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Frustrated with husband's fetish
Husband has a wierd fetish and I dont comply he said that im boring. I really want to have sexual relations with another man only because I do not like what he likes. We have been together for a really long time and we have children together but I am not truly in love with him anymore. I love the fact of having a family but being him makes me ill. I do not like what he likes at all. Im going out of my mind. I dont want to break up my family but we dont even get along anymore. He promises me things and never fallows through. My kids are happy and I thought isnt that important. I dont know try to live a good life. Im not happy though. What to do?
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I'm trying to understand your question though your wording confuses me some.
Your husband has a fetish but you don't say what it is and I gather it is one you do not wish to indulge him in. Then you say you want to has sex with another man only because you do not like what he likes. I assume your talking of your husband and his sexual likes.
You go on to say your not in love with him any more; this I understand. You say he makes promises that he fails to keep but you also don't want to break up your family because the children seem happy.
Staying in an unhappy relationship for the sake of the children will eventually harm the children. Children regardless of their ages will pick up on the undercurrents that will or are floating between you and your husband. As they get older they will start to question what they see and hear.
I cannot tell you how to live a good life from the standpoint of the question you are asking. What I can do is offer some suggestions as to how to fix the life you have.
I will assume that when you and your husband first married their was something about him you loved. Somewhere along the way what you loved about him has been lost or replaced by the comforts of cohabitation. This is not all that strange as it happens quite often. As we age we mature, we find different interest and in different ways we become better educated about life in general. If both spouses do not grow and mature together it is quite possible that the love you once had gets lost.
Before you throw the baby out with the bathwater and end the marriage. I would suggest you try marriage counseling both in combined and separate sessions. In this way the therapist can work with both of you to get to the root of the problem(s) and try to work them out.
I see one of the problems is your husbands fetish. I cannot truly comment on this as you didn't elaborate on the fetish. What I will say is nothing that happens sexually between two consenting adults is weird; PROVIDED BOTH PARTIES CONSENT TO WHATEVER IT IS. The operative words here are consent or consenting. For whatever reasons you have said no that is the end of it and your husband should stop hounding you to do so or to try. His continuing request or begging is sexual harassment. Yes a spouse can be charged with sexual harassment and even rape in many states.
The flip side of this and here again not knowing what he is requesting or the fetish is. You could consider, provided you will not be physically hurt or are not totally repulsed by his fetish, into giving in one time if you haven't already done so. Three things could come from this, he may find the fantasy is not as good as reality, you may both love it or hate it or you tried it didn't like it and won't do it again.
The thing here is you gave him his fantasy, one time, which is what a fetish is for the most part. Whether you continue to do so after that is something you decide after that one time and you tell him this in advance so there are no surprises.
Failing to follow through on his promises is something you work out in counseling. Don't be surprised if he thinks he has in someway or another kept all of his promises.
Having sex with another man is something you should not do while you are still married. It is morally wrong and the hardest thing to recover a marriage from.
You two were once in love. You have lost that love but it is quite possible with the right kind of help you can find that love again. With the proper help the lines of communication between you will be reopened and that is the road needed to find that lost love.
The fetish thing and my advice about it is a take it or leave it type of advice. The marriage counseling is something I believe you should try before you walk away from your marriage.
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You should end the realtionship, it isnt fair to anyone in the situation including the children involved for you two to be together if you dont get along anymore. Eventually the children will notice you dont love each other nor like each other and they will soon be unhappy.
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If you don't love him, can't get along, and are physically repulsed by him, then his fetish isn't your problem. Your problem is that you married to someone you simply do not like.
End it. It's not fair to either of you to stick together when all affection and respect is dead. His fetish may be a single thing can point too and say "That's the problem" but that's not the truth. The truth is this isn't working for you. The longer you keep pretending that it is, the unhappier you'll become.
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