mom you have a problem and need to see a doctor or leaving a wet spot on a chair in school and walking around with a wet spot on you pants or skirt. If it were me I think it would be the second of the two.
There is no reason not to tell mom. This has nothing to do with sex and maybe something to do with your reproductive system, there is a difference. The doctor cannot tell if you are a virgin or not only if you still have your Hymen which can be lost simply by using Tampons.
Hopefully you are still a virgin as you are way too young to be having sex. Though as I said this is not a question or a problem resulting from sex. If you are having nocturnal emissions it is a response to the new hormones brought on by puberty.
Now you may have heard this before but I mean what I am about to say. We were not born parents; all of us were once your age and have gone through what you are going through. This in a different manner includes your dad. There is nothing to be embarrassed about.
If you had a sore throat you would go to mom. Well this is the same thing just effecting another part of your body. If you wish to have children in the future you need to pay attention to what is happening with your reproductive system and see to it that anything out of the ordinary is checked.
Technically by federal law called HIPPA you do not need permission to make a doctors appointment or to see a doctor for anything related to your reproductive system/ You can go to any women free clinic and ask to be seen if you wish to. Your medical records in regards to your reproductive system are now confidential and only you, the doctor and anyone you give the doctor permission in writing may see them.
While this is your right under the law. Given your age and the problem you are having I suggest you tell mom and let her discuss this with you before you go to the doctor which you should do and need to do.
I masturbate every weekend. I like doing it bcause it makes me feel good but my mum said it's sinful to masturbate. She said that doing it is entirely wrong. We are christian. She even said it's bad in God's eyes. But It makes me feel good and avoid stress. What should I do? Is this wrong?
There are two sides to every issue. Your mom believes in what the church teaches. I believe in what I see and what the numbers or statistics tell me.
Statistically according to a recent study 85% of us masturbate. That would mean in a family of 4 statistically 3.4 people masturbate. To break it down even a bit further just what is masturbation.
A. It is the sexual pleasuring of oneself through manipulating or pleasuring ones own sexual organs.
B. Mutual-Masturbation where someone else fingers or pleasures a partner's sexual organ.
C. Oral sex is also a form of Masturbation.
Anything that involves sexual pleasuring by oneself or by another that does not involve intercourse, penis to vagina penetration. I consider to be a form of masturbation. By this definition if your parents have a healthy sex life; then your parents enjoy some form of masturbation.
It would be statically impossible for 85% of the worlds population to indulge in some form of masturbation as the majority of the worlds population is made up of Christians and Jews.
That was the factual side of my answer. The Bible does not truly forbid masturbation. It is an interpretation of sex being only between a man and a women and only for the purpose of procreation. It is not a mortal sin to Masturbate and in fact I have read an article in a Christian publication that the church while not condoning it does not actually object to masturbation.
So why do parents continue to tell their children not to masturbate. For only one reason. They feel that masturbation will lead to wanting to try the real thing. To wanting to have sex before you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.
There is nothing wrong with masturbation, it is actually a healthy outlet for the sexual tension brought on by puberty. It is also a better outlet than trying to get a girl or a boy depending on who is doing the asking, to have sex with you.
For a girl masturbation is definitely the safest form of sex as no one has ever gotten pregnant from masturbating. For the boy it is also the best form of sex as it relieves the sexual tension he has and does not put him in the position of getting a girl pregnant.
Is it wrong to masturbate; NO. What should you do? I shouldn't tell you to go against what your mother told you. There are at least 15% of the population that does not masturbate. Now that you have tried it will be hard not to.
My best advise is that there is nothing wrong with masturbation. You will not go blind or grow hair in the palm of your hand or anything else some may tell you to cause you not to. Masturbation is not harmful. If you chose to continue then do so in a manner that mom does not see the results, such as in the shower or hear you doing so.
My gf is not suffering from menses since 1 month she blamed me that i make love with her so thats y she is not suffering from menses ?? But we both ate virgin .. Advice some medication
I'm not sure what your question is as what you write does not truly match the question heading.
First: If you made love to her; meaning your penis was inside her vagina, even briefly then neither of you are virgins any longer. Virginity has all to do with penetration and not the completion of the act of lovemaking.
Second: If your girlfriend has missed her period then there is a possibility she is pregnant. The reason I say possibility is being pregnant is not the only reason a women can miss a period. Stress is another reason and being worried over whether or not she may be pregnant is one of the biggest reasons for stress and missing a period.
The only way to tell for certain is to get a home test kit or go to the doctor and be tested.
Third: Depending on her age and the laws in the country where you live. IF she is not pregnant and the doctor will need to make sure of this before issuing any medication. Then only a doctor can offer any type of birth control medication or devices.
What you can do is to use a condom when making love. Not only does the condom protect against pregnancy. It is effective in preventing the transmission of many but not all of STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus.
Husband has a wierd fetish and I dont comply he said that im boring. I really want to have sexual relations with another man only because I do not like what he likes. We have been together for a really long time and we have children together but I am not truly in love with him anymore. I love the fact of having a family but being him makes me ill. I do not like what he likes at all. Im going out of my mind. I dont want to break up my family but we dont even get along anymore. He promises me things and never fallows through. My kids are happy and I thought isnt that important. I dont know try to live a good life. Im not happy though. What to do?
I'm trying to understand your question though your wording confuses me some.
Your husband has a fetish but you don't say what it is and I gather it is one you do not wish to indulge him in. Then you say you want to has sex with another man only because you do not like what he likes. I assume your talking of your husband and his sexual likes.
You go on to say your not in love with him any more; this I understand. You say he makes promises that he fails to keep but you also don't want to break up your family because the children seem happy.
Staying in an unhappy relationship for the sake of the children will eventually harm the children. Children regardless of their ages will pick up on the undercurrents that will or are floating between you and your husband. As they get older they will start to question what they see and hear.
I cannot tell you how to live a good life from the standpoint of the question you are asking. What I can do is offer some suggestions as to how to fix the life you have.
I will assume that when you and your husband first married their was something about him you loved. Somewhere along the way what you loved about him has been lost or replaced by the comforts of cohabitation. This is not all that strange as it happens quite often. As we age we mature, we find different interest and in different ways we become better educated about life in general. If both spouses do not grow and mature together it is quite possible that the love you once had gets lost.
Before you throw the baby out with the bathwater and end the marriage. I would suggest you try marriage counseling both in combined and separate sessions. In this way the therapist can work with both of you to get to the root of the problem(s) and try to work them out.
I see one of the problems is your husbands fetish. I cannot truly comment on this as you didn't elaborate on the fetish. What I will say is nothing that happens sexually between two consenting adults is weird; PROVIDED BOTH PARTIES CONSENT TO WHATEVER IT IS. The operative words here are consent or consenting. For whatever reasons you have said no that is the end of it and your husband should stop hounding you to do so or to try. His continuing request or begging is sexual harassment. Yes a spouse can be charged with sexual harassment and even rape in many states.
The flip side of this and here again not knowing what he is requesting or the fetish is. You could consider, provided you will not be physically hurt or are not totally repulsed by his fetish, into giving in one time if you haven't already done so. Three things could come from this, he may find the fantasy is not as good as reality, you may both love it or hate it or you tried it didn't like it and won't do it again.
The thing here is you gave him his fantasy, one time, which is what a fetish is for the most part. Whether you continue to do so after that is something you decide after that one time and you tell him this in advance so there are no surprises.
Failing to follow through on his promises is something you work out in counseling. Don't be surprised if he thinks he has in someway or another kept all of his promises.
Having sex with another man is something you should not do while you are still married. It is morally wrong and the hardest thing to recover a marriage from.
You two were once in love. You have lost that love but it is quite possible with the right kind of help you can find that love again. With the proper help the lines of communication between you will be reopened and that is the road needed to find that lost love.
The fetish thing and my advice about it is a take it or leave it type of advice. The marriage counseling is something I believe you should try before you walk away from your marriage.
So I had a boyfriend and I told him that I did not want to have sex because I want to wait and im a Christian. So he said okay, but then preceded to pressure me into doing other things such as bjs, hjs, fingering, etc amd they were things i really didnt want to do, told him i didnt want him to do but hed take out his take and be like please just touch it and please just finish for me and put your mouth on it and id really hate it and didnt want to but i did. Hed also tell me like dont you love me? Cause by you not wanting to have sex with me and all that its like saying you dont love me. And he just pressured me into doing all those things. And one day, and please dont judge me cause its so embarassing and I hate to think that it happened but he pressured me into having..anal. And told me at first it wouldnt mean me losing my virginity and i said i really really dont want to and that its weird and he begged and begged and begged and wouldnt let me put my clothes back on and told me just once and we didnt have to do it again and itd make him really happy and its a normal thing and eventually i broke and was like okay once and no more. And he did one thrust and i told him to pull out and he just pushed deeper in and say you just need to give it a chance and i scratched him trying to get him out of me. And before he had also forced me to show him my ass and i really didnt want to and hed try to flip me over and id struggle against him and even said rape rape and hes like its not rape unless im inside you silly. And idk. Is what he did rape? Or sexual harassment? Or what? My friend thinks its both. And im just angry at it all. I mean i blame myself for not just breaking the relationship off but i was fooled into believe everything we did was normal and sure maybe but we had only been together for like two weeks before i had to start giving hjs and ugh:( and i even knew what i was doing didnt feel right..afterwards id feel like sobbing cause i felt like i was just being used for sex and being dooped like every other 16 year old girl whos tricked into believing their 17 year old bf loves them. And ah:( so what is this called? Rape? Harassment? Being forced or constantly persuaded and begged into doing something i really didnt want to do..and then doing it and feeling awful? And if he ever finds this post by some chance, fuck you:(
First of all I would not refer to this boy as your boyfriend. He does not love you; HE LUSTS FOR YOU. That line; "dont you love me" is classic for young boys to use to try and convince a girl to have sex with them. To young boys love and lust have the same definition.
TO answer your question were you raped? The answer is yes. you may have consented to try anal sex. When you said pull out and he did not. This is when it went from consensual to rape
The other things you write about are sexual harassment. You can and should report him to the police.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years and I always wanna have sex and he doesn't want to as much as me. We have sex about once a month. Whenever I try to have sex and he says no i get really upset and angry. Is it normal to feel this way?
Just what is normal when it comes to sex is different for everyone. There are people that need sex every day; that's their normal. You need or desire sex more than once a month, that's your normal.
I have one question I think you need to answer before you get angry or decide if his sexual desire is not normal. This desire for sex once a month only; has this always been how he has been or is this a change in his sexual desire.
If this is a somewhat recent change for him and if I go out on a limb and assume you are a young couple in your early twenties. Then this may be a physical problem for him that needs a doctors attention. Its a somewhat common problem in men that comes up post puberty. He needs to be tested for low "T" or low testosterone.
You may have seen the advertisements for the medication applied at home like a deodorant is applied. Personally I would take the shots but that's a decision you two would have to make.
See if you can get him to see his doctor. Go with him, hopefully he will allow you, and talk to the doctor about his low sex drive. Ask about having him checked for low "T" and also ask the doctor to screen him for depression as well. These are the two most common reason for a lack of a sex drive in men of his possible age.
The screening for depression is painless and is nothing more than the doctor asking a number of questions. Your boyfriends answers allow the doctor to make the diagnoses of whether or not he may be suffering from depression.
Depression usually is the result of great stress. The stress cause anxiety which causes the depression. It continues in this cycle until the cycle is broken. Do you know or are you aware of any unusual amount of stress he may be under at work or from family. If so try and let the doctor know this.
I hope this helps.
I just cant stand it, I really want to masturbate, but I'm on my period right now. Is it still ok to?
Short answer to your question: There is nothing wrong with masturbating when on you're on your period. It may even help relieve some of the cramping.
You didn't give your age so I will assume you are a teenager for the rest of my answer to you.
Masturbation, sex and Menstruation have nothing to do with one another. In fact for 20% of women it may be necessary to have sex when menstruating if they want to conceive a child.
Explanation: Most women ovulate between the 7th and 21st day of their cycle. This is the time when they are most likely to become pregnant. For the other 20% of women they ovulate at any time during their cycle including when they are having their period. For this 20% having sex during their period, which is considered a safe time for most women, may be the only time they can conceive. If you can have sex while on your period there is no reason you cannot masturbate. It will not hurt you in any way and as I said it may help relieve some cramping.
Why have I told you this? Two reasons:
1) TO justify my answer to you that you can masturbate during your period.
2) If you did not already know this it is important to know.
There is a kit you can purchase at the drugstore that can help you tell when you are ovulating. I believe this is something all women should know for various reason including knowing when it is safe to have sex and when it is possible to conceive a child.
Im 16/f and I do not get the whole fascination with dressing up, lots of makeup, dying hair etc. Like all the girls at my school are starting to wear these pretty dresses and doing their hair and they all look so beautiful..but its like i dont give a shit about any of that. Ive always been decent looking without doing a whole lot so i never really got into fashion or lots of makeup..I would like to tbh. Today i tried doing a smokey eye, and it kinda looked like shit lol. And i also tried looking up skirts and dresses that i could buy and they were all ugly and expensive. And all that stuff seems like a lot of work to keep up looking really nice everyday. I just dont get it, why is it so important? To feel good about yourself, sure but why else? I like looking nice but at the end of the day it doesnt really matter.. i dont wanna spend so much time on something that wont really get me anywhere and idk i just dont get it.
There are many reason people are so into their appearance. Vanity is one reason. Being so vain that one must always outshine all others is not good. At some point there will be someone else who will out shine them in a natural way and the fall will hurt the vane person in immeasurable ways starting with their self-esteem.
For girls your age one word, BOYS. They want to attract boys. Girls in their teens start to become self aware and as well as start to become sexually aware. This makes their appearance all the more important to many of them. This does not mean you are wrong for feeling as you do.
You are correct in your feeling that you should not have to wear tons of makeup and expensive clothes to feel good. There is nothing wrong for saving dressing up for special occasions such as maybe church, holidays, weddings or a family outing. Then it is nice to dress up and feel a little special.
There is one thing you do need to know about appearance. About 90% of the time you can and should dress for what makes you feel good and comfortable. The other 10% of the time it is important to put your best foot forward which means dressing to impress. While I agree with you it should not be this way there are going to be times when you will be judged on your appearance.
When will these times be? Job interviews will always be this way. In an interview you have a very short period of time to impress the interviewer. Unfortunately first impressions are lasting impressions. If you show up in torn jeans and a wrinkled blouse looking like you just rolled out of bed. The interviewer is going to hustle you out of the interview as fast as possible even if on paper you looked like the best candidate for the job. Conversely the least qualified candidate may get the job just because she showed up for the interview in a nice pair of
slacks with a nice blouse with her hair combed and possibly a touch of make up.
The same would be true for college interviews. Again it may not be fair to be judge almost solely on appears but unfortunately this is the case most of the time. How would you feel if you were the best student for a place at your first school of choice and found the opening went to someone with grades far inferior to yours. What would you be thinking as to the reason.
You don't have to spend a lot of money on designer labels. The knock offs you can purchase at Target and kohl's or even Wal-Mart are fine just as long as they are clean and serviceable.
I know I have been a little long winded and I agree with you we place too much emphasis on appearance. In high school the way you impress your teachers is through your grades which is the way it is suppose to be, by performance.
In the real world outside of high school appearance counts. High school is not just a place to learn academics it is also a place to learn how to exist in the world outside of school. It is a place to learn what looks suit you best. To practice the craft of appearance. It doesn't have to be something you do every day or spend hours on when you do. Frankly in the real world you won't have the time to spend. Neither do you have to spend a fortune. But you do need to practice and perfect putting your best foot forward to exist in the real world and high school is a great place to practice in.
I have paid a sponsorer to sponsor me 14000$ but no w he doesnt pick the call nor call us.Every penny we gave him was hard earned money this man have cheated us what shall we do with this person if I am from NSW.
I dont have his address just bank details and phone numbers.
I would not follow bluehearts advice and try to scam a scammer you can only be hurt more. This and should be a police matter. If they want to set up a sting, which is what they might try and you are willing to participate, it should be up to the police not you.
The chance of getting your money back is probably slim. I'm not familiar with the laws in Australia as I live in the USA. If the person is caught the courts can order restitution though he would have to have the assets to garnish to get restitution.
Report what has happened to the police. Give them all the information you have. I am fairly certain this person has pulled this scam before. As the police gather more information the closer they get to catching him. You may not get your money back but you hopefully will get closure and some satisfaction of having him arrested and hopefully sent to jail for his misdeeds.
My boyfriend is trying to give hints that he wants to take the relationship further, he's asking me how far I would go and what I would do, asking me to send him dirty pictures and if I would have sex. I'm 14 years old! I'm not ready, I'm not comftable with my body and I'm not comftable thinking about it. I want to tell him somehow that I'm not ready to go that far yet but I'm not sure how to tell him, he said he would never force me which I hope he won't...
Anyone got any advice on how I can tell him without it breaking us apart?
Also he wants me to send him a picture of me, a dirty one... I really don't want to, how can I tell him I don't want to do this aswell?
Thankyou x
A little advice from a former First Lady which was meant for something else but just as good for this; "Just say "No".
When it comes to sex that is all that has to be said. Once someone says NO any further discussion or attempts to persuade or pressure you is considered SEXUAL HARRASMENT. SEXUAL HARRASMENT is a crime he can be punished for under the law even as a juvenile. For your part you do not have to explain yourself as his asking for an explanation once you say no falls under sexual harassment.
I agree with you that at your age you are way too young to be having sexual intercourse. I am not surprised though that your boyfriend is pressuring you for sex. Boys are different when it comes to sex. For them sex is more or less a recreational sport and has all to about lust and almost nothing to do with love. Young boys confuse lust and love. To then the definition of lust and love are the same.
Many boys in order to get their girlfriend to have sex with them will tell them something to the effect; "If you love me you will have sex with me." Sex is not the way you prove your love for someone. Sex should be the ultimate conclusion to a long term loving relationship.
Yes I am aware of recreation sex and you need to be a lot older before you participate in that type of sex. Until then there are other ways of relieving sexual tension brought on by puberty. It is puberty that makes boys hunt for sex. It is the hormones now floating in them hence the word horny. They would prefer sex over masturbation.
Why is this? Well for one thing parents are wrong to tell their children masturbation is wrong. Especially when according to a recent survey 85% of us masturbate. Mutual masturbation is part of foreplay. There is nothing wrong with masturbation. You cannot get pregnant from masturbating. Masturbation is safe and it will relieve sexual tension.
While I would not like to come home and find my daughter masturbating her boyfriend I would be far less angry than finding them having intercourse.
Now as to dirty pictures: DO NOT SEND HIM ANY PICTURES. Never give anyone any picture you would not show your father. Why? Well for one thing it is illegal to send them over the web. Though most importantly once you send that picture you lose all control of it. He is free to do as he pleases with it and to show it to whomever he wants and he will just to prove himself. This you can trust me on for though I am now an adult I was once a teenage boy.
For another a dirty picture of a 14 year old girl is child pornography which is also illegal. This is something, depending on the laws in your state; you can both get in great legal trouble for taking and distributing or being in possession of.
Last, please trust me on this. This boy is not going to be you one and only love. You will have more. He is asking for sex for as I said he lusts for you. If you and he are of the same age neither of you have matured to the point that you are truly ready for sex.
For him it is just an act that will be over almost before it begins. For you it is allowing someone to penetrate your body that at 14 is not ready for this. Physically puberty has not totally unlocked your reproductive sex organ, which will make your first tome more painful than it should be though you are able to reproduce. So if you do have sex you run the risk of getting pregnant. For him it is all joy, no pain and no risk. For you it is all of that and very disappointing as well.
Long story short I was dating a guy last year ended up pregnant and we broke up shortly after.. He threatened to take custody of the baby, threatened to have me jumped so I'd lose the baby, and also said when he gets visitation he would drown the baby.... Well I had to go to the hospital for cramping and he found out and assumed I gaff lost the baby so I just let him believe it and we haven't spoke since... Now I have a beautiful little baby and I can't help but feel guilty... Am I doing the right thing keeping my baby away from him and his psychotic behavior our am I doing the right thing to protect my little one.... Is it wrong that my son doesn't know his father it that this man has no idea he has a son? I feel terrible but on the other hand I feel I'm protecting my baby please help
You have a unique question that actual breaks down into three parts. There is the law, which affects both of you as parents. The there is also reality and add to them the morality of right and wrong.
The Law: By law he has the right to know he is a father and to have visitation as well as certain custody rights if he wants them. Whether the court will award him any custody or visitation, supervised or unsupervised is really up to the courts as argued by the lawyers.
Then there is the matter of his legal responsibility to the baby in the manner of child support. Each state is a little different with its law in this regard as to just what his financial obligations are. Fact is the courts will decide based on the law just what you as custodial parent are due from him in financial support and what he must maintain in the manner of medical insurance and possibly life insurance for the term of his obligations.
Reality: You don't know what type of father he will be. You don't know if his threats were real or if he was just trying to scare you. I assume you never reported the threats so it is a he said she said thing. Do you have any witnesses to any of the threats you say he made. Unless the ex boyfriend has some type of police record for a judge to look at the judge may not take these threats into consideration.
The morality: The right and the wrong of it. For the sake of discussion lets just say while pregnant you had an accident and where in a coma. Lets take this a step further and say that the doctors took the baby and it survived. Since the doctors could not tell if you would ever wake up he took custody of the baby. When you awake from the coma no one tells you that you gave birth to a live baby. They let you assume you lost the child.
This is pretty close to the same scenario you're in now with the ex boy friend not knowing he has a son. Put yourself in this position and ask yourself how would you feel if sometime down the road you find out you have a son you never knew?
I or we cannot make this decision for you. What I can suggest is you see a lawyer. The lawyer can make sure that all the legal work is done so that he or she can fight for you to retain custodial custody and receive all the rights under the law that your ex is responsible for. The lawyer can also fight for supervised visitation should the ex want visitation until such time as the child is old enough to protect himself.
If you feel you would be in danger from your ex the lawyer can also ask the courts for an order of protection. The lawyer is also the best person to counsel you on this question as he or she know the law where you live and how it will affect you should you choose not to inform the ex.
I want two know if its hamfull if u skipped a day wot will happen sude u Lew it or drink it
Your question does not make much sense. I gather we are taking about some type of medication and you missed a day. The best person to answer your question if your asking what to do about missing a day of medication is to ask the pharmacist or your doctor as it depends on the medication as to what you should do.
Please in the future when writing to us do not use Twitter short hand. You have plenty of space to writ out your question.
You wrote; "hamfull if u" I assume hamfull is a spelling error for harmfull and "u" means you.
"wot will happen sude u Lew" "wot" I assume is a spelling error for what or it could be twitter shorthand I do not recognize. I have no idea what; "sude u Lew" means or what you are asking here.
When writing to sites like ours or asking for help on any site always write as if you were writing for your English teacher and are going to be graded on it. This will insure a prompt and hopefully correct reply to your question.
I recently suffered intense demonphobia. I had all the symptoms, and if I saw a picture of a demon (a real demon, not some stupid cartoon drawing) I would run away and be traumatized. Even if it wasn't THAT creepy. I asked my guardian angel for help and prayed for protection, remembering my nightmare followed by a panic attack, and I did the rosary and felt better, and after that I stopped feeling sick, and my heartbeat was back to normal, my legs weren't trembling,I started to breath normally, and basically the symptoms stopped. Now when I look at a picture of a demon I only feel a little queasy (to be fair they ARE really creepy) but I wanna know for sure this is over. Any ideas?
If you truly feel you have or are suffering from Demonophobia then you may be in need of professional help to overcome this problem. We are not doctors and we can't make medical diagnoses.
What I think is happening is you have found a way to cope with your fear. Coping is not a cure. Working with a qualified psychologist to overcome this fear is how you become cured.
If you are a young teenager living at home. I suggest you tell your parents of this fear and ask to see a psychologist for help. You may have to work at convincing them of your need for help as they may see this as an outgrowth of when you were younger and saw monsters under your bed.
If this happens then I suggest talking to the school nurse or your guidance counselor at school. They may be able to have you speak to the schools psychologist who can then talk to your parents for you.
I hope I have helped.
Um, while I was masturbating in the shower, I started with my clit, it felt so good, then for the first time, I slid my finger in my ***** but it kind of hurt. What do I do to make it not hurt when I slide it in?
I'm not entirely sure why it hurt when you put your finger in your vagina. If you are able to insert a Tampon then putting a finger in should be just as easy.
My thinking was you were standing and your muscles were tight. You were also probably a little scare or anxious about masturbating or trying this. Masturbation is normal and healthy so if this was or is your problem relax.
I don't know why parent make such a big deal over masturbation. We all do it or at least 85% of us according to a recent survey. I think the fear is if our children are allowed to masturbate they will want to go on to the next step and have actual sex. My thinking was and is just the opposite. My children were told we would rather they masturbate in the privacy of their rooms then to go out seeking sexual relief and get pregnant or get a girl pregnant.
My suggestion is the next time you want to try this. Go in your room, close and lock the door so you cannot be intruded upon and lie back on your bed. If you want you can dim the lights and put on some music. Put a bit of petroleum jelly on your finger as a lubricant, relax and try again.
Note: Make sure the nails on the finger or fingers you wish to insert into your vagina are clipped short so as not to scratch yourself.
Does my boyfriend actually care about me and love me?
I agree with Breezy88 we can't tell you what someone else is thinking. Without any information from you we cannot tell you or help you make any type of decision on this or any other question.
What I will tell you is this. If you two are young adults between the ages of 13 to 21 then there is something you need to consider in answering your question. Boys between these ages confuse love and lust. The younger they are the more they feel that lust and love are the same.
For some reason going through puberty which can last in to the early 20's, is harder for the male then the female. The male feels the need to seek relief from the sexual tension brought one by all the new hormones floating through him. Hence the term horny.
Part of this I believe is the fact that need or desire for sex is or can be on display every time he gets an erection. During puberty a boys erection is an involuntary reaction. He does not need any visual or other type of stimulation to have an erection. I forget how many an hour a boy can have but it was something like 6 to 10 every hour without any thinking on his part.
Yes he can masturbate to relieve this tension and many do, some multiple times a day. Still their preference is to have sex with a girl and they will do and say anything to get what they want. To the teenage boy lust and love have the same definition which is not the definition a girl has for love.
Some boys will say something to the effect; "If you love me you will have sex with me." If a boyfriend says this or anything like this such as; "let me show you my love by making love to you." These are lines that say he lusts for you.
Sex is not the way you show your love for someone. Sex is the result of a loving relationship that has had time to grow and mature. Yes when your older and more mature I'm sure you will have your share of recreational sex. Now is not the time for that as you are not ready and neither is your body.
In the end you have to decide if he truly loves you or if he is lusting for you. I have given you some signs to watch out for in making that decision.
In the bottom of my heart I'm a pure christian. I love my God and try my best to respect his commands and follow them, but recently I've wanted to redesign my room. I want to buy a cute little buddah statue and place it next to my candle and amethyst rock which I think would give off a nice vibe. I don't see buddah as a God whatsoever, just another good person who gives advice such as MLK, Gandhi, etc. ect. Just anyone else. I wouldn't dare worship another religion or "god" except my God.
I just like the vibe it gives honestly, I like the look of the om, the message of Buddah, star of david, and just any other stuff. But thats all I see it as, other stuff to decorate my room with. I just want to know if you think it's bad, i dont think it is really.
If you do not like my religion at least find the decency to repsect it and be respectful.
I see nothing wrong with having a statue of Buddha or any other religious relic or symbol you desire to decorate with. I believe your reasoning for doing so is sound and righteous. It also doesn't matter what other people think though you may have to explain to your parents why you have these items in your room.
Now you may have to bow to the wishes of your parents is they say they do not want these items in their home. It is there home and while it is also your room, and they could just close the door and not see these things. It is their home and they have the final say as to how you may decorate your space in their home.
What this would not stop you from doing is finding out more of the vibes and messages you like about these items. IF there were more people like you in this world who seek to learn rather than to ignore or fight those who are different. The world would be a better place.
I am very much confuse me and are intermediate 4-5 times but now he leaved me what should I have to do if I got married with someone else one frst night he will easily know that I 'm already used and no will accept me plz help me I have no chance rather than suicide.
You must be from a country where pre-marital sex for a woman is taboo. Nice double standard. Men can have all the sex they want before they marry and probably after they marry too. Though on the wedding night they want a virgin in their bed. I don't understand their thinking on this for eventual their demand is going to outstrip the supply of women and their will be no virgins left for the wedding night.
Be that as it may there is no way a man can tell if his bride is a virgin or not on the wedding not, not in these modern times. What the man is looking for is an in tact Hymen which to him signifies a virgin. Today a Hyman can be lost in a variety of ways other than by sexual penetration.
Tampon usage ranks high on the list of Hyman busters, followed by women who may be active in school sports, horseback riding or even cycling. Dancers especially Ballet will tear their Hymens long before they have sex and if they studied Ballet as children possibly long before the needed tampons.
How tight you are when he first penetrates you also means nothing. IF your not ready for penetration your going to be tighter and not well lubricated. To him this will indicate virginity. If your loose and well lubricated then he is a skillful and caring lover.
The long and short of it, no pun intended, is there is no way for hi or a doctor to tell with any certainty if you are a virgin or not.