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How to tell boyfriend unhappy?
19/f bf also this age
I've been with my bf for six months now. We see each other once a week or once every two weeks.
Recently, I've been starting to feel dis-satisfied with the relationship-even sometimes looking at other guys. My bf is nice, sweet, and fairly generous, but he isn't as caring as he could be and sometimes I don't find him attractive at all.
I'm his first relationship and I feel he's really clingy as well. Like talking about our lives together and he bought me teddy bears (2) and shocked me by saying "Just like our own little family".
I know this is typical for a first relationship-but its not my first relationship.
I don't want to break up with him, because I'm prepared to try things again.I want advice on how to tell him how to improve (in a nice way, obviously) Thnks
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Ok, your not seeing enough of him thats for sure because if you HAD been, you would have realized alot sooner that hes not for you. lol. Secondly it sounds like in your subconscience your just not SURE about him, or if hes your cup of tea compatibility wise, but if you hardly ever see him then how would you really know for SURE? people need ore time together to get to know one another and you cant really maintain a relationship being together so seldomly like this. you might as well just be distance FRIENDS while your at it.
What you could do is try asking him when you sitting together ALONE somewhere, how he feelings about you because your feeling like you care about him lots but your not sure. (dont let him actually answer when you ask during that "how do you feel" part, it'll give time to think about what to say next and prepare himself for what to say back once your finished talking. this will let YOU get your feelings out on the table first. lastly he doesnt come off as clingy if you guys only see each other only every week or so, not even THAT. he sounds like a normal guys thats just really smitten with you and wants more time with you.
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Are we talking 'improve' or 'change' something about his personality.
When its due to ignorance, simply never having learned how to do something right ( like washing red clothing with whites) or immaturity, again, not knowing there is a better way to do things, then talking to a person about improving on something is okay. Some of the things you mention are not things he can do anything to change like his appearance. Not the level of "caring' that you want, may simply be who he is at core. If he actually doing some dating no-no's you should be able to find something about what he is doing, listed on sites written by dating coaches or in their videos. Without specific examples, I have no way of knowing if you should say something or if perhaps it's just a personal preferance that he act a certain way and do certain things for you. It has nothing to do with whether its his 1st relationship or 5th..but rather who he is at core. What you interpret as being clingy may be him simply wanting to see you more often than 2 times to 4 times a month. I don't know how busy you both are with schedules but I know I couldn't be happy with that little contact with a significant other. And I am not a clingy person. Its perfectly fine also if you are happy with seeing him even just once a month....but the two of you need to be on the same llevel, not try to change each other into becoming what the other wants. Once we change for a another person, end result is inner conflict to the one who changed to become something they are not. It over stresses them and they can become depressed if they choose to force themselves to change on little personality trait issues all to please a partner. The person who wanted their partner to change, can in the long run lose all respect for their partner because now even though they made the changes the person wanted, they find they cant respect them, since they had no back bone, being wimpy a total pushover, etc...
I know all you want is a nice way to tell him to improve. But that wont solve not finding him attractive. It could be that New Relationship energy is what drew you together, it feels strong like love and attraction but NRE doesnt last long, weeks or months and slowly it fades away and leaves you with what ever the two of you have in common or not. You didn't mention anything about love. To some people, dating is a social thing...you gotta have a partner to appear normal in public cus everything who doesnt must be a loser or something. Its the wrong reason to date. Dating is a way that two individuals can discover more in depth the traits of the other person if this is what they are looking for in a long term or life long partner like marriage. If you discover there isnt just one thing where theres a mismatch but several, then perhaps its not the right one. If that is the case with you two, it would be totally unfair of you to approach him that way, expecting to fix him into becoming what you want. If he isn't what you want, now that the likely NRE effect is gone, then go find someone who is right for you. Girl, you need to have a man who is not only attractive to you all the time, but you are attracted to who he is on the inside, you get aroused by him, his touch gives you goose bumps, kisses start desire flowing, listening to him in conversation is soothing to you, etc. You need to be attracted to and love who he is inside because there is no guarantee the outside will remain the same. An accident could leave his face disfigured, or minus a leg, perhaps he doesnt age well and goes grey real early (a girlfriend did in her mid 20s) or goes bald early, he wrinkles early or puts on weight. Will you still love him or go looking for a pretty boy. At 19, we still don't know half as much as we think we do. At 20 I married and he turned out to be abusive. Looking back, I know now that I knew so little about dating and being able to judge a persons character fairly and accurately. You talk abut trying things again, dont know what you mean by it but to me its 'trying to make a relationship work' If dating is to find the person we have the most in common with and we love them just as they are without needing them to change anything tiny little thing about theirselves, it would be effortless and there wouldnt have to be this 'trying' to make it work. Where the trying and effort comes in is in having to dating one after another after another. The majority of people are not lucky enough to find the right person with the first person they date, not even the 2nd, or the 6th. Sometimes it takes a dozen or more people you meet before you find the right one. I did remarry. But I was a bit older and wiser now and yet still some that sounded promising from a dating site whom I talked to on phone and met in person, ended up being oh so wrong for me. My number of guys I met for dates that didnt work out numbered around 2 dozen or more. Was I frustrated, hell Yes! Did I give up and just settle for less with one of those guys? No. I kept on meeting one after the other. I am glad I didnt give up. I met the perfect man for me.
If you decide after all I've said that you need to break up and move on, then a nice way is to tell him that he is a wonderful guy, but as wonderful as he is, whether he feels you both are perfect for each other, in the 6 months you have been dating, all you feel is that he is not right for you. Rather than ask him to be someone he is not, you want him to find a girl who will accept him just as he is, and you want to also find a man you can accept as he is without him needing to be any different.
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