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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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I am a middle school girl and I suffer from severe depression. I experience suicidal thoughts on a regular basis, and find it hard to go for a night without either crying, self-harming, or making an attempt at my own life. I have been bullied for appearance, sexuality, and various other things. I only have one friend, who often times gets me depressed as she also suffers from severe depression. I have attempted to make more friends many times, but to no avail. I'm too scared to tell anyone or ask my parents for a psychologist. What should I do?
Hon, let me tell you as a mom that I still feel real badly that when my daughter started HS, she started having depression and she never told me about it. We only found out when after her first baby, she has post partum depression appear on top of her regular one and thats when she felt like killing herself and her baby even though she knew it wasn't right. We got her in to see her Dr.
I just wish she hadn't needed to suffer all those years in silence. Your parents love you and would feel the same. It is even worse when parents lose a child to suicide. They begin to blame themselves, even tho as in my case, there were no symptoms to see whatsoever and she and I talked all the time, just not about that. Many marriages split up when grieving parents can't get over the grieving and guilt and blame each other instead of leaning on each other in such a time. So if you do nothing and if you have any suicidal thoughts as you wrote, then its serious and not saying anything greatens the chance they would be grieving your death in the near future.
I would also like to mention that since you are in middle school, its a time where most kids are starting or still going through puberty and for some girls whose hormones are too high, instead of just being more emotional, they can become depressed. So it might be a contributing factor.
So I highly recommend that you say something to your parents. Its not your fault you are this way, its beyond your control to do anything about to make it go away. And it doesnt mean you are lacking or broken in any way. The hormone thing happens to a good amount of girls these days and depression is becoming very common place too and I can't say I blame anyone for feeling that. The world and society today is a much harsher, terrible place than it was when I was growing up so its not surprising that so many have depression.
As for being scared, it is normal to be scared of something that you feel greatly but know nothing about, let alone whether you can be cured or lead a normal life. How normal your life will be will depend on alot, what you do tell the parents, they need to know about the bullying and go talk to your principal about it. Bullying is not being tolerated by adults in charge in schools these days if they know about it. You may fear retaliation in which case, the school still needs to know to deal with the bulliers and the parents switch you to another school or perhaps home schooling or a private school like a local Christian school. One of my daughters went to one for a while. Kids will still be normal kids there but the rules are stricter and enforced and parents involved not only in giving time to help in the school but in agreement with the running of the school. Even if religion isn't your thing, it would be the safer place for you.
I want you to show my response to them. They may have their own stresses in life but they love you. so you may see great concern on their faces...as it should be, dont feel guilty about that. They would rather have the chance to deal with helping you any way they can than deciding which casket to buy for your burial.
One last thing I'd like to share, more for them is that I have learned more since my daughters revelation of having depression. I have discovered that there are Psychologists today whose treatment plan is more personalized to the patients real needs. Medication may be used but as a last resort if other methods do not work. One of these methods written about, CBT cognitive behavioral therapy helps both anxieties and depression. I used to have severe social depression as a kid and teen. My last year in high school I was tired of being so shy and lacking confidence. So I prayed and asked God to tell me what to do, see...asking for advice like you are doing here. What I was told to do cured me. I was surprised to read a book recently by Dr. David D. Burns in which he wrote about a recipe for overcoming social anxiety (among other things) and it was exactly the same thing as I had used to get over mine. So if you take care with finding just the right psychologist, it can be a good thing rather than automatically being given drugs where the side effects are just as bad as the depression. If you or the parents are interested I have a link to a website for Dr. Burns. He teaches people about the possible cure out there to give them hope. He is just one person and cant see all but perhaps if the parents can't find a Dr. who used CBT and other therapies, you might find a referrel from asking on his site. Here it is and good luck to you all, Tell your parents hon.
http://feelinggood.com/
I'm a 7th grade girl who is constantly annoyed by her friends. They're REALLY weird and can hurt my feelings a lot of the time. I thought they would be really great friends when I moved here but now they just get on my nerves. In my old house I had soooo many good friends and now I'm starting to get more but I can't get away from my annoying friends without them making a huge scene!
What should I do???
Question is, do you want to be able to stay away from them. If its just that you feel annoyed with their behavior but individually, there are things you still like about each of them, then abandoning them is not the answer.
there's a saying that goes: How do you eat an elephant? One small bite at a time.
What I am trying to say is that perhaps you'd find it easier to be able to handle them one at a time. Be honest and let them know you are going through something emotionally and for the time being can't handle hanging with larger groups all at once. (They don't have to know they are the cause of it as it could actually be in part the hormones of puberty still affecting your emotions and making you much more easily irritated.)
Let them know as a group that you are only going to spend time with one of them at a time and each will get their turn. Thats it, plain and simple. If any one of them doesnt care about you enough to care about you and your request, then you've done your best, walk away from them as a friend and don't associate with them.
How do I order makeup without being caught(free makeup)
I assume this means the parents have set a rule that you can't wear makeup. I don't know your age but once in HS, My personal opinion is that it should be okay.
Free offers by mail require you having an address for them to send to and often being able to pay the shipping and handling at the least and therefore need of money. If they will accept a money order, you'll need money to pay for the money order or perhaps a visa or master card gift card with money on it. The only way to have an address where you can receive mail is to have your own paid post office box. Then again, there is your age, if a child, I'm not sure the post office will give a po box to a child or if there is any age limit one must be over. If old enough to work, I would suggest you working to have your own money to make this possible if you s till wish to go against your parents wishes.
Just realize that breaking trust with them, if found out, the rules and restrictions may tighten severely and if you are not even close to turning 18 and being an adult able to do as you please, then it will be a long hard wait until 18.
Hey, warning in advance there might be a lot if questions in this.
Anyways, I'm a freshman and I've seem this cute guy in the hallway. I feel kik he looks a me but that could just be my imagination. I don't know amything about this boy. I don't know his name, age, grade... ANYTHING! But I know there's this guy I always see him with is friends with my friend and I was wondering should I ask her to get info on him? Should I just go up to him myself? Or should I just leave him alone? He doesn't look like a junior or a senior but he might just be short. Also, do you think it's okay to go to Sadie's alone?
Sorry for all the questions, I just wanted to know! Thanks!
I know girls often go to dances alone, my daughters went with a group of girlfriends who had no partners. The only problem when its not an open dance but one where the girls ask the boys out, there aren't likely to be any single guys showing up since they weren't invited by a girl...that's the way those dances usually work.
I will mention now that if you face your fears of going up and talking to a guy you don't know, you'll find that other than those initial moments, the fear usually disappears quickly after you start doing that which scares you.
If still too scared to approach him first, you have a good in, with the guy friend of his who is friends of your friend. Wait til the guy is alone and then just walk up and say, "Hi Bill, I am Lori. You're friends with my friend Mandy. I was wondering if you could do me a favor perhaps. I've been noticing this guy you hang out with. Is he dating anyone that you know of? I ask because I'd like to ask him to the dance but I've never met him, don't know his name and so thats awkward to walk up to a stranger and ask him to dance. So, if he's single, I was hoping that sometime when you are next to him, I could come up to you two and greet you and you greet me and introduce me to him as Mandys friend and then introduce me to him. I'd appreciate that a lot."
I dont think he's refuse. Guys are lots like girls when it comes to noticing the opposite sex and trying to play match maker for their friends however they tend to be really big teasers when a friend is interested.
I dont suggest having your friend go talk to her friend first, there could be important key words forgotten that aren't what is told back to you and could change the meaning of his response. Its best you do this yourself. Even at your age, I didn't like it when a guy was too afraid to talk to me and sent friends to ask me questions. It meant he was too wimpy for me, I liked a more confident guy. I know its common at your age to do so, but learning to find the info you want on your own is much better.
Hi, how do you know if the flirty guy friend likes you? He is flirty with everyone and I can't guess if it's a tease or joke or flirt. Thanks
When a person is flirty with everyone, that is part of who they are, their unique personality. Unfortunately, that rules out flirting as a sign for you to be able to tell if there is interest in you beyond friendship level. He will likely be showing it in other ways. If he is self confident enough and outgoing to be this way with many, then he will have no trouble letting his true feelings be known. All you need is to be discussing topics close to dating that will get him talking and ask him questions 'as a friend'.
And learn to steer a conversation to what you want to learn. For example, you could ask questions to get him describing what he would consider the perfect girlfriend to be and if needed, you reciprocate with what you are looking for. Here's the twist tho, the important pieces you can't leave out. When he's describing what his perfect girlfriend is, if it sounds totally unlike you, don't even go there. If parts of it or all sound like you, then Do say so. "Gee, the perfect girlfriend you described almost sounds like my personality!" And when you are describing the perfect boyfriend, you don't have to go into much detail and just start, interrupt yourself as if it just occurred to you, "...actually,come to think of it, my perfect boyfriend would be someone alot like you. I wonder, if perhaps, we should both give it a try, go beyond friendship to see if we could become more than friends? What do you think?"
With that opening, you've left the conversation ready for him to have opportunity to confess he has feelings for you if there are any, without fear now of losing your friendship.
Hi I'm a bisexual 15 year old female, and for the longest time I've been attracted to another female friend of mine. I've tried to explain to her but that went wrong in ways you don't even want to know, so I was thinking about getting together a bunch of her favorite snacks for valentines day but I need to know if that sounds to forward. I guess I should also explain that said girl also has this thing about also dating girls from Canada and also has a strong belief that she is fat. (Just in case that helps)
Since adviceman said all the important things I would have addressed, I'm only going to say that everyone has a different love language, five basic ways people like to be treated that translates in their minds as being loved. What people do wrong is assume that the way they like to be shown they are loved is the same way someone sees it. So if you feel loved when recieving gifts and for her instead, it is words of affirmation, or quality time, then the gift giving won't register as you being attracted to and having feelings for her.
I will list a link on love languages for you.
http://marriage.about.com/cs/communicationkeys/a/lovelanguage.htm
Then again, you are already friends and I would think that like my own friends, sometimes, knowing things you like, if they think of it or see something they know you'd love, its no big deal to recieve a gift from a friend. So if you
are hoping to get some kind of message across to her that you are interested in her as more than friends, while a nice gesture, I don't think she's likely to translate recieving a gift of favorite snacks on Valentines day as anything significant. But I could be wrong. You know her better than I can ever guess.
can a girl get pregnant if a boy just
touches his penis to her vagina from backside
I assume you were having anal sex. If he was wearing a condom, and while wearing it pulled out of your anus and placed the tip at the entrance of your vagina, well the condom prevents any sperm from getting inside you so you cant be pregant that way. However the outside of the condom, considering where it was, is covered in fecal matter some too small to see and placing it at your entrance, gives these germs a chance to enter and give you a hell of a vaginal infection.
If he wasnt wearing one, and there is still cum on his penis mixed with your fecal matter, you can end up pregnant and with a vaginal infection at the same time.
I have been doing some research on the dominant and submissive lifestyle because I have been dating this guy for over a year and he wanted to know if I had ever been involved with this type of sex I said no I am a virgin and he asked me how I felt about this and being submissive because he liked submissive type girls during sex and while I was looking it up on the web it basically said I would be doing what ever they wanted and they could do whatever they wanted to me does this mean once that I agree I can't say no or back out? What are safety issues? Tips on anything appreciated I am so nervous. First time havening any kind of intercourse.
27 female
My own opinion is that when starting to experience sex for the first time, its best not to commit to any one type of sexual style because not having had it before, you won't know yet what you like until you experience a lot of it with different partners. It wasn't until a divorce and I was dating again that I finally experienced all the things I never did with my ex with whom there was a sexual mismatch between us. SO I learned later in life what I really liked and didn't like in sex and discovered a lot about myself. I tend to be the kind of person who likes a smorgasbord of a lot of different things. You might be too. But if you commit to being a submissive, you'll miss out on other stuff. It wont be the same if you are being ordered to do it. Sometimes, I like to be the one calling the shots.
If done properly, a couple who truly trust each other and have been intimate already, but venture into being dom and sub, will come up with safe words and when used, all activity stops. But theres no way to really know if you can fully trust him ahead of time. Did he explain why he likes submissive girls during sex? And what if he wants you to be submissive at other times too, not just the bedroom.
This guy will only have any power over you that you give him. I have seen the Fifty Shades of Grey and if you have, you'll know that this girl was a virgin, agreed to it, and in the end, after him making decisions for her on things that had nothing to do with sex, without asking her first, and the humiliation she felt as he punished her, decided that no matter if she signed a contract, she wanted out and she left.
If you want to try it with him, let him know you will not agree to being a submissive until you have experienced other type of sex too.
Sex should be an expression of love between 2 people who love each other deeply and as such is called making love. The making love I know is a 2 way street, with the man doing his utmost to please his lady love and the female doing all she can to please him at the same time. When we put our partners best interests ahead of our own, this is truly the best way to experience sex. A couple can take turns being the submissive and doing whatever the partner says.
This man has been around for a year but are you just another conquest or is he in love with you and wanting to make a commitment to be with you for life? Just cus you haven't had sex yet with a man doesnt mean you should jump at your first chance to have it if the man is only wanting another submissive sex partner for the time being instead of a lover for life. Lots of people talk about sub and dom and don't how a vast an area it covers and also how many different idea's people have on what it entails. What he may think is a submissive girl is nothing at all like what you've read. I'd question him more. And if he did not agree to have different types of sex, only sub and dom with you, then you might want to consider experiencing the one type with him and the other stuff with other men. If he isn't willing to do it all with you and must have a commitment to do only the one, then guess what, he's thinking more about what he wants and what turns his crank than he cares about how the sex experience is going to be for you. To me, to remain stuck in a promise to be submissive for a man who isn't even in love and wanting me for the rest of his life, as in a wife, is selling myself short. No love, no reciprocal, partner pleasing sex, sorry but if it was me, I'd pass on it.
I m from india.. And 20 years old in IT field of engineering..I was in a relationship fr nearly 14 months but i m tired of my relationship becauae my gf constantly picks fights and i have to make it up everytime. I am tired and want to break up..i tried but she has got way too paranoid and hystetical..totally insane..i do not know how to deal with this..please advice needed desperately
I don't blame you for wanting to break up. Any person who can't be a whole person on their own, like a clingy insecure one, is not a good choice for a relationship. If she truly is like this, then the best thing you can do is to tell her in person that you have given this relationship a lot of time to see if maybe your feelings would change, but in 14 months, you feel that you still don't feel like you both have the right chemistry to make a long term relationship work.
You do not bring up and tell her that you are dumping her because of the fighting or that she's clingy, hysterical, drama queen, etc. People with these issues are not going to want to hear about them because if they were ready to acknowledge them, they'd be making personal choices to change. All you would get is a fight if you give the real reasons spelled out.
Now even if you just mention no chemistry, based on what shes like, she may still go into hysterics, or promise to do whatever you say, or cry or yell. Do not lose your determination and give in and agree to stay with her. It won't improve and you'll just be mad at yourself. Do not answer her calls or texting and just cut off communication. If she decided to threaten you with commiting suicide if you dont stay with her, inform her family of that threat so they can keep wa tch over her but if shes as bad as you say, she may use that threat and not really mean it. If she does get that upset and commits suicide, it is not your fault but something internally in her that was off balance to begin with and any major upsetting event in life can set such a person off to killing their self. It isnt all that hard to break up. Whats hard is how you deal with it in your heart and your mind.
I'm 21, female and my boyfriend is 24. We've been together for almost a year and are sexually active. He always uses a condom and I'm on birth control.
Saturday was the most recent time we had sex and I had a feeling of needing to pee the entire next day after - this has happened to me about three other times since he and I had began having sex but it always went away the next day (two days after being together) but this time it didn't go away. It got to be so irritating to me that I finally broke down and went to my doctor. I had been told that I had a urinary tract infection which I had assumed and I was prescribed a week long antibiotic. She told me that since my bladder was irritated other times before, that I may be an unlucky lady that contracts urinary tract infections at the slightest irritation of the urethra and if that's the case, I'm going to have to go on lifelong medicine and take it every time before my boyfriend and I do anything which, I guess, I can deal with since I'm already on birth control everyday as well.
I guess what my issue is just that I'm now so nervous to do anything with him. It's not fair to him at all so then I feel bad when I tell him no. He tells me he totally understands my apprehension and that he isn't ever mad that I tell him no but I don't want to go the rest of my life with him always being afraid to do anything at all. We talked about it last night after I broke down and started crying a little when I told him I think there's something wrong with me and that its my fault that we haven't been able to be together for a few days, I told him I don't want him to get bored of me since as this point, I feel like I'm not enough to for him because when he wants something, I'm just too afraid to give it to him before we go to bed. He tells me I'm being silly and that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him and I believe him, I just feel bad.
Anyone that says uti's aren't that bad is truly lying; it's the most annoying thing I've ever had to deal with and that's why I never want to have to deal with it again and it's just kind of scary to me that I don't definitely know that I will deal with it again.
I guess I'm just asking if anyone has dealt with this what they did or how I can get over this nervousness and just be happy with myself and my boyfriend again.
Thanks.
I can guarantee you will have more UTI's during your life. To try to lessen how often it happens, you need to be doing the following if not already doing so:
Drink lots of fluids daily. When i am short on fluids, I am more prone to UTI's. A bladder that isn't being used to its maximum and only has a little pee in it also has a chance of not draining properly and some germs remaining instead of exiting with the urine.
After having sex, go to the bathroom and try to pee. The act of peeing will rinse out any germs that may have entered during the course of having sex. If you can't pee, drink some fluids and pee as soon as you have a need to.
When wiping after using toilet,always wipe from front to back,and dont rewipe with the same TP, use fresh to repeat. This ensures that you are not dragging and liquid from anus or fecal matter towards the vagina or urethra.
If you are experiencing diarrhea, that has been the biggest culprit for me. Sorry for being graphic but you need to know that with some explosive spraying diarrhea, some of that liquid can land close to the urethra or vagina. Even proper wiping doesnt always guarantee I won't get a UTi right after recovering from the runs. But if at home, you can try using a washcloth and warm water to wipe the area gently.
And now an aside, not connected to the urge to pee of UTI's, if part of sex play includes trying to stimulate your G spot, I need to share some important information. The G spot is another place where you can get orgasms from. Unlike the clit which is a more localized orgasm, the g spot is more a full body orgasm. Since you are feeling nervous and afraid, I am going to explain this in detail so you can know what is natural to expect and what isn't.
The g spot is a rougher patch of skin located on the tummy side or upper side of the vagina if you are laying down. It is no more than 2 inch or less inside. The only issue with its location is that it is right in front of a section of your urethra so when the g spot is stimulated, and you are getting close to an orgasm, you can feel an urge to pee. You wont pee, its only the sensation of the urethra recieving any residual stimulation from g spot stimulation. I recommend emptying your bladder just before engaging in this particular activity of having sex so you are assured the bladder is empty. When the urge to pee comes, instead of using your muscles to hold back the flow which also prevents the orgasm, just release and let go. Half of women will release a liquid which is runny and the equivalent of an ejaculation that flows out from you so use towels first in case you think this may be the case. The other half of women, when they ejaculate, instead of flowing out, the liquid released in orgasm flows into her bladder. Scientists have checked the bladder contents from before and after and learned that this is where it goes if not flowing out. I have never gotten a bladder infection from g spot stimulation. If your partner is doing it too hard and fast, it can feel bruised for a day or two after and go back to normal. that happened only once to me and I am in my fifties now. The other time, I already had a bladder infection starting but wasn't sure and I felt the g spot touching more strongly and more irritating instead of good and as soon as I had my appointment, found that it was indeed a UTI and got my meds. If you find you are still extremely sensitive and want to avoid doing the g spot sex, then do so. You can still do the clit ones or read up on the A spot, from the little available I've read, its a spot again on the upper side of vagina right in front of your cervix at the end of vagina. You might try different positions to see if you can get the partners penis to hit it naturally or engage use of a dildo. Doing the A spot can occur during intercourse, or as i said with a dildo. The g spot rarely happens with intercourse as the in and out motion isn't quite the right stimuli for this spot. A finger gently pressing and rubbing and starting slow and speeding up some most likely will do it. I don't know of any sex act that will cause infections unless you"re with a guy who watches porn and believes what he sees, a guy pulling out of a gals anus and sticking his penis straight into her vagina or mouth. ITs made to appear that way but that doesnt happen.
:Your partner should make sure to have very clean hands and clean under his nails and nails trimmed, no rough edges.
Lastly, cranberry juice or tablets have been reported to get rid of UTIs that are just starting. If full blown, they may not have an effect at all. I have only seen a doctor 3 times in my life to get meds. All the rest of time, the cranberry juice got rid of UTI's. Otherwise, I may have been in to the Drs for UTIs a lot. If I had to guess dear, from age 20 til 57, I've probably had UTIs on average 2 times per year and thats following all the precautions I gave you.
What the medical person told you, I'd get another medical persons opinion on. I personally haven't heard of people who got UTIs from the slightest irritation of the urethra and need life long meds for that. Now I have heard of people who have irritable bladder syndrome. If you truly have that, you'd be experiencing it regardless if you ever had sex or not. Sex does not create this syndrome. Its also known as overactive bladder syndrome or interstitial cystitis. Please read this link with info. It also lists some foods that are likely to irritate the bladder same as foods that can irritate the stomach. If you think you have this syndrome, it can't hurt to cut down on or cut out the foods that tend to contribute to this problem and see what happens. The last resort should be you having to go on medication for life. I think you are just scared by something that may never come to be your situation.
I want you to feel free to try having sex, make sure to use only approved personal lubrications and dont let thoughts of the worst possible scenerios fill your mind. What you focus on, your subconscious mind will interpret as being important and desired by you and it may cause you to think you feel something bad where there is nothing bad happening at all, only your worry causing the feelings. If you continue to do all this and still have issues, then yes see Dr again and get tested for irritable bladder syndrome.
But sex as far AS I've heard, doesnt contribute to or cause it. UTI's and Irritable bladder syndrome are 2 very different things with the same feelings. Choose to believe the best instead of the worst at this point dear cus if you don't, you could develop great fears and anxieties that destroy your sex life and that can lead to destroying the relationship too. Dont allow distorted thoughts to control your actions regarding having sex and enjoying it. Since having sex, is not highly likely to cause UTIs for you, the only concern for not engaging in it should be if it is very painful and irritating to you each and every time. If so, go see Dr. as I said to get checked out for that syndrome.
I always hang around with the same group of people. But there's this girl who began hanging around with us recently and we don't get along. I get along great with most of the group except her and she gets along great with most of the group except me. She always insults me but never insults the rest of the group. I don't want to lose friends. How do I tell my friends that I find her annoying?
I am a 12 year old male ( the group of friends consists of both genders)
Hmm, tough situation. Girls at that age are going through the hormones of puberty and unlike with guys, their hormones have a great bad effect on their emotions. They become more easily irritated or extremely sad, but the anger part is the stronger emotion and in teen girls is most often directed without cause at other close females such as girlfriends, Mom or sis. But I suppose that since she's close to this group, she's chosen you to pick on. Just know its not likely that you are doing something wrong, just more like a personality clash. Some people you meet and instantly like and others you just dont even want to get to know. This means more likely a person is picking up on vibes from a person that their subconscious mind responds to and says, I like or don't like. Since this group is a mix of girls and boys, there may be other girls who may soon become somewhat touchy or unreasonable emotionally soon themselves in other ways. Some of us can hide it well or control it. If she has female friends in the group, you might ask any of them if they think it seems she picks on you and insults you but doesnt do it with the rest of group. You might even ask if they know she might be acting like this cus of something you have unintentionallly done. If they haven't a clue, you may have to ask her yourself. Let her know that you have noticed that she insults you without picking on the others. Ask if you've done anything to bother or hurt her. If theres something, apologize and attempt to at least be social to each other in the group. If theres' nothing, ask if you remind her of someone she doesnt like and remind her that you are not that person. Other than that, the only thing you can do is change your mind set to one of feeling sorry for her that she is such an unhappy person that she needs a person to use as her venting for all her stress and unhappiness. If you can put yourself in her shoes, then perhaps you might gain understanding of why she does it and that alone might help you to not let it bother you as much. Dont try to get the group to choose sides, just try to get along with all. Remember, there is no reward to her if she gets no reaction from you like the ones she expects when insulting. If you smile and say thankyou or yes, you're right. It won't be any fun to vent on you any longer and she'll likely seek another source to dump on.
I am madly in love with my best friend, we've known each other for almost 5 years now and I've lately been growing stronger feelings for her, but the thing is, she only sees me as a brother, and her boyfriend has been nothing but good to me. He's been helping me get out of my depression as well as helping me find a job (since I've been jobless for almost three years now). She and I live together which makes everything even harder for me. What should I do?
Since she already has a boyfriend, anything you say or do right now would be interferance in an already established relationship.
Also it puts great pressure and stress on her and your relationship with the boyfriend. You already know how hard it is for you to live with her while having these feelings. Imagine her knowing how you feel and now having to live with you daily. She will feel awkward and uncomfortable. How would her boyfriend feel and how likely would he be to feel comfortable with you continueing to live with her after that announcement or even his willingness to help you?
What has happened is that you've been friend zoned. I can't say that even if single, that she would feel chemistry and develop romantic feelings with you if the situation were right. But something that you are doing or more likely not doing, is what sends the message of friendship only with no thought of anything romantic. In longer term successful relationships, it is important to be best of friends but number two is also having that romantic chemistry, it can't be one sided, but both feeling this.
The time to make your move if you get a chance is when the two of them are no longer a couple. And in the meanwhile, check on the internet, you tube for info on how to not get friendzoned.
Often the friend is so afraid of losing their best friend that they silently love the friend but never give off any clues as to how they feel and unless shes a mind reader, she won't know. Or you have trouble reading her, signs like from body language, also lots of info on the internet, watch some youtube videos that have people acting out the body language people use if interested that way. Right now with her mind on bf, I am sure there are no signs towards you and by now she probably assumes you have no romantic feelings towards her in 5 yrs time.
Women tend to wait for the guy to make the first move to kiss or do something to close the barrier and get cuddled up next to her, touch her in ways that are flirty but not overt. So add to your list, watching videos or reading up on how to flirt. A favorite one is to pretend to pick an eyelash off her face or some debri out of the hair. Dont just lunge for her, just say, :Hold still, you have something on your face/hair and then make the move. Right now, it isnt a good idea to do these things. But you need the time to learn. If she is young, then she is probably still learning about relationships and this probably isn't her final one yet. So wait until your chance comes again if it does and be ready. If it doesnt, you will know more to deal with the next girl you fall for.
So I want to join a sport, but I don't know what I want to do! I was thinking of maybe doing lacrosse.
You need to think about who you are and your needs, and what your likes are. If you like being part of a team, then lacrosse, soccer, basketball, baseball, football are team sports.
If you'd rather work alone or have just one partner in the sport with you, then perhaps tennis, racquetball,biking, golf, etc. might be better. Which sports have you found yourself having more of an interest in watching. Sometimes, that can be an indication of something. I tended to always prefer watching soccer or basketball because the action was faster and the game just flowed. With golf, its slow as a snails pace, and football to me had the constant interuptions as I saw it when someone got tackled. So when I decided to try a sport I tried soccer and loved it. Think of these kinds of thing when making your decision.
21/f
Met a guy in tinder around September hung out with him twice and slept with him both times. Just moved to the area we were both getting out of serious relationships and both didn't want anything serious....he told me he didn't want to cross lines anymore and just be friends. I have feelings for this guy but am accepting all he wants to be his friends. Saw him last night and hung out strictly as friends and before I left he gave me a side hug and kissed my head....what does this mean??? Am I over thinking it....
Guess what...females more often have a tendency to fall for a guy they are having sex with simply because females are basically made up that way, we are in touch with our feelings and not afraid to voice them. Something intimate like the sex act is most likely going to cause a female to fall for a guy eventually.
Guys surprisingly are not made the same way though most women think they must be just like us when it comes to sex, and our feelings and dating and relationships. Nope...not at all. If you could find some time to start to study what males are all about, you'd know that sex is not what makes a guy fall in love with a woman. You and I both don't really know this guy. So how can we know if his gestures mean anything specific at all. guessing and wondering and asking anyone but the person you have questions about is not going to get you the true answer.Maybe he is an affectionate guy and not afraid of showing he cares about someone. A kiss on the head is not a romantic gesture, more like a friend or brother, maybe he's like that with the female members of his family. I can see a guy kissing his grandma that way or sister. But you don't know if this is how he is naturally with everyone or if he is considering you a very close friend. I wouldn't wonder too much about just one little act. It it the consistant actions of a person and the type of actions toward you over time that will tell you more. If you are hoping to accidently bump into a guy who might end up becoming your life mate, then you need to look for guys who are ready for that kind of commitment. Guys at your age or even older 20s aren't usually ready to marry yet or commit to living the rest of their life with one female married or not. If you are wanting a guy who can be a romantic interest just for a season, just a social dating interest without any thought of the future, then just about any guy will do, including friends and friends with benefits. Guys can do FOB way better than females for the reason I mentioned earlier. If this is something you can be content with, then keep up the relationship. If you want to open up your options, start seeing several guys at the same time. As long as you let them all know you are not dating to make a commitment yet but doing so to discover which guy is a better fit for you and when you've decided and he feels the same, then is when you will date only the one, but not until then. Men actually understand this and are okay with it more so than women. I did just that when I was on a dating site where I found my 2nd husband. You may not have an idea yet of what you want. You are young enough with plenty of dating of different guys left to do before you can make a well informed decision as to who is the one you'll end up with for life.
I have this urge to chew on putty or rubber. It's like a craving but for rubber. Ive been doing this since is was little. I don't know if this is normal for people or what?
I once saw a show of people with strange tendencies, like one girl who ate chalk and another who ate laundry detergent.
I do remember a panel of Dr.s and scientists really checking the people out and doing all sorts of tests.
From what I remember, it seemed that in a great majority of the cases, the person with the odd craving had some essential minerals or vitamins missing in their body. And the human body is a strange thing. When we lack something in our diets, we can develop an appetite for a particular food, but sometimes its not food at all but something that can be harmful over long term if taken internally. I would assume that even rubber has teeny molecules of whatever is part of the products that originally made it that mixes in your saliva and enters your system. Since it seems to satisfy your craving you continue doing it. But when its non food items we crave, you can bet that the replacement for what your body lacks is a very poor one or in some way mimics it for a short while and still only meets the craving instinct but doesn't actually build up what you are short on, and thats why the craving is still there.
If I remembered this all correctly, then its time to see your Dr. and get a blood test done to check for what you may be lacking and let them know of this craving. that should be the start to recovery of a normal diet with any supplements you may need.
I'm a female I'm 16 years old. I've usually gotten along with my mom 10x better. I haven't had a bad relationship with my dad it's just he always works so we don't get to connect on a daily basis as my mom and I. Both my parents live together and I can't complain much about my lifestyle. When my sister was pregnant she had problems with her high blood pressure then in her final weeks had an infection so they made her stay in the hospital and I understand why my parents favored her during that time because she needed it. They've always favored her more though but I've gotten use to it. Meanwhile that time she was in the hospital my mom would stay with her a lot and leave me and my dad to come home by ourselves. My mom basically does everything for us she's amazing. In that time while she was gone my dad didn't really take control of the situation, didn't ever really wonder if I ate, slept good, was feeling good. He was kind of about himself. At that time I really felt like we could connect more and he could fill in my moms shoes a bit. It's not that I had a problem making food.. after a while I noticed I started having alot of anger towards him I have no idea why. I'm pregnant as well and when I've gotten into fights with him he blames my boyfriend for my personality a lot and it makes me irritated. I don't feel like it's right he yells at me when I'm pregnant and didn't with my sister. Maybe it's because I'm young and have my hormones going crazy but I really don't know why everything he does bothers me and makes me mad. I can't stand being talked to or anything it makes me feel awful because I don't want to hate him. I'm so grateful for everything he's done for me but I just feel so much unknown anger.
As far as I can see from what you've mentioned, you have resentment towards Dad and that is what is causing your anger.
It would be wonderful if you had the kind of relationship with him that you have with Mom and I have a feeling you've wanted that so bad and that more of lately due to your sisters treatment during pregnancy and yours during the same, you feel you have greater proof that his love for the two daughters is not equal.
Heres how I view that situation, being a parent of 3 daughters myself. No two kids are alike, and so, while I may find my personality in ways is closer to one daughter than another, I still love them all. I have found that how I relate to and love each daughter has been somewhat different mainly because they each are so different and one way of meeting the first daughters needs just isn't going to work for the next 2, a parent cant use the cookie cutter method for raising children other than deciding that rules and discipline are the same, a consistancy that is important.
I realize your Dad isn't doing the best job of being a Dad. Unfortunately, there is no handbook or operaters license that comes with newborns and all parents have to learn the hard way, by daily experience and some will make mistakes along and way, and other parents never actually learn how to be the best parents. Sometimes, a parent will out of habit and their upbringing, treat you the way their parents treated them, also not fair, but you're in that same position, not quite satisfied with the DAD you have and when you marry, will he be great Dad and husband material? Will you treat your kids the way your Dad treated you or will you do better? Often we choose to not do better than our parents did because in our minds it seems disrespectful to go far beyond what they accomplished in their life on earth.
And, we get stuck with the parents we get, there's no choice to turn them in for a better fitting model like something you bought at the store. I'd talk to Mom about asking Dad to not yell at you as the stress isn't not only bad for you but will affect the baby. I've heard that babies born to over stressed Moms can end up being the fussy crying babies that nothing will console them. So if he doesn't want to suffer later with a baby that won't quit crying, its better to keep peace and keep you happy now.
But other than that, I can't say what may help you get closer to Dad, now or ever. Just don't shut the door of friendship to him forever. Keep it unlocked, ready to welcome him into your life in case he does change. Most people change very slowly and very little during a life time if at all so don't get your hopes up for anything more. He is your birth father and there will always be that blood bond, but sometimes, people who end up feeling like family to us throughout life have no blood bond with us, they are the 'adopted' by your heart, sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, grandparents, etc. Yes, your hormones may be affecting you somewhat but in time it should be better after you deliver the child.
Since DADS always working and doesnt have the kind of time to connect with you often like Mom, you could try writing him little notes that he can find, like in his lunch, briefcase, pocket of his coat. As with emails and text, the other person can then respond at a time when convenient for them. I know its not face to face time but its better than nothing and if you tell Mom you'll be doing this, she can encourage him to write you notes when he can too.
Theres also something called Love languages. Each person has a particular way in which they recognize Love such as giving of gifts, of words of affirmation and they tend to give a show of love the same way they want to recieve it and thats where many people fail. Each of my daughters for example has a different love language. One needed quality time with me to know that i loved her, another needed acts of kindness to feel my love. If interested in studying that for yourself, it will help you with your own child, with whomever you marry someday and with friends, family and throughout your life. Very valuable. Here's a link to that:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
There are many online tests to discover what yours is. Show it to Mom and have her take it. Once she understands it, ask her what gift she thinks is your Dads... cus It is a good possibility its not the same as yours. If you know in what ways your Dad shows love, then maybe it might be there for you to recognize unless for some reason he was so emotionally damaged as a kid and never recovered as an adult.
I hope this all at least gives you other perspectives to think about in your situation, even if it may not bring about what you seek.
This might sound a little stupid to some people, but to me it feels like the end of the world. My teacher had to take a phone call at the beginning of class, we also had a test that day. I guess I got so into my book I read right through the test and didn't even answer a single question, heck I didn't even get a paper! I heard the Bell ring and realized I didn't even get a test. I just walked out of the room like an idiot before he saw me. Now he's going to find out that I read right through a test and get really mad. I honestly don't know what to to and don't even want to go back to school tomorrow!
Your biggest fear is that the teacher won't believe you when you explain. If you tend to be the kind of student who's always goofing off, class clown, skipping assignments, etc. then I can understand he having a hard time believing your explanation. Otherwise, its best not to leave people guessing what happened or even when you say things, what you really meant (you can tell by odd looks on peoples faces) I will explain things before even asked for explanation because I know that most people never tend to ask and would rather just wonder or it doesnt occur to them that there is a need to ask.
So like adviceman, I say to go explain it to your teacher. I am sure he's done the same thing as far as being so focused on something that he blocked out everything else going on around him. People do that at times. Its not an intentional thing, its accidental. The only thing he could be a bit disappointed with you for is pretending nothing went wrong, not trusting him enough to approach him right away and guess what, when faced with something we did that wasn't right but intentional, even the good kids will get scared and not want to own up to what happened. Its a matter of our brain not fully mature yet as our bodies seem to be. The brain isn't done maturing until mid 20's and so, yes, even I had my fair share of events where I freaked out and didn't come clean and ask for help cus I was terrified. So I dont think anything bad of you for that, especially since you've now come here to ask for advice...it shows you are a very good student and person and I am sure the teacher knows this as well, that your mistake of missing the test was an honest one. You might want to explain to the parents too and let them know you're going to tell the teacher and ask for a chance to do the test at another time. If your teacher by chance does not act favorably with you, then let the parents know so they can go speak up for you. A school is a place to learn and in the learning process, mistakes are made. If any teacher punishes a student for making mistakes, they will not want to ever apply the effort to learn by studying more, getting another chance to pass a test, etc. Its very unlikely your teacher will react in anger. If any teacher is miserable in their own personal life and brings those emotions to school to dump on the students, then they are in the wrong and your parents can speak to the principal about it. So go do the right thing and talk to your teacher.
im girl, in 3rd year in high school and im shy....i really like one guy in my school..he is about year older than me so he is in 4t grade but the problem is that we dont know each other obviously...i just see him on hall or on some school events sometimes..i would really like to meet him but im shy and also how can i start talk to him when we are in different year...i know that some of girls in my class him have him as a friend on facebook.im not that outgoing as girls in my class so i dont know many people from higher grade...i would be weird if i added him on fb and he wouldnt have known who i am...so what should i do ...the next year will be last on the school so...
and i know valentines day is coming and on valentines Day at our school we are sending each other in whole school some messages and i thought if i should send him one...should i ? wouldnt it be weird ? and what should i write to him...please help me
As long as you suffer from shyness as I did as a kid and teen, you will not stand out and seem interesting to the guys. The only girlfriends you have are most likely those girls who approached and befriended you first, as happened for me.
Shyness is now called by its true name, social anxiety. I never had any other anxieties. My Dad was outgoing and Mom was an introvert and shy. I started out being like Mom but wanting badly to be more like Dad. There is a way to do it but the steps are initially scary to contemplate however once you face those fears, they disappear. If you ever want to know the steps to get rid of your shyness, let me know and I'll share them with you.
I can tell you from experience that if you haven't been able to talk yourself into approaching any guys to talk, then the one that counts most as you like them most are going to be even more intimidating to approach unless you've learned to be outgoing, and gain self confidence which I can add if you write asking for that help.
Valentines Days is not something that will switch on instant bravery in your mind because I can say from my past, that all my issues were in my thought life, distorted thoughts that you can easily learn to overcome and control and change for positive ones. A test was done on adult men to see how they responded when in a room with women of all types of looks but the test was on self confidence in the women. The men gravitated to those with self confidence over the looks when it came down to looking like models or average women. The men all said they found the self confident attitudes to be sexy. Are you attracted to the quiet shy wallflowers for friends, or even in guys? I'll bet this guy you're fixated on is not shy and has at least some self confidence.
Ask yourself if some nerdy guy you have never noticed in school, don't know, never met or talked to sent you a message on Valentines day, would you think it sweet or wonder why if he really liked you, couldnt he be brave enough to come talk to you in person? Me, I'd wonder the latter. I'd also wonder if he only had enough guts to finally write on Valentines Day and i'd never get another word out of him. Hon, I've met adult men who couldn't hold a convo, even with encouragement and me starting the topics. People want an ease of conversation, one that just flows when speaking to someone, not having to carry the whole convo or a convo that keeps dying and having to pull words and answers out of a shy person.
Have you asked yourself what you would do if by some magic chance, this guy did respond to you sending him a Valentines message, no matter what it said. If he starting talking to you, would you feel terrified, or all of a sudden relaxed and ready to respond back? I know myself, and using an event or trick like that never worked for me because the source of the problem wasn't dealt with yet, my mind and its thought processes that kept me socially anxious and shy.
In the end, writing him will make you feel worse more anxious even if he responded. I understand you wanting help as to what to write and if you should but in my opinion, thats like putting the cart in front of the horse, you're not going to get far that way. And the stress of trying to pretend to be someone you currently are not, meaning not confident and outgoing, would destroy your chances, things go sour, he loses interest or dumps you quickly and That will mess even more with your self confidence and that could cause you to never want to ever try again, remain single for life or become depressed at worst case scenerio. I have no cure for you in time for Valentines day. But what I speak of worked for me in about 2 months time, being fully cured. I learned it from another source at the time but its now used by psychologists who use the Cognitive Behavioral therapy treatment to teach any people suffering from anxieties or depression and it works for almost all.
What does he mean when he says, are you jealous in a joking way ? We've been friends for a year and work in same place. We're both flirty. He's also asks when can we go out again but when we do, we always go out with both of our friends. He also says, I want all the women to love me jokingly, I said, I don't, what? Do you want me to, he said of course and we both just smiled. We do flirt and tease. What should I be expecting from his behaviour? He seemed to be coming over trying to have a chat with me a lot too. So, does he like me or is he just flirting? Thanks all
Ask him! Some people flirt just cus its fun. Some are flirty with everyone and its just one way that shows their open, friendly outgoing personality in their unique way. And some are actually seriously flirting and hope to get a special gal to take interest in return and show it. Since your flirting back hasn't encouraged him to make any steps of getting to know Just You, better...I would tend to guess he's not all that serious... Or he's putting on a brave front but inside is terrified of proceeding with you because you feel really important to him and he doesnt want to mess up by saying or doing the wrong thing so the only way he talks to you is under the guise of flirting cus it feels safe to him.
So the only way for you to know is to ask. How many times have teachers told us in school, that there is no such thing as a stupid question. I think thats true and the result of not asking questions when they should be asked and just guessing or assuming is the dumber thing to do.
Yes, I know its scary to ask really to the point, and direct questions but how else will you know?
So you might try something like, "Hey Joe, I know we flirt often at work and as coworkers we are friends. But I don't think we've ever talked seriously about what we are looking for in a significant other or even our expectations or reasons for looking for someone. I am curious and whenever I interact with a guy the way we do, I really haven't any sure clue whether it is just flirty as friends or if a guy is interested in getting to know me personally better and on to dating for a while to find out. So I think it would be helpful to find a moment we can chat, more seriously and learn a bit more at least for my sake if not yours.
Word it your own way but something like that should work. You aren't putting him on the spot to say he likes you as it truly is a process of attraction first, then spending enough time together to discover if you really still like the person or have decided they're just not your cup of tea.
So I'm a 20 year old, female. Recently I've met a guy who is 22. I've only been on one date with him and we seem to really hit it off. He says he can see us being in a relationship eventually, but I am also afraid he's like the rest of the guys. Most guys throw me to the side, or ignore me. He hasn't done that yet, and he said he wouldn't but I just can't seem to believe him. The thing is though, he lives an hour from me and comes to visit me at college. He works a lot so he never has time to text me... So I feel like sometimes he's losing interest in me because when we text he takes forever to respond or its only one word answers. I'm just trying not to get too attached to him and I feel like I am. Or maybe I'm just over thinking things? I mean I really like him and I want him to know that, I'm just afraid to tell him and I don't want to scare him off or push him away...
The question here really should be what is it that you are looking for right now in a guy?
The reason for the question is not for me, I dont need the answer but you do. you need to have reasonable expectations as well as someone on the same page as you.
At this age, not many guys are ready to be in a steady committed relationship. They are only just starting to figure out the dating process and may not yet be sure of what they want in a girl, especially if they are thinking ahead for long term. There is dating just for social interest, someone to hang out with once in a while, not on any regular basis but someone to go out with once in a while and dating on the social level for more often to meet but with no strings attached,no commitments, and there is dating done just for the experience, to get even an inkling of what it is that you like and don't like in a person so you can form a solid idea of what that person would appear and act like so you can recognize each other once you meet. Then there are those who know what they want and are actively looking for their mate for life. Since there's many reasons to meet up with and go out with a person, its a Must to know at what level of dating the other person is at because otherwise, you may be wasting your time. I think that may be where you are at.
This is actually the stage at which you are just starting to get to discover things about someone else. Things went well but if its hard to find time to spend together so you and he too can be sure that each one is a keeper and fall in love, then its unlikely you'll both learn whether to pursue each other or stop it all now.
I can say that one thing that gets a guy thinking more serious about the dating process is if he knows he isn't the only one in consideration. I found that out after a divorce when I went on a dating site and got lots of guys wanting to meet me. If the initial meet up went well and they wanted to see me again, I told them I was not making any commitment to one person yet. Like the interviewing process for a job, I would be checking out several promising sounding guys to be fair to them all, and after I've seen them often enough to be able to make a good decision, I would then let all the guys know and stop seeing the ones who didn't get chosen. But this is something you want to bring up in the beginning, that you aren't waiting around for him but will be seeing others. I had a list of what I had as needs in a guy. YOu'll have your own list too based on many things, past relationship stuff you learned you do like, don't like, and perhaps how you were raised or what homelife was like. For example, A gal with an alcoholic Dad who beat the whole family will not feel comfortable with a guy who likes to go out drinking, even if he doesnt get drunk. I knew someone like this. Just the smell of alcohol on a mans breath would make her freak out and hyperventilate. She needed a man who didnt drink at all. So my list got some guys upset because they couldn't meet my criteria and others were honest and said they probably dont meet one of them but met all the others. Depending on what point they couldn't meet, I might still consider meeting them. When you can be sure what it is you're looking for and you're not afraid to ask for it up front, the moment a guy shows interest in you, then you will have more success. At 20, you don't have much life experience and at least you're writing here for advice, something I couldn't do anonymously at 20 cus no computers and internet yet. I am sure you may be mature like I was but maturity is still a far cry from the knowledge of life experience.
So I recommend for you to make your list, start seeing as many guys as initially interest you, or those who seek you out. Don't expect much at the start. But if a guy wants to be in your life consistantly, then he's interested. If ones job or schooling or where they live makes it hard or impossible to date, then they really can't be any more a serious consideration for boyfriend or mate than any other handsome guy on the street who is a stranger to you. Hitting it off once is great. My ex and I did too. But after we married, he became verbally abusive. The signs were there before marriage I now know looking back but at 2o I didnt have any life experience yet of my own nor did I ask other people what they thought. My friends most surely would have said something if they know I was serious and wouldn't be offended by their honest answer.
Also, stop the texting dear. Texting should be minimal and not a number one way to communicate with someone else. An honest to god phone call of hearing their voice is better because you don't have to wait for answers and you get to hear the tone of voice to know when a statement is serious or a tease. In person is the very best way to talk, face to face so you get the benefit of facial expression and body language as well. I've read that the largest part of communication is not verbal but all the rest I've mentioned. So if you rely on the smallest part of it, printed text, sure you're gonna be disappointed. Try a test only to ask him when he's available for a phone call and call him instead of texting. Do all I've mentioned and it's certain to put you in a better position for dating experience and finding someone for whatever you want them for than by continueing on as you have. If you have any more questions, just write to me. Good luck