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angry when cant have sex
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years and I always wanna have sex and he doesn't want to as much as me. We have sex about once a month. Whenever I try to have sex and he says no i get really upset and angry. Is it normal to feel this way?
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Just what is normal when it comes to sex is different for everyone. There are people that need sex every day; that's their normal. You need or desire sex more than once a month, that's your normal.
I have one question I think you need to answer before you get angry or decide if his sexual desire is not normal. This desire for sex once a month only; has this always been how he has been or is this a change in his sexual desire.
If this is a somewhat recent change for him and if I go out on a limb and assume you are a young couple in your early twenties. Then this may be a physical problem for him that needs a doctors attention. Its a somewhat common problem in men that comes up post puberty. He needs to be tested for low "T" or low testosterone.
You may have seen the advertisements for the medication applied at home like a deodorant is applied. Personally I would take the shots but that's a decision you two would have to make.
See if you can get him to see his doctor. Go with him, hopefully he will allow you, and talk to the doctor about his low sex drive. Ask about having him checked for low "T" and also ask the doctor to screen him for depression as well. These are the two most common reason for a lack of a sex drive in men of his possible age.
The screening for depression is painless and is nothing more than the doctor asking a number of questions. Your boyfriends answers allow the doctor to make the diagnoses of whether or not he may be suffering from depression.
Depression usually is the result of great stress. The stress cause anxiety which causes the depression. It continues in this cycle until the cycle is broken. Do you know or are you aware of any unusual amount of stress he may be under at work or from family. If so try and let the doctor know this.
I hope this helps.
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When you say you always want sex, how often is that. You say it only happens about once a month with the boyfriend. Are you more happy with once a week rather than once a month, 8 or more times a month?
Everyone has different libido's so some want sex every day, a couple times per day if they can get it, and others are happy with a couple times per week. Once a month is not enough for a healthy sexual person to get sex. It is however the standard according to statistics taken, where people admitted how often they want sex and have it.
I can't say exactly what is causing it, but in todays time more so that in the past, something in our environment is affecting males sexual desire/libido and many male offspring are born with smaller than normal genitals. I have seen those science reports and statistics too. Perhaps he is one of those. Since he's never felt a great sexual desire, he feels he is normal and that you are abnormal for wanting it more regularly.
Theres nothing really that can be done to change him in that way. He may not be a sexual creature at all, being A-sexual. A-sexuals can desire love and affection but not have interest in sex from what I've read. Cant say for sure its true as much isnt known yet about that.
You have every right to feel upset that you are not getting what you need, and he also has every right to not feel forced into doing something he clearly has no desire to do. This means the two of you are at a stand off. The only two solutions are the both of you coming to a compromise. Say you want twice a week. If he meets you half way, then it would be 4 times a month. You don't give your age, so it could very well be that this is your first or 2nd relationship and you have nothing else to compare against.
I will say this, if a partner is cajoled into having sex when they don't want to, its a poor substitute for what the sexual experience could be because most likely the feel of passion in your partner is missing, they will only do the rudimentary things-basic intercourse without the foreplay with you, giving you orgasms by hand or oral, being sensual etc...
I did mention two options. If compromise isn't workable, then the other choice is parting ways...yes I am serious! And no it is not a trivial reason to breakup. There are two important foundations to every healthy relationship/ One that both are each others best friend and the 2nd is being sexually compatible and happy in that area.
I was married the first time at age 20. We were both sexually mismatched. There was nothing about me that caused him to become aroused and want and desire me. I never saw him look at me with passion in his eyes in 30 years. I never had orgasms by him either. I knew I wanted more than I had, and I had to beg him for sex but he didn't want it very often. And even when we did, he couldnt arouse feelings of passion in me either. We both had sexual urges that needed fulfilling but we were with the wrong partner. In dating after my divorce, I discovered that almost every guy I dated, there was a normal desire between us and I enjoyed myself for the first time in life and decided then that the guy I married next had to be my sexual equal.
I hope you either find compromise or that someday you find your sexual equal.
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This is fairly normal, but do you know why you are upset? Have you asked him why he does not want to as much as you do? Maybe there is a misunderstanding or some sort of miscommunication between you two. Hope this helps a bit.
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