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A follow up on my grade
Hi again. I'm the girl who asked for advice about her honors chemistry grade. I want you to know that though I'm suicidal I won't be taking my life ever. I have a friend who feels the same and we make sure to check up on one another and talk about things that stress us out before they get too hectic. Neither one of us would let the other give up on life and we both know many suicide hotlines that we can call in case of emergency. As for my grades, I have time this quarter to bring up my chemistry grade and I intend to do so. When I say that I don't take Chemistry by choice I mean that my school placed me there because I'm in the honors program. Once you've taken a class you can't change the difficulty level or join a new one until the next school year at which point the only place that you can really go is up. My mom kind of has this idea that unless there is some sign of a struggle early on that I will never have trouble and can totally handle everything. This has happened before. I had made okay grades in a class but when my grades dropped she got upset and disappointed because she thought that I could manage in my own. What I'm wondering is how to give her my report card. They're supposed to be mailed this week which means that I would have typically gotten it next week but they were early. I have the rest of this week to find a way to break the news and I'm terrified.
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I'm glad to hear that you and your friend are watching out for each other, this is good news. Lets first put things in the proper perspective.
You may have failed the quarter not the year, so this is not catastrophic. Yet you still fear telling your mom. This is what bothers me. My wife and I had a much different relationship with our son when he was in school. It was our feeling he should never fear coming to us with anything. IF it was bad news we would deal with it and help make it right, if it was good news we would of course celebrate with him and if appropriate reward him.
Our job as parents is to help our children prepare to be adults not to have then fear us. This is where I am having trouble with what you are dealing with. This is why you in my opinion are feeling suicidal. This is why I would like you to call the hotlines I suggested because they can help you by finding people that can make things better for you in this area by talking with you and mom. Then of course they can talk with you to help with the depression that is causing the suicidal thoughts.
Your answer to the problem is to take on even more work this semester by doing extra credit in Chemistry. I assume this is so you can not only bring up your grade but avoid summer school in order to bring up your grade. If I remember correctly you are 14 this means you should have 2 to 3 years more of high school ahead of you. My thoughts would be to work in Chemistry as you have in the past to get the grades you received in the first two quarters. Yes the failing grade will mean a big hit on the final grade though doing your best on the final test will benefit you. As long as you pass for the year is what I feel counts. You take the summer to rest and recuperate and be ready to hit the ground running next year.
Now as to how to tell mom: The best way I know of is to hit things straight on. You might say something like; "Mom I have to tell you I really struggled with Chemistry this semester and I haven't done well. I may have even failed the semester." I would call this approach preparing mom for what she will see on your report card. You’re not lying to her even if think you’re sure you have failed. Until the teacher marks the report card they can change your grade so you haven't failed until you see your grade on the report card.
The other way is to just come right out and say; "Mom my Chemistry teacher has told me I flunked Chemistry this semester." I prefer the first way as it gives mom some time to prepare herself for what she may see and maybe she won't be as upset when she sees the grade as she would be if she didn't know beforehand.
Whatever you decide to tell her please ask for help with the suicidal thoughts. Yes having a friend watch out for you is great. Having a doctor help you remove the problem causing these thoughts is better.
For this I speak from experience. I'm just barely old enough to be retired though I have been medically retired as a result of an auto accident I was in for the past 10 years. It was a three car accident. I was the only innocent of the three cars and the only one injured. My injuries left me disabled and unable to work. Having to deal with the lawyers and workers compensation as well as the fact my life was now 180 degrees different from what it was put me in a tail spin. I was no longer able to do a job I loved as well as being a volunteer fire fighter something else that for me made life worth living.
I had the same thoughts you now have. Fortunately my wife works in the mental health field and one of her coworkers talked me in to seeing a psychologist. My psychologist helped me put things in the proper prospective and identify those that were truly upsetting me. We then worked to correct those problems.
This is what I believe you need to do along with learning proper time management skills once you have identified what is causing your suicidal thoughts and addressed them. Like you I never gave suicide any serious thought. The problem is if you’re thinking that way you never know when things get so dark that it could become a real thought.
So please call the hotlines and let them help you.
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