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Having Unknown Anger Towards My Dad..
I'm a female I'm 16 years old. I've usually gotten along with my mom 10x better. I haven't had a bad relationship with my dad it's just he always works so we don't get to connect on a daily basis as my mom and I. Both my parents live together and I can't complain much about my lifestyle. When my sister was pregnant she had problems with her high blood pressure then in her final weeks had an infection so they made her stay in the hospital and I understand why my parents favored her during that time because she needed it. They've always favored her more though but I've gotten use to it. Meanwhile that time she was in the hospital my mom would stay with her a lot and leave me and my dad to come home by ourselves. My mom basically does everything for us she's amazing. In that time while she was gone my dad didn't really take control of the situation, didn't ever really wonder if I ate, slept good, was feeling good. He was kind of about himself. At that time I really felt like we could connect more and he could fill in my moms shoes a bit. It's not that I had a problem making food.. after a while I noticed I started having alot of anger towards him I have no idea why. I'm pregnant as well and when I've gotten into fights with him he blames my boyfriend for my personality a lot and it makes me irritated. I don't feel like it's right he yells at me when I'm pregnant and didn't with my sister. Maybe it's because I'm young and have my hormones going crazy but I really don't know why everything he does bothers me and makes me mad. I can't stand being talked to or anything it makes me feel awful because I don't want to hate him. I'm so grateful for everything he's done for me but I just feel so much unknown anger.
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As far as I can see from what you've mentioned, you have resentment towards Dad and that is what is causing your anger.
It would be wonderful if you had the kind of relationship with him that you have with Mom and I have a feeling you've wanted that so bad and that more of lately due to your sisters treatment during pregnancy and yours during the same, you feel you have greater proof that his love for the two daughters is not equal.
Heres how I view that situation, being a parent of 3 daughters myself. No two kids are alike, and so, while I may find my personality in ways is closer to one daughter than another, I still love them all. I have found that how I relate to and love each daughter has been somewhat different mainly because they each are so different and one way of meeting the first daughters needs just isn't going to work for the next 2, a parent cant use the cookie cutter method for raising children other than deciding that rules and discipline are the same, a consistancy that is important.
I realize your Dad isn't doing the best job of being a Dad. Unfortunately, there is no handbook or operaters license that comes with newborns and all parents have to learn the hard way, by daily experience and some will make mistakes along and way, and other parents never actually learn how to be the best parents. Sometimes, a parent will out of habit and their upbringing, treat you the way their parents treated them, also not fair, but you're in that same position, not quite satisfied with the DAD you have and when you marry, will he be great Dad and husband material? Will you treat your kids the way your Dad treated you or will you do better? Often we choose to not do better than our parents did because in our minds it seems disrespectful to go far beyond what they accomplished in their life on earth.
And, we get stuck with the parents we get, there's no choice to turn them in for a better fitting model like something you bought at the store. I'd talk to Mom about asking Dad to not yell at you as the stress isn't not only bad for you but will affect the baby. I've heard that babies born to over stressed Moms can end up being the fussy crying babies that nothing will console them. So if he doesn't want to suffer later with a baby that won't quit crying, its better to keep peace and keep you happy now.
But other than that, I can't say what may help you get closer to Dad, now or ever. Just don't shut the door of friendship to him forever. Keep it unlocked, ready to welcome him into your life in case he does change. Most people change very slowly and very little during a life time if at all so don't get your hopes up for anything more. He is your birth father and there will always be that blood bond, but sometimes, people who end up feeling like family to us throughout life have no blood bond with us, they are the 'adopted' by your heart, sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, grandparents, etc. Yes, your hormones may be affecting you somewhat but in time it should be better after you deliver the child.
Since DADS always working and doesnt have the kind of time to connect with you often like Mom, you could try writing him little notes that he can find, like in his lunch, briefcase, pocket of his coat. As with emails and text, the other person can then respond at a time when convenient for them. I know its not face to face time but its better than nothing and if you tell Mom you'll be doing this, she can encourage him to write you notes when he can too.
Theres also something called Love languages. Each person has a particular way in which they recognize Love such as giving of gifts, of words of affirmation and they tend to give a show of love the same way they want to recieve it and thats where many people fail. Each of my daughters for example has a different love language. One needed quality time with me to know that i loved her, another needed acts of kindness to feel my love. If interested in studying that for yourself, it will help you with your own child, with whomever you marry someday and with friends, family and throughout your life. Very valuable. Here's a link to that:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
There are many online tests to discover what yours is. Show it to Mom and have her take it. Once she understands it, ask her what gift she thinks is your Dads... cus It is a good possibility its not the same as yours. If you know in what ways your Dad shows love, then maybe it might be there for you to recognize unless for some reason he was so emotionally damaged as a kid and never recovered as an adult.
I hope this all at least gives you other perspectives to think about in your situation, even if it may not bring about what you seek.
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